Don't say I told you so.... v. long

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by radfad88, Apr 10, 2009.

  1. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Well guys, I finally cracked under pressure. For the last 2-3 months since my LTR ended I've been trying to fool myself into thinking everything was alright and I was over it. I really want to be over it!

    I started seeing someone new almost right after the break up and I thought it would help. It did seem to help actually, I seemed generally pretty happy with him. He's a really nice guy, I'm attracted to him and we have a great time together. Everything was going fine, so I thought.

    About a week ago we got into a little scuffle/argument and basically we decided to spend a couple days away from each other doing our own thing with our own friends to cool off from it. While I was hanging out with my friends, my ex happened to show up and hang out with us pretty much all day. There was a festival thing on our campus and we all went to it. Afterward we all went back to his house (he has 3 roomies I hang out with that I was friends with before I met him) to play beerpong. During this he got sicker (battling a stomach flu, he wasn't drinking) and he asked me to hang out with him in his room to watch a movie

    I left a few hours later and the next day the new boyfriend and I hung out and he was basically a jerk (still hadn't gotten over our fight). I was ready to move on from it and just have a good time but he wouldn't let it go so eventually I just left and spent the day alone at home doing my own thing. Monday the new boyfriend had appearently gotten over it and was trying to be overly lovey-dovey.

    I had a dream that night that he said he wanted to get married (not purposed or anything just kind of said it while we were laying in bed about to go to sleep). When I woke up the next morning I couldn't figure out if it had been a dream or if he'd really said that so I kind of hinted at him and asked if he'd said anything intense the night before, he said he didn't have any clue what I was talking about so I said nevermind.

    It all kind of freaked me out though and I realized that in just a few short months I had gone 0-60 with this guy in a VERY new situation for me (I've never dated anyone so much older, with a kid, etc.) I talked to him on Tuesday and told him all my anxiety about how fast things had moved and how the situation was freaking me out a little and he took it REALLY personally. He basically took it like I was calling him old and saying I didn't like the fact that he had a daughter and stuff (which is not the case, I was just trying to say it's all new to me and that I thought we should slow down). He got really upset by all this and told me he wanted to "take a break" which I know is pretty much code word for break up. I can't say I'm devistated because I am really confused right now, but I did really like him and it kind of sucks that it all happened so fast.

    Then on Thursday my ex texted me and asked if I wanted to have lunch. We went out to lunch and talked about everything that had been going on (he asked about the new boyfriend because he found out I was seeing someone, etc). I explained the jist of things and he said he agrees I should probably stop seeing the new guy if I thought it was too soon. We went over to my house after lunch to play video games and he came onto me really strongly, and then we had sex. He left about an hour later and showed up last night at our mutual friends house while I was hanging out there. We didn't really talk about it or anything, just acted normal like nothing had happened.

    So now of course I feel like I am back on square one and that any/all progress I thought I'd made of getting over my prior relationship are squashed. I leave in 5 weeks for basic training and I wish I could just fastforward and leave right now and not have to deal with any of this stuff anymore... breakups are too hard and I dunno if I'll ever want to get into another relationship if it means going through this shit in the end!:wtc:
     
  2. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Whoa, I kinda saw this from the beginning rad,:hsd:

    I know the situation with your ex was something that obviously meant alot to you and something that you said you were sure you were over. Well, unfortunately it isnt that easy and sometimes we dont realize that til its too late.

    I think you did the right thing by telling your 'current' SO your true feelings and what is really bothering. I personally feel that he may still be butt hurt about the recent 'tiff' and is still keeping that fresh on his head.

    Moving onto the ex... Yikes. You know the situation that you are in (leaving soon) and you know why/how everything happened. Due to the current situation with your SO and your feelings, seeing your ex only put you in a rock in a hard place.

    I honestly think you should take these remaining few weeks and totally worry about yourself. I would try my hardest to avoid sleeping with the ex and also avoid any confrontation with the 'current' SO.

    All in all, you just need some time to yourself hun
    :hug:
     
  3. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    sorry sweetie...but hopefully lesson learned?

    rushing into a relationship probably wasnt the smartest choice, but i think it was actually worse to see the ex. i dont remember all the details about him, but i know it was a good thing when you two broke up, and 2 or 3 months is not enough time spent apart to completely move on from him to not fall into situations like sleeping together again.

    for the next 5 weeks, focus on YOU. if that means staying single now and through basic training, then do it.

    break ups are hard, but one day a relationship wont end in a break up, so dont loose hope that every relationship has to end in a bad way
     
  4. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Why does your ex keep contacting you? if you guys aren't dating, then move away from each other. And if you still like each other, then stop wasting other people's time no? :)
     
  5. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    You intentionally put yourself into two situations that you should have been no where near. Alone with your ex boyfriend. You let yourself go watch a movie with him when he was "sick" and I'm sure you cuddled a majority of the time. Then you invited him over to play "video games" which in your head you knew could turn into you two having sex.

    If you want to put him behind you then you need to make much more careful decisions regarding him. Being alone with him or giving him much attention when you're in groups is a recipe for disaster.
     
  6. teep

    teep New Member

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    What's done is done. Eyes on the prize. Keep focused on what's ahead. Take those 5 weeks to get prepared. Get your pt up, read, whatever. Set a goal you want to achieve- like scoring a 300 on the pft.

    I don't know the story or what branch you're heading in to, but I honestly believe you will feel much better when you're full immersed in something bigger than yourself. Something bigger than petty fights and relationships.

    :hug: i'm right there with you though. i thought i was over it, got involved with some other people, but one drunken night of stupidity and i'm back to square one. just trying to follow my own advice.
     
  7. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    I stayed in a chair on the other side of the room while he was laying in his bed sick... the video games started as a group thing and then my roommate left and things happened. Bad choice yes I agree.
     
  8. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Well, you just wanted to make yourself feel better. You made a mistake, now learn from it. That's what's life is all about you know :p You said you're leaving for basic in 5 weeks, well, you're gonna have plenty of opportunities to learn from your mistakes in an organization that doesn't take well to tolerating mistakes.

    Speaking of which, what in the hell is a pretty girl such as yourself joining the filthy military? Don't do it, it's a trap! Seriously though, what service are you joining (I ask because I'm posting from my ship out here off the coast of... I cannot say)?
     
  9. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    Good feedback in here Rad and I came to say this

     
  10. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    I agree with Vodka and JOA and everyone else who says I need time by myself man-free to focus on my own life for a while. I just made a mistake based on emotions.

    I'm a pretty big hard ass around my friends and stuff most of the time but honestly deep down I'm usually an emotional wreck. I let things creep into my mind and linger there for days and I often act on emotion without thinking it through. I know this is something I need to change but it's really hard to get out of that kind of think/react pattern... does any of that make sense to anyone else (mostly girls I guess since we are the more emotional beings generally)?
     
  11. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Oh, by all means, I love to see it. In fact, in an organization that's around 80% male it's a nice change. However everyone always assumes the worst when you make contact with each other. For example, i have friends outside of my department from when I was TAD (Temporary Assigned Duty). A couple of them are female and whenever I'm seen talking to them in a P-Way I get asked like 10 times the next day "Soooo... hittin up a new girl eh? Finding your next port call "huh"?" Drives me nuts.

    Then to see a fine upstanding, and very pretty, individual such as radfad joining an organization that I... well, that I don't think too highly of (for a number of valid reasons). It's just... too bad.

    Just... be prepared to be hit on like you were the last woman on earth.
     
  12. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Beer is gonna get in here and rip me a new one I know... :(
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: I'm holding back

    le sigh....

    Even I was :ugh: when you VERY casually mentioned in a post recently about the possibility of moving in with the new bf in the future. Way too fast to be with him and way too fast to be "hanging out" with your douche of an ex.
     
  14. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    That worried me as well
     
  15. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    :wtc: I'm doomed to live a life of horrible choices. I don't have many good solid adult relationships to look up to... my mom's been divorced 3 times and my dad and step mom have split up literally over 10 times in the last 15 years... I think I'm better off just avoiding men for a few years honestly
     
  16. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Blahhhhhhh, dont get yourself down

    Everyone makes mistakes. Just admit it and learn from them. :hug: :kiss:
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'm going to say this even though I know you are intelligent and will hate me for it....but you are still really young. I mean I'm by no means old and wise but at 21 I thought I was brilliant and wise beyond my years too and I made fucking stupid decisions all the time! Life is a learning experience, simple as that. At some point though you have to step back and realize all the bad decisions you've made and say "I wont do that again!"

    The good thing is you at least see what choices you've made that are bad for you, and a lot of people are in denial about that. Now you just have to be strong enough to not fall for the same shit again.

    I'll say what I told you 3 months ago after the inital breakyp-YOU NEED TO BE SINGLE FOR A WHILE. You are at that pinnacle time in your life where you have a lot to learn about yourself. Hiding in a relationship might feel good at first but it wont help you as much as you think it might.
     
  18. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Not trying to blame anything. Just making an observation.

    Thanks. I don't hate you for telling me the truth about things... I know I'm young and have a lot to learn. This is just a lot harder than I thought it would be and I'm scared and nervous about basic and all the changes that are about to happen I guess I'm still wanting to cling to the familiar a little bit.
     
  19. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    agreed....you need to be single until november-ish...:hsugh:
     
  20. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    If you really want to move on you should stay single and just date different people for a while. And stop talking to your ex obviously.
     
  21. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    That won't be too hard considering I'll be in training from May-November lol
     
  22. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    :rofl:

    Didn't you mention awhile back that you were moving to ATL in november? :noes: :hsugh:
     
  23. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    lol silly boy. after everything i've said in here you're probably better off being MILES away from me haha
     
  24. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    ^This... listen to Beer, she speaks the "troof"...
     
  25. giz

    giz Active Member

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    nothing new I can really contribute other than quit talking to your ex. in your situation, I know you'd be better off.
     

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