SRS Emotional ramblings from someone at a crossroads

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by gti1311, Apr 17, 2009.

  1. gti1311

    gti1311 New Member

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    I have no where else i can put down these thoughts as my other forum is local and that would have bad results so ill post here......


    Here goes....

    For the past 10 years i have been with my girlfriend. I am 24. Yes since 14 we have been together. On again off again but mostly on. We are best friends through and through and became friends before we became boyfriend/girlfriend.

    Well we have been together for the most part in reality because of necessity. Basically a lean on each other thing through the years. When she was in school and i had the good paying job i paid the bills and such and vice versa.

    Well now she has her degree and has a good job and i am getting ready to leave for the army. I feel we are going different directions and have felt this for quite a while. The problem is she is pushing the M word and im really wanting to not do that....The only reason i havnt said anything to her is because there is some deep rooting emotional involvement on both sides. I love her unconditionally and she has the same feelings too.

    Well now come to about 2 months ago. I met a girl who was cute and peaked my interest. she is a future USAF girl and we started talking and hit it off immediately. Strong attraction on both sides. Well i neglected to tell her that i was in a relationship (i beat myself up about that all the time now) and things kicked off really well. We have a lot in common and really just click. We are on the same page with a lot of things in what we want and the path to get the things we want. At this point things are going really well with her. Well she grows ever curious as to why i havnt asked her to come to my house and why i always go to her place.....

    ....i live with my current GF as its one of those lean on the other situations right now till i leave for the military....

    and then she finally says something about it. she says to me "yeah ive just convinced myself you life with your girlfriend", to which i reply, youre not wrong but its complicated. Well now she sees me as a guy that she cant trust and im just a lying sack of shit (cant say i blame her, but not the point). I know i fucked up at the very beginning but if i hadnt omitted it then neither of us would have gotten the feelings for eachother that we have. I also would have not gotten 2 months of happiness out of it as i havnt really been "happy" much lately except when im with her. Any time im around her i smile uncontrolably, any time im at home or around my gf (for the few minutes i am around her when she isnt sleeping or at work) im miserably and have to put on a facade just to keep her from worrying about "something being wrong"...

    Well i guess the point to all this is that now im at a crossroads because the "other girl" still talks to me through text and facebook im but doesnt want to talk to me in person at all. I have no idea what to do because i know there are still feelings from her or she would have already stopped talking to me and gone about her life. But that hasnt happened, she tells me she doesnt know what she wants to do and tells me she doesnt know if she can trust me or what i could do to change that.

    i dont know if im looking for advice or just an ear to speak into. but either way, here it is and please be gental. im not used to pouring my heart out to people as i am normally the strong silent type that buries his feelings deep down and tries to ignore them...
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You aren't real gf/bf in the relationship,you two are friends who are just using eachother for convienance.

    My advice is to drop both of them ,because you aren't worthy of either to them. Its very natural for people to cheat but it brings a lot of misery and that's no good. Therefore break ties with both of them, and ehm well personally i am against the militairy so im just going to say: Strive for a future with the best career posibillities, and stay out of trouble.
     
  3. Mulsanne

    Mulsanne The Man = Funk Fusion Chaos

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    so you love that girl unconditionally, but don't want to marry? ANd you love her unconditionally yet you're out hitting it off with other girls?

    Sounds pretty dirtbaggy to me. Or to be less blunt, your words definitely do not match your action and your action is low
     
  4. gti1311

    gti1311 New Member

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    to add to this. yes i do love her unconditionally. but in the way that even if we split and went our separate ways id still have love for her.

    also to add some details to our relationship. for the past 2 years we have been involved in swinging and poly, so being with another girl isnt something thats so outlandish as it is in a normal monogamous relationship...

    i care about her a lot, i just dont know if im ready for marriage. and i never expected to end up having feelings for this new girl as i have had "girls" in the past (with and without my SO involved) that i havnt developed feelings for....

    im sure i still come off as "dirtbaggy" etc. but our relationship isnt a normal monogamous situation. and has been more "open" in the past year or so...
     
  5. Bbrrrrraaappp

    Bbrrrrraaappp New Member

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    Knowing you, and your relationship I've always been able to tell that you and her did care deeply for each other, but not in a relationship sense. It was more of a friendship sense, at least on your part. I can tell she has some other emotion there for you, but it's always seemed like that's only because she's gotten used to you and is comfortable with you, and is unsure what it'd be like without you. So she cares out of comfort not out of actual love in the matrimonial sense.

    Over the past few years, I've noticed yours and her relationship change a lot, as in you two were going your separate ways slowly. From what I know of you two, yes you have been together for 10 years, but I think it's time to get out there and try something new, and I don't mean in the poly swinging relationship type of way. I think if you were to put your relationship on hold, or tell her you need a break before you go to basic, and use the time while in basic to concentrate on your training, and clear your head, you will come back with a new perspective on things. If you really do feel deeply connected to her, or like you should stay with her after basic, then I say let her know.

    You might come back and realize what you have really isn't what you want, and that you were right you were just leaning on each other out of ease, rather than being there for each other out of love, or you might come back and realize, I was wrong and just second guessing myself.

    You not feeling comfortable around her and feeling like you have to put on a facade just to make things work let's me know you're not happy, and honestly she probably feels the same way with you.

    Go to basic single, just do your training, clear your head, and when you come back if it's not right for you, then it isn't don't fall back on it because it's what you're used to. Get out there and date around, have some fun, learn knew things, meet new people.

    If you ever need to talk, you know I'll listen and you know how to get a hold of me, and you know I'd never go spilling your personal information everywhere. I hope that helped and made sense.
     
  6. gti1311

    gti1311 New Member

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    thank you cec...

    ill hit you up on aim later.
     

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