SRS Ex GF Problems (of course)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by LudaMan, Mar 23, 2007.

  1. LudaMan

    LudaMan Active Member

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    The past two months, my girlfriend had been deployed to the Middle East due to her being in the Air Guard. We talked on the phone quite frequently, and she returned a couple weeks ago. We had been going out for two years, so needless to say, we were and still are, close. We had our share of problems, but she left on a great note and returned on a great note.

    We go out to dinner to start off St Patty's Day, and she said she feels like we were too distant now. Now I'm not concerned with her cheating on me, there was enough trust there to rule that out. As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. I spent the whole time until yesterday trying to rekindle what we had. Needless to say, it didnt work, and she said she needed a break to find herself and I needed a break to do the same. It sucked, but she was right and we agreed that we could stay in contact. Now I know she said break, but let's face it. Break is just break up without the "up".

    We had movie plans today, which I had no problem keeping. Granted it hurts, but the awkwardness is actually quite low. The problem was that she called me five times today about mundane shit. (Needed to know how to spell a word, if I knew how to get to this insurance place, telling me about her dad, etc.) I like talking to her, but the problem is that it's starting to sink in now, and every time she calls, it's a reminder that we aren't together anymore. We went to dinner and then the movie (Wild Hogs, it was quite funny) and things went well. She wanted to go to Reign Over Me tomorrow, which I told her I'd have to think about. I don't understand what she's trying to do. It almost feels like she wants me to have all the responsibilities of a boyfriend but none of the benefits.

    I know we will eventually come to be good friends, but I don't know if I can take that right now. She wants time to herself, and she's not taking it. What should I say to her? Has anyone else experienced something like this?
     
  2. Dodgeboy

    Dodgeboy New Member

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    Cut her off cold turkey. Don't stick around and be her security blanket until she decides what she wants or finds something she thinks is better. I've made the same mistake and GOD DAMN, it just makes things worse.
     
  3. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    A break is breaking up, with the assumption you may get back together in the future.

    Unadvisable. I would take a different approach.
     
  4. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

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    This is blasphemy, this is madness!
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Don't do this to yourself. The calls and slowly breaking it off crap, it's hurting you so don't do it. She's calling because in her way of breaking up it's easier for her to know that you're still there, that she's still "got you" if she wanted you. It's reassuring until she can find another man to replace you for those things.

    If it were me, I wouldn't answer the phone. Or if I did answer the phone I'd be like, "Yeah I'm out at this club with some friends, I can barely hear you! What's up?" This way she knows you've moved on and don't need her. If there is any chance of her wanting you back it's going to come out when she's faced with a situation of you having moved on faster than her. It's attractive. It shows that you don't need a relationship to have fun and be happy. It shows confidence. Sitting there picking up the phone to chat with her shows that she's still got you, that she could still have you if she said so, and that shows that you're more dependant on the relationship. This shows more weakness. Weakness is unattractive.

    So bro, my advice is to move on. It's healthier for you anyway. In addition it makes you more attractive.
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    "Taking a break" almost always means "I want to see other people, but am going to keep you around as a safety net until I fully move on. If I can't find anyone, I'll come back to you".

    You're being put in second place, don't stand for it. As others have advised, cut off all contact with her...she's not worth your time if she doesn't want to be with you.
     
  7. LudaMan

    LudaMan Active Member

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    Thanks for the replies guys. I called her this morning and told her that the movie today was a bad idea and if we were taking a break to find ourselves, then we need to actually take a break. She was pissed at first, but in the end she said, "You know what, you're right." We're still on good terms with each other, so thats good. The only problem is I will see a little bit of her next week, as we have mutual friends coming back into town and they are having a bunch of parties next week. Won't be as bad though, since there will be lots of people there. Thanks again!
     
  8. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

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    Dude don't stop, what she is doing is rebuilding what you guys lost. I know what you're feeling but its gonna take time. You guys were sperated for a long time even if you still had close contant over that period it's nothing like physical connection.

    Just be patient, if you really believe she is worth it and love her, be patient.... My girlfriend is going to the philippines for four months and it's gonna be the hardest shit im gonna have to deal with. I know with her gone it's gonna be hard for me and when she comes back things are gonna be weird. You have to think about it that the break started when she left, and you just need to get re-adjusted to where you left off.

    Edit:

    When you first met did it take time to build into a relationship? She sounds like my GF in doing things like that. When we had our "break" she kept finding ways to contact me even though she initiated it. She wanted to start it off slow again, but called often and wanted to go do things like we used to.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Don't be patient. Move on. The girl is ending it with you. Sticking around in hopes that maybe she will get over this and decide to like you like that again is the worst thing you can do. Are you her slave? No. You're a person just like her, and you deserve so much more than to sit around waiting for her to decide whether or not you're worth another shot. You did right earlier by being faithful, but SHE ended it with YOU. That's her bad, not yours. Sticking around just shows a low level of self respect and will only make things worse.
     
  10. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Ex GF. Problem. Um.... ??? Where's the problem?

    Cut her off. She dumped you, and she is trying to "be nice" to you because she thinks you're too immature to actually call it off. How insulting to you!

    If she had a high interest level in you, she would never have risked a "break" (which IS a break up, you are correct.) and risk losing you. However, she is now trying to be "nice" to you.

    The reality is that every second you spend with her is a second you will not spend with another single woman who really DOES want to be with you. Go toss everything of hers in the trash, delete her phone number, and find some male friends to go hang out with. The longer you spend being friends with her, the more you are feminizing yourself and learning how to be a good little boy with women. When you DO meet the right woman, do you really want to be a little meek boy who kisses up?

    Be independent. Be yourself. And be SINGLE.
     

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