SRS Everyday i feel like leaving my family

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by kenzo, Jan 18, 2006.

  1. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    long read, i just want to vent out and anyone can comment here.

    i am 20 years old, and living off my parents and attending school for an undergraduate degree. I do not work, i survive off school loan. My parents dont give me any money, but only if i really need it. I respect them for taking care of me and paying for food and shelter. Only my dad works in the family, he does construction work such as electric (Electrician). I am not sure whats his income is, but i believe he earns a little more than an average construction worker. He bought me a new car this summer which i fully appreciate. I drove an inherited old car for 2 years then i got the new car.

    Aside from all this good things from my family. I personally hate my mom and dad. I do not treat them bad or disrespect them, but i personally hate their personality. I hate my mom for being very dumb and i hate my dad for treating my mom like shit, and having a bad attitude every time, and also complains a lot. I hate the most is my 19 year old brother. He does not respect my family and does not do anything in the house or at school. He acts like a little kid and pisses off my mom and I. I have a small sister that is grade 1. It is really annoying to have a little sister because my mom does not drive or know english. Yes i calling her dumb. Dumber that the average "stay home wife" So i have to take the responsiblity to help my sis out. My brother doesnt help at all and pisses my lil sis off. See how retarded my brother is.

    I really want to move out badly, but im not dumb enough to do that. I cant give up the shelter and support to do that. I admit i can be selfish, but i just can not stand stupidity in my family such as my brother, and i hate taking care of my sister. I know my sister is an accidental, but it seems like my parents born her out just for me to be even more stress out in life. To end the point, i just hate my family and want to move but i am trapped. For this hate, this gives me the moivation to try harder in life and try to become financially successful, so i can leave.

    Can anyone make me feel a bit more happy...
     
  2. 98s14

    98s14 Guest

    I've been there, it sucks. Only you can make the decision about what to do. Have you ever had a serious discussion with your parents about how you feel things are going? Of course, don't call your mother dumb to her face...but you get the point. Also, you say she doesn't speak english? If you are from a culture where it's looked down upon to question your parents/family then you shouldn't ask most of OT for opinions on this. Good luck though, and just remember that one day you will be a better person for sticking through all of it. I can better appreciate what I have now because I know what it is like to struggle.
     
  3. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    i told my mom about moving out if i am capable of it. She is disappointed and just complained about me not caring for her. She is one those ppl that dont help herself but help others, which is bad because she isnt any bright at all, she cant help herself, so she becomes very annoying and dependable. My dad is very scary so i wouldnt want to talk to him about it. I dont even talk to him much. He only buy me things that i need.

    I know one day where i am capable of living on my own, but i bet my idoit brother or my mom will keep putting me down. But of course i will give back to my parents when i have the money and when i living without them.
     
  4. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Okay.....trying to get past that comment because I am sure you don't mean that SAHMs are DUMB, and your mom is even dumber...rubs me the wrong way a bit, I have to admit.

    This stuff that you are going through right now, is all "natures way" of telling you that you are about ready to do whatever you need to do to get out on your own, IMO.
    Best wishes to you.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I would get a small side job if i where you , that way you don't have to spend time with your family that much. On another note, why do you have to care about how smart/stupid they are, just make sure you mind your own bussiness and become smart yourself. And your brother well, you don't want to be like him. Let him go his own way, you just show that you are a kind and helping person , since you know how dreadfull it is to be a selfish person like your brother. But don't call him that into his face. You should show the 'good' example in the house, by loving and helping people out. Complain to your dad that he's never positive, give your mother an on-line course (english maby?) so that she will learn something and become smarter. Love your sister like family treat her like she was your own blood instead of her being just a mere accident.
     
  6. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Holy Happiness Batman! Nobody else is responsible for your happiness--You are entirely responsible for it. We don't float down the river of happiness everyday--it can't always be ice cream. Your Mom sounds like she had a change of life baby, not so rare. You could look upon your little sister as a project, and help her be the very best she can be, or, you can simply just do the minimum. If your Mom is "not that bright", your brother does "dick squat", your Father is "blah", well what kind of chance do you think your little sister would have if she did not have you? Poor thing. I am sure that your Mother understands English to some extent. About your parents personalities, rise above it. When you start getting upset about them, think of something else or look at it as a game. I am sure your parents have merit in somethings, your Dad is an electrician, your Mom devotes herself to making a home...You have a roof over your head, 3 squares a day, a car, lots of other people your age have nothing, are swarming in debt, some do not even have parents to fall back on when the going gets tough. Your brother sounds like a do-nothing. Ignore him. You are obviously setting a good example, and it's quite possible he is jealous. I know it is not easy for you, but I think if you take a slightly different attitude, maybe get a part time job, help your sister as much as you can, and count your blessings, you'd be better off. Stop, take pause, look at things from a different perspective, tell yourself that you are going to be happy, lose the hate...I think it is time for you to shine.
     
  7. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    sorry i dont mean the whole "stay home wifes" are dumb. Mothers that dont have education and are dumb. Sounds better? :hs:
     
  8. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    i cant be like my bro for sure, i am not like him at all. The funny thing my cousin and grandma ask my lil sis which brother she likes. She said she likes me, and hates my brother. lol. For the side job, I have been there. I did all kinds of p/t jobs but it screws me over when i am attending school. So i am just going to work in the summer. OR maybe i will find a job that is once a week but it will be hard.
    My mom knows a bit of english, but its real bad. Even in chinese, she talks in chunks. It's annoying to hear her say out a sentence. She also attends this english course, but she skips everytime.
    And i do treat my sister good, not the best, but good enough to set a good example.
     
  9. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    yea, i know what you mean. I do try to ignore them, but my bro just trys to start arguement everytime he comes home. Then he would just play on his computer and do shit. My bro just takes his family for granted.

    I am trying to lose the hate, i try to handle their things calmly.
     
  10. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Aw, well it was kind of you to re-state that.... I guess it depends on what you mean by education. My mother was a SAHM to 5 kids. That was all she really wanted to do in life. She was educated up to hisgh school, and worked in a doctor's office a couple years, then got married and started her life as a mother. Let me tell you, PARENTHOOD is an education in itself. I would NEVER think of my mother as "dumb", NEVER.
    I am a SAHM myself. My priority for MY life at this time is to raise my 2 children myself. It's important to me personally. I went to college, although it was a junior college that I attended for like 4 1/2 years, LOL. I ran out of funds before I ran out of school. I had to get a job with more hours for the $$, and didn't have time for school anymore. BUT, in the 12 years FOLLOWING my college years, I learned more than I ever did in 16 years of school.
    I apologize for carrying on and taking your comment kinda personally, but I really felt the need to make it clear to you that SAHMs, MANY of them, are underappreciated, stereotyped, and disregarded as having much value FAR too often. And many of us are just freakinin geniuses with a different set of priorities from the people who judge us harshly, that's all.;)
    I can remember after I had my first child, saying " Forget the Peace Corps. Motherhood is the 'toughest job I'll ever love.' ". And it became even MORE true after I had my 2nd child. (oh did it ever!)
    I don't REALLY think I am a genius, I've got an IQ high enough to join MENSA I guess, but I don't fucking care. I don't even think I am a superior mother(NOT Mother Superior lol) but I have my days where I do alright. It's a VERY GOOD job to have, but also a VERY challenging one, mentally, physically, emotionally, and it never ends. There aren't really 8 hour days for SAHMs.

    rrrrgh. I am sorry. I'll shut up now. Stepping down from MY soapbox, like puppycat. :)
     
  11. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    Your ingratitude is glaring. You should have been an example of love and kindness to your brother and sister that they would have wanted to emulate. However, your cold hearted attitude testifies to your self-interest and greed. You should do your whole family a big favor and move out. (Give the car back before you go.)
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2006
  12. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Assumption that your parents are first generation immigrants? If so, you need to understand they try their best to support the family. I think you see that which is good. But it's time you give back if you want to live there. Become the second man of the family get some responsibilty if you're gonna stay with them. If not you should move out because you're not helping really.. You got a lil sis man help take care of her so she will turn out to be good too.
     
  13. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    u dont understand it fully. I do try to help my bro but it doesnt work :squint::squint:. There is part of me that contains that cold hearted attitude, but it doesnt mean that i dont care about them. If i do move out, my mom and sister will have tremendous hard time because my brother is a lot worse than i am telling.
     
  14. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    i took care of her ever since she was born. I drove her to school and drive her back home everyday when i was in high school. Now i take her back home in evenings. I also do other things while i was studying. My dad cant do these things since he has work. While my brother does NOT do anything with my sister and likes to start arguements. So i totally disagree with u if u say i am not helping at all.
     
  15. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    There are PLENTY of men and women out there who do not have education past high school. Are you trying to imply that they are dumb?
    Try getting your head out of your ass and drop your superiority complex towards your parents. You are NOT better then them. Someday when you grow up you'll learn that your parents actually know a WHOLE LOT more than what you think they do.
     
  16. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    So you're putting her down for ATTEMPTING to learn English? Why not actually try to help your family instead of looking down on them all of the time?
     
  17. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    When you start thinking your parents have a "bad attitude" and they are "dumb" it's a sign that you've begun to shape your own personality and it's time to move out.

    Get some backbone, dig in and get a job. Stop juicing off your parents.

    You might not see it right away, but somewhere along the line, maybe even just 10 years from now, you'll look back at your parents and you'll see not everything is the way you thought it was back when you were 19-20.
     
  18. shankems2000

    shankems2000 If you read everybody's user text and location, yo

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    Where you fraid ta be at.
    Yea man, it's time to leave the nest. If you are surviving now off of school loans, then if you are willing to take on more debt, you can borrow more to live on your own, or better yet, you can move on campus. Either that, or you'll just have to get a full time job and go to school part time to move out.

    Don't turn your back on your siblings. When your parents are long gone, you'll be the only close family they have left. Even though my brothers get on my nerves at times, I'd be willing to take a bullet in the head for any of them.
     
  19. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    i did not say that my dad is dumb. He is pretty smart. I am only implying my mom and i know what i am saying.
     
  20. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    its NOT ONLY ENGLISH
    it's a lot of other things.
     
  21. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    When you remove yourself from the situation it gets a lot less stressful. Get a job and move out, but visit often. Your parents will be glad to see you, your little sister will still have your influence in her life and your brother might learn from your example without you having to tell him. Then, when they all get annoying, you leave and go home. Problem solved with your sanity intact.

    You don't see it now, but your mom is probably insecure. English as a second language is a daunting task to someone with no formal education. She probably skips class because she doesn't know how to learn - she has crappy study habits. So rather than be shamed by failing she'd rather just not go and then automatically fail. Why don't you take the time to show her some good study habits and practice some basic phrases with her?

    As for the rest of your family, they all have their issues but look past their behaviour and find the root of their actions. Your brother acting out? Maybe he doesn't get any respect from your parents, especially your dad, because he's not the eldest son. Your dad's always complaining and taking his frustrations out on your mom? He's the sole breadwinner for your family, working long hours to provide for everyone's needs and wants and probably doesn't get any appreciation for it - how would you feel if you did this for your family? Your little sister's annoying? She's 6, and blameless. How would you feel if no one had time for you because you were an accident and weren't wanted?
     
  22. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    i dont think my brother is jealous or any of that. My parents treats us two the same. My parents always yells at my brother, and rarely me. He gets himself in the dumbest trouble a lot of times. My parents do respect him. But no one can respect him if he doesnt respect them or me.
    Yes, my dad is always stressed out in his job. I do appreciate him., but i never show him any emotion or talk to him because he is scary. I just dont communicate with him. And i know how to handle my sister
     
  23. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Oh.... Now THAT, I can certainly identify with. My dad would come home from work and all the sibs and I would split to our rooms before he walked in the door, usually. It was like walking on eggshells around him, growing up. Now I understand why he was the way he was a bit better, but back then, he was just scary, and grouchy, and mean.
    I really think you should see what you can do about getting into your own place. It could be good for you in a lot of ways.
     
  24. kenzo

    kenzo New Member

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    your dad isnt grochy and mean any more? My dad still is, but back when i was younger he was worse, now he is only a BIT better but still scary and mean. But my mom said he has his own way of teaching boys... but his way is messed up. But the most screwed up part right now is that the dad is gone out of my province to do something. He said he will be there for 2 weeks, but now is more than 3 weeks, and he never gave his a phone call back ever since he left.... he is soo unresponsible...
     
  25. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Ew, god, more than 3 weeks? Are you sure he's alive even? Yikes.
    Well, my dad is quite a different man now at age 63 than he was when I was a child. Man, he was an ASS much of the time, back then. I am 35 years old now and don't have to deal with him nearly as much, which makes our relationship much more pleasant. But, he has undergone his own changes within himself, and has become a better, much less mean/critical, person now.
    I didn't move out until I was 23, but after I did, my parents were much more pleasant to deal with, especially my dad.
     

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