SRS Dont even have a thread title

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by just_another_on, Nov 3, 2009.

  1. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    I dont even know what to type here cause everytime I think about the subject I get so pent up with anger that its bad.

    We'll say a real close friend of mine is in a shitty relationship that has caused himself to LOSE who he is. And in that relationships time has become so fake that maybe now he can't even realize it?

    When I try to show him what hes doing wrong, he'll try and throw something about me in my face.

    When I try and tell him what to do to help him, maybe fix his things, he'll twist my words and make it sound like I did something wrong.

    When I give him advice about money management, he'll bring up something that happened months ago.

    What do I do? He makes good money, salary at that, but blows it weekly before his next check comes. He's borrowed money religiously from me (whether it be $20 or $5) WEEKLY, but yet he makes more than I do? We have the same social circle and the way he speaks makes him sound so perfect and what not, yet hes so fake it drives me up a fucking wall.

    What do you do when the ONE person you thought would never change into something hes not, actually does change, and doesnt want to admit it?


    This is more of a rant/release to be honest, I dont know what else there is to say. I have 'anger' issues to the point where if I have a problem with someone, Ill solve it. Theres nothing to it. Either words, and if words can't fix it I have no problems throwing down.

    If I throw down with this one, I promise he wont walk away from it. I have so much anger built up about this particular subject its pathetic. Ive tried talking to him a million times but EVERY TIME he puts it off to the side, or tells me about my fuck ups in my life.

    Thats the issue with him, hes so good with words. Hes amazing. Hes a writer, hes a salesmen, hes it all. So why the FUCK is he ruining himself by allowing him to cater to someone who is nothing but bad?


    None of this probably made ANY sense at all. Ill try and revisit this when I get home from work and aren't as pissed off... we'll see, sorry :(
     
  2. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    1. stop giving him money
    2. ask him for all the money back
    3. never give him money again

    4. tell him "I need to get this off my chest" and tell your story from beginning to end. if he won't let you, leave.

    5. when you're done, listen to what he has to say back. and really listen, don't just think "and now he's going to complain" and tune out.

    6. realize you're not his mother

    7. decide if he's someone you really want in your life

    8. kick him out of your life if necessary.
     
  3. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    1, 2, 3 - Done done and done. Hes always repaid me, never said he didnt, sorry if it came off that way.

    4, I've said it a million times and no matter what it doesnt seem to 'hit home' ?


    As far as the rest, he has NOTHING to say. Thats the thing. I know im not his mother but im close enough.

    7/8, I wish it was that easy :(
     
  4. RuskeR

    RuskeR ReksuR

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    Not much you can do. From my own personal experience you just say your piece and hope for the best. He has to learn from his own mistakes at this point if he's not going to take your advice and thinks you're just nagging him about it.

    Hopefully for him you'll still be around when he finds out you're right. :)

    I personally can't stand being someones mother at this stage in my life. I have too much on my own plate. I'll give friends advice when I know they are doing something stupid, but it's up to them if they want to listen to me. More often than not I'm right, but when they finally realize that... it's too late.
     
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    You can't change his behaviour and he obviously doesn't want to listen to what you have to say. So control what you can control (lending him money) and understand that you have to take him as he is, not who he was or who he will be. If you can't, you walk away and spend your time on other friends.
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    no, you're not.

    it is.
     
  7. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    I had a friend that started dating a girl that completely controlled his life. He met her in 2003 and did not break up with her until 2009. During that time we probably hung out less than 40 days. We'd also start hanging out again (with her permission) but I'd get pissed at her because of how she treated him and upset with him because he was an idiot.

    He finally broke up with her in 2009 with the help of his new job and friends he met from the job. As well as missing hanging out with me and some other friends.

    I honestly never thought he'd break up with her and they even came close to buying a house. That would have probably meant marriage too.

    Now he has a g/f that treats him a lot better and doesn't care some of the shit he does with friends.

    I kept in touch with him over the years which is probably why we were able to pick up where we left off but I did let him know that a lot of people would not just pick up where we left off.

    Would I do it again? I don't think so.

    My only advice is def stop the money. Just let him do his thing because he's not going to change easily. Maybe distance yourself from him so he misses hanging out with you. That's how my friend came back to reality. If I had kept hanging out with my friend all over these last 6 years on a weekly basis he'd probably still be with the pyscho bitch because he would have me as a friend still and would not miss doing things.
     
  8. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Identical twin brother.
     
  9. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    but you're still not his mother.
     
  10. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    There he goes, "shit stirring" again. I agree whole-heartedly with breaking it off. At least for awhile. Any relationship, friendship or SO that ends up looking like a parent/child relationship is unhealthy - for both parties. It's hurting you, and it's hurting him by enabling his behaviors week in and week out. Time to take space, at least for awhile.
     
  11. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    it's not stirring shit. he's his brother, not his mother. sure it changes things a little.........it means he has to put up with all that shit more than if he was just a friend.

    sounds to me like he hit that point.
     
  12. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    Well it sounds like this guy is giving you no end of grief in your life and you have not mentioned anything good that he brings to your life, so why not make yourself a little happier and let him go?

    You say you have anger issues. Well, getting rid of this guy as an acquaintance will give you a lot less things to be angry about in the first place.

    You don't need this person making you feel bad about your own life choices. He's using hurtful topics to avoid the real issue, which can get abusive if it's not already.

    Also, you breaking off contact from him will end a source of money for him, so it will help that at least YOU won't be feeding whatever unhealthy spending habit he has.

    Don't bother trying to figure out why this person has changed so much and why he took this path. You have your own life and problems to think about without worrying about someone else's who you would benefit greatly from avoiding.
     
  13. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    he's a toxic person in your life
     
  14. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    would he consider going to counseling with you?
     
  15. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    sorry to hear man. you have my #. beers this Friday or sat night. no excuses
     
  16. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Even twin brothers can fall prey to douchbaggery. It's not required of you to put up with it.
     

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