So I was thinking... A lot of guys get gfs by being awesome and attractive to women, but then once in the relationship, the women get "bored" because the guy turns into a "wuss" and stops having all the awesome qualities that attracted her in the first place. Or like if a guy is really attracted to his SO and tells her she's hot all the time, she starts to lose attraction for him (even tho maybe he really does think she's hot and wants to tell her). For example, they say a woman always wants you to have other stuff going on in your life and that if you focus 100% on her you will lose her because that's unattractive. I was thinking about that and I just hit like an infinite loop of retardation and I need the Vag to explain this to me. If I'm in love with someone, I want them to be my #1 priority in my life. I think that's the natural progression when you're in love with someone. Now keep in mind this is for a serious committed relationship, not casual dating or attracting. In other words, I expect that all decisions I make will first and foremost be made around the following consideration: "How does each possible course of action affect our relationship?" For example, say I'm in a serious relationship and I get a super awesome job offer in another state or something. The "alpha" thing to do would be to say "whoa, this is awesome and exactly what I want to do, I'm going" and putting that above the relationship. And I bet that would even increase attraction in most women who would go into needy mode and be like "omg baby, I have to go with you!" But that doesn't make any sense to me. I would say "well if I take this job, can my SO come with? If so, blah blah, possible outcomes." Yet doing that might actually hurt attraction. While she might say "I wouldn't want a guy who doesn't consider us," she would actually be attracted to his ambition and drive for considering taking the job. Similarly, I expect the same thing in return. When I'm in a serious relationship, I expect to be their #1 priority in life. I wouldn't date a woman who would put her career over me (rationalizing that a woman who would do so isn't fully interested in me in the first place). If I was dating someone who got a super awesome job offer somewhere else, I would expect her to say one of two things to me, either 1) "hey i got this awesome job offer but I'm going to turn it down because I want to stay here with you" or 2) "hey I got this super awesome job offer but I don't want to move there without you, let's talk about things." If she were to say "hey I got this super awesome job offer, what's going to happen to us?" that's low interest. She's considering something else over me. So I guess I'm wondering how it's possible to be fully invested in someone without it harming their attraction for you? Again, I see how to keep a woman super interested in you if you're not really that into her (because then you wouldn't care, which would spike her interest). But why would you be in that relationship? And you certainly wouldn't be "in love" with her. So when you are completely into someone, are you just supposed to pretend like you're not and keep it in check? That sounds stupid to me. Expressing love is the best feeling in the world (when it's reciprocated). If a chick I was in love with said to me "I turned down [some awesome thing in another state] because I want to stay here with you" that would be super awesome. Yet I feel like if I said that to an SO, it would lower her attraction. edit - I just reread this and I don't think I explained what I was trying to say very well. edit 2 - looking back at my last relationship, I had some opportunities where I could have made my gf jealous in a subtle way that would have increased her attraction to me, but I chose not to because feeling jealous fucking sucks and I didn't want her to experience those bad feelings. I thought we had a mature relationship and I would consider that to be playing games. This is causing me inner turmoil (wondering how I will act when I am in the same situation in the future). edit 2.5 - it's funny, my gf would get jealous about some things and I would try my hardest to reassure her and make her feel better. I think that's the good thing to do. I could have exploited her jealousy, but why? I'm an adult. That's high school bullshit. That's PUA bullshit. Yet in the end, I was experiencing jealousy and rather than reassure me (the thing I did for her), she pulled away. That's bullshit... isn't it? It pisses me off so bad. If I had done some PUA shit I think I could've reversed the situation, but what I really wanted from her was her to say "hey, I understand that you're feeling jealous... let me do whatever it takes to make you feel better and reassure you." That's what I did for her. It was like the final test for her and after acing every previous situation with flying colors and extra credit, she bombed the big one at the end. I realize jealousy is unattractive to women, however it's also natural (for 99% of people) and I don't think it's wrong for me to expect my gf to make a conscious effort to minimize my jealousy when it occasionally appears. Again, that would be a sign of me being #1 in her life. Hope this makes sense. IB people misread my post and think I was intentionally throwing tests at my ex edit 3 - I guess I feel like in order to keep a woman 100% interested in you, there always has to be a slight amount of doubt, or fear of losing you, in her mind. And I feel like because of that, you can never progress to 100% "being real" because if you get too comfortable, attraction will be lost. So when things are going perfectly, you have to do stupid shit (game/PUA) to engineer slight bits of doubt in her mind. Not big stuff, but just little stupid stuff. And that makes me not even want to be in a relationship. I look at my parents and they're still together and happy but they don't do any of that bullshit. My parents are just 100% happy with each other. My mom isn't worried about my dad doing shit and my dad isn't worried about my mom doing shit. And even if my mom went out and met Mr. Casanova master PUA who wanted to fuck her, she wouldn't even be phased because she's happy with my dad. And if my dad had models throwing themselves at him, he wouldn't even be tempted. Why is that so rare? Is everyone else damaged goods? Or do I just romanticize love in my mind?