Emotional masochism

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by undirected, Oct 10, 2009.

  1. undirected

    undirected Guest

    Starting to think that this is something I have an issue with. :rofl: No other reason that I can see why my track record with women up until now has been positively awful. My "relationships" have always based around getting fucked up with the girl and then having some form of raucous hate sex...wash, rinse, repeat. And as of lately, the last few women I've ran through have had boyfriends, most of which I've known about prior to having sex with the girl. I feel bad about this to some degree, but the moral rectitude necessary for me to break them off just doesn't seem to be there.

    I'm getting mighty fucking tired of it and I'm curious as to what the reason for my being such a dumb fucking asshole actually is. It seems a little trite to say that it's the standard "commitment issues" thing, but I think that has something to do with it...any thoughts on my rambling? :hs:
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Just curious, have you ever either had a long term relationship or been crushed by a girl you wanted that wouldn't get with you?
     
  3. undirected

    undirected Guest

    Never had a long-term relationship...really never even had a "relationship" to begin with honestly. The physical aspect was always in the forefront and the emotional part of the relationship was always relegated to the back of my mind.

    And I'm sure at some point when I was younger I was turned down at least a few times, but in recent memory? Nope...I really don't chase em anymore they tend to come to me for whatever reason.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Ok cool, I just figured it was the first logical question to start :hs: What's you relationship like with your mom and dad and their relationship?
     
  5. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

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    fuck Freud, IWYWB in the house
     
  6. undirected

    undirected Guest

    I'm really close with my dad, my mom and I are somewhat cllose but she's batshit insane and we don't get along, only in small doses. They're divorced and have been since I was 5 or 6 years old. :noes:

    They had a really volatile relationship overall (never anything physical, only verbal) but over the years they calmed down quite a bit and tried to work together to give me a decent upbringing.
     
  7. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

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    yeah but damage was done early on in your childhood... i think we have a winner.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    ;) I was getting warm

    :hs: Sorry to hear that, though it does make a hell of a lot of sense for the way you feel towards commitment and emotional attachments in general, you know?

    To be honest I'm not quite sure exactly what to tell you, since this is something you have to feel out on your own and I'm sure it will take a lot of time forcing yourself to not shy away from feelings.

    Maybe a fun experiment (though not really that fun :mamoru:) would be to invite the next new (and single) girl you are meet on an actual date and tell yourself it's not going to solely be about getting in her pants. Do a date where you are forced to really talk to one another about yourselves. If you don't get a good vibe off of her you let it go, even if sex would be an option.
     
  9. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

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    i agree with this, however i get the feeling the only girls he attracts or even socializes with are the kinds that he knows he will probably be able to end up in bed with at the end of the night.

    I think more specific directions would be to go out on a date with a girl you know probably won't sleep with you straight out - a girl that you normally would not "hunt."
     
  10. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    One of the biggest "breakthroughs" (god I hate that word cause it sounds so cheesy :rofl:) happened to me this year when I discovered that my entire life is constructed around my belief system.

    What I mean is, that for every situation I find myself in, if I trace it to the root so to speak, I will discover a belief or a set of beliefs that have made that situation happen.

    For example, until recently, I discovered that I had a knack for attracting emotionally vulnerable, misandric feminist, single mothers or girls who were in failing relationships. Because of that, I believed that women were batshit insane and were essentially "whores" (because most of them were looking for new men before they got out of their current relationships).

    That belief, that women were crazy whores, acted as sort of a "lense" through which my entire reality was painted. (think of when you go to the eye doctor and they make you look through several lenses until the picture becomes clear) And because of that, those beliefs that I held, I consistently put my focus on those types of women (because I had to make my reality consistent with my beliefs).

    Then I tried something new. I decided to change my beliefs about women. I decided to analyze the thoughts I had when I SAW women and see what I came up with. And what I discovered was pretty crazy. I discovered that I was consistently thinking pretty vile thoughts when I'd see an attractive women and when I'd look at porn and shit like that.

    So I broke the pattern. I decided to rephrase those thoughts that I had to something more positive. The results? After not being able to go more than a couple days without porn, I went 2 and half months without it. I also noticed that the bitterness I had towards women was stripped away and now I hold a healthier, more realistic outlook towards them.

    Another example (and I have a thread about this somewhere) was that I took on the belief that I am a great place to be, and as such I consistently want to bring people into my world to show them all the great things I have to offer. Long story short, after adopting that belief, I took the MBTI personality test and for the first time in my life I got an "extroverted" result on it. I literally went from being introverted to extroverted.

    My point is this: you find yourself in the same situation over and over again because you hold certain beliefs about relationships. Those beliefs you hold are then perpetuated through your actions and thus become your reality. If you want to change your circumstances, first you must change your beliefs. Before you can change your beliefs, though, you have to analyze them and see what you come up with and then examine them to see if they are true or not.
     
  11. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

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    that's extremely deep and insightful, however i see one issue. How are you properly equipped to judge whether beliefs are true or not? I'm guessing you're viewing them through the lens of a general societal belief structure?

    if the society you draw your lens from is OT then you would come to the conclusion that in fact if a woman is not a whore then she is indeed not normal.

    becuase it is generally accepted on OT that all women are whores, and if your belief structure is also "damaged" to think this then you might not have one of the queues to start the analysis to begin with. although there is the failed relationship part which is a pretty good indicator.

    overall i rikey

    EDIT: 2.5 months without pr0n - out
     
  12. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I misspoke when I said "true."

    A more accurate way to describe it would be to say "examine those beliefs to determine if they are useful for you." If a belief is not useful, you simply discard it and/or restructure it to be more useful.

    A belief that all women are whores is not a useful belief for me, so I've discarded it. Actually, I've restructured it to make it more useful. My new belief, for example, is that women want the same thing that men (I) want, they just express themselves differently.

    Notice that I don't bullshit myself with the new belief. I just make it clearer and more focused. Because within the structure of that new belief, there DOES rest the possibility that *some* women simply want sex and express themselves through sex (i.e. whores would be one way to describe that, promiscuity would be a more focused, more accurate way to describe it).

    Thing is, the new belief is not negative. It's simply a statement of truth about one sector of women. Another group of women might want long term relationships and express themselves through their emotions.

    See what I'm saying? My new belief is more useful to me because it's more focused.
     
  13. Nosolace001

    Nosolace001 New Member

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    Not to hijack, but have you started meeting women who are not falling out of relationships?
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Yeah.

    What I'm noticing now is that I've either meeting women who have boyfriends who seem happy with their relationship or I am meeting single women.

    In other words, the crazy/emotionally crazy girls aren't a part of my life lately. The type of women I am meeting now seem much more stable.
     
  15. Nosolace001

    Nosolace001 New Member

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    Pretty Cool, I think the porn thing is a huge deal with that. I find that porn has greatly shaped my outlook on sex and women.
     
  16. undirected

    undirected Guest

    I tried that about a month ago and was just bored with it. Really cool girl too but a little young for me, we haven't talked much since then and I doubt we will :dunno: It's worth a try again though...

    kinda sucks when you state it like that, but yeah... pretty much spot on dude...

    You guys gotta keep in mind that I'm 21 years old in a university town...our house sees its fair share of get-togethers throughout the week and everybody knows what happens when a bunch of college kids get drunk. :rofl:



    still reading Viper's post, will respond in a little while :mamoru:
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :eek3:

    I don't get this. Do you have any sisters? Are you on speaking terms with your mother? Do you have any female friends?
     

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