SRS Email I got from my Ex

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by saiaba, Apr 8, 2008.

  1. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    ok OT if you read my original thread.. (Link to OG thread http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3748069 )
    About my Ex this is what she said today in an email. I don't know how to take it, how to respond, if i should believe a word in it, is it positive, is it a guilt reply, am I retarded for even reading it, should I even respond, should I go see her on sunday like she asked? I'm going out of my effingmind.

    ( IBwhypostupaprivateemailontheinterweb IBwatifsheisamemberandreadsthis)

    "I am sorry that it has taken me this long to find time and sit down and respond to you and i hate my self for that. I dont have a computer at home so for now I will just be responding at work.... Thank you for staying positive, If i take my anger out on you I appologize.
    I love you Ryan(dats me:wiggle:) I am sorry for everything... Where did US go?? thats a really good question I feel like while I was so centered around being there for you and helping you through that I stopped being me and became someone different... and now I have to find the me that I am now and get on track in order to find an US .... we got tossed aside when we where lost we both became focoused on finding our self and not keeping an us.

    I was not mad I was touched. You are so far from last place with me its not even funny. I know you love me I know you care for me and that you would be with me in a heart beat if I would let you .... I know that..... Baby I do. thankyou for answering when i called and talking to me til i fell back asleep and thank you for being you and being so understanding I am sorry to make things so hard on you....

    you know when you first asked me for space i thought oh we will be back together in a month or two and then that turned into 6 months and that was soo devistating and to plan things that never happened was just hard to take and then that 6 months turned into 10 and I sat there going where in the hell did this come from i am sorry about everything. I would love to spend sunday with you this weekend if you want to come up and hang out.

    I LOVE YOU MY BABY.

    My dearest Love,
    xxxxx ""
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 8, 2008
  2. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    link to original thread?
     
  3. Jake!

    Jake! Guest

    don't respond
     
  4. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    I was leaning towards this. she called me like 10 mins after she sent this email. I didn't answer, she said she may try to call me again later
     
  5. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    She dumped you. Move on.

    Institute a no-contact-rule.

    Be prepared. She will come after you hard, as nothing spikes a woman's interest like refusing to have anything to do with her.

    This woman is only interested in what is best for her. Given the chance, she will suck you into a relationship that will be even more one-sided than before.

    She can't wait to use you up and discard you.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    /thread
     
  7. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    what has she done to earn your time and attention?

    can you have a relationship with her and still respect yourself?

    if you disrespect yourself by giving into her, should other people respect you?
     
  8. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    .
     
  9. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    holy cow that email is flowery is shit. I can practically smell perfume coming from it.

    But...it's all style, no substance. Ignore it, just keep going on with your life.
     
  10. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    thats what I thought.. It didn't say anything useful.

    Nothing really good point. I just still believe there could be good in her. Maybe I am blind.

    I could see it being onesided.
     
  11. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    She's a total user. Make a date with her and then stand her up. Then never speak to her ever again
     
  12. cdk-rod

    cdk-rod Active Member

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    You sir, win 3 free internets.
     
  13. Ark

    Ark New Member

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    Damn Yail that is spot on and really struck a cord with me. I was just with a girl just like that. When I finally dropped her stuff off at her house, that she left at my place, boy was she pissed when she got it. I guess it finally showed her that I wouldn't let her use me.

    OP listen to him in the end it will save you a ton of heart ache. I was just like you too. I fell for this girl hard and connected with her like no other but in the end I couldn't let her use me like she was. Sometimes I think about her but I know that what I did was right and I still haven't contacted her and only ran into her once. Shes out of my life and what I gained from it was experience and self respect. I deserve better and so do you.
     
  14. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    I kind of already did that, last week she wanted me to go to a Dr apt with her, we talked the night before she got an attitude onthe phone, said she would call me back, never did. So i didn't go to her appointment, and didnt bother to call to let her know.

    She wasn't always like this, so it makes it hard to believe that's the way it is now. She finally hit a nerve this past weekend, which is probably the only reason I feel slighty ok with not talking to her today.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    wtf, who calls an ex to go to a doctor's appointment with them? Wait..she's not pregnant, is she? Does she have an STD?
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    A needy girl who had a bf that did whatever she wanted.
     
  17. Devoidarex

    Devoidarex Rexversusu v.2.0

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    I think you haven't lived as a man until you've dated a girl who thinks it's her god-given right to string you along while she "figures things out".

    Life is TOO SHORT to be messing around with chicks who don't have their head on straight.

    Don't respond, don't call, don't take calls. As far as she is concerned, you have disappeared off the face of the earth.
     
  18. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Who cares about "you, I, him, her", what you are saying makes sense, but you are entirely trying to feed the ego when you want to feel that person's interest in you spiked. That only has self interest.

    Maybe she is in lust with him and it's hurting her. In this situation I would advise, yes, that it is time to put an end to an old case, but instead of no contact, have excessive contact that is completely fruitless for her.

    But end the pain on her end, don't spike interest with her by cutting off communication.

    Do what I did, just talk to her and say that it's complicated and hard on you due to the present nature of things.

    I just kept on talking to my ex about how I still cared for her but no, I cannot get back together with her now because of this and this engagement etc, I would love to but can't, but no really I can't. Entertain her until she doesn't feel like she's been officially dumped but she took a break and loss her chance.

    Then she will go away, like you really want.

    And Yail, you sound wise, in a negative fashion. You know exactly what you are talking about, but fashion that girl to be someone that will use you up and spit you out - yes, if you are foolish enough not to guard your heart, or ignorant enough not to see it coming.

    But we grow up from that shit if we learned anything, and recognize, yes if I am a dolt and walk back into this worthless relationship, she will have her way and spit me back out to the curb. Duh. This is nothing we both do not know, she wants to use you up, like kicking off at the side of a pool, she just wants that boon and she's done with you. Nothing new under the sun.

    So we don't go back. It's how we don't go back that makes the whole thing as easy as cake. Admire her, admire the times you had with her, comment her, but let there always be some excuse as why you cannot get back with her, and it's never in your control.

    This way, you both walk away, clean deal, sealed. You can still talk later to her if she grows up, could still get a job and work with her, because you let her off easy.

    Note that he is leaving with the upper hand. Let him give it up, at least not lead her on to things. That's what I see is happening.

    You have other engagements that do not allow you to get back with her because "its complicated, it's difficult, it's hard", and she will look for explanations. But she won't want to hear them for long. And then you are really free, and she doesn't terrible, like we feel when we get dumped.

    Do onto others
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2008
  19. Ark

    Ark New Member

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    Its weird how reassuring it is seeing someone type that.

    The girl I was seeing wasn't like that in the beginning either or so I thought. All my friends saw it and hell even my parents saw that it was a one way relationship and that she was using me. I didn't see it because I was involved and felt really connected to her so in a sense I shut those sensors off and didn't see it until after it started going downhill.

    You need to make up your own mind about this but if any of this rings true for you or if you ever felt like you were being strung along and used while she figures things out. You need to really reread everything that was said here and take the advice doled out. I did and in the long run I think it was the best decision I could have made for myself. Hurt like hell I'm not going to lie to you but it was for the best.
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Denial and infatutation are a funny things...
     
  21. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Again more self worship here. Why should online females have to go to a forum to listen to him to save heart ache?

    Just don't give any heart ache, don't give what you wouldn't take!

    It's difficult right now (true), it's hard to explain (true), I have other obligations right now (true, breathing for example). She will not want to hear that for long, as it's all bullshit to her, she just wants you. So she will go on her way.

    And all was fine in the land of Nod.
     
  22. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Caused by desire, he will deny that it would be impossible for her to be using him.

    Infatuated by lust, he will not deny her presence.

    In the end he gets hurt, she moves on fine, and he may one day tell how to 'get them back'.

    Shag that, there is enough BS in relationships. Be strait up, tell her you have engagements, she will screw off.
     
  23. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    You have the least negative advice in this thread:hsd: completely different from what others have been sharing with me (IRL and online)
    I haven't fully decided what to do. I kind of feel like each relationship has it's own rules and etc etc.. so the same advice doesn't always apply?
    I am starting to see though, where it seems impossible to be worked out. Keep it coming this is pretty enlightening.
     
  24. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Alright dude cool.

    Like this world is full of suffering right? We already know we could walk back into X Y Z relationship and get our ass handed back to us. Knowing that contains a lot of power about how to deal with the entire situation because your goal is to walk out as the nice guy that didn't get messed over, which is exceedingly rare.

    IF you are considering getting back with her, expect NOTHING. Really, have no expectations, and guard your heart.

    Each relationship does not have it's own rules. I'm serious when I say humans are virtually all alike, and that a same set of rules nearly applies to everyone, and I know this because BEEP, Rogers Wireless, Hello my name is X Y Z.

    Everyone thinks they are special, they are the valued member. Not really.

    Now that being said, each relationship is messed up in the fact that you are bringing two people together, and one person is messed up enough.

    So there are rules of engagement. Never become attached to any woman. For them, at that stage, you are nothing but another victim of the vampire. Why? Doesn't matter now does it.

    May I presume you are currently undecided on this one, and you may go back?

    If that is the case, it's time to put practicality into play, and to not expect anything, and to guard yourself, and to call bullshit where it ought to be called.

    But not to take it personal, and to make any engagements none personal.

    It's never an US vs THEM. It's always US relating THEM. You can always just relate in a different manner, such as disinterest, and provoke interest. This is what Yail suggested. Allow me to presume that this is a 'get me back' attitude we suscribe to. That's bullshit, no one has time for those people anymore.

    Respecting that person like you would want to be respected.

    Say you want to break it off, you don't want to let her mind be screaming "why didn't he call me back, wtf happened, what did I DO??", and some love that result. I think it's kind of sick.

    So you have to give the call back, explain the wtf, and make certain that she knows she did NOTHING, even if she did everything.

    Do unto others type thing. Forgive her totally mentally, and act like nothing happened physically.

    So if you have to go into a couple of e-mails about this situation you have, and that you still have interests in her but cannot pursue her at this time due to those obligations, you are letting her off thinking it wasn't her, and who likes the blame game anyways?

    Plus, if for some messed up reason you need to talk to her in the future (due to "omg i love you again"), you treated her real good, and she might consider taking you back, because she never got you the first time, so you are in fact still having the effect of Yail's method, the interest is still peaked because she could not get you back, yet you have established relations so you can bridge back to her, and you don't come off acting as an ass.
     
  25. Ark

    Ark New Member

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    Thats pretty spot on and I wouldn't have seen what I typed as self worship until you called me out on it. It took me a while to see it but I reread what I wrote a few times and you're right. Though there is one thing you're wrong about. I'd never give someone advice to 'get them back'. I don't believe in trying to hurt the other person. I'd rather just move on with my life without trying to get back at anyone as it serves no purpose. You're advice may be the best for his situation but I don't think it'd work in mine.

    I have faults and I'm learning about them and working on them as best as I can.

    Sorry for the derail OP.
     

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