Emotional Intimacy or Connection

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by mrmegabyte, Sep 2, 2008.

  1. mrmegabyte

    mrmegabyte New Member

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    My G/F Have been dating about year and half now, and that's a long time. The connection we share is great, but there is something missing in that connection its not necessarily missing or just "half" there. I am talking about the Emotional Intimacy or connection that people share with one another.

    I know that we don't have that, and that is one thing that any relationship needs to develop or its just going to end the relationship, I really do love my gf and she loves me.

    But that lack of emotional intimacy, just not there. And no we don't have sex, we are intimate physically but not in the terms of sex, that is a decision between the two of us.

    I know that you can't rush gaining emotional intimacy but, what are some thoughts on how to work towards that?
     
  2. Hartman

    Hartman New Member

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    i'm highly confused
     
  3. fray

    fray New Member

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    After a year and a half, if it's not there now I don't know that it will ever be there. I think sex helps with that, but if you say you are otherwise physically intimate, then I don't know. Are you sure you're both actually ok with the lack of sex??
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Try having sex. :dunno:
     
  5. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Same here... :hs:
     
  6. mrmegabyte

    mrmegabyte New Member

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    Well the reason we don't have sex is because, she already has a child, and I'm sorry for not mentioning that before. And having that connection used to be there we have had some relationship problems and since then, it really hasn't been the same.
     
  7. mrmegabyte

    mrmegabyte New Member

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    Whats confusing?
     
  8. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    What does her having a child have to do with you not having sex?

    In fact, I really was just assuming you both were virgins, but the fact that she HAS A KID (read: has had sex before) and still won't have sex with you a year and a half deep into the relationship?

    You sure you guys are actually "dating" or does she just consider you to be a really good friend? Perhaps this is why you feel the emotional connection is missing, because you are "just friends" and you for some ungodly reason think it's more than that.
     
  9. mrmegabyte

    mrmegabyte New Member

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    Well she is on birth control, and shes just on that to help her stay regular. But for a reason that she doesn't want to have sex, is because of her past relationships. She has had relationships, before where the guy broke it off because of not having sex. Her experiences with sex have been awful, the things that we do she has told me have been the best. We haven't had sex because she has decided to wait till marriage. We do the fore play, and oral sex. So in the terms of are we dating, yes. We also have talked about marriage in the past, just waiting till the time is right for us, we are only 21, and don't want to rush into things, for the reason of not wanting a divorce.
     
  10. mrmegabyte

    mrmegabyte New Member

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    Well like i said, we have had relationship problems....:hsugh: and since then things have been seemingly less
     
  11. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Do you think these issues are just going to magically go away if you get married?
     
  12. mrmegabyte

    mrmegabyte New Member

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    No i don't, hence the reason we aren't getting married if we ever do.
     
  13. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Sounds like you both have some issues to work through. You make it sound like she has had an unpleasant past, which would make sense with the emotional distance. I'd be willing to bet there is some co-dependence going on here too. None of that is bad really, but it shows there is room for growth. Try reading some cheesy couples books like "emotional fitness for couples" or something like that. You guys sound like you care about each other and want to have a relationship that works. Just put some effort into exploring new options and trying to grow as a couple (as well as individuals).
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    So wait...you don't have sex. You don't have an emotional connection.

    What do you get out of the relationship? Please tell me you aren't living together...
     
  15. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I don't understand this. The reason you aren't getting married if you ever do...what? Get married? Have sex? Get an emotional connection?
     
  16. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    is english your native language?
     
  17. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    "Problems", i.e; you cheated on her?
     
  18. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    :rofl:

    I missed Viper.
     
  19. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I'm still confused :confused:
     
  20. mrmegabyte

    mrmegabyte New Member

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    I never cheated on her. She however, questioned weather she was in love me, we had some turmoil from that experience, though we talked about everything that went on during that time. But since then things haven't been quite the same, and I know it takes time to build that back, but its been longer than i would have thought.

    To answer someones question we aren't living together. Why does it seem that you need to have an emotional intimacy to have sexual intimacy, sex isn't everything in a relationship.

    Thanks forgotten spiral for your input.
     
  21. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    The only way to acheive emotional intimacy is thru communication...

    and the only way to acheive sexual intimacy is thru fornication...

    Put them both together and you have a relationship...
     
  22. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Generally the connection is there or isn't, sometimes it hides or people hide it, but if after a year you feel this way, I suggest you move on as it will only grow inside you, the resentment and feeling that something fundamental is missing.
     
  23. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :bowrofl:
    This is a quote to live by.
    :bowdown:
     
  24. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I've always known if I can feel comfortable and close to someone immediately. If it's not there at the start it'll never be there.

    Have you ever had an emotional connection with anyone? Girls specifically?
     
  25. mrmegabyte

    mrmegabyte New Member

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    Yeah I have, and i have had the emotional connection with my g/f before, it just has been less....
     

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