Dunno what to do about my present female situation

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by 2000GT, Jan 27, 2005.

  1. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    I feel trapped.

    About 8 months ago I started dating a girl who I was infatuated with for a little while. She is beatiful and as sweet as they come.
    After a few weeks, maybe even a few months, I learned lots of things about her which I cannot repeat, but took some time for me to get over. She had a messed up history of issues. I was able to get past this, but sometimes still feel a little weird - overall though, past is past and thats where it stays.

    Throughout the relationship, we have both agreed we are differant types of people. She admits to being lazy, always late, and forgetfull. She is doing what she says is her best to remedy these issuses. I am always on time, very much a go getter, and I am very busy with work, activities, friends and health and fitness.

    We love each other, and have amazing chemistry. However, I am starting to go a little crazy with things. If she stays over at my place, she will sleep till 11 or 12 and barely get her day to day stuff done. She has a totally differant lifestyle as far as health and fitness. I excersize everday and I don't eat garbage. She workouts once a week and trys to eat ok, but ends up eating junk food as her meals unless I cook for her (which is a whole other issue).

    The problem is I feel like I am controlling and fathering her. I call her to wake her up, remind her to do her daily chores, remind her to take her medications. I just feel very resentfull with her a lot of the time. Like I wouldn't stand for this, if I didn' t love her and wanna help her.

    Last Friday, I decided enough is enough and broke up with her. That night, she came over to get her stuff and broke down and was completely down and out. I couldn't see someone I cared so much for in pain cause of me, so I took her back and said we could try again.

    SHe has gotten a bit better, but she still needs me to remind her about everything and get her shit togethor.

    My main issue is if I stop fathering and controlling her day to day, she will without a doubt stop doing the things she needs to do. She will become more lazy and do less. Without me, she would be doing what she did before me, which is serving food at her fathers resteraunt a few times a week, and sleeping and partying the rest. I don't wanna see her like that, but I dunno what else to do other than keep guiding her? :(
     
  2. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    How much you wanna bet if she wrote a post on here it'd be about how controlling her bf is and that he thinks he has to be her daddy and tell her how to get through her life?

    You're two different people, move on. For both your sakes.

    I'm sure she'll be fine without you.
     
  3. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    You are correct. I feel that I am, but dunno how to get on with things by letting go. I will just get even more and more upset.

    I tried to move on, she was just laid off her job and is still so upset. With both those things on her plate, she pretty much had a nervous breakdown. Even her mom doesn't know what to do; she has pretty much given up on her.
     
  4. Penny1484

    Penny1484 cute but kind of evil

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    i was in similar situation once. the truth is, she will never fix it if you keep acting as her crutch. Just let her do her thing, she will suffer the consequences for a little while, then she will figure out that she has to do things for herself. dont even nag at her to do things, if she misses the boat and fucks up because she is lazy, just say "i told you so" when she complains to you. its the only way you can deal with people who are too lazy to take care of their own responsibilities, let them drop the ball until they fix it themselves...if they cant do that, then they are pretty retarded human beings.
     
  5. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    You can not change anyone else, nor can you motivate them. Its hard to love someone with no direction or drive. You want to see them succeed, but your want for their success is not enough. THEY need to want it. She doesnt want it. Until she changes this on her own, nothin can improve. Let her go....and if she ever straightens herself out, and you're available, give it another shot. She needs to be able to take care of herself FIRST, before she can share herself with someone else.
     
  6. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    Penny1484 and JustaMeThang.. thanks, I sort of needed to hear that.

    I am at my wits end. I won't give her a key to my apartment cause then she will just lay there in bed all day waiting for me - so we go through the routine of giving her MY key and she drops it off. Its a pain in the ass for me, but at least that way she gets out of the house.
     
  7. calilynne

    calilynne New Member

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    Girls like this will end up fat, and men like you will end up paying their bills. You do not seem to be a very good match over all and your being a father figure to her is only enabling her to continue with her bad habits. She will not change unless forced to. And even then, if she does not change, that is her perogative. Ultimately, she is in control of her own life and if she chooses not to do anything about her situation, that is HER choice.

    You cant save people. They can only do for themselves if they want to. This takes initiative. You did not hurt her, she is hurting herself EVERY DAY that she continues this self-loathing behavior.

    Do you pay the bills too?

    What you are doing for her is not your responsibility. She was crying because her free ride did not want to take care of her anymore and thus, she would finally be responsible for herself. I dont doubt that she loves/cares for you (and what you can do for her) however, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is this weak? Someone you pity?
     
  8. 03ebpRSX

    03ebpRSX New Member

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    if u give up tryin to help her, then u truly don't love her... love will make u do crazy and hard-to-reach shit.
     
  9. KelKel

    KelKel New Member

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    i am in the samke kind of situation except he is the lazy one, i love him so i stay with him and i hope for the best, thats all i can do, one day something will happen, you just have to wait for it.... but don't do it if you don't want to, and if you choose to stay with er then don't complain bc you have a choice to be with her or not to be with her, sometimes you just gotta do the "tough love" thing.
     
  10. KelKel

    KelKel New Member

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    :werd:
     
  11. drtyregin

    drtyregin New Member

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    nope not gonna work, leave her ass cold, tell her why and then it may or may not fix itself
     
  12. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    No I don't pay the bills.

    Your last 2 questions are what I keep asking myself.
     
  13. Lavender

    Lavender Easter is my favorite holiday...

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    It isn't going to last. I agree with everyone in here, she is just going to keep draining you. and bringing you down with her emotionally. you need someone that is going to take care of themselves. She needs to do it herself. maybe if you kick her on her ass she'll finally figure it out, or ruin her life. it isn't your responsibility. you feel bad for her. you need to find a woman that will be there for you like your there for her. this girl can't be there for you or help you grow as a person. you need to take responsibility for your own life, not hers.

    Do you really want to be taking care of her with no emotional feed back? if you were to marry her, how could she take care of your children if she can't take care of herself...

    Where do you see this relationship going? if the answer is no where, break it off for good.
     
  14. 2000GT

    2000GT Active Member

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    I agree with you.
    She has no idea how things really work in the world, and I thought maybe I could give her some insight, help her grow. She can do things, she just chooses not to.

    If I leave her, I feel she may never get someone who will love her and take care of her. Arg, I know that is not my problem, but love makes you do strange things.
     

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