SRS Every Problem Is Easy To Fix On This Forum, Til'

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by METALLlC BLUE, Apr 4, 2005.

  1. It happens to you. Each day I realize more and more just how deeply, tragically, and seriously some of the issues we discuss hit us. When we give advice, and talk the talk with allot of members here, it's impossible for most of us to fully grasp the severity with which the seeker is suffering.

    So many issues from alcoholism, drug abuse, relationship problems, to depression seem so far away for many of us [except those of us who have been there] - and giving advice or insight has become almost mind numbing for me. With that said, I'd like to stay alive to the feelings I have with each problem you face, and with each answer I give, so I'm writing you all this post.

    I feel like an asshole pouring out all sorts of well reasoned, yet emotionally vapid responses here. Everything I say sounds sugary sweet, and is consumed quickly if not though sometimes with difficulty by most of you - but the truth is, many of the things I say are only a tiny insignificant fraction of the real support and the real work that members like each of you has to go through during your experiences, growth, and recovery.

    Some of you need exceptionally deep sexual abuse therapy. Some of you need AA meetings. Some of you need a friend for a moment, and some of you need a shoulder to cry on for months. I want to remind many of you that while I haven't experienced everything you all individually have, and sometimes my responses are cold and rather logical - the experiences and pain we suffer often can't be described, nor can a simple answer like those I give really heal you or help you to entirely face the challenges you each must face. It is your courage, and your willingness to face your past experiences, and possibly your fears of future turmoil's that brings about the changes you get from any single thing I've ever said, and even then - your work never ends when my posts do.

    Don't be afraid to follow your doctors insight, or to seek counseling, or to go to a support group, or join a religious or spiritual group of your choosing and commit to your mental, physical, or spiritual health. Don't be afraid to call 1-800 numbers or the police if someone you love is being abused by a spouse, family member, or anyone. Don't be afraid to reach out if you're suicidal - call the hotline, call any of us here with a PM. Don't be afraid to invest months and years into working to heal the damage done by years of abuse, whether physical or sexual - whether you were raped by your father, or date raped on your college campus.

    Nothing any of you could say here would ever solve any of the problems I'm facing or have faced - so why should it be any different for you! The work I do here is just a gateway, a helpful nudge of the directions you all have already determined to go with or without me. Work hard, invest in yourselves. Even with the insignificance of my effort, you know I care about each of you. Care about yourselves that way too, and don't be afraid to go the distance to heal with the help of a specialist if you need one, or the shoulder of a good friend. We're here, but you're the ammunition.
     
  2. I also want to say that while I wrote this post to all of you, it's also a declaration of how I am feeling in my personal life. It's a post written not only for you and to you, but also to me! My well reasoned ideas aren't very useful when every feeling in the deepest corners of my mind don't make sense or have words to find expression. Even if someone were to tell me how to approach an issue, if a deep component of me is not ready to be expressed, it won't be - and the verbal lashing I get from anyone here, or from myself will be wasted in vain.

    Elitelamer knows exactly the regret I'm feeling. While he hasn't been in my shoes, he's been the recent target of my ignorance in many of his threads. For that I apologize to you. Know that my intention was to help, and I did not always do so. Some of us - including me - aren't able or ready to access some of the deepest issues we have, and no matter how much abuse, and logic we're given, it's unreasonable to force feed someone their own recovery.

    I have made that mistake many times and in many threads. If anyone cares to step forward who feels I've made this error with them, I'll gladly apologize.
     
  3. Bioanger

    Bioanger Self-Proclaimed moron

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    Even the best psychotherapist in the world will eventually encounter a nut he can’t crack. If you hold yourself to a standard of perfection by nurturing every nugget of advice you dispense, you are inadvertently involving yourself so deeply that any failure will hit you to your very core.

    I don’t fully understand the emotional mechanism that caused you to write this thread -and I can’t- but it is my perception that the depth of your concern for all of us has taken on a life of itself. I know that your intentions are benevolent, and I appreciate your presence here as do many of us, but where is your sense of self? Do you really feel you need to apologize for doing the best you can do?
     
  4. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    It all seems pointless in here sometimes. I can't think of anything to say to anyone anymore.
     
  5. I certainly don't feel I've failed. I'm just accepting accountability for shortcomings. Failure would imply I've somehow reached the end of some process in which I had expectations, where this is simply me making adjustments to my own way of perceiving the difficulties I go through, as well as you go through. My intention wasn't in discussing failure as much as it was expressing that my own awakening to that.

    I think that even in doing our best, we still fall short. And if I think I've fallen short, I think it's fair to say that once aware of it, I'd like to apologize so I can better serve you, and myself. If I don't handle something that is conducive to where I'm trying to go -- or in this case -- helping someone else go where they've said they'd like to go in their handling of a problem or their recovery, then I think it's important to contemplate that, and acknowledge what I learn, and what I didn't know previously.

    I do have a strong sense of self. You just don't see it very often here because I invest time in others for the most part here. I invest in me on my personal blog, which can be found on myspace. I share some of my trials here, and I do receive some insight, but for the most part I just receive support rather than answers or solutions. Those are really more important for me than answers.
     
  6. I understand why you'd think that. There will always be more problems than answers. There will always be someone new coming along seeking something here. Some will find support, and some will reject all input regardless of whether it could be what they need. I think that if we have expectations of solving everyone's problems, or trying to get everyone to solve theirs - we'll all be sorely disappointed. Such a high expectation would certainly be - as Bioanger said - holding oneself and others to a standard of perfection which will yield only frustration for all.

    Each person who comes here is an entire life. They have at least some of these: loved ones, friends, family. They have ideas, emotions, and a lot of needs. Each of them is complex regardless of whether the problems they present are. Each seeking to fulfil hopes, dreams, aspirations, and striving to be someone.

    In the end, I think that if anyone chooses to be a servant in aiding others, it's a process that requires helping one person at a time, and doing so one day at a time. It's about being something to someone sincerely because you empathize with where they are and with where you've been. Servants are often the most pained of people, and yet they can be a light for others in finding their way home to better health in all sorts of ways. The reward is satisfaction in giving someone a gift. It only takes one person to change the world, so why isn't the same true for us in changing just one life? It only takes helping one person, and giving them back to themselves. That *is* changing the world.

    There is no "end" to the suffering that others will present, or the problems they'll face. The same is true for our own lives. However, I think that when I am frustrated it's not because someone shows a problem which is beyond my ability to fix, but because I've forgotten why I'm a servant to begin with, and that fixing problems and people isn't my job. My self-appointed job is giving people back to themselves. I'm not here to fix or just talk - as then I'd be serving my needs. I'm here to serve them, and that is what I forgot.
     
  7. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Lamer needs to be pushed. You didn't forget anything.
     
  8. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I think you need to be less critical of yourself, Metallic Blue.

    While I fully acknowledge the role of Asylum as therapy for the advice-giver as well as the advice recipient, you are holding yourself to an unrealistic standard. You have rarely, if ever, given self-indulgent advice, and I find neither wrong doing nor poor intent here.

    Accept the Asylum for what it is: peer counselling (prescriptive) and peer support (supportive). You can oscillate between those two poles as needed. It is wrong to be 100% one way with no regard for the other.

    Even grief counsellors and bereavement support groups, where you would think its 99.999% unconditional support only, will mix prescriptive counselling and support as necessary.

    You're not a professional counsellor, MB, and this isn't a professional forum. It would be inappropriate for a professional counsellor to work out personal issues during their client's session, but this is not such a setting.

    You serve a need within yourself by helping others. Your need is every bit as valid as someone coming here looking either for support or guidance. Never forget that.

    That is, as long as the advice is sound. Which it is.
     
  9. Pimpolo

    Pimpolo New Member

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    There is really no need i see for an apology MB. I havent been here for long but have read many of the posts you 3 have made on here (MB,Peyomp,johan). I do have problems of my own but have chosen not to post them. My reason not being emabarrasment or ridicule for that matter, but more so because SO many people on here share the same problems on here as I do its almost unreal to me.

    Anytime you, Peyomp, or johan have a post in here i know it will be something worth reading into. MB, you have an intellectual and well thought response to all, johan seems to look for the best w/ a caring and somewhat optimistic eye. And Peyomp... i believe shares similar traits as MB but with his no bullshit, blunt "flare".

    You 3 are deffinately an asset to this forum. And wether you know it or not, you guys are doing much more good than you could ever do harm. No need for an apology here, but i would like to extend a thank you to you 3.

    Jay
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Thanks for the kind words. I (and we all, I'm sure) appreciate it very much.
     
  11. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    Even tho you feel the advice you give is basically your insight, you should also realize you have helped so many. It is hard to take in some of the things thrown in anyones direction, but that is what this forum is all about, options, healing, and most importantly a friend to come to for help. Your words are not meaningless. Pimpolo is right about all three of you guys. You may be blunt about somethings, but elaborate with just a simple hi. Without some of the advice I have gathered from all three of you, I would not be has happy as I am now. There is no need for an apology, even tho you are on the outside looking in, and have never experienced a problem the person is referring to (in some cases), the advice is always well thought out, and in most cases I have seen some acomplishments accure due to the post I have read. I guess all I am trying to say is MB, life has thrown me a few curves, and well you have helped me at least get on base.
     
  12. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    :werd: on this whole thread. When people ask for help, they either want it or they don't. I know I've been on the side where I had an answer for every suggestion, and always stayed miserable.

    You can only do what you can do. None of us have experienced every horror that life can send to us, so all we can do is draw upon the experiences we have had, and try to send some advice that way.

    Honestly, I think the simple fact that someone cared enough to read your post and try to help means and does a lot more than what they actually suggested as a fix. Often we already know what we need to do, and just need someone to lean on for a bit.
     
  13. Minh Lam

    Minh Lam Active Member

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    Metallic Blue. Its a pleasure reading all of your posts. Every single line, word and paragraph. I mean this is the internet Medium and some of these people need real human support contact with a professional. But other times they just need to know that someone is listening and caring. A stranger knowing they have a personal problem and that does make it all better at times. At times when it doesnt they seek advice. And every single one of you guys here who post regularly are doing a great job. My hat goes off to you guys who make the effort to take their time reading and writing responses to these people who need help. And they are compassionate and understanding responses too.
    I say God bless all of us and this forum because we are all priviliged to be here talking to one another.
     
  14. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    It's discouraging when someone puts up a post, many give a thoughtful reply only to have no response from the originator of the post. We know that the person must be in such a state that they just can't reply. I've seen this happen numerous times, I wish we could keep these people engaged.
     
  15. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    noob question... are any of the mods on this forum actually psychologists?
     
  16. I appreciate all the replies, but my initial intent really wasn't to fish for reassurance or approval about the work being done here. I certainly am grateful that so many of you find solace in Asylum, and the things I or others say. I think the main motivating force behind this reminder is that it's so critical for me to remember that there are real people, real problems, and a lot of complexity involving many of the cases that come through this forum.

    Sometimes I've made errors during my interactions here, and I've been careful to avoid such things - but I do make them. When I do, you'll see introspection like this, sometimes a private apology, and sometimes public. While perfection is not my goal, progress is. Like many of you, I too am working on recovery from all sorts of tough circumstances.

    In that balance between my own recovery, that of other members here, and any insight I offer is a careful consideration for each of you. Treating others as I think I'd like to be treated, with humility, compassion, and empathy. My case and my experiences have been exceptionally difficult for me - and it's through that gateway that I've been able to empathize here.
     
  17. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    no, not that they've told us.

    MB, you try hard man... people can only change when they realize that they need to or have a problem (usually both). Until that happens, any help offered falls on deaf ears.
     
  18. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Actually, I think I do understand your original intent (though it was well masked). They are in line with a couple of your other past posts that I've noted but not necessarily commented upon.

    I still stand by my advice. I believe that your extreme emotional ups and downs causes you to be hypersensitive to many things. Among them your perceived interaction with others here.

    I have no doubt you realize that there are real people with real problems behind the posts. Often, you, more than anyone else, seem to be an apologist for all the world's ills.

    That's strictly your choice, but I must say again to you that you are doing a fine job here, far better than most and you should not be so self critical.
     
  19. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I agree. Try not to be so self-critical.

    Also, if your treatments don't work out... consider Ayurvedic treatments in Kerala, India, or in South Goa.
     
  20. Mycophiles

    Mycophiles OT Supporter

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    Mike; I read what you said and walked away from this thread for a couple days to let it all sink in. I'm sure you have the backing on this forum to fight off the best of the haters so first of all, don't let anything get you down in that respect. Secondly, I know for sure that you always have the best intent even though there are many different topics you write on. I think we all know in here that to best communication between two people is always going to be in person unless you take the time to write out exactly what you mean in your writting so that the other person can imagine what it is you are saying and then emotionally gratify the conclusion. But, that's all in retrospect because you do write out fairly hefty sentence structures in most of your post and in that comes through your own personality one of which trate is your caring. This thread is evidence to us all that you really do care for all of us and though you say you need no appreciation you forget that we must recipricate in order for us to get back to you on how we feel about your participation.

    Your very knowledgable in a few of the different areas of mental health. To that I am gratefull even though knowone asked it of me. I for one don't think your posts "falls on deaf ears" and I'll tell you why. I think that for every 10 lonely people who browse this forum there is 1 person who really needs help and really soaks in what people write about in his "topics". For that reason I pleaded with Fazle when he shut off the searches for non-subsciption holders to allow non-subscription holders to browse and search this forum. Think about it. Even if it's 1 in a 100 who needs help all the help he needs should be at his fingertips and now it's so. If you notice the asylum is now searchable to nonsub's while other forums are not. The people in this forum that make a difference are those who write out their emotional states. To many it's how much you write or what you do but to those of us who have been "around the block" and been here for a while we know that the true meaning of any post is inbetween the lines of type. There's a lot of meaning here and I think you contribute most of all and for that you should get a plaque or trophy or something from all of us. To think that you might have saved a life in your time here is less of a leap for you than for any of us and that's something that you couldn't buy but has to be said about you , and I'm saying it now. Thanks Mike for your attention to detail and your willingness to write out what us lazy fuckers won't always do.
     
  21. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    It's not pointless. We may not have experienced the same suffering as the person that put up the post, but we have suffered in our own way, with issues that we ourselves have personally gone through. Our comments have meaning because we have suffered and through that we can share compassion. We know what it is to be chrushed in spirit. Therefore, we can empathize with all that are suffering.
     
  22. I have counseling today. I'm going to discuss some of these difficulties, and my feelings on the constructive criticism I've received here. I've been working on these things for a long time.

    I'm feeling ill today which isn't any fun. I've had trouble for the last week or so as the situation has gradually declined. I've been dealing with a lot of trials on the "relationship" front too. Relationships really do bring out our darkest demons, and some of our best opportunities to grow.

    I wish I felt better longer, and I hate the fact that I have to go through a lot of these trials and hardships with my health.

    Thanks for the truthful responses, and the kindness.
     

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