SRS Ending a relationship your happy in?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 2500, Oct 10, 2007.

  1. 2500

    2500 Guest

    Well, I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but, theres so much going on it might be hard.

    My BF and I have been together for 1 1/2 years. I moved to knoxville to be with him back in august of 2006. he was still in highschool and said he wanted to move to chicago, where i am from, when he graduates. i didn't want to wait 2 years, so we came to the conclusion i would move to tennessee for 2 years, and then we would move to chicago.

    alot has happened in the past year. we were dating for about a week, i still lived in illinois, and i had a very PG rated quick fling with an old friend. my BF said hes never been the same since finding out. i told him right away. its been over a year, and he still dwells on it. we get into spats fairly often over really meaningless shit. we're both very stubborn. but, the thing is, he went to a club and met someone, and told me he was moving out and that he loved this person. wtf? talked in a club for an hour and hes in love. anyways.... i found out he's been doubting our relationship for many months, he's been unhappy, and has thought about ending it for a long time. (no idea why he got a tattoo of my initials on his chest like, 3 weeks ago, but w/e). we worked through that and he agreed the person he met was just a "knight in shining armour" type thing, and he said it broke his heart to not be with me, but it didn't break his heart to not be with the other person. so, he said he wanted to give us a chance. he also said from now on, hes not holding back, and hes going to be 100% honest with me.

    now.... i come to find hes never wanted to move to chicago, he never wants to, and he said in the rare event he did, if he didn't like it after a few weeks, he would break up with me and move back to tennessee. ouch, right? he also said i shouldn't expect him to move for me just because i moved for him. ouch again... considering i only moved to be with him thinking it would only be for 2 years until he graduated.

    this brings up alot of concerns..... why should i give my life to someone who refuses to do the same? why do i love someone who refuses to compromise? he won't even try it. he "KNOWS" he hates chicago cuz its cold, and he wants to be near friends he sees honestly, only when i go out of town. (3 times a year if that).

    but, what i don't get, is why i am contemplating leaving him when i honestly love him more than i've ever loved anyone in my life? minus these things, i think hes perfect. physically, sexually, personality, its all exactly what i have been looking for. every time i see him, i think "god his smile is perfect" "his laugh is perfect." "i never want to hear another voice say 'i love you' to me" his body is perfect to a T of what i want. i couldn't create a more perfect body if i was able to. he makes me laugh all the time, we have such a good time together. but, how can i question a relationship i'm so happy in? and, should i end a relationship when i love the person so much? i'm so afraid i'll be throwing the best chance at love i have in my lifetime out the window cuz i want to live in chicago. but, its deeper.... its not so much "chicago" its the fact that i would consider living here for the rest of my life for him.... but, he won't even try to compromise for me. i feel like if i don't sacrafice everything.... he will sacrifice nothing.... and he would rather me go to chicago alone and be happy than stay here with him, OR... him go to chicago with me. so damn confused. i've never thought of ending a relationship when i love the person so much.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Basically you are the one who has messed up, now you have to take your responsibility along with the guilt ,knowing that it was your fault and your fling by not being straight to him was the factored that steered your relationship down the hill.

    What garantee does he have that you don't cheat on him again? He should have stepped out of the relationship, and you don't deserve to be with a guy like him. You caused a chain reaction by crossing that line , you see unjustifyingly hurting someone elses feelings is a line one should never cross, your basically giving him the green light to cheat on you ,because hey if you can why can't he? So lets be straight, its really silly that you start accussing him of something you started. The tattoo he got indicates that yes he really does love you with all of his heart, but the fling he got was a statement of his insecurity of where he was standing in the relationship,not knowing wether to move out of it, or continue with you. Chicago has got nothing to do with it, its your behaviour in the past that was a feeding ground for the negativity you are experiencing now.

    Anyway people make mistakes, and on the scale of universal balance, justice for your wrongfull actions is demanded v.s your need to receive forgiveness for what you have done, so here's my advice.

    Go up to him, and tell him that you know that what you did was wrong, ask him what you can do for him to apologize and receive forgiveness. Sometimes in life people need a second chance for what they did, he might not (rightfully if he chooses not to) not give you that chance for forgiveness , but then at least you can say to yourself that despite your error made in the past you showed that you were willing to pay the price of that mistake and the willingness to repair the (emotional)damage that you caused.

    If he doesn't want to give you that forgiveness, and a second chance, then its time to pack your bags and leave, if he does give you a second chance, make up with him, and do everything in your power to never make a mistake like such again, you can't have one foot in one relationship, and your other foot in another relationship without stepping on someones feelings and hurting them.

    So be sure you don't mess up in the future again within a relationship on cheating, as you see its highly sensetive and can bring a lot of damage and unhappyness in your future, so its worthwhile to prevent it at all cost.
     
  3. 2500

    2500 Guest

    i cheated on him in july of 2006, i told him in july of 2006 and have been apologizing and begging for forgiveness ever since. back in july and august of 2006, he told me he forgives me, and he trusts me 100%. now i hear that this entire time, hes been lying. i know damn well what i did was wrong, but, i thought he was ok over a year ago because hes been saying "i love you forever no matter what" "i trust you with my life" etc etc.... tonight he told me he loves me alot, but hes not in love with me. he said he doesn't know if he'll ever fall back in love with me, but he wants to. i just wish i had a more clear picture of what the hell is going on and what i should do.
     
  4. Durka Durka

    Durka Durka Guest

    you're worthless in his eyes now. get used to it or move on.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    didn't you already decide what you wanted to do with this relationship?
    Back in July of 06?

    In any case, you've destroyed what you had, so it's time to realize that and move on. He already has.
     
  6. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    . It's time to move on. Chances are things will never be the same again.
     
  7. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Honestly... you cheated and he can't trust you 100% ever again. It is probably best to end it and move on.
     
  8. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Yea, I would have to agree with anyone else. I told my GF that if she ever cheated on me, it will be over faster then she could blink, and she understands that. She has told me the same. Frankly, my thought on wether or not I would ever cheat on her, is that I put it in perspective on how I would feel if I ever get cheated on? I know it would hurt like hell, so why would you give that kind of pain to someone you love?

    Im just amazed that hes still even talking to you
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    So you are how old?
     
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I'm not going to quote your post due to its length, but a few things stand out to me. You had a fling after dating him for a week? If you were casually dating him at the time fine, but if you were already serious with him, and you had a fling after just a week, it's not a good sign.

    Second, you say you love him and all this...but you cheated on him. You don't cheat on people you love.

    Look at it this way. He should have dumped you after he found out, but for some reason, he didn't. However, this means that he doesn't take you that seriously, and as already has been said, has probably moved on.

    You want to know why he won't change his life for you?? Why would he, when in the back of the mind, he doesn't even know for certain that the relationship will last?

    You made a choice, and you have to deal with the consequences of your choice.
     
  11. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    I don't think this is a happy relationship. Denial doesn't feel so hot, does it.
     
  12. 2500

    2500 Guest

    we weren't serious in my eyes. i lived in chicago, he lived in tennessee, we met on myspace. i didn't know it was going to turn into a serious relationship like it is now. i would never cheat on him now. i fell in love with him. i didn't love him after dating him for a week. i didn't even know if i was going to be able to move to tennessee and even be with him. i was 23 then, i'm 25 now for whoever asked. and he's destroyed my trust in him, but, i've been able to forgive him and look past it and realize humans make mistakes.
     
  13. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    There are some things in life I can forgive someone for. Im sorry that your stuck in this situation now, but I cant have sympathy because you put yourself in this predicament. Cheating in any relationship to me can never be forgiven, ever. You may say that "he" destroyed your trust for him, even if thats the case, YOU did it first.

    I dont understand how you can expect him to forgive you. You can speak as much as you want about "oh i will never do it again" and "I love you more than anything," but then again, those are just words. Your ACTIONS speak louder then your words.

    Granted, you said your "werent serious at the time," but I feel that if I started any relationship/dating, that if the person I was seeing at the time decided to have a fling with another guy, I'd be pissed and really hurt. The only thing that you can do is give this guy some space and stop expecting forgivness, I dont see that happening, I know I would never.

    Just be happy that hes even at your side..
     
  14. 2500

    2500 Guest

    i broke up with him
     
  15. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    That's the hard thing about cheating.. You WANT to get over it and say you love the person forever and ever.. because you do, but even if you say the trust is there, it is never 100% there again. It's nearly impossible to get back completely and it sounds like he's given up. He's been trying for the past year or so because he does LOVE you, but because of what you did, even though it was years ago, he isn't able to completely let go and fall in love with you again. I hate to say it, but it's time to let him go. :hs:
     
  16. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    of course i read this RIGHT after i post.
     
  17. maskednegator

    maskednegator Kosmonaut, best we've got...

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    that's good. have you decided to accept responsibility for the part you played in destroying things between you two?
     
  18. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    Good for you. Move back to IL and get on with your life.
     
  19. 2500

    2500 Guest

    toyota, i know what your saying. there was a time he went onto my computer, checked my myspace, read all my messages, checked my emails, went through my aim logs, and went through all my pictures and videos. it crushed me. it took a long time for me to trust him again, and sometimes, i still think about it. i had a password on my screen saver for months and months after.

    i feel what i'm doing now is giving him space, letting him go, letting him get his feelings straight, and seeing if he truely does love me. kinda like the saying "If you love something let it go, If it comes back to you it`s your,
    If it doesn`t, it never was." i want to give him space, time, etc... i still cannot believe we aren't together anymore, but, i would take him back in a heart beat, because i know if he came back, he would know what he wanted, and he would know that he loved me. i had to make the decision to break up with him, because i don't think he could have. he says he loves me, he says he wants to be in love with me, he cried for 2 hours until he had to leave for work. i'm seeing this as more of a break. we both promised to stay in touch, not jump into any relationships, and still remain friends. i think once the stress and pressure is off, the only thing in our relationship we were lacking... a friendship... will rekindle. thats where i went wrong. this is my first long term relationship... first time living with someone. i was so blinded by what i am "supposed" to be doing with bills, and the apartment, and life, that our friendship faded. we never went out, when we would get home from work i would always want to clean, or improve the apartment, or do chores. we would argue about stuff, and he always felt since i moved here, he was "expected" to not see his friends because i moved here and i have no friends here, and he would be leaving me alone for a day. so our relationship consisted of arguing, cleaning, chores, worrying about money and the 'rest of our lives' and thats about it. we lost our friendship.... what we both fell in love with to begin with. i think he did forgive me back when we had stability, but i think it surfaced again once all this other garbage started happening. whats sad, is we do both love each other, but i think we love who we used to be, not who we are today. theres a part inside of me that feels once he moves out, and we aren't with each other 24/7, he'll remember the good times, we'll rekindle our friendship, and i believe he will fall in love with me again. and if not, well, i move back to illinois in may. its gonna be hard being a "me" and not an "us" though. like i said, i had no friends here, he never saw his friends, it was me and him, all day, every day, and now, after a year and a half, i have to remember what its like to just be me.
     
  20. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    /thread
     
  21. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    You know... I read the what the OP wrote, I read what others wrote, yours... your reply was :bowdown:


    It's been a year since the 'PG fling' (whatever that means) and the OP was open and honest about it. Sure, the BF might of left for the 'knight in shiny armor' and came back saying "OMG, I really do love you," but... he just graduated or is still in high school.

    I mean, he's a kid. He's going to be indecisive about a relationship and more than likely, not be able to fully commit to one and actually know what he wants.

    I think trust is only a minor issue in the relationship. I think there's something more serious.
     
  22. 2500

    2500 Guest

    we're back together, lol. he said after all the months of "not being in love with me" and "being hurt" and "wanting to end our relationship" as soon as i did, and took our pictures down, and changed my myspace, and kept asking about when he'll be moving out... it all kinda hit him, and he realized he kept telling himself he didn't love me, and he wanted all that, because he thought he had to to stop getting hurt. but, as soon as it became a reality, and he saw i was serious, something in his head clicked. we talked last night, and he said something like "now that i see its finally over, its so different than how i thought i would feel. i realize that i have trusted you, and that i am still in love with you. i just need to let things go and look to the future for us, and stop dwelling on the past." so, after really making sure i wasn't getting back into the same situation, i agreed that i wanted to still be with him. he had an out. i broke up with him. tried giving back my ring, took down all our pictures in the apartment, started gathering his stuff together for him, changed my myspace, etc... if he truly wanted to be broken up, he had a chance. he had somewhere to go. but, i truly believe he was in pain because of how i was and he was saying he didn't love me because he didn't want to accept the bad with the good.... he wanted everything to change and always be good. now hes realized life and relationships are not like that and you can't sit around waiting for someone to change, you either leave, or accept the bad with the good. once he realized that, he knew without a doubt that he wanted to be with me and accept the bad with the good and let go of everything thats happened in the past.
     
  23. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Well, I hope everything works out for you. Seems like you guys learned a lesson. I just hope that you guys made a decision that you'll both be happy with :).
     
  24. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I hope this works out for you.
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Totally worth the bump coolio :hsugh:
     

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