Does "the game" ever end? v. attraction in serious relationships

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Jul 4, 2009.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    So I was thinking...

    A lot of guys get gfs by being awesome and attractive to women, but then once in the relationship, the women get "bored" because the guy turns into a "wuss" and stops having all the awesome qualities that attracted her in the first place. Or like if a guy is really attracted to his SO and tells her she's hot all the time, she starts to lose attraction for him (even tho maybe he really does think she's hot and wants to tell her).

    For example, they say a woman always wants you to have other stuff going on in your life and that if you focus 100% on her you will lose her because that's unattractive.

    I was thinking about that and I just hit like an infinite loop of retardation and I need the Vag to explain this to me.


    If I'm in love with someone, I want them to be my #1 priority in my life. I think that's the natural progression when you're in love with someone. Now keep in mind this is for a serious committed relationship, not casual dating or attracting. In other words, I expect that all decisions I make will first and foremost be made around the following consideration: "How does each possible course of action affect our relationship?"

    For example, say I'm in a serious relationship and I get a super awesome job offer in another state or something. The "alpha" thing to do would be to say "whoa, this is awesome and exactly what I want to do, I'm going" and putting that above the relationship. And I bet that would even increase attraction in most women who would go into needy mode and be like "omg baby, I have to go with you!" But that doesn't make any sense to me. I would say "well if I take this job, can my SO come with? If so, blah blah, possible outcomes." Yet doing that might actually hurt attraction. While she might say "I wouldn't want a guy who doesn't consider us," she would actually be attracted to his ambition and drive for considering taking the job.

    Similarly, I expect the same thing in return. When I'm in a serious relationship, I expect to be their #1 priority in life. I wouldn't date a woman who would put her career over me (rationalizing that a woman who would do so isn't fully interested in me in the first place). If I was dating someone who got a super awesome job offer somewhere else, I would expect her to say one of two things to me, either 1) "hey i got this awesome job offer but I'm going to turn it down because I want to stay here with you" or 2) "hey I got this super awesome job offer but I don't want to move there without you, let's talk about things." If she were to say "hey I got this super awesome job offer, what's going to happen to us?" that's low interest. She's considering something else over me.


    So I guess I'm wondering how it's possible to be fully invested in someone without it harming their attraction for you?


    Again, I see how to keep a woman super interested in you if you're not really that into her (because then you wouldn't care, which would spike her interest). But why would you be in that relationship? And you certainly wouldn't be "in love" with her. So when you are completely into someone, are you just supposed to pretend like you're not and keep it in check? That sounds stupid to me. Expressing love is the best feeling in the world (when it's reciprocated). If a chick I was in love with said to me "I turned down [some awesome thing in another state] because I want to stay here with you" that would be super awesome. Yet I feel like if I said that to an SO, it would lower her attraction.

    edit - I just reread this and I don't think I explained what I was trying to say very well.

    edit 2 - looking back at my last relationship, I had some opportunities where I could have made my gf jealous in a subtle way that would have increased her attraction to me, but I chose not to because feeling jealous fucking sucks and I didn't want her to experience those bad feelings. I thought we had a mature relationship and I would consider that to be playing games. This is causing me inner turmoil (wondering how I will act when I am in the same situation in the future).

    edit 2.5 - it's funny, my gf would get jealous about some things and I would try my hardest to reassure her and make her feel better. I think that's the good thing to do. I could have exploited her jealousy, but why? I'm an adult. That's high school bullshit. That's PUA bullshit. Yet in the end, I was experiencing jealousy and rather than reassure me (the thing I did for her), she pulled away. That's bullshit... isn't it? It pisses me off so bad. If I had done some PUA shit I think I could've reversed the situation, but what I really wanted from her was her to say "hey, I understand that you're feeling jealous... let me do whatever it takes to make you feel better and reassure you." That's what I did for her. It was like the final test for her and after acing every previous situation with flying colors and extra credit, she bombed the big one at the end. I realize jealousy is unattractive to women, however it's also natural (for 99% of people) and I don't think it's wrong for me to expect my gf to make a conscious effort to minimize my jealousy when it occasionally appears. Again, that would be a sign of me being #1 in her life.

    Hope this makes sense.


    IB people misread my post and think I was intentionally throwing tests at my ex :ugh:


    edit 3 - I guess I feel like in order to keep a woman 100% interested in you, there always has to be a slight amount of doubt, or fear of losing you, in her mind. And I feel like because of that, you can never progress to 100% "being real" because if you get too comfortable, attraction will be lost. So when things are going perfectly, you have to do stupid shit (game/PUA) to engineer slight bits of doubt in her mind. Not big stuff, but just little stupid stuff. And that makes me not even want to be in a relationship. I look at my parents and they're still together and happy but they don't do any of that bullshit. My parents are just 100% happy with each other. My mom isn't worried about my dad doing shit and my dad isn't worried about my mom doing shit. And even if my mom went out and met Mr. Casanova master PUA who wanted to fuck her, she wouldn't even be phased because she's happy with my dad. And if my dad had models throwing themselves at him, he wouldn't even be tempted. Why is that so rare? Is everyone else damaged goods? Or do I just romanticize love in my mind?
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2009
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    what did you expect from me?

    what's not true? i said a lot; to which part are you referring? And how can you definitively say something isnt true if you didnt read the whole thing?
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    1. I really wish you would consider seeing a psychologist
    2. There are no games with my SO. He loves me. I love him. We are completely comfortable and ourselves with one another and never feel the need to play games :dunno:
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    beer, a month ago i would've said exactly the same thing about me and my ex :hs:

    i didnt play any games with her. i went out of my way to avoid games and reassure her when she was feeling insecure about something... thats like the opposite of games.

    I though i was in the perfect relationship. She was perfectly accepting of all my shortcomings and i didn't have to hide anything from her. Yet my world has been flipped upside down in the last month. So now i'm back to questioning things.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I understand :hs: But I still know if tomorrow I found out my SO was grinding/dancing with some girl at a club I wouldn't start playing games of who calls/texts who first and how much.

    I'd get the unfortunate argument/discussion over with fast because that's what we do. I still think that was just the first real fight you two had and neither of you knew how to handle it because you really didn't know one another yet. It's almost like you were both terrified of confrontation and therefore had no idea how to handle resolving things in a timely, mature matter.
     
  6. giz

    giz Active Member

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    I didn't read the original post, but last night I was dancing up on this girl and got a raging boner... you could tell by the way she was dancing she was super into it too. she told me she had a boyfriend like 30 minutes before that. I couldn't help but think of Falconer.

    I'm worried his face is going to pop into my head every time I get a boner grinding. :wtc:
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Maybe you misunderstood. I didnt do ANY pua stuff in this relationship (aside from some cocky/funny in the very beginning). Thats part of the reason i thought we had a good relationship.

    it would piss me off if she realized that was wrong but applied it to her future relationships rather than try to fix things and apply it with me :dunno:

    i still dont have the desire to fuck random chicks :dunno:

    :rofl:
     
  8. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    1) You can't be someone's everything and no one can be your everything.
    2) Some one can be your number without putting them before your goals/desires/needs.
    3) There's more to a relationship than the "awesome" qualities that initially attract you. If the stability and level of interest in the relationship is based mostly on what started the relationship it would be pretty shallow.
    4) Life isn't all about games with certain rules and certain logic involved. You need to stop examining all the things behind a relationship and what happened with yours. Every time you mention why you two broke up you continue to have the same conclusion and thought process which includes placing the fault on your ex for not saying what you wanted to hear. What is the point in continuously going over it if you will always come to the same conclusion and ignore the input of others (specifically most of the women of the Vag) who shed light on what might have been going on? Stop analyzing every thing because you seem to be getting nowhere and it aided in the end of your relationship. Things don't always work the way you think they should/want them to.
    5)You didn't want to spend any more time in your relationship unsure of where you stood but it seems that you are still in limbo trying to figure out what went wrong with little success. Had you given your ex-gf some time you might still be with the girl you wanted to marry with insight into how she thinks instead of writing books.
    6) You don't need to play games to continue being interested. Your parents have probably had some problems in their relationship at some point to get them where they are and chances are they still have problems every now and then but you just don't see it. No relationship is always perfect. Chances are you may never have the relationship you think your parents have.

    Oh and you do just romanticize love and what a relationship should be.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2009
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    i wasnt. it was more of "hey the dynamic just changed, what do i do?"

    i dont mind confrontation. in fact, when it needs to happen, i hate not having it and ignoring it. thats why i forced the conversation on a few occasions when she didn't want to have it, leading to our breakup.

    re: knowing each other. i thought i knew her. maybe she didn't know herself and didnt know how much fun grinding with other guys could be. she was extremely attractive but very introverted and shy. maybe she didnt know how to behave when lots of guys give her attention in an exciting environment. i try to screen for that in the early stages but maybe i messed up this time. in other words, i dont want to waste my time dating an attention whore party girl who hasnt realized she's an attention whore party girl yet.
     
  10. Bacardi 151

    Bacardi 151 New Member

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    I don't play games with my SO. We love each other and don't worry about games or any of that kind of stuff. :dunno:
     
  11. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    If you start with a game, the game will never end. So, yes, if you see dating as a "game" then you will constantly be engaged in a game because that's what attracted her to you in the first place. This is the biggest fault of people out there today, because nobody can maintain a "game" (or a false image) forever. Eventually the truth seeps through and when that happens, the attraction is lost.

    So by thinking of it as a "game" you inevitable attract to you the type of women who are wrong for you because they are attracted to the facade that you present and not the real you.

    Now, counter that will learning to be a man and asserting yourself. Developing real confidence in yourself to the point where the fear of loss is not an issue. This will naturally put you in the correct state in which maintaining attraction is both natural and permanent.

    When a girl gets a dose of you, the real you, and is attracted to you then you have a far better chance of maintaining that attraction. Why? Because you are being your authentic self and not some facade or game player.

    True confidence, the number one tool in your arsenal of attraction, begins at your core and resonates out of you. It surrounds you and envelopes everything you do. You build true confidence through failure and success. The more you fail and manage to rise above that failure to success, the more true confidence you develop.

    It sounds like you need to reexamine your beliefs. You are going to attract to yourself the things that you dwell on. So if you dwell on playing games, you'll attract people who play games who have little sense of loyalty. If you dwell on inner confidence, you'll resonate that and manifest people who are more loyal. It's not a surefire gaurantee, but it's close enough.
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    viper, that's why my breakup confused me.

    i didnt do any "game" shit in this relationship :dunno:

    maybe i'll meet someone else who's super smart, hot, has similar interests and personality, is super giving and sweet, sexually compatible, and has good communication and doesnt want to grind with other guys :fingers:
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2009
  13. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Sometimes you're just not right for each other, dude. That's the whole point of dating....it's the process of finding the right person to be with (at it's most serious) and/or having fun (at the least serious).

    And I'm confident that you will meet a girl like that. As long as you ARE someone like that, you will attract people who are like that.
     
  14. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    what is the code for the smiley with the crossed fingers? im browsing on my phone and cant see the list.
     
  15. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    Well don't cross your fingers, make it happen, captain. :big grin:

    Personally, I think you just need to lighten up a bit and enjoy life. This is coming from a recovering fellow over-analyzer. The less I analyze, the happier I am, the smoother things go, and the better things get.
     
  16. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Don't see why you guys want him to go to a psychologist, he is just digging deep into something that's not so deep to begin with. Well there is NO way to keep people interested in you forever, especially if they like you for neglecting them. This is why most marriages fail and the ones which don't, stay intact because either the people involved are too lazy to find someone new, start again financially, or because there are kids involved. This is why a lot of men prefer to be single and just fuck women as they please. There is no such thing as loving each other forever.
     
  17. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    :FingersX:

    edit - nope, damn :rofl:
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    alright it's gotta be one of these:

    :fingers:
    :Fingers:
    :fingersx:
    :Fingersx:
    :fingersX:
    :FingersX:
    :fingerx:
    :Fingerx:
    :fingerX:
    :FingerX:
     
  19. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    dammit seriously? :rofl:
     
  20. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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  21. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    this has scientifically been proven false.

    however, lifetime romantic love, which is what we're talking about, is very, very rare. usually it becomes another form of love known as "attachment" love, or the so-called comfort phase.
     
  22. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    i thought thats what we had. oh well.
     
  23. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    :x:
    :crossed:
    :xfingers:
    :fingersxed:
    :fingers-x:
     
  24. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    :hsugh::hsugh::rofl::rofl::rofl:

    except when you blew the fuck up out of nowhere after being a non-argumentive person. Then ignored her.



    Your entire premise in the first post is just wrong.
     
  25. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    You guys are missing the point. Just because a relationship failed doesn't mean the entire premise of it was wrong, if it was then you wouldn't have had the relationship in the first place.

    Some girls need to be played to stay interested, you have to play games to catch them and play games to keep them. Other girls don't need games before or during. I'll only date the latter type anyway so where's the problem? If you start playing games you'll only attract a class of woman that will give you more trouble than before.
     

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