SRS Ever Feel like something's missing?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by MrGuy, Jan 5, 2007.

  1. MrGuy

    MrGuy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    I Do.

    I feel like something massive is missing in my life. I feel really depressed. This past week its been really bad though. I just feel really empty, i feel lonely, like something is missing. But i sort of think i know what it is, i just don't want to admit it.

    I in my first year at college in the UK. When i statred college (september) i started smoking weed. The ammount i smoke has gone up...lots, to the extent i smoked over half an ounce (£70) in the last week of 2006. I was smoking about 5 - 6 spliffs a day.

    New years day - the night before, i got really incredibly stoned, to the extent i spent half an hour, lying on the floor in a shelter thingy in the park because it felt so right. on new years day, i couldn't get any weed (dealer was being a bit dodgy.) That day i felt like total crap. seriously. It was the feeling of being sober, it was the first day i had no weed in about 2 months. My head was so loud, yes, LOUD. it was so packed full of stuff, it was wierd, i hated it, it was so busy.

    Now this scared the crap out of me, the fact that i couldn't go a day without weed and not nearly go insane. The next day, i decided i was going to cut down. i haven't had any since. Its been nearly 5 days. my head is so incredibly blagged its horrible. I want some weed, not want as in need, i actually prefer being stoned all the time. It doesn't feel like im addicted (althouhg i clearly psychologically am) i just want to be stoned because it's nicer.

    I love the way the last few months of my life have been a blur. i don't know why i'm cutting down.

    But the worst thing is that i feel so bad right now, just because i haven't had any.

    It's been a pretty uneventful crimbo aswell. That's pretty poo really. it's the first christmas i haven't been going out with my first long term girlfriend in 3 years. All my friends seem to have left me. Don't get me wrong, i still have acquaintences. But i don't feel as close as i used to. My best mate, i haven't even communicated with him since new years eve.

    Then there's college, don't even get me started on that. oh sweet bejesus. It's crazy. i'm stoned a lot of the time at college (well i was before crimbo) apart from in maths, because i never had it after a free (since my subjects are 1 hour 10 minutes long, i wasn't that stoned by the time maths lesons came round) yet my predicted grade is E/U....what's with that? okay yeah, i'd understand if my other grades were poo, but my computing drama and psychology predicaed grades are B! whats happening there?

    I start back at college on monday, im pooing bricks. Seriously considering dropping out. If it wasnt for all the pressure from parents, i would have long before now. I'm the "good one" of the family. Out of my 3 older brothers, the highest GCSE grades any got was 7 c's. i got 2A's 9B's and 2C's (yes, i got 13 GCSE's, i also got half an AS level, because i was accelerated in maths and did my GCSE a year early.)

    So what's with all this then. c'mon, not one to blow my own horn, but at the age of 15, i had an interview with ImagineFX printed magazine for a website i designed which allowed freelance artists to find jobs. I was voted in as form rep in my last year of school.

    Yet here i am, sat here, trying uber-hard not to want a joint, but wanting one so much just so life will go back to being a big stoned blur like it was before christmas.

    Wow, that was a big rant:)

    Anyways, happy new years to y'all (better late than never!)
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    A very smart man once said that pursuing your creativity was a good way to bring meaning into your life.

    As for the drugs, if you're finding it that hard to go on without, then you might want to look into MA.
     
  3. MrGuy

    MrGuy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    one thing that really pi$$ed me off about the drugs, was when my aprents found out, my dad said anything i did whilst on drugs wasn't me, which really annoyed me because i used to write a hell of a lot of music when high.

    I've just started a personal project (a programming project) which keeps me occupied a lot of the time. today i realised i've not had any drugs or direct sunlight for over 4 days (apart from i went out on monday to walk a friend to and from my house to the bus stop lol)

    What's MA?
     
  4. Dnepr

    Dnepr Guest

    There is always something missing.

    But take it from me, no matter how you try to fill it, you never do. Life is like a bottomless bucket, which you can never truly fill. And when you do fill it, you're already dead :)

    A wise man said, its better to live an interesting life, then a long one.
     
  5. IAmAPaperTiger

    IAmAPaperTiger Light the world on fire just to watch it burn OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2004
    Messages:
    3,784
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SoCal
    im kinda there with you. ive been a heavy weed smoker for the past year or so and i havent smoked in the past 3 or so days (after smoking every single day usually more than once.) i feel very weird and kinda scared like reality is rushing back to me. i also like the feeling of being high because its pretty much the only thing that helps my horrible and somewhat uncontrollable anxiety. i really think there are only 2 reasons one should ever quit smoking weed or cut down.

    1. money issues (my problem) theres no getting around it really. the more you smoke the more you pay. being a college student myself, money isnt exactly in abundance so i just have restrained from picking up these last few days.

    2. some people cannot function normally when theyre high. i think the label of "pot head" is very overused in society. whenever i am high, i can function jus fine i.e. going to class and actually paying attention, going to work, running errands, etc. im what i like to call a "functional stoner" and some people just cant be that way when theyre high.

    so unless one of those problems applies to you, i really see no reason to beat yourself up over it. just pick up some herb and smoke a spliff :cool: i got paid today so im seriously considering picking some up as well. this anxiety fucking KILLS!
     
  6. MrGuy

    MrGuy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2006
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    ye, my problem is 1. Money issues.

    I simply cant afford. my weekly income is £30 (EMA for going to college) and that has to pay for my half lunches, and then every month, my aprents gimme £50 which pays for half my lunches and a monthly bus pass. I just end up spendingall the £50 when i get it on weed, and then with my £30, buying a £6.50 weekly bus pass, £3.50 on luxuries then £20 on weed. Last month i finished another web design job which earnt me £450. If it wasnt or the fact that i went out and bought a new phone straight away, new stuff for my drum kit straight away which left me with about £150 i would have spent it all on weed. out of the remaining £150, £130 of it was spend on weed.

    Money isnt an issue as in i don't have any or can't afford, it'#s just i can't justify spening that much on it, it really is too much. I considered buying like a half ounce every 2 months or something, but i wouldn't be able to stick to it. My smoking habbits are either, smoke lots and spend any money you have on it, or smoke nothing. i think it would be impossible for me to have a mid point. And as much as smoking loads appeals to me, spending that much money really limits and degrades other aspect of my life (diet for exampe, becaus ei spend all my lunch money on it. Social life, because i can't afford to go out with my non stoner mates)

    i too am also a "functional stoner" as mentioned, the only class i go to sober most of the time is the one im doing worse in and all my others are doing pretty good.

    You really hit the nail on the head tho with "i feel very weird and kinda scared like reality is rushing back to me" and now i realise being high is one of the only things that helps my handle college stress and work. I've never been to college without weed (i started smoking daily when i started college) and i've not even done a day back at college without weed yet and i still feel a mes and all stressed out about college.

    Without weed, it feels like theres a gap in my existance, and i need something to fill it with. Something that i can do for hours a day and feel the effects for the rest of the day, every day. lol
     

Share This Page