Ex-G/F STILL always on my mind (even after what she did).

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Athlete218, Mar 31, 2008.

  1. Athlete218

    Athlete218 New Member

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    Some of you may remember my thread from about a month ago & how my g/f of almost 6 yrs & I had broken up: Here's a quick cliff notes of it..... dated almost 6 years, lived together, in january of 08 she was trying to get me to marry her, in feb. of 08 she started talking about going on a break/maybe breaking up, i thought it was weird, checked her email (which i never did, but i suspected something was going on, very much), found out she was seeing some other dude, emails talking about kissing him & asking if he was as good in bed as he was @ kissing.

    FFWD to now:

    about 1 month has gone by & I spend a ton of time in the gym (lifting & basketball...6 days a week at least), going to bars on the weekend w/ friends, meeeting new girls, etc.....but nothing / no other girl i meet seems right. I consider myself to be a pretty good looking guy (tall, dark hair, dark skin, muscles, etc) & usually girls will come up to me at the bar, but I kind of just end up brushing them off b/c i feel like i'm cheating on (my now ex gf). last night for example, this one girl was hitting on me (very cute) put her phone # in my phone & her and her friend were flirting w/ me telling me to leave w/ them both & sticking her tongue out w/ this little motion. I feel like I'm boring when I just ignore these girls & I feel like I should try to move on to new girls, but I just cant. Another example is my high school g/f keeps asking me to hang out, go on walks, etc & i brush her off too.....all b/c i cant stop thinking about my ex. :sadwavey:

    does it usually take a long time before i should feel like moving on? i know it didn't take her long b/c shes seeing some dude now (the one that she left me for).
     
  2. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    the best advice i can give you is: stop being a little bitch
     
  3. phish

    phish hockey crew

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    Time heals all.

    Just realize that she wasn't the one for you and it's better that it ended now then if you were to get married then have it end.

    Keep your head up.
     
  4. Jay487

    Jay487 What's Life If You Ain't Enjoyin' It?

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    its only been a month and you were with her for a long time.... time does heal all, and everyone needs a diff amount of time. I can say that 1 month is hardly any time at all for me, so just keep your head up, wait it out, and continue doing what youre doing. eventually it will go away.

    what would love/relationships be if we could forget so easy and act as if it never happend after only a month?
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Hun, you were together 6 years. It would be ridiculous to assume after all that time, no matter how it all ended, that you'd just up and get over it. Some people handle it differently. Maybe you'll come to realize you need to be alone for a while to figure out just who the hell you are on your own. Rushing into meeting women or dating would be a big mistake IMO.
     
  6. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    You're intuition is telling you that you aren't ready to get back into the dating scene again. You're still hanging on a bit to your ex, and it will take longer than a month for that cycle to end most likely. You are on the right track with everything, just continue to do it, and you will snap out of it one day when you notice yourself paying attention to these new girls and taking interest in them. It will happen - don't worry about that, just keep at it. You may also have developed a fear of relationships and/or being hurt again because of this past one, which again is normal. You're doing great - don't doubt yourself, and keep on goin.
     
  7. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    1 month is nowhere near long enough to get over a long term relationship like that. not even close.
     
  8. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

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    What a douche bag for doing that too you. Please don't waste your time thinking about someone who has no loyalties. You will find someone 10x better than your ex. Yeah 6 years is a long time and its hard to just trash it all but she sure as hell was able to do it in a second, and for what something that may or may not last but a few weeks possibly? If she comes back because she realizes what an idiot she was dont take her back.
     
  9. althepirate

    althepirate Talk nerdy to me.

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    It's going to take more than a month to get over a 6 year relationship. Take your time and concentrate on yourself at this point. You don't need another girl in your life right now.
     
  10. Taker

    Taker 找死吗?

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    you get over her, but you are not going to forget her

    this whole experience is a part of your life, you need to just accept it...

    maybe at this time you just not suited to be with anyone...focus on other great things in life
     
  11. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    also a word of wisdom.

    when you are doing these things for yourself, like hitting the gym, picking up hobbies, hanging out with friends, always remind yourself that you're doing those things for your own enrichment, and not to win your ex back or get a new girl.

    the focus right now should be you, not some girl. failing to do this is a mistake lots of guys make and it leads to them being delusional and not getting over their ex's as quickly.
     
  12. Athlete218

    Athlete218 New Member

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    true, I'm just so used to having a girl around... i was w/ a girl a year & a half in high school, then another girl for 6-7 months, then i was single for a small portion of that summer/college (which i was a complete male whore during that time), then dated a girl for a short bit & my ex for almost 6 yrs. so..since i was 16/17 yrs old, i've only been single for 6-9 months maybe.

    i've only really loved my most recent ex though & she always pops into my head when i'm not busy... ie: when i wake up in the morning, when i'm driving to/home from work.

    it doesn't help that i find her extremely attractive, she was great in bed & now i keep thinking about how some little ugly weiner is probably hitting that.
    .
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2008
  13. iblameluke

    iblameluke New Member

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    Rule of thumb.. 1 month for every year of the relationship.

    I feel where you are coming from to some degree. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 10 months and I slept with another woman twice this weekend and I got nothing out of it. If anything, it made me more upset. I think you should just keep doing what you are doing. Keep working out / going to bars / meeting new people. Try going to hang out with your Ex from high school and don't even plan on hooking up with her or anything bro just spend time with other women; it feels good. Keep your head high and know that you're gonna be alright and that there are other women out there. Stay strong
     
  14. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    You've GOT to give it more time man.

    I went through something very similar to you. Was with a girl for nearly 6 years, things went south, she ended it. I tried to go out and meet new girls and it just didn't help... In fact, it made things worse because it made me think of my ex more and I started comparing my ex to every girl I met.

    Much like yourself I would even have girls approach ME, and give their numbers, lots of flirting, etc.. and I just kept pushing saying "nah" when it came time to make a move.

    My point is, give it time. You dated this girl for 6 years and you're going to need more than a month before you feel right about dating other girls.
    Keep up with the gym and don't feel you HAVE to meet girls when you go out. Just go out and hang with your friends for a good time.

    In a couple of months you'll be able to start hanging with other girls and several months down the line you might even be able to date some.

    Good luck man. Don't rush it and give it time.
     
  15. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Going to the gym is a great start, but it is going to take time. When you are ready it will just happen.
     
  16. City

    City Don't you know who I am?

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    No matter how many times people tell you "It just takes time" it is still going to hurt but it really is the only thing that will help. You can't force it. I tried to have a relationship with someone when my girl and I broke up and it just didn't work, it was too soon. Time is the only thing that can help the situation. You were with her for 6 years, no matter what she did that's a lot of time. Just try to chill out, keep busy and don't be afraid to talk to people about what's going on. Find someone who will listen no matter what. You're going to feel like a broken record talking about it with people but it really does help.
     
  17. razi

    razi New Member

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    it'll take some time to get over her, man. cut contact (do NOT talk to her for at least a few months) or it'll just drag it all out and keep you from healing properly.
     
  18. City

    City Don't you know who I am?

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    I forgot to add this in. Good advice. I tried to whole casual conversation with my girl when we broke up and it just doesn't work. It put me on a high when I talked to her, which included everything BUT us as the subject matter, but then I always crashed hard afterward.
     
  19. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I made that mistake too.

    After a breakup we kept contact talking once or twice a week and hanging out once a week. It made things really bad. Just like you, it got to the point where all I would do all week is wait for the day she would call me (usually Thursday) and spend all my time in anticipation until the one day a week I would hang out with her... Just as you said, it was like a high.
    It really prevented me from healing and moving on.

    And naturally, hangingout eventually turned into hooking up months later which caused even more headaches... especially when we would hook up and the next day she would be on the phone with other dudes :rolleyes:
     
  20. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    First fucking reply. :bowrofl:
     
  21. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Wrong. Girls don't just wake up one day and decide that they're sick of being with the person that they're with, or they're not in love anymore and want to sleep with someone else.

    Odds are that it was a long time coming and the signs were there just the threadstarter didn't notice them.
     
  22. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I think a lot of people do this when they dump someone.
    My last ex dumped me in May of '05. In talking to him afterwards, I find out that he had been thinking about doing it since at least March of 05, if not before that.

    So, OP, she didnt just decide one day to dump you. It's going to take a lot of time and only you will know how much time has been enough for you. Dont give yourself an arbitrary deadline of "ok, I should be over this now" - thats just setting yourself up for hurting. To me, 1 month of being broke up after 6 yrs of being together is seems like awful short time to get over it.
     
  23. -=Likwid=-

    -=Likwid=-

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    a lot of good advice in this thread... i hope it helps me as well.

    I'm having a rough time dealing with time on my own again - I'm going through a similar situation, although I haven't been dating this girl for as long as you have. I was doing well in the individual sense before the last 12 months i fell hard for with this girl.

    The only thing I can type here to help is that it takes time, but you'll move on to someone better. I know that as well in the back of my mind, but it's so hard for me because I cared so much.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2008
  24. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    I'm in your exact situation about a year ago. All I can say is expect a roller coaster of emotions in the coming months. I don't think in one month the reality has set in for you yet. All the advices in this thread are great. You should doing things for you, hang out with friends, and just keep busy. There is still one thing, you have to allow yourself to mourn and grieve about the situation. This is your first real love and you won't forget her any time soon. Everyone will handle the situation differently but in my case I didn't allow myself to be sad. I tried to brush it off like it doesn't bother me just like it doesn't bother her. It did work for me for a few months but eventually you just can't brush all that emotions under the cover anymore. I suggest that you still keep an active lifestyle but in your own time, you should allow yourself to grieve. It's ok to think about how great she was but remind yourself that she's no longer that person. It's also important to not think about getting back with her. Every new relationship should be better than the last, you should look forward to the day where you'll be happier. If you need anything, just PM me.
     
  25. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    6 years together, and less than 2 months apart....of course you still think about her. I still think about my ex atleast once a day, and we broke up over a year ago. Time heals all wounds my friend, just give it time. Keep busy (like you seem to be doing) and eventually you'll have a day where she doesnt even cross your mind.
     

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