Dumped. No warning signs.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Vysion, Dec 4, 2009.

  1. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    :wtc:

    Started dating her this summer. We have been dating several months. Awesome relationship from my perspective. She is an amazing woman. So outgoing, and everyone likes her the first time they meet her. We had so much in common. Got along very well. Or so I thought.

    I don't usually hang out with her Monday-Wednesdays because I have martial arts class after work those days. Our usual time to hang out was Thursday-Sundays. We didn't hang out much this weekend for a few reasons, but nothing that would have lead me to believe she wasn't attracted to me anymore.

    I told her yesterday that we were hanging out tonight (Thursday) because I wanted to see her. But she had a candle party to go to, so I told her to call me after the candle party and we will hang out. Usually we watch our recorded shows Thursday nights.

    She shows up to my place unexpectedly without calling around 8 pm. Startled the shit out of me because I wasn't expecting anyone and neither was my roommate. I let her in and the look on her face wasn't a smile. She follows me into my room and shut the door. My adrenaline was pumping. She says those dreaded words... "We have to talk..."

    I know they mean 1 of 2 things. Either she cheated on me, or it's breakup talk. I was like a deer caught in the headlight stare down. Then she says she doesn't love me like she thinks she should, and that isn't fair to me. Basic bullshit break up talk. She said she didn't cheat on me, and that there is no other guy. I was so in shock I had no clue what to say at the time. Then she says she should go.

    Now I'm left here confused. Confused that I thought we had an amazing thing going on. And she just throws it out the window without a warning. Confused on what I did wrong, when I thought I did everything right.

    I just bought her 2nd Christmas gift today. Now I will have to return it.

    So what I thought was an awesome year for me ends on a very sour note. Leaving me feeling empty and confused.

    Getting dumped sucks. :wtc:
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Sorry bro :hug:

    In hindsight, are you SURE there were no warning signs?
     
  3. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I'm not sure of anything right now...
     
  4. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I thought this one was a keeper too :wtc:
     
  5. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    If there truly were NO warning signs, and things went from SUPER AWESOME to you getting dumped just like *that* (snaps fingers), then she's probably an emotional trainwreck and you dodged a bullet.

    Think back to your previous relationships. They were relatively normal, right? And there were warning signs before the breakup, right? Exactly.

    No one other than someone who is insane will go from super happy awesome lovey time to "we're breaking up" without warning.

    So I standby my idea: if there were NO warning signs, then she's crazy and you're lucky you got dumped.


    Otherwise, look back and see what you did wrong in this relationship. It's possible you didn't do anything wrong other than choosing the wrong woman. Relationships don't always end because one person did something wrong and the other person dumps them for it. Sometimes no one does anything wrong and it's just a compatibility issue.
     
  6. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    It wasn't a compatibility issue. What I did wrong was I didn't keep the level of attraction up.
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You already know this, but:

    Translation: "I'm just not that into you."

    It's possible she met another guy :dunno:

    Remember that women like to avoid bad feelings, so even if there was another guy, she wouldn't tell you.

    Just stay strong. Don't contact her and don't answer her calls or respond to her texts. Don't get back together without a phenomenal explanation from her about what exactly went down (because knowing women, chances are she broke up with you cuz she met another guy, and when she realizes he was just fucking and chucking her, she will suddenly realize "how much she loves you" and "how much of a mistake it was to dump you" or some other bullshit that she thinks you want to hear in order to take her back).
     
  8. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    And I'm racking my brain trying to figure out at what point I let it drop. The sex was great, so it wasn't a sexual chemistry issue. I thought I filled all her emotional needs. Her friends and family liked me.

    Again I'm confused back at square one, trying to figure out what I should or shouldn't do.
     
  9. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    That's the problem... I thought she wasn't a woman that's like that... :wtc:
     
  10. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    On the one hand, yes, fundamentally that is going to have been a big part of it.

    On the other hand, you don't really want to be with a chick that you have to work hard to keep attracted to you. That shit is fun for a while (the challenge, emotional rush, the hot sex, whatever), or if you're in high school, but for a LTR it sucks ass. Do you really wanna be 5 years into a relationship and thinking "I gotta do x, y and z to keep her attracted to me?" The answer is a resounding FUCK NO.

    I'm not saying don't be a man. Chicks are attracted to men. Some chicks require more machismo and games to stay attracted, though, and those are generally high-drama, low-quality women (I should know, my psycho ex was exactly like that. Took me over a year to realize what a horrible situation I was in).
     
  11. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    I'm soo sorry vysion:(, breaking up really really sucks :hug::hug:
     
  12. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Especially when it comes with no explanation.
     
  13. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Or when the explanation is "I don't think I love you like I should."
     
  14. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    so the only reason she gave you was that she doesn't love you as much? has she told you she loved you before? has she done any lovy doby things?
     
  15. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Yes. And even up until recently. Something happened this weekend or early this week to change things.
     
  16. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    yeah, that doesn't sound right. It really might be some other guy, she didn't just want to admit. Or something else that happened in her life and she didn't want you to know about it, so she decided to just break up instead(yes, this can happen)!
    sorry you got dumped this way, it's just not fair.:hug:

    another question, did she ever have communication problems?
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2009
  17. JoJoBee

    JoJoBee Hanging out with my chicks! OT Supporter

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    :hug: hopefully you will get more answers soon.
     
  18. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I doubt it. I know how women can be.
     
  19. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    When it rains... it pours. I was already having a shitty week for various reasons, and I was looking forward to hanging out with her this weekend. :wtc:
     
  20. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    holy shit thanks falc, i needed to read that

    but reading your thread is :wtc: for me

    i'm in a similar boat, things were going GREAT

    then i went to taiwan for 5 days, come back and shes a changed girl

    except in my case, turns out theres another dude :mad:
     
  21. Rurikar

    Rurikar OT Supporter

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    This exact story happened to me when I was 19ish? Everything was fine and dandy and then bam. If you are hurting bad all I can say is distractions, whatever your hobbies are keep busy and whatever the fuck you do, do not try to contact her because it just isn't worth it.

    Goodluck sir.
     
  22. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I'm beginning to think that may be the case in my situation. Things have been GREAT for the past 5-6 months, and all of a sudden out of left field comes this break up shit.
     
  23. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    it probably is.

    we had this BS conversation

    her: my feelings changed
    me: just like that huh? 5 days is all it takes?
    her: yeah
    me: something happened while i was gone, feelings dont just change like that
    her: no they do, you just dont have enough girl experience :)ugh:)
    me: k well then we should just be friends then


    right bitch.
     
  24. Hot Wee Wee Jefferson

    Hot Wee Wee Jefferson ô¿ô

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    Be a man. Whatever you do, DO NOT call/text/e-mail her at all. She must initiate communication or you will look weak. Even if she realizes she made a mistake and wants you back, do not immediately give in. She needs to know how she hurt you so she doesn't think of fucking with you again.

    Like some have said, go out with friends, fuck other women, keep busy. If she doesn't call, each day it will hurt less and less.
     
  25. Beezure

    Beezure Go Lightning!! OT Supporter

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    i concur, if there truly was no signs, let her figure out she fucked up, even then i would tell her to fuck off, but i went through the same shit, turned out she was on some other dude for like 6 months :o:wtc:
     

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