Last year right around my 19th birthday I went over to my friends then girlfriends house to fix her computer after he had asked me too. Their relationship wasn't that great, and several months later they broke up. During the course from the first time I went over there to fix her computer and then during those next several months we started to hang out more. By nature, I am shy so first she initiated hanging out. We'd go to the gym together, or go see a movie or something. Completely innocent stuff. My friend travels a lot, so for him I figured I would be about the safest person she could hang out with. After he got back from being gone on a long trip that lasted about a month she broke up with him, but they remained friends, and her and I continued to hang out more and more. About a week and a half after they broke up she went out to dinner and told me about her feelings towards me. At the time we both agreed that we had feelings for each other, however it would be best if we did not act on them and kept a platonic relationship. This lasted for a few days before she first kissed me. Where this gets more confusing is that she is in her 30's. We always described our relationship as more of a pseudo relationship. After that first time we decided that kissing (I think most will agree that friends don't kiss each other, especially in a romantic way.)Was not a good idea for our relationship since we "couldn't go out" which I had expressed about a week after our original talk that I wanted to. We hung out daily, talked on the phone for hours at a time and got a long great for the next 3 months. We had always stuck by our conclusion that we couldn't go past a certain line with each other if we wanted to keep our relationship. One night she asked me if I wanted to kiss her and I replied yes and then it happened. Everything was fine that night and the next day we hung out like normal. I expressed that day how having a more physically intimate relationship with her was something that I wanted, but was always afraid to ask for after our conversations. She replied that I never needed to ask her. To me, this felt like a green light. Until that night where she decided to sleep with her co-worker and then lie to me about it until I confronted her with it. We remained friends through all this, but of course we were not as close as before. Around this time I also started to hang out more with a mutual friend of ours. She didn't appreciate this, and expressed this over the course of several weeks and even cried in front of me about it, and how I could not go out with a mutual friend of ours. Since then our relationship as friends has not been that good. Another thing that angers me is that she has gone out with a friend of mine and a co-worker of mine as well. I feel like this is a double standard, and after the response that she gave me I felt like it was not fair to go and do this. I am also upset that I feel like she initiated our relationship, and really every part of it. We agreed on our mutual feelings for each other. I am hurt and angry because I feel like she shouldn't have initiated our relationship if she wasn't willing to go anywhere with it. I also feel like I was *somewhat* cheated on, but really just being lied to about it is what upset me. The double standards also upset me. I feel like it was good for me to write this all out. I'd like to hear what some of you asylum experts feel about my situation, and if I have a right to be upset or how exactly I should feel. Right now, I actually miss her being in my life. This might be the saddest part.