dry spell :wtc:

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Got_Milf?, Jan 18, 2007.

  1. Got_Milf?

    Got_Milf? Custom User Title:

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    okay...i really shouldn't be posting this since my husband comes on here...but i'm just going to fucking do it!!
    in march it will be our 7 year anniversary (try not to blame it on the 7 year itch). we're both young. aside from our threesome, i'm the only woman he's been with. i don't have much experience aside from him either.
    i have my hood pierced, and it caused quite a bit of a loss of sensitivity, so i've always had a hard time cumming, and even (embarassingly) faked it quite a bit when i first got it done. i'm also a moaner, and i really don't think he always knows the difference between me cumming, and me just moaning...i mean fuck sex feels good even if i don't have an orgasm. i can do it with a vibrator, but i can literally count on two hands how many orgasms he's given me (i'm sorry if you're reading this baby). for the record...i've NEVER had an orgasm with anyone other than him!!
    lately, i've been having a really hard time even doing it on my own (like taking 30 minutes +). and it seems like he NEVER wants anything. we have a 1 1/2 year old son, and he works 6-3 so he's up at 4:30 every morning and has a bad back...but my fucking word, there's only so many excuses a woman can take!!
    i work at a strip club part time, and i'm pretty big on the kink, so i come home fairly often all rawled up and ready to go...and he shoots me down EVERY time. before our son, we had sex a few times a day a lot of the time, but at least once a day...now it's like once a week if i'm lucky :wtc:
    its driving me crazy all the attention i get at work, and even just in day to day activities..it's like i know that guys want to have sex with me, but here i am feeling completely unsatisfied.
    we're both to blame though...his lower sex drive (wellt han mine anyways, i think i have an insanely high sex drive for a woman), and my loss of sensitivity, but there's a huge waiting list for a sex therapist, so i'm hoping to find some serious help from here in the meantime.

    sorry it's so long, but i'm hoping for some real insight here :x:
     
  2. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    I think we all go through it; some weird cycle. Hell, I was in bed nekkid last night petting the python and got shoo-ed (it's been 5 days :wtc:) . I'm MUCH more horny than he is.

    We talk about it, make dates, things go great for a while and then the rest of life starts getting in the way again. Afraid there isn't any easy answer. Just keep trying. I know that with us, it always goes back up again but the wait is frustrating and yes, sometimes even self-satisfaction doesn't cut it.
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I agree. My sex drive is treamendously higher than my husband's is. It has caused some issues with us too (thankfully pregnancy has made my sex drive drop to 0, so we're both happy right now :mamoru: :o ). Rougeorge, I'd kill for even once a week. We have had sex once since I conceived 6 weeks ago :wtc:

    I am wondering if Got_Milf's husband is on any medication? We have found that certain types of medication lower my husband's sex drive (that was our problem a couple of months ago, but when he went off of them things were fine).

    Got_Milf, I've been married for 7 years next month and it's exactly the same way for us. I know how incredibly frustrating it is to be turned down over and over for sex from your husband. All I can say is talk to him about it and attempt to come to some sort of compromise.

    How often do you use the vibrator? That can cause an inability to orgasm during sex too. Have you attempted to cut back on the vib usage to see where that leads you?

    Good luck!
     
  4. Got_Milf?

    Got_Milf? Custom User Title:

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    thanks for the advice...thats what i was afraid you'd both say :wtc:
    this has been going on for a while now....and im just now admitting it...i mean over a year!!
    ive tried to cut out the toys for a while, but it usually only lasts a month because without them i would NEVER orgasm...i can't even do it with my own hands since being pierced (5 years ago)
     
  5. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Do you ever try to have sex earlier in the day?

    I know as soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm out. When my wife and I have sex at night, it almost always starts outside of the bed, then we move there.

    But sometimes she tries to start up with me when we are already in bed, and by then I'm in sleep mode and nothing is going to happen.

    A man's testosterone peaks in the morning. I seem to be the horniest around noon.

    Additionally, if your man is out of shape this can also affect his sex drive. A few years back I was out of shape and my sex drive was pitiful.

    Now I'm in shape and I have much more desire to have sex.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    this is the most legit advice I've ever seen you give, and I was going to say the same thing!
     
  7. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    I'm an anytime, anywhere kind of girl. I crash early though and he stays up later. I've told him he is always free to wake me up :naughty:

    He works construction, so he is in awesome shape. He sets his own schedule, so he COULD meet me at home for a nooner, but 95% of the time I get turned down.

    And before you ask (if you don't visit FS), I'm still in pretty good shape, he tells me he still thinks I'm sexy and he WILL tell me if that changes. It really does seem to be a cycle where the rest of real life (ie. work, kids, etc) messes up the sexin'
     
  8. guiltybystand3r

    guiltybystand3r On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for e

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    I can totally relate to that. As far as his bad back, ever think about getting the liberator. It not only helps for sex, but is recommended for general back issues and helping with sleep.

    [​IMG]
     
  9. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    I went through a period where I had almost zero sex drive, I mean it was still there, I just didn't feel like putting the effort forward. I know my problem was due to depression brough on by PTSD, finding you'r VERY close uncle dead in your apartment will do something like that. :lol:. Anyway, after that I crashed and crashed hard. In the back of my mind I wanted to just grab my GF (at the time) and pin her up against a wall, or throw her on the bed and just make her cum and cum again, but then my energy level was so low, I might get as far as turning my head and looking at her. By that point just thinking about it was enough, fortunatly I never lost my vivid imagination. :lol:
    The sad part was that most of the time we did have sex was by her initiative, while before the incident that brought everything on, I'd be bugging her for more sex, usually a couple times a night, the average was like 8 times a week, afterwards, (we also moved in together, but that was previously planned), we went down to about once a month, because I just didn't have the drive to actually put the effort forth. I also jerked myself a lot, because it was easier, and less effort. There was also the fact that I was staying up until about 2 in the morning while she went tro bed by about 10 every night, so that threw everything off.

    My point? That's more that it seems to happen to everyone at some point, and eventually you'll get through it, but it won't just go away, the cause has to be found and dealt with. Unfortunatly if it is depression or even work related stress (that will cause a mild depression), YOU can't do ANYTHING about it, he has to take the initiative to deal with it, I know I had to.

    I could sense in your post thoughts about other guys, don't go that route, it will only cause more problems, garunteed.

    I know for myself I'm a morning sex guy, I LOVE being woken up by a good BJ, or getting rode, nothing is a better morning surprise than that. Unfortunatly, I've only had one GF that was into that, long long ago. :wtc:

    Your conflicting schedules will also cause the issues that you speak of, there's not a whole lot you can do to rectify that immediatly, that will take some transition and probably a job/career change for one of you, to change sleeping patterns, to match up, so that both of you will have similar energy levels around the same point in the waking day.

    There's also another issue here, the child, he may have reservations about sexing it up, because the kid might hear at 1 and a half that gets to be a concern for some people, worried about having another, worry about "putting his own pleasures befre the needs of the kid".

    There's so many angles and reasons why this could be happening. Has anything changed with you lately? I mean this will sound superficial, but have you put on weight (noticible) or has your demeaner changed, anything else that may have changed to cause this? Again, I see the change of the kid coming into your family as a possible issue, because you said this has been going on for a year now, maybe it started before that? maybe at the point where you had the kid and that time where you couldn't have sex?
     
  10. KuntryFresh

    KuntryFresh Midwest

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    wow
    i commend you for being faithful
    good job
     
  11. Got_Milf?

    Got_Milf? Custom User Title:

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    sooo much to answer here...ill start from the bottom and work my way up

    ive thought about cheating on him...but i could never do that, i love him so much, and he loves me so much, but whoever says sex isnt everything is fucked in the head...try going months without feeling like your husband/wife wants you at all but yet others do and tell me sex isn't everything

    yes ive changed physically...i've LOST weight, and for him, i was pretty happy with my post-pregnancy body (i was only 5-10lbs heavier than my pre-pregnancy body) but i've been working on it to fix this problem :sad2:
    as bad as this sounds, sometimes when he actually IS in the mood, he doesn't care where our son is..at his age, he doesn't understand, and as long as we're covered up its not a big deal to us, so i don't think thats it either.

    his family does have a history of depression and we both know thats a part of it, he was on antidepressants before and that made the problem worse, much much worse....it made his depression worse, and made his sex drive worse :o

    i tried morning sex this morning...it just turned into an arguement :wtc: i also don't think he jerks off, thats something he'd tell me, he knows im ready and willing any time any where any how, and he's never been the kind of guy to do that anyways

    now viper...pheww yours is going to be long too....
    well...i want to get rid of the clit ring, but the ONLY way that i can have an orgasm (using a vibrator) is to pull on the clit ring :sad2:
    we do sort of have other problems, sort of. i think that ALL of our problems stem from the whole sex thing!! responsibilites for example, they're pretty even (except for the last 6 weeks since i fractured my elbow), and honestly without sounding like a sex feened woman...i am more than willing to do a lot more around the house when im satisfied...otherwise im on ot or literotica thinking about sex...if i've already had it that day, or even the night before, i dont feel the need to waste my time online, but when were going through a dry spell, its ALL that i can think of.

    i think that i hold a grudge against him, because when we do have sex, its all about him...he sometimes tries to make it about me, he'll do it in a position i like or try to last longer or whatever, but in the end, he's the one cumming, not me or both of us :wtc: if its been a few days, i get really bitchy, it all builds up and needs to be released somehow, and if its not through sex, then it'll end up being through an arguement :sad2:

    at this point, i cant quit the strip club, but its definitly a temporary thing. i quit for a while (thinking things would get better) but if anything they got worse. i felt like even if he wasnt giving me any attention i got it at work...how bad is that...i guess it made his "job" easier anyways :sad2: i mean NO attention too...weve maybe kissed (real kissing) a few dozen times in the last 6 years.

    im thinking about showing him this thread, but i dont want him to get upset.

    my husband's also in pretty good shape.

    i'm not by any means turning down any of your advice...i think it's all great, its just going to be kind of hard to put it to use without any hurt feelings. i WANT our relationship to work...i really do...like i said we're going on 7 years and have a son, i want to have another baby with him too...i can see us in 50 years together...but if this isn't going to be able to be fixed i dont even want to make it to tomorrow, like i said before, its not everything until youve gone so long without it....i used to be this super confidant woman, and now i feel like my own husband doesn't find me attractive enough to want, all of a sudden im super insecure, and trying to find attention elsewhere

    i guess you all now know why attention whores are attention whores :o
     
  12. Got_Milf?

    Got_Milf? Custom User Title:

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    oh i just wanted to add...as if this wasn't long enough

    the reason i posted this today was because i was giving a friend advice on her man...telling her that if he's not treating her how she wants to be treated, that there are plenty of other men out there who would be more than willing to step in his place, and that she deservs to be treated well

    so why aren't i taking my own advice :?:
     
  13. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Because you love him and you figure it is something temporary that you two will be able to work out?!!!!

    I think your husband and mine must be related :mamoru:
     
  14. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    This is all I had to read, I did read the entire reply, but this for me had the most information in it.

    Heed what I said earlier, if this is indeed depression setting in, there is nothing you can do, nothing, unfortunatly you just have to wait it out.

    and I hate to say this next part, but it's the truth. :wtc:

    You will have to play into his "games", at least that's the way it seems, and it may even seem that way to him, but in the depressed mind there's a lot of criteria that needs to be met before something like sex can happen. Sex at that point is seen as a reward for good behaviour, and when the depressed mind is already feeeling low about it self, the reward is not justified, so he will punish himself by not initiation sex or turning it down.
    If you can learn to play into his games, it will help him recognize what is going on, and then he may have the desire for physical attention. The chemical imbalances that happen during depression really fuck with the mind, really badly. For me it was to the point I pretty much believed I was living in someone else's body, watching what they were doing through thier eyes, it was scary, I was also scuidal, but I retained my abilty for empathy throughout and the only reason I didn't through those two years or so, was because of how other people would feel if I did end my life. I've only admitted to two people, well three technically that I was scuicdal during that period, my GF of the time, though it was after we broke up and moved out on our own, and it was actually almost two years later when I told her that, and my Mom, with her fiance. There was a time about 4 months ago, when I was VERY scuicidal and actually called my ex GF and talked to her about it, she talked me down. Scary shit!

    You also brought up the EXACT reason why even if I realized I was depressed at the time, which I didn't, why I would NEVER consider anti-depressants, the downward spiral it creates.
    The person will be depressed, and the sex drive goes down, this causes strife in the relationship, which causes even more depression, and usually thoughts of "What the FUCK is wrong with me?" "Why don't I want to have sex? I' AM a guy after all, I should want it all the time", the last part brought on by media and social influences and stereotypes that just are not true, but the depressed mind has a very difficult time seperating fact from what is expected of them.

    I've seen far too many people have realationships destroyed or or strife in them when the depressed partner is taking anti-depressants than not.
    I also have a dislike of many pharmacuticals anyway, I believe that I should at least try and get over what ails me naturally, without drugs or substances, I do realize that drugs and other concoctions do have thier place though, IMO the depressed mind is not one of them.

    So I guess my best advice her is to find out if it is depression setting in or some other cause. And by the other things you put in your post, I'm leaning towards that, just from what I was like in my own experiance. The fact that you lost weight for him is a double edged sward, you may have done it for him, but he still shows no interest, so now you are getting depressd over that, well maybe not depressed but more frustrated, and apethetic, which it''s not your fault.

    There's also a male version of post partrum depression, I don't recall the technical name or the exact symptoms, but have heard mention of it, there's many factors that are believed to cause it, but is still in int's infancy of determining this (no pun intended).

    I hope that helps shed a bit of light on hope, I'm doing much better now, especially since I cut out the sweets, they seem to be poison to me and cause my depression to keep cycling. I also started working out at the gym, whihc has helped my confidance, and personality.
     
  15. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    QFT!! You have a child together as well, and that makes for a stronger bond between you and your SO, even if there are some pot holes in the road.
     
  16. KuntryFresh

    KuntryFresh Midwest

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    do you think he could be cheating?

    and why do you work at a strip club? is the money really that good?
     
  17. Got_Milf?

    Got_Milf? Custom User Title:

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    thank you so much for your advice...that makes a LOT of sence...i'm actually on antidepressents (but to control my anxiety and panic attacks, not necessarily depression) and they work for me, but yeah definitly not for him, or not the kind he took anyways...
    okay,,,if thats the problem (which i've sort of known all along, but haven't really dealt with) there's still the underlying issue of me not being "able" to do it...any suggestions there :dunno:
     
  18. Got_Milf?

    Got_Milf? Custom User Title:

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    hes DEFINITLY not cheating...i am 110% sure that he would/will always be faithful to me!!

    and yeah, it's all for the money :sad2: im a shooter girl, not a dancer...but still it's not something i'm proud of, and like i said before, definitly a temporary thing, i'm thinking maybe until the end of the summer.
     
  19. KuntryFresh

    KuntryFresh Midwest

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    oh i wasnt like talking down to you because u work at a strip club haha. at first i was like thats odd i wonder why she doesent have a normal job. then i thought you prolly made alot of money dancing and then i didnt blame you. i dont judge people so dont worry :)

    anywho. just a thought maybe on him cheating. if you say no then thats good. i was kinda worried for a min
     
  20. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    From my persoanl experiance there is nothing you can really do, but convince him that he deserves to bang the shit out of you. I don't know you or him persoanlly to say how to go about doing that, I know how my exGF did it at the time, which worked for me, but I'm sure you situation would be different.
    For me, I was NOT taking care of myself, I gave up on life, quite literally, I just went along and did my duties to make sure that my GF was taken care of to provide for her, basically just go to work, and then do my crap afterwards to stay out of her way, a sort of built in defense mechanisim. When I say I gave up on life I mean I really gave up, I was not bathing properly, I was not shaving I had a full beard, eww, and just was not good for me or those around me. There were a few times that she convinced me to have sex with her if I had a shower first, it was sad, but unless you are actually that depressed as I had described earlier, you'll never know just how it feels.
    I remember one time very vividly, that she came almost sprinting out of the kitchen into the living room, where I was on my laptop and she kissed me very deeply, and said "Do you want to go into the bedroom", I said "yeah", she said go have a shower first then come in. Well that worked for me at the time, now I shower daily, but like I said it's not at time I'm proud of, but now can look back and say I survived that time, thanks to her. I owe her huge!

    Anyway, there's nothing that is going to happen over night, this will take time, and unfortunatly you will have to work on his schedule for this, don't worry it does get better, at least in most cases that I have been privy to it does, including my own experiances.
     
  21. razi

    razi New Member

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    have you tried having sex with him and using the vibrator? change vibes to a g-spot stimulator?

    I'd suggest a day job that mirrors his hours. you might need to schedule a long weekend away from work, bills, and the kid too.

    as mentioned above, he's not after you because you don't fulfill him somehow. I don't have any advice about -how- you need to deal with this part though, because when I was depressed I used sex as an escape. I'd suggest bringing it up in the context of pleasing him. maybe you need to suprise him by being dressed up for him when he gets home from work, maybe you need to take charge, maybe he does, etc.

    if it's porn and him doing it himself instead of having you do it... yeah, he can do it and you won't know. having you do it isn't the issue. If that's the case (and he does read this thread) he needs to lay off the hand-lotion for a while- it will dampen the sex-drive because it's self-centered, not partner-centered.

    There is a serious lack of communication here and it needs to be addressed pronto, before it gets worse.

    --

    edit: also, your inability to orgasm might stem from issues on your end too. someone mentioned this earlier:

    http://www.atlantisforum.com/female_ejaculation_ebook.pdf

    give it a read, it might help.
     
  22. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    I was taking antidepressants at one point, and my sex drive was zero. Could he try a different drug? Or a lower dose? Does he need them for sure?
     
  23. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    if there was absolutely no way you could give your woman an orgasm, why would you ever want to set yourself up for another failure?
     
  24. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    One simple thing nobody has asked yet is whether you still date. What I mean by that is, do you regularly (once a week ideally) go out somewhere just to get out, forget about the kid, the mortgage, and the water bill for a night, and just enjoy each others' company?

    If you hardly ever do this, I think making an effort to will help immensely. When life at home gets stale and serious, the same thing will happen to your mood.
     
  25. andymodem

    andymodem Ambitious, but rubbish.

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    Wow, I commend you as well for working in a strip club and not cheating yet. :)
     

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