SRS Don't be a nice guy. (Or: Don't be a pussy.) This is for all you guys out there.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Metacomet, Sep 15, 2005.

  1. Metacomet

    Metacomet Guest

    It's the simplest rule and it's the most imporant. Every guy needs to learn this.

    I myself am incredibly polite and nice, but the biggest mistake I have ever made with women (and society in general) is letting it make a pussy out of myself.

    This topic is up for debate: but the general rule is universal and I'll be damned if it isn't the truth.

    Females are attracted to strength and confidence and VERY little else. If you can offer that along with good looks and personality you're set. I myself am currently working on looks (I've got the genes I just need to lose weight.)

    My first and only mistake with women was only ever that I was too much of a pussy.

    Being nice is FINE but don't just be a nice guy. It will get you nowhere in life, and get you no attention from WORTHWHILE women.

    I settled for a girl who settled for me. And you know what the result was? I wasn't attracted to her. It's a vicious cycle my friends.

    Discuss?
     
  2. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Depends...

    I don't believe in bullshitting to be something you're not. If you're a nice guy...BE one. Women who aren't attracted to that? They can fuck off and get messed over by the next jackass that will screw them and leave them.

    There's a fine line between conciously allowing yourself to treat your woman like the goddess she is, or falling over head over heels for her like you have no self worth.

    I think in general, women LIKE to be the object of your attention.
     
  3. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    If a girl can't appreciate a nice guy, she isn't what I would call a worthwhile woman. I've gone down that path. I changed my personality. Sure it helped, but I didn't like not being myself.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    So i should change myself in order for girls to be satisfied with me? No. Should i be an asshole just in order to get a girl? No , for a girl that wants an asshole is an asshole and an idiot regardless of how pretty she is. Who defines the standards? A girl has to accept you for who you are. You have no idea how fake you are if you play the double image scenario that you perform , all these stupid games present only how susceptible you are to society's influences. These kind of gameplays are justified if you only want to have sex. Either be yourself and find yourself or let others define who you are in life, and that's no fun. You won't be happy with a girl who is like that anyway.

    Think for yourself , or put your life in someone elses hands. Because that is what you do. In the end you don't want to be with immature girls like that,because they only fall back into things that don't appeal to you in a serious relationship.
     
  5. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    This is probably one of the biggest load of bull shit ever created. There is a difference between being a nice guy and a doormat. A doormat is someone who bends themselve completely to that other person with no regard for who they truly are, expresses their undying love after 2 dates, obsessives over that person all day long to the point that it drives them completely insanse, they apologize for items they did not even do, ask permission all the time, call incessantly even when they know that person is busy, expects the person they are seeing to make all the dinner plans and dates just because that will make that person happy, and are not truly themselves but rather what they believe that person wants them to be.

    I am a nice guy. I treat women with respect. I call to say hi and find out how their day is, I bring small gifts for some of the dates not all, I make the plans handle reservations or getting tickets, I pick them up, I pick up the tab, I ask a million questions, if they need to talk in the middle of the night I pick up the phone, but I don't let them compromise my morales or values. If they ask me to do something that I don't believe in I stand up for myself. Most importantly I don't play games. I don't do this 3 day wait to call b.s. and any of the other crap. That is inheritantly not who I am and I am not about to become someone I am not for someone I barely know.

    Some women out there really appreciate the nice qualities I have to bring and some are very immature and still into game playing or still trying to figure out who they are. The ones that will appreciate it will appreciate it beyond your wildest dreams and the others won't blink an eye at the extra effort you put into it.

    At the end of the day you have to be yourself and be true to yourself. If you are a nice guy fuck it be a nice guy and people will come into your life you appreciate that and some won't. Just don't waste your time on those who don't.

    Also, I think it is time you look inside yourself and try to determine any patterns of who you are dating or where you are meeting them to try and figure out why you believe nice guys don't exist. Where are you meeting women at? What qualities do they have? What age ranges?

    I did this years ago and decided simply put I was no longer making dating a priority in my life. If someone entered my life and I was interested in them then yes I would date them but I would not go out actively looking for dates. Yes I have spent many of months alone but I have imporved myself beyond my wildest dreams and achieved so many goals. Plus I have been able to improve and create long last friendships.
     
  6. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

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    ^
    What kind of small gifts do you bring on a date?

    Like a 1 carat diamond ring or a toy from a box of cereal, hehe, jokes, but what do you seriously bring?
     
  7. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    I base the gift upon the person. I have brought a copy of a book I enjoyed if I know they like to read. Small bouquet of flowers in a vase or if I know their favorite flower I bring that and if they have a green thumb I will bring it potted so they can grow it. Box of chocolates. I brought a girl a CD once of a band's greatest hits that we were going to see that night. Bottle of nice wine if they like wine or even a 6 pack of nice beer.

    Something I don't do for first dates but like the 4th or 5th date after I know more about their likes and dislikes and if I even see a future dating them. I find gifts have so much more value and meaning if they come from the heart and it is something they appreciate as opposed to just a single rose (so high school and overplayed).

    Don't have to go overboard but it definately shows that you are paying attention to what they like and it always helps in the brownie point department.
     
  8. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    I'd rather date a nice guy than an asshole. The confident and sexy guys are a dime a dozen, and I'd rather have an intellectual with an opinion than a pretty boy with nothing between his ears. All the guys I've ever dated started out on my friends ladder, too. It's kind of like software - use the limited trial edition and if you like how it works then ante up for the full edition.

    Someone above made a comment about the difference between being nice and being a doormat. That couldn't be more true. When I say something I expect agreement, dissent or debate - not a 'yes, dear' cop-out.

    In short, I want a best friend for a boyfriend, not a pretty boy who knows nothing about me, an asshole who doesn't care or a doormat who won't stand up for himself.
     
  9. Metacomet

    Metacomet Guest

    You're right. But they don't want too much attention, and it happens all the time. Sometimes they even need to be ignored.

    It's not about changing your personality: (in some ways it is) it's more about changing the way you act.

    Because you misunderstand entirely. As do most people.

    That's kind of a given. For all women.
    The point is not to be an asshole. It's to avoid being so weak-willed and pandering that you turn the girl off. Many, MANY guys do this without knowing it. Most of the time the girl herself doesn't realise that this turns her off: but it does, on a cellular level even.
     
  10. Metacomet

    Metacomet Guest

    Nothing I said was a lie. Alot of you are under the impression that this is one of those 'be the jerk' rants. It's not.

    You're girlfriend chose you because you're compatible with her personality, and as you said you didn't push yourself on her (which would have come off as needy.)

    Honestly the only reason a person would disagree with 'DONT BE A PUSSY' is because they interpret that as 'be an asshole.'




    If you honestly think being a subserviant WUSS is what women want, then you have a case for argument.
     
  11. Seiteka

    Seiteka New Member

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    That is true! I honestly find myself interested in nice guys. I don't even pay attention to a guy if he isn't a "nice" guy. You can think all you want that girls want the bad boy but that isn't what builds a lasting relationship. Sure the bad guy is fun for awhile but I'll take that nice guy over the bad boy any day of the week.
     
  12. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    The two girls I've had a serious relationship with, both times I was myself and nobody else. I was the nice person that I usually am, but I was firm when something came up that I either believed in or just didn't want to do. I didn't let either of them walk over me.

    The last girl I "dated", if you even want to call it that, I think I was too giving. I wasn't the same person I usually am. I didn't really act like myself, and I think that's why things didn't work it.
     
  13. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    This is all about the "ladder theory" bullshit, isn't it?
     
  14. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    You are right people who complain about nice guys finishing last don't have a clue what they want in a relationship they just want a relationship.
     
  15. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    It is the same thing with guys to. Guys get the bad rep of being a player because they date multiple women and most guys go through a phase where they do that. After awhile though it loses its luster and appeal and they go to a mode of finding one person to be with.

    Some guys never lose the luster along with some girls never lose the appeal of dating the bad boy.
     
  16. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    I don't misunderstand it at all. Very simple needy and clingy is a guy is not a great trait to have. I know I had those traits at one point. I also had the bad boy traits at one point. Never calling back, dating as many women as possible, going out with the sole intention of meeting people, etc. Now I am at a comfortable medium where I know my values and convictions and I refuse to let someone walk all over me.

    My statement about this being a big line of bullshit actually comes from the fact that I believe nice guys do fair very well in dating especially starting in the mid to late 20s since at that point women have had their share of jerks and assholes and are looking for a guy who is going to appreciate them and treat them right.

    However, there is a huge difference between a doormat and a nice guy. I know a guy who would apologize for everything under the sun. I was driving with him and his girlfriend at the time. She got mad at a driver and he actually apologized for the other driver by saying "Honey I am sorry that guy made you mad by his driving". I about hit the floor me I would have helped her cuss him out.
     
  17. Metacomet

    Metacomet Guest

    Actually, yes it is.

    And just like the ladder theory those who don't believe in it are either naive, or they are girls... and those two kind of go hand in hand.

    And just like how girls deny deny deny that their guy friends would EVER want to have sex with them, they are also unaware that they have a subconscious disdain for wusses. And you can guess what most of their male friends are (wusses).
     
  18. Metacomet

    Metacomet Guest

    Then what's the problem? I too am a nice guy, I have a big heart and I'm way too sensitive: but I have made the mistake of being clingy/pushover and I'll never go back.

    ONCE again people are under the illusion that I'm advocating you be a jerk or an asshole.

    ONCE again I have to clarify that the only rule that matters is DONT BE A WUSS (clingy/pushover/doormat type).
     
  19. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    Sorry hard to show that I was nodding in agreement with you online. I was helping support your case not going against you. I agree with everything you have said and then thrown my 2 cents in.
    :beer:

    edit: what I meant by my bullshit statement was not directed at you but rather the whole everyone believing women want a jerk and that nice guys finish last.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2005
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    This sort of thread is gonna get a lot of lies from people.
     
  21. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    Nah we don't have to broadcast it nor debate it we just know it.
     
  22. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Look i remember all this kind of talk coming from the sosuave forum, Metacomet i wouldn't be suprised if you come from that forum,if you haven't heard ot it, it contains a bunch of players and tactics which they consider as revolutionairy but by now are reasonable 'old concepts' into conquering a girls heart but quite frankly throwing away their own morals and dignity in order to achieve quick sex scores with good looking girls , i believe your intentions are good and looking at the way how you posted this in several sub-forums my belief is that this thread belongs in the Don Juan Forums out there in somewhere on the internet. The sosuave forums contains exellent advice from some posters on being a player.


    But from my point of view i think that the problem is that going with these tactics only shows that you have no life of your own. Why? , i know guys who live by the principle. Its apalling, they buy expensive clothes,change their appearance ,fake their attitude, they even have lubricant under the table to moisture their skin so they don't look dry in front of the girl. In other words they live their lives for the girl, instead of showing that they have a life of their own to live which is what a woman likes to see in a man.

    Society pressures us to be someone that we are not , by know you should have seen that you only added to this pressure by saying ' don't be a nice guy ' or you will not be appreciated.If you become more spiritually mature you will understand that you have to love everyone unconditionally, and not (i don't love you because you are fat) I think that you are from that level of understanding which isn't a crime or anything actually i encourage you to explore the Don Juan forums http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php until you understand that playing games with people's hearts is not how you should (in my opinion) live your life, as they have feelings , and that throwing away your dignity as in turning guys in complete bastards while treating girls horrible does not justify the goal. Because of that it is not worth wasting your time and effort as in 'accept me for who i am or leave'. In the end the quick scores will end you up with sorrow as you want eventually pursuede a long term relationship.

    So regardless of all these romance tactics which i think do little more then destroy your own personal dignity i ask you to go for love on the long term. Yes we do understand the principle, no we do not agree with a tactic that hurts people and will set people into obsession and chasing you asif you where a butterfly.
     
  23. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Darketernal, Brush up on Dave DeAngelo's stuff. There is no way you can tell me that he teaches you to destroy your personal dignity or manipulate others. I would also say it is the most successful system for achieving success with women.

    Hey lets not forget, being overly-nice is just another way of manipulating people to like you.
     
  24. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    Not if being overly nice is inheritanly who you are. I would do anything for anyone in a heartbeat if they truly needed it. My parents are the same way and that is where I learned it from. Yeah some people have taken advantage of my niceness but they are no longer friends or aquintances.

    The actions of a previous person do not dictate the actions of a future person.
     
  25. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    ^

    That is what we are looking for, and not someone who's simply out to score with woman, let alone Putting up an act into achieving sex while hurting other people's feelings. Score the girl and having sex by telling what she wants to hear, then dump her as trash :down: is a big NO NO.

    And to the other poster i have haven't read into that book so i never inquired that in the book described methods would destroy your personality. :o
     

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