Ever feel like friends more than lovers?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by THT, Jul 1, 2008.

  1. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    12,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The booby hatch
    My girlfriend and I have been dating for four years and we knew each other for four years prior to that. We've always been good friends and for the past three years, we have been separated by 200 miles. We try to see each other every other week but now that she's starting rotations in med school, we'll see each other about every other month for the next year. Our sex life has been rather dismal as of late and I try to chalk that up to work for me and school for her. Lately, I feel like we have become more of good friends who occasionally have sex than lovers. I'm not sure if this is one of those cyclical relationship things or a sign of the end. I'm sure someone else has been here and I'd appreciate some input.
     
  2. kiri

    kiri New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2006
    Messages:
    25,186
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miami, FL
    your sex life is dismal even though you only see each other every couple weeks? does this mean that even when you're finally together, you don't usually have sex? that seems weird to me.

    however, being that far away from your SO for THREE YEARS is huge, especially now that you're only seeing each other once a month. at that point, especially if you're both busy with school or work, it's easier to just not even think about your SO. i bet the declining sex life has way more to do with the distance than your feelings for each other. do you have any opportunities coming up where you could spend a long weekend or even a week together? if you had some serious time together, sparks might fly again.
     
  3. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    12,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The booby hatch
    Yes, when we see each other, we might have sex once in a weekend. We just spent three weeks together and had sex once. We fooled around and had a couple orgasms orally too. We had a pregnancy scare and I was semi-reluctant to have sex so I blame this last visit on me. Yes, we use protection but there was still a scare.

    My fear is that even though we see each other so minimally, we're not tearing each others clothes off when we do see each other. It's too early for the passion to be gone and I can't keep writing it all off as stress because I fear that the rest of our lives will continue to be nearly sexless and eventually lead to separation. I know it isn't a question of love or devotion...we are very much in love...we just don't seem to physically express it as much now.
     
  4. kiri

    kiri New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2006
    Messages:
    25,186
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miami, FL
    is there an end in sight for the LDR? you two may have just fallen into a pattern of what happens when you finally get to see each other, which mostly involves relaxation instead of sex. if you're both so busy during the week, when you get to see each other you probably are both more inclined to just chill than to have passionate, acrobatic sex. have you brought up the issue with her at all or tried to change anything? one thing you could try is, next time you get together, as soon as she walks in the door give her a passionate kiss and tell her how much you missed her, then drag her to the bedroom (not literally, but you know what i mean). you should get in the habit of making love as soon as you see each other as a way to release stress from your busy week.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Sounds liks the distance stresses you both out and your sex life is boring now due to routine, so even when she's in town you're both not dying to have sex....That's the part that is wrong here IMO, not that you are as close as best friends.

    You both have to work to make your sex life better, it doesn't just spice up out of nowhere. Talk to her about this. Instead of reflecting on how you guys aren't ripping each other's clothes off when you do see one another TELL her now how you can't wait to rip her clothes off when you see her next, AND DO IT.
     
  6. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    12,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The booby hatch
    Two more years. We made a commitment at the start of the relationship that neither of us would compromise our careers meaning she wouldn't quit med school and I wouldn't move back unless I could find a job that would be in my career's best interest.

    I haven't brought it up to her yet because I don't want her to feel like this is her fault. Quite frankly, our sex drives are on two different levels with mine being much higher and she already feels guilty about that. I, on the other hand, could probably try harder to make her feel in the mood and not just expect her to jump in the sack because I'm horny.
     
  7. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    12,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The booby hatch
    It's funny you mention that because just 12 hours ago (I'm on the other side of the world right now for work), I told her that the next time I see her, she might as well be naked or I'm going to tear her clothes off and ruin them. It's been one of those days when I miss her not being on the pill because I can't make a gooey mess inside her :naughty:

    I might also buy us a set of webcams and mics so we can have some naughty fun. Hopefully the "kids" (my two puppies and her two year old Jack-a-Be) will let us...
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    It would be one thing if she came home and you told me you weren't horny at all, but right now you are saying you are horny and aren't pursuing anything! Here is your obvious problem. Just because she tells you she is tired or maybe she looks tired doesn't mean you should give up on trying to have sex. Be a man. Take charge and ravish her.

    Your sex is most likely boring and routine, you need to break the routine and start making it hot again. Give you both something to look forward to so you remember why you are sticking with it even through this ridiculous length of an LDR
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Yes! These are all great ideas!
     
  10. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    12,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The booby hatch
    Yes, our sex is very routine. Every now and then, we'll throw a porno on and act it out. I've been trying to convince her to try anal and I told her quid pro quo would apply if she wanted it to. I even proposed that I earn it with a nice night out, a sensual massage, and some good wine but to no avail. She did mention that she wanted to save that for after we get married so I have "something to look forward to" :x:
     
  11. kiri

    kiri New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2006
    Messages:
    25,186
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miami, FL
    are you engaged?
     
  12. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    12,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The booby hatch
    More or less. I just have to give her the ring and I'm just waiting for a good time to do it.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Start planning right now some of the things you are going to try with her sexually the next time you see her. Whether it's tearing her clothes off when she first enters the door, blindfolding her, using massage oil, everything. Then, execute these ideas! Then, update :)

    BTW, why wait to propose? If you've had the ring for a while I think it's a little silly to just keep putting it off. Waiting for the "right time" to propose is like waiting for the "right time" to first kiss someone. Just do it already!
     
  14. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2000
    Messages:
    18,744
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Toronto
    Sounds like perhaps you are growing apart.... some people grow stronger with distance some people grow, some people keep it together. I know it must be tough, you need to have a conversation with her and voice your concerns and thoughts.
     
  15. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,002
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Raleigh, NC

    Have you tried/suggested anything else besides anal for "spice"? Handcuffs, costumes, etc? If she poopooed (heheh, no pun intended) the anal idea, come up with another one!

    Sex in a LTR combined with a LDR can get a little routine sometimes, but I think you owe it to your relationship to give it a shot at spicing it up. Like beer said, it sounds like you still want to have sex with her, which is great, but again, like you said
    LD/TR's are tough, but that doesnt mean you cant make it.
     
  16. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,002
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Raleigh, NC
    Additionally, I think when you're in a LTR, one of the most important things is that you are also really good friends (I hesistate to say best friends, because you dont want to fall into the "being her girl friend" spot) as well as lovers. I guess for lack of a better word, in comes down to having a 'companion'.

    My boyfriend, for all intents and purposes, is one of my great friends who I am in love with, love hanging out with, talking to, and doing stuff with that I also get to bang. :naughty:
     
  17. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    12,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The booby hatch
    We have a variety of toys but she has never been very sexually experimental. Hell, she didn't have a toy until I bought her one at 22. We've watched a few pornos (the ones with a plot) and we have a couple costumes. I need a headboard so I can cuff her to it...or invest in a under the bed restraint system.
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Dude, NOTHING kills my sex drive faster than when I freak out about pregnancy (even tho we use protection). Every once in a while I kind of get super paranoid about it and my dick goes on strike.
     
  19. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2007
    Messages:
    1,346
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ/PA
    ifl...long term long distance relationship here as well. 4 years in, 4 more to go.
     
  20. audrey

    audrey New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Down Under
    A lot of people settle and stay in relationships like this. But I think it's kinda sad :hs: your lover needs to be your friend, but they still need to be a lover!
     
  21. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2001
    Messages:
    13,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lovely orlando
    i really agree with what beer is saying. i don't think the relationship is reaching an end. i think it CAN, if the two of you don't put effort into it tho. i think you need to spice things up. do something that you know she would enjoy when the two of you are together.

    one of my most favorite things i did with an ex of mine was he and i would rent a hotel room with a jacuzzi. i loved every second of it! we often shared a bottle of wine and fed each other chocolate covered strawberries as well. :wiggle: little things like that mean the world to me, and in that regard, i don't think i venture far from what other girls like as well ;)

    put some romance into the relationship, and sparks will fly.

    do you have a list of places you'd like to have sex? well, i do, and one of those included my walk-in closet. sooo, after picking my ex up at the airport, we came home, and i made sure that i had my way with him in the closet. he knew it was on my list, but the act itself was a surprise, and i think it was a total hit ;)

    umm... all you had to say was restraints. here's a linky of what i'm actually :naughty: about ;) you should check it out ;)

    http://www.shevibe.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=2297
     
  22. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,723
    Likes Received:
    500
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    An unhealthy sex life is a very bad sign in a relationship.

    I'm beginning to believe that LDR's are just a way for people to hang onto the past.
     
  23. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    12,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The booby hatch
    And that's exactly why I'm trying to fix it. I'm sure once I talk to her about it, she'll try too because neither one of us wants this to end.
     
  24. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    12,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The booby hatch
    Ignoring a problem is a very bad sign. Every relationship has problems...it's how the couple chooses to address them that determines happiness and ultimately, the continuation of the relationship.
     
  25. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    12,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The booby hatch
    A few things I've been kicking around:

    1. Surprise her the next time she visits with a hot bath already drawn. Tell her to go soak while I get her stuff inside. Then go upstairs and bathe her, paying particular attention to the fun zones. After she dries off, tell her to go to the bedroom where there are a few candles lit and choose any of the toys to play with while I shower but she is NOT to get herself off...that's my job. I shower real quickly and go in the bedroom with some massage oil. Keeping whatever toy she has inside her, give her a massage, every once in awhile, playing with the toy. After that would be some foreplay with a twist...she'd get her first rimjob and since she's nixed the anal idea, I won't ask for permission...I'll just do it and I'm almost certain she'll love it. She loves it when I lick her perineum ("taint") and I think she just refuses butt play because of some stupid taboo. Anyway, when I have her dripping and moaning, it'll be sexy time.

    2. Under the bed restraints, a feather, a couple ice cubes and maybe some fruit. Clamp her down and have my way with her. Maybe delay her orgasm for an hour.

    3. Go out in public with the remote controlled vibrator. She agrees to not take it out unless it starts to hurt. We'd start in some place dark like a movie theater and go to a restaurant afterwards. I wonder how much she'll take before she demands to go home for a good reaming. Should I make her beg for it? :)
     

Share This Page