Don't criticize, just reply.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Timer, Aug 29, 2008.

  1. Timer

    Timer Guest

    Girlfriend ends it with you because she wants to experience college and not be in a relationship that, although together for a year, it was more felt on my side than her - she thought this only recently once more stressors and her parents brought it on her.

    It's been 1 week since it ended ended [post closure convos], and I saw her once and spoke for like 30 seconds, normal conversation ("hey what's up") type of deal.

    People say "ignore" but her doulbe ex, although she admittedly didn't feel as strongly for him and she did for me, didn't talk for 2 yeras and she never got with him.

    Any tips on what to do? Send a small, personalized treat to her door?
     
  2. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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  3. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    what?

    From what I can gather/decipher she's moved on bro. Accept it and go back on the prowl
     
  4. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    tip?


    obtain a copy of "the elements of style" and move on.
     
  5. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    Uhhhh.

    It's over. She ended it. She was honest with you.

    Move on.

    What more do you need?
     
  6. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    rofl... i'm sorry
     
  7. Go find a new girl. You're in college dude...pretty AND intelligent girls are everywhere...open your EYES.
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    If she ended it...don't even consider her as a possibility as an option. It may be easy to think "oh, she'll get horny or lonely and come back to me" and wait for her because it is easier than doing the work of finding someone new...but it will just cause you to wait around for her.

    She ended it, so forget about her. Go have fun in college.

    What's with the "don't criticize" thing? Part of useful advice is constructive criticism.
     
  9. 1.8t

    1.8t Member

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    I have no fucking clue what you just said.
     
  10. teep

    teep New Member

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    do what she's doing. that's one of my only regrets. i wish i had done that more in college. go have fun, explore, etc. chances are even if you were still together by the time you graduated you would break up anyway because you were going in different directions. every single one of my friends that had a girlfriend since freshman year (which was actually a fair amount) broke up with their girlfriends senior year for that reason.
     
  11. Marix

    Marix OT Supporter

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    She ended things to have fun in college?

    Sorry man but she obviously wasn't serious about her.

    You already acknowledge that you're more serious about her than she is about you. So my question is - WHY still bother chasing her?
     
  12. Timer

    Timer Guest

    Honestly, because she's an amazing person. Mid summer she came to visit and it was fucking PERFECT. Then, 3 weeks later, her mom said to her "I don't thikn you REALLY love him" and then that started the spiral. Before that she would have never said it.
     
  13. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    And her mom is probably right if she let you go that easily. People outside of relationships have a 6th sense about them.
     
  14. Timer

    Timer Guest

    Because it was perfect, no joke either, everyone knew it. It was going to go far. I found out that one thing she wanted was to go out on an occassional weekend night with her girlfriend without having me freak out (which she admitted that I never was a jealous person, she just never asked) and I think that idea , that she was "not going to be able to" because she was in a relationship, bugged her. She wanted to take advantage of what being in college is...get an education, as she said, was first and foremost, and to have fun.

    But I know there's a party which says she still likes me a lot. It's just that she's so confused, again, which she said she was and that she didn't know what she wanted, that it was too much and she went with her emotion to let it be for now and each do our own thing. She said nothing changed...but her, in that she had been in a relationship for 4 years and now, in my translation, she wanted some space to do her own thing for now.

    Part of me believes she'll do her own thing and miss not having someone there. She's not interested ina boyfriend at the moment, rather she has a lot to do [ex: yesterday, instead of going to a frat party, her plans fell through and she got a lot of work done on a night where every female goes out to a frat]. So, while I'm no there, she was able to get work done this Thursday night than spend it with me. I respect that. This weekend, she's heading home with her family after she performs in band at the first football game. She's not looking to go around and meet people, she just doesn't want the "added" obligatoin of a boyfriend when she has a lot to do, is so young all right now.

    I'm playing it cool now, only spoke to her once for like 20 seconds in passing out of 5 days. Been trying to meet new women in the meantime, it hasn't been going so hot though, and went to my buddy's places, too.
     
  15. Timer

    Timer Guest

    No, her mom was wrong. The whole time in the relationship she has said stuff like "remember, he's just one guy out of a million out there" and "why do you have to talk to him every night?" and "you don't love him". It added up a lot, and my ex denied that it did, but she admitted to hearing it all the time. That adds some weight when she's an only child and her parents are pretty much her life outside her one or two girlfriends.

    My ex even spit the same lines that her mom did to her on the breakup. "You're here for an education", "you don't know what you want", "experience college". I mean I suppose there was some truth to this and that...she said she hasn't dated much so while she thinks I'm an amazing guy and knows she'll lose a big one, she doesn't know what else is out there to compare it with. And I understand what she's saying...she just made a mistake to not communicate the fact she was questioning it before school.
     
  16. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    It honestly sounds like you need to stop harping on her and let her go her own way. She has made her choice, whether or not its a mistake in the long run, it was ultimately her decision. And it's probably not all her mom's fault. I'm assuming you guys are freshman, so she hasn't live life out on her own before, everything is all new, and she is probably on overload and confused with all the new things going on. Don't continue to harp on her, because you will miss some of the best experiences in your life if you continue to think "what if" all the time.

    Get active in clubs, or join some intramural sport, college is FILLED with all sorts of different clubs and activities to join, and its VERY easy to meet all sorts of people if you put forth the effort. Everybody is in the same boat, and usually everyone in college is very friendly and willing to talk to anybody.
     
  17. Timer

    Timer Guest

    I'm a Junior and she's a sophomore, but we got together when she was a freshman so she missed out on that whole year in one way. In terms of meeting people, I just prefer the random "hi" method, but may look into some clubs - still don't have the time for it. Oh, and I don't "harp" to her, I mean I did after the initial breakup convo, but that's about it.
     
  18. XxvODvxX

    XxvODvxX New Member

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    . :wtf:
     
  19. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    there are many fish in the pond at college. its almost like shooting fish in a barrel. take a shot and you will hit something
     
  20. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    what's this?
     
  21. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    She's an amazing person that wants to experience other people that are out there. You should too. Move on, find new girls to have a perfect summer with. You're young and in college. I'm sorry but most young college relationships don't last or turn sour very quickly.
     
  22. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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  23. Timer

    Timer Guest

    I'll just fucking move on, say hey to as many girls as I can and when I get my next girlfriend I'll just laugh at this whole thing.
     
  24. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    Yep, thats the best plan. Just cut all contact with her even if she wants to talk because you're something familiar, so she'll try to use you as a clutch when she's having problems.
     
  25. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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