SRS eating issues - any ideas?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Lucky Penny, May 17, 2006.

  1. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    (Sorry- this is kinda long..)

    okay- back story..

    I had an eating disorder for 7 years, it started when I was 13. for the past 3 years I've been in and out of therapy and pretty much not engaging in anorexic or bulimic behaviors. Actually for over a year I've been the healthiest I've probably ever been...

    The thing is- being that sick really throws your body for a loop. in the past 3 years i've worked with nutritionists to help me learn what to eat and when, and I know my body is healthier now but I HATE the way my body looks. Don't get me wrong I think that 97 lbs on a 5'5 girl looks horrible and I really, really, really don't want to go back there mentally/physically -whatever. but I feel like it's time to get my metabolism straight and my body back to where it should be..no more of this weight fluctuation crap..

    Okay- the problem...

    I started a new running program on May 1st. I started out with a clear head. I was running for a 1/2 hour every other day, eating healthier- I had great intentions. I don't know when the "healthy" and "overboard" lines started to blur.. today I spent an hour and a half at the grocery store trying to decide what to buy. (who does that ?!!?) I went up and down every isle 5 times- (mind you, I was in Aldi's. It's only like 6 isles wide.) I felt ridiculous, but i couldn't decide what to get. I've been running an hour a day for just over a week now...I ate a bagel and 1/2 a tomato today....

    WTF?? I've tried to diet and/or exercise before and this happens EVERY DAMN TIME. I start out with a great plan and a clear head about everything but before too long I'm overdoing everything and I feel like I can't help it when I'm in the situation. Even when I start out easy (like only eating healthy or only working out for a 1/2 hour 3 days a week) it seems to blow up into this big, out of controll thing. Once I have a moment of clarity and realize where i'm heading I get scared and stop dieting and exercising.

    I can't find the middle, it's like it's either all or nothing.

    I'm sure I should go back to a therapist, but i have no insurance and i definatly can't fund this little self help project on my own.

    I'm not sure that this whole thing really makes sense or that anyone understands what the hell i'm talking about- but if you do, or have any ideas i'd love to hear them...
    thanks
     
  2. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2004
    Messages:
    4,589
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Where Blood Bleeds Orange
    Im sure that a therapist would be able to work something out with you especially when it involves your physical well being. Talk with your nutritionist about the blurring lines so that way he/she can help set you on a straighter path. Do you have a partner (friend colleague, recovering anorexia person etc) in any of this? From what I have heard that having a partner can help keep you in check and keep the other person in check as well. Good luck with your situation, I unfortunately have the opposite problem as you, food is my comfort, it never talks back until it sits on my hips.

    Make a list before you go to the store. This will help with the marthon aisle running and it will keep you focused. Grocery shopping isnt for the faint of heart, it can be daunting most men think its easy (not to slight all men). Not many people know that you can buy 4 different kinds of raisin bran or 10 different kinds of tomatoes. My problem is, is that I look and see that i can save .03 cents per ounce if i buy the 24 oz ketchup instead of the 12 oz ketchup.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2006
  3. tropical island

    tropical island New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2006
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey,
    My friend had and eating disorder like you, she was in and out of therapy and medication. The thing is shes also diabetic, so not eating would mess up her sugar, and same with barfing. This was really dangerous for her. With bad amounts of sugar she could go into a seizure or go blind.
    And i know from her that its a struggle everyday. So dont kill urself over spending too much time in a supermarket. Look at all the positive and amazing things you've done so far. Its not easy, probobly alot of people dont know what ure going through, and ur facing it, you're dealing with it. you trying to change and thats awsome. Dont give up. A support system would definately help, i suggest talking to someone about it. there are other online communities for this type of thing ask a close friend for help or something.
    Keep following ur great plan, have ur friend help u make up a menu for a week and then follow it, that should help u do ur shopping too. And it takes time to love ur body, took me years. for now i suggest concentrating on getting eating enough and not thinking about how ur body looks, because its the inside thats important.
    But my advice is find a suport system, like friends and family to keep you on track.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    The problem is essensial not the eating. I know there was this absolutely beautifull woman who hated how she looks so much, that she would spend 6 hours a day each day of her life behind the mirror thinking how ugly she was. She goes over her face to scan each and every line of her face to see and search for every possible wrinkle on her face, she couldn't work because of her depression on how she looks. When she walks on the street guys would whistle behind her in a positive way 'hey pretty face!' and despite all of the great comments on her beautifull body she thought she was the most ugly thing in the universe.

    The problem is , she doesn't love herself. You see if you love,support and believe in yourself you wouldn't give a damn about your looks. If you think you look ugly in the mirror better stop looking and learn to love yourself first.

    Its the same problem with annorexia, you can NEVER look into the mirror and say ' I am satisfied with the way i am'.

    You honestly have to learn that what is hardest namely to say to yourself. I love who i am and i don't give a damn how i look, or how much i weigh. Its ok to grab a mcdonalds every now and then, have a good time and enjoying your meals instead of thinking 'omg im gonna be fat' ,that's not what being alive is about. Just eat normal and exersise, and don't worry. That's an attitude that is a lot healther then standing half and hour in line to check what you eat. And half a tomato ,what the hell is that? Just eat the damn thing. Act normal then you are acting crazy enough is what they say where i come from.
     
  5. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    Thanks so much guys- I really appreciate your insight. You definantly gave me some things to think about.
     
  6. Hello Kitty

    Hello Kitty New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2006
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    maybe another idea would be to join an exercise class or curves. Something that has an end that your not in control of.

    Shopping, make a list of things your nutritionists has suggested. I'm diebetic and had to learn to eat healthy and doing this helped me. I've also started looking for new ways to cook veggies since soon they will be in season and taste extra good.

    Just remember, you deserve a happy and healthy life.
     
  7. The Militant

    The Militant THE FUTURE

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2004
    Messages:
    8,722
    Likes Received:
    0
    thanks for the read, Im here eating like a pig everyday
    In fact I just ordered a #1 meal from mcdonalds an extra double cheesburger small fries, 3 cookies and ice cream sunday while you have trouble deciding what to shop for and have nothing but a bagel and tomato. I wish i could help but we are in diffrent situations. Im trying to gain weight by eating everything i see, and your trying to gain weight and be healthy. I am comforable with my image but an improvment wouldnt hurt, just remember that you are as beautiful as you think you are. When you realize no matter how fat you can get from eating or how somthing will effect your weight you will be happy. I personally don't care what other people think of me, if they think im attractive good, if they dont than too bad for them the only opinion that matter to me is mine and thats how you should feel as well.

    edit:: some girl i go to school with two years ago had an eating problem, she was unbelievably thin, when i danced with her i felt like i was grabbing a bunch of bones, she was always aware of her weight. She ended up having to go to the hospital because of it, she is better now and has filled in to be one of the most attractive girls in my school. She is curvy attractive and alot happier. Weight gain is not always a bad thing and believe me guys like bigger girls over skinny ones.
     
  8. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    4,537
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cary, NC
    I don't really know how to help you but I know exactly how you feel. I've struggled with eating disorders since middle school. Ranging from COE to anorexia to purging through overexercise and a very, very brief stint with laxatives. It's not fun and it's a very hard disorder to face.

    In a way, it's hypocritical for me to give you advice. To friends, I call myself recovered but I still refuse to let my weight go above 100 pounds. I have made my frame appear 'healthy' and have convinced friends and family that my set point is in the 90s. Many times, I desperately wish that I could go IP, that I would be viewed as deserving IP, because for one, it would mean that this all meant something, and two, I would be forced to get help since as of now, nobody sees my weight as an issue. I'm just the skinny, happy chick. But then like you, I'm not sure what direction I want to head. I know what I don't want to be.. But recovery makes it seem like there is no middle. I'll either be huge like I once was, or I'll be too skinny and shunned because of it. Being a normal weight sounds very daunting to me and recovery sounds harder to maintain than an eating disorder.

    I went to ED therapy for less than 6 months. I barely gave it a chance and it was a waste of time and money so I stopped going. I did learn through therapy though, that the lines between healthy and sick will always be a blur. Eating disorders are real diseases, they take over a huge part of you and will in some way or another, always be a part of your daily life. You just have to learn to concur that (easier said, than done I know), set a set point for yourself and try to maintain that and try to make yourself happy. When you're happy, it's easier to not let the scale and numbers rule your life. For me, it isn't about how I look necessarily. I've never thought that I was pretty, I avoid mirrors and pictures at all costs, and I've seen myself at really low weights, and high weights. I've hated both extremes but it's more of a numbers game and a control issue. When I'm happy, and I accept myself, I'm able to let the numbers fade to the back of my mind, and focus on remaining sane.

    You have to fight the voices telling you that you need to change, get smaller, smarter, fitter, prettier, more mature, and just focus on being you. It is a lifelong battle and therapy will do wonders, but you'll never really recover until you're able to take control over you ED. Good luck. :hs:
     
  9. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    You took the words straight out of my head. I'm sorry that you're in the same situation, but honestly- It's really nice to know that someone else really understands what the day-to-day is all about. Thank you for your response :) PM me if you'd like to chat sometime.


    I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and responses. I didn't think anyone was really going to understand- and it's nice to get perspective without judgment.
    Thanks :)
     

Share This Page