ex g/f and best friend...need a couple opinions

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Sexican, Aug 20, 2005.

  1. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    I don't know if any of you remember my other threads...but I'm back with a new question that I need an opinion.

    So, I went out with this girl for about 7-8 months. I was moving out of state, so we decided to break up. It completely ended...I still talked to her every now and then online and over the phone, but nothing serious.

    So, I'm going back there to visit, and we've been talking, and although it hasn't been said directly...we've been hinting at the fact that when I get there...we'll "get back together" for the 4 or 5 days I'm there. Well, last night I found out that she has been fucking my BEST friend for the last couple months. I have been talking to my best friend online also since I left, and he never mentioned this to me, in fact he's been saying "Dude, she misses you, she likes you so much still and can't wait for you to get back."

    Well, through a friend, I found out that all this bullshit has been happening...and I didn't believe it at all. I called her up and asked right away TOTALLY expecting a "are you out of your mind? of course that shit isn't true"
    Instead I got a "yeah it's true..."

    I was speechless, not knowing what to say :( I tried getting ahold of my friend to get him to finally admit to it, but couldn't...so instead I called one of his friend and told him to tell him that when I get up there...it's in his best interest not to try and see me. As far as I'm concerned, he's a worthless piece of shit for not telling me, and not only that, lying about it and saying that she couldn't wait to see me and all that. My friendship with this guy is over, I don't care to ever see this guy again...he fucked up.

    However, I still feel like I want to see this girl. I loved her when I was with her...she did alot for me, and was ALWAYS honest with me. When I asked her about this, she told me the truth right away...which is somewhat respectful. I am having mixed feeling of whether I want to see her or not...alot of me tells myself that what she did was totally fucked up, and regardless that she was truthful, I should tell her to fuck off and just forget about her. But another part of me still wants to see her for some reason...I'm trying to justify the reasons to myself to still see her and let the 4-5 days be good and try and forget that anything happened.

    Am I being stupid?
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    she's your ex for a reason ;)
    Do you want to go through more pain and heartache? Ifnot.. find a new best friend and girl!
     
  3. IntakeBabYee

    IntakeBabYee New Member

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    Your not stupid, but I know how you feel, If you still have feelings for this girl you might as well see her to see if there is anything there.. to questions things up.. You know there is always forgivness. OF course it hurts to know she slept with another guy and its ur bestfriend, but if you love her alot then u will forgive her. But think again. Do you want to go through all this pain for her? Is she worth all your time being and effort... Is she going to brake ur heart in the long run? But for you sake having mix feelings it's better off to see her then regret it later in life. If u see her and you guys argue then its whatever.. it's a done deal u get me? Good luck-
     
  4. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    Is it realistic and okay to be more mad at him than her? I can't help that I feel more angry towards him than her, but it seems unfair that I want to punch him and love her...they both fucked up equally as far as I'm concerned. Ah, confusion is not a fun state ;)
     
  5. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    I have no problem doubting that she misses me. But usually when someone misses an old flame, they don't fuck their best friend for relief. I don't agree with your post at all man...if he was a friend, he would of told me when it happened. This has been an unspoken rule since the beginning of time, or so I thought.
     
  6. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    You're right a friend would have told you. But someone who cared about you probably would have asked you/told you first. Neither of them did, I'd stay away from both. The fact that she gave you a straight up answer to something she knew you already knew the answer too doesn't give her any redeeming qualities to me. She knew she was found out, she had nowhere to go.
     
  7. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    I'm gonna have to agree with you here. And the reason is she was honest with you while he was being deceptive.

    To say they both fucked up... well, if you broke up, can you blame her for moving on? If she did miss you then maybe she just happened to turn to the next closest person to her... or maybe it was by design on his part. In either case, missing you wasn't going to keep her warm at night, was it? And she evidently wasn't expecting you to want her back after you left.

    Probably all around stupid/naive behavior on her part, but understandable. If you believe she is sincere now, there's no cause to hold it against her.

    I can't think of any good reason for what your friend did though. Making a move on your ex in itself is one thing, and even that is pretty borderline, but feeding you bullshit about it is plain disrespectful. He obviously knew how you would react, and rather than show some restraint in the face of that, he figured he could play you for a fool. Give him a chance to explain himself, but if the explanation falls short, sack his ass.
     
  8. Amanda Renee

    Amanda Renee New Member

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    i feel like this thread is my life... i say fuck both of them.. they arent your friends.. and never really were.. but that may bc im bitter still haha.

    id tell my "best friend" and my "ex" to just pretend i was dead... never call or anything.
     
  9. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    I ended up talking to the ex last night for quite a while...didn't go too well, but that's probably better because it makes it a bit easier to forget about it. She tried justifying it with a couple different things, such as the "Hey, it happened to me before, I dealt with it, you can too." and then the "You can't control who I have sex with and who I don't" I never claimed nor wanted to control who she had sex with, I just would hope it wouldn't be my best friend.
     
  10. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

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    you could just go on a 4-5 day fuckathon if you think you can handle it...ya know...no strings attached and shit
     
  11. D-Money

    D-Money New Member

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    You were broken up... and you even said it was completely broken up. You have no right to get mad at her at all for having sex with ANYONE. You both had no intentions at first of getting back together, so it isn't like she betrayed you.

    The friend on the other hand deserves an ass beating.
     
  12. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    See....I like that answer, but I don't understand why she is not at fault in the least, but my friend is all to blame? Does anyone agree with what he said? I want some more points on this...please.
     
  13. JAFAR

    JAFAR FPS whore OT Supporter

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    :squint:

    The thing I think you should look at is that she KNEW fucking your best friend would kill that relationship. And from what I'm hearing, it wasn't a one time thing, it was frequent. PIITB while you're there, and then forget about the ex. Seriously review your relationship with your "best friend"
     
  14. Azn_azzho

    Azn_azzho New Member

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    think about this...

    1) u two broke up completely, none of you both have the rights to get mad at each other if they had sex with whoever.
    2) I dont think yr ex nor yr "best frined" have to tell you anything about they had sex.
    3) They might think it would hurt you if you know your ex actually slept with your best friend. STILL, it was still none of your business,. But they could have told you, but they probably cared about you dont want to hurt you.
    4) When your best friend told you she missed you, probably she really did. Hey u dont know the true fact she did or did not. So u cant say yr best friend lied this kinda shit to me.

    Sometimes you gotta try to understand other's perspective, point of view. Dont get all hyped up or mad with your own thoguths and conclusion.
     
  15. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    With that, how you worded it, it sounds like I should go back there and greet my ex and my friend with open arms and pretend nothing happened, right? I'm not arguing or depleting your post...I'm just trying to better understand how I'm supposed to react when I see both of them...because if I do greet them with hugs and smiles, it won't be because I want to :/
     
  16. Azn_azzho

    Azn_azzho New Member

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    Well bare with my poor english. Maybe I sounded a little bit too nice. Well, I mean you gotta understand their "potential" stand point. They could have really careda bout ur feeling so didnt tell u. Or they could be mofo damn son bitches lied to you as a best friend and an ex. I was just helping you to stay out of looking at one side.

    Just do whatever you feel like, we are outsider, we dont have any emotions from your situation. You are the one in the situation. We see more differently since emotion is not involved, we see it with less prejudice.

    But if you feel like cheated, mofoly sick of this, then dont see them. I'd just prefer a person to be reasonable. But sometimes emotion just doesnt want to be friends with reasonable. Hope you get what i mean. :hs:
     
  17. chunkylover53

    chunkylover53 New Member

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    Bull. Shit. If you don't see ANYTHING inappropriate about fucking your best friend's ex without telling him, there's something wrong with you. End of story.
     
  18. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    I felt the same way about the above post, however, if you read his next post, he made a bit more sense...and actually his post was exactly EXACTLY what I was looking for, as far as I have to listen to my own emotions...which tell me I still want to hit my "friend" square in his God damned jaw. Which is what I will proceed in doing.
     
  19. rkf76

    rkf76 New Member

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    You guys broke up, she has no more obligations to you. That doesn't mean I agree with her actions, because I think it's just wrong for women to date their ex's friends for this exact reason.

    I think you tried to save yourself from the encounter, via a front of trying to make it seem like you were trying to save him from it. Not a good look. Cause if you were the toughguy your phone call would imply, you wouldn't worry about seeing him, or as you put it, him seeing you:rofl:

    Quite frankly, yes, I do think you're being stupid. You guys broke up, that means she's free to do whatever she wants. You seem to have an expectation that she save herself for you for those times you visit for a few days, however often that may be. That's unrealistic. I do, however find fault in her and your friend. In her, I see a character flaw. Yes, she was honest about it when asked, point for her, but for her to do the deed with your best friend is wrong on her part. And it's wrong on your boys part for being deceiving about the whole thing. Unless she's got game like that where she is doing your boy and telling him how much she misses you, etc, he was blowing steam up your wazoo. Whether you should try to remain friends with him depends on how close you guys were and how strong that relationship is/was.

    I say treat her like the hoe she is and get over it. If she's down to give it up to you during your visit, take advantage of it. I don't know the dynamics of her relationship with your boy, but she doesn't seem too concerned about it or else she would't be talking to you the whole time you've been gone. Her actions are not those of someone who is worthy of your time and emotions, except for when an ejaculation will be the end result.

    And remember this, Bro's before hoes. So I say you both use her for what she's good for and go out and have a beer and talk about her skanky ass afterwards:beer:
     
  20. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :dunno: you said yourself that after you moved the two of you still talked, but it was "nothing serious."

    the relationship was over. people move on, and it just so happens that they found each other. you never said they were dating, just fucking. :dunno: right?

    i've been on both sides of that coin before... honesty is the best policy, and it sucks when people lie to you
     
  21. Amanda Renee

    Amanda Renee New Member

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    excatly.. and of course she would say its not a big deal.. its bc shes not the one hurting and getting fucked over by two people she trusted!
     
  22. Azn_azzho

    Azn_azzho New Member

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    We all have different prespective of different things!
    I suggest you just deal with it as how you feel. That should be the best way I guess!
     
  23. rkf76

    rkf76 New Member

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    no shit sherlock. he wants everybody's perspective, care to share yours?
     
  24. Spaulding Smails

    Spaulding Smails Real Estate Guru

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    :werd:

    Hid it from you so they could do whatever they wanted...Then didn't want you in the know, or to be remotely involved in the situation... Your 'friend' is a stupid cunt, who if he was your friend, would know you cared about her and the relationship ended because of poor timing....he wouldn't go near that...

    The girl sounds like a stupid cunt as well with whole "i can fuck who i want BS" ...if you had an unspoken agreement to be together, she is basically inviting the situation of you finding out to happen...

    You still want to get laid...which is understandable... however i wouldn't go about justifying it through placing sole blame on your friend...

    Blow your load in her, throw on your pants, and walk out of her room never to speak to her again...maybe a closing line of "your all about cheap fucks...put another notch on your headboard slut..." - -- That has a nice ring to it...

    Don't deal with shitty people - general life lesson...or if you have to, make sure you use them to your own advantage.....
     
  25. dscallaway69

    dscallaway69 New Member

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    I don't see where your boy lied to you. It isn't like you asked him and he said no they weren't fucking. There is no way in hell you should put all the blame on him and not any on her. Yeah it is really fucked up that your best friend would do that, but you have to remember HE is your BEST FRIEND and SHE is your EX-GIRLFRIEND. There is reasoning behind why they are those things.
     

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