ever heard of a GUY saying this?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by radfad88, Apr 17, 2008.

  1. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    "I just don't want our relationship to be based on sex."

    Basically my bf told me this last night before we went to bed, I was feeling a little :naughty: and i guess he was more or less looking for some sweet cuddle time. I didn't really press the issue much, I just let him know how I was feeling and it basically opened up a discussion that showed me he wasn't as comfortable as I am on the frequency of our sex life.

    We have sex about once a day, sometimes up to two or three, but if you include the days we skip it all together (whole week of my period + days we are tired/dont get alone time) it evens out to about once a day.

    We do other things together alone (aquarium, eat lunch together, go out to see bands play, etc.) and spend time with our friends when we can, but when I get him alone in his/my room for an hour or so... I can't help but want to have sex.



    Anyone here ever had a GUY say this to them? Or have any of you guys ever felt the way he does? I thought that was mainly a female insecurity...
     
  2. fluentinsilence

    fluentinsilence New Member

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    I've known guys like this. The common stereotype is to simply believe that men only exhibit one desire and that is sexual gratification. It's pleasant to enjoy someone's company and time without having it to resort to a sexual escapade.
     
  3. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    no, but i did something like that:

    i told my ex-gf when i was with her that i was concerned bc, sometimes, it seemed like we had sex and flirted with each other and that was it.

    i didn't want LESS sex, though.

    it sounds like you took it a lot better than she did.
     
  4. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    well this is where i'm confused also.

    when I asked him if he wanted me to "tone things down" a bit in our sex lives he said no and that he really enjoyed how turned on we get each other.


    so if you didn't want sex less... and he doesn't want sex less? why would you bring it up? seems to me if you don't want it changed, why mention it at all?

    you boys are confusing :ugh2:
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    are you serious?

    because i wanted reassurance that there was more than just sex going on between us. at the time, however, i may have wanted the impossible.

    because it has nothing to do with the sex, it has to do with knowing it's not just the sex.

    because, most of all, and this is what i really wanted, i think, my gf was uncommunicative & indirect, whereas i wanted to know everything about her and who she was and how she thought and what she felt.
     
  6. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    maybe he feels like thats the only level you guys are really connecting on at this point, and its gotten to be too much. plus, since you guys are together all the time and able to do it basically whenever you want, you've taken the mystery and desire away from the start. this is a common issue with college relationships...you've had sex and are living together before you're even really "dating". Just take a step back, try and talk more and communicate better about outside things, and he will likely feel better about the frequency of the sex. Dont make it predictable...like every time you come over, you're going to want to have sex. make him work for it, and bring that element back into the relationship.
     
  7. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    well i can understand it this way... if that's all he wants/needs (reassurance that it isn't all about the sex), what would be the best way to give that to him? saying it outright MIGHT work (which is what i did last night, just hugged him and went over the wonderful reasons we're together), but do you think he expects something else to really reassure him? should i back off for a couple of days or something?
     
  8. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    it's good to get a girl's opinion too... i think this is probably key... men like the "chase" to an extent and i guess it has gotten pretty predicable. He knows how horny i get, and it's probably pretty obvious that every time i come over i want to have sex. I'll try what you said and see if it helps at all.
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    ya know, i'm reading it differently, i think it's natural to be insecure about your man's sexual interest in you but that's not necessarily the most accurate perspective. the "chase" thing is something that preys on people's insecurities, where basically they act based on the belief that their feelings are unreciprocated. if he had complained about his sex life or declined sex AND cuddling, that would be a fair analysis, but since he wanted the cuddling... not so much. but i'll wait for iwywb's input..
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    that's all you can do. leave it at that, and keep being your hawt self.
     
  11. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    you don't have sex on your period? its never really that bad in my experience... course her being on birth control helps.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    From all that you explained it sounds as if you guys obviously have a great sexual chemistry and I'm sure you have a great relationship outside of that...but maybe he just wants to reiterate it because possibly in his past he's had relationships based on sex and he wanted more.

    I get the feeling your bf is what most would refer to as a "nice guy," and he's possibly been hurt in the past by falling for girls who didn't really want much out of their relationship, so now that he has you and he really digs you, likes you, loves you-he is sort of mentioning it in hopes you will say back and ease his insecurity. This is all just assuming of course though because you know him better than we do.

    And not to make you nervous (because I really doubt it's the case) I knew a guy who said that once....but it was because the relationship was failing in general and once the sex was decreasing he said it to her in a pathetic way to throw her off the scent that there were real problems. She was also too shy to ask why the sex was decreasing so she accepted this.
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    in fact, let me add to this by saying that what you should do now is NOT do anything more. leave it where you did. eventually your words and your actions will click in his head and he'll be happy you are, in fact, into him above & beyond the sex act itself.
     
  14. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    I'm on BC, and if it were left entirely up to me, I probably would. Every time it's ever been mentioned he's made it clear that it's not cool in his book, so I just go along and act like I'm grossed out by it too, haha.
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :werd: I knew I'd get backed up here by iwywb, in this one, single, rare, and unique instance.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well I've agreed with you many times before, but anywho. Yeah, I think it's that simple.
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :nono:

    don't waste mental energy on this. anything's possible but like beer said, this is not the case here.
     
  18. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    don't argue with me :mamoru:
     
  19. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    yeah I'm sure it's not that either, but I can see where beer would throw it in... it is a forum and i just asked if anyone had experience with a guy doing this in general. maybe it'll help someone who IS in that kinda situation?
     
  20. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    or the face that 95% of the time I have it, we're not even together? and when we are and I do, we're not exactly going to pass it up...

    I really think there's some good advice going on in here, interesting opinions from several sides.
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yeah, I didn't want to scare her but I felt the need to throw it out there because I've seen other threads in here so many times with a sort of similar issue.

    The relationship harbors hidden problems and the guy shockingly acts as if less sex doesn't phase him at all...Then the girl starts panicking that it's her or what could be wrong? When really there are issues that need to be resolved. However, obviously in radfad's case it's not the issue I think since her bf still wants to have sex.

    I think yankee also hit a great note. radfad, you said before you guys see each other a LOT. Maybe your bf just isn't used to having so much sex with a girlfriend and he's almost taken aback, not in a bad way, but just hoping you are into him as a person as well. Also, if you aren't going to cut back on how often you see him and continue to have sex on average of once a day make sure to keep it fresh.
     
  22. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    good point
     
  23. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    I know that he's had a sexual relationship with a girl who had a bf before (few years ago, he regrets it) and i think it really hurt him because he had feelings for her beyond that. What you said was pretty accurate, good sexual chemistry between us, and our feelings for each other are different than any of our past relationships, so I could see where he might feel a little insecure from time to time.

    Hopefully I can just reassure him verbally, and back it up by spending a little more time just being his friend/girlfriend without sexual encounters...
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yeah, I don't think it's anything to stress over. The longer you're in a realtionship the more he'll realize it's obviously not just for sex.
     
  25. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    your boyfriend is basically a big weepy emotional sensitive vagina
     

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