LGBT Does it end?

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by smurfette, Sep 3, 2007.

  1. smurfette

    smurfette New Member

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    :sadwavey: Hey all. Tonight my girlfriend and I went out to Harrisburg (PA) for a festival they were having, complete with fireworks. While holding hands and walking through the crowds, we experienced so many disgusted looks. I recall actually being pointed to, having a women ignore the conversation she was in to do a 180 stare down, a girl about 20some giving us nasty looks, and Sophie (my gf) noted we actually received a triple take.

    This never bothered me before. I realize living in the good old Commonwealth of PA would get some looks. Lesbians (apparently) are not a common sight, and there is nothing wrong with the straight folk being curious. I don't mind looks. It's the brutal disapproving glares that cut deep.

    After a year, you'd think I wouldn't let it bother me as much, but we've only recently begun hanging out in busy places (usually it was the mall, movies, friend's houses; places that aren't too crowded) like festivals, fairs, and that lot. Naturally, the more people around, that more likely judgment is.

    I almost cried tonight, I really did. It is so frustrating trying to enjoy myself like any other person and end up feeling like an alien or something.

    I suppose what I'm wondering is: is there a point where I'll become blind to this? Oblivious, or perhaps just not care about it? Does this go away, or should it after a year? Did I miss something? Maybe I just have to get stronger...I thought I was strong.

    Comments?

    *cliffs - I lost all faith in humanity*
     
  2. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    so sorry smurfette

    you can imagine why I love a place like san francisco, where nobody really cares...you get some stares, but nobody has the ability to get away with really being stupid about it (like you are experiencing there)

    I really am sorry. You can't imagine how it was for me in public with melvin, who was so afraid of being found out.

    i fucking hate straight people sometimes
     
  3. smurfette

    smurfette New Member

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    *hug* thanks
     
  4. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    you know... all I can think to say is what you're doing might not be easy to do - you might not like it and you might get frustrated and lose hope in humanity.

    Before you get too down on all the negativity that surrounded you tonight - think about that one girl in the crowd - the one who is surrounded by the same hate you experienced tonight - ALL the time... She sees no hope, she sees no future for herself, she sees no one like her... and then she goes to a festival and sees you - holding hands - acting natural and having fun...

    put on that face and be a role model for those who will follow.

    holy shit - i made myself teary eyed writing this. goddamn - i have so much respect for those who take the hard road and make things better for the future.
     
  5. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    i have no idea where all this emotion came from - im sitting here crying over this.

    All I know is when I was walking around as a kid - growing up - having fights in my head cause I wasnt the same as everyone else, whenever I saw someone different, I would silently celebrate and thank them in my mind.
     
  6. smurfette

    smurfette New Member

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    Aww, wow. I never thought about it like that. Despite those that do publicly show their disapproval, there are always those who need strong role models to look up to. Just like you said, to spark a little hope in the life of those who have none and feel lost and alone.

    Thank you so much, that was really touching, and will make the bullshit of the oblivious easier to handle.
     
  7. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    You should care if you do. It's different for all people. Some people choose to have thicker skin (sometimes by stating that "those people are just shitty") and others meet people on a level playing field and it bothers them when they are treated poorly. There's no right way to go about the way you live. I don't think, for me at least, that explaining why people do bad things based on simple character flaws is healthy if my real goal is to treat others fairly. I wouldn't want that done to me. As lovely as I am, I do treat people shitty sometimes. I still expect some...general respect. Maybe. ;)

    Unfortunately I see a lot of gay people close the door on good people that simply haven't been exposed to homosexuality. This actually is more harmful, as it makes it something that isn't talked about and can't be discussed. That probably bothers people. The "You should just accept it" mentality is difficult to really learn anything from. "Well, you really shouldn't be gay," can be said with just as much justification. I don't want to say that, but...well, I hate logic.

    They're basing their...judgement...on what they have learned from people without any clue. They could be more educated on the subject, and they could educate themselves on the subject. I think by being seen you're helping solidify that us gay people have lives to live and it doesn't really affect other people unless they choose for it to affect them. What you should be asking is--when will these people be exposed enough that they glance at you two like any other couple? I glance at couples sometimes... especially if they're both rather hot.

    I don't think being oblivious is being strong. I think being a better person by not immediately forming opinions of them is strong. Assumptions are the pits of humanity. This can be applied universally. Look at these people pointing/glaring at you as teachers. As much as their actions bother you, they are not all bad people. It's just strange to them. Hopefully someday it won't be.

    That you are able to walk by holding hands shows that there have been some acceptance. Nobody felt strongly enough to walk up and question you. There's still a lot to be done, of course. :)

    Choose hope. :)
     
  8. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    You're a fine human, Sir Sholnay. :)
     
  9. smurfette

    smurfette New Member

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    Another quick thing. I realized that I was interested in other girls around age 13ish, but I've only been really "out" for a year and a half or so and this is my first relationship with another girl. My point is, this is all sort of new for me. I'm so glad I have you guys though :).
     
  10. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    thanks - that means a lot :)
     
  11. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    its great that you feel support here and im glad you posted your experience today.
     
  12. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    yea - thats a great quote.

    and its so very very true.
     
  13. RyRy

    RyRy Active Member

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    :hug: will read the rest of the thread later, only read the op so far :hs:
     
  14. camarosrool

    camarosrool yes i am

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    its worth the read :wavey:

    you are braver than I, I rarely show any form of public affection with my bf for fear of the same. I guess from my standpoint I also fear of physical harm that seems to be a bit more popular with the homosexual men. I hope someday I wont care, but for now, I am not as strong as you. Maybe in the future we will have people like you to thank for helping society get used to seeing two normal people mm mf or ff holding hands and not think anything of it
     
  15. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    I don't have much advice, but honestly, having lived in PA (Shippensburg, then State College...spent time around Harrisburg), I'm not surprised by the reactions you got. It really sucks, because A) relocating is not easy, and B) one should NOT have to relocate to feel more comfortable. Then again, change is good. There's nothing special about central PA, that's for sure. Move out towards Philly.

    I guess, in the mean time, the most important thing is to be comfortable with yourself and love who you are as much as you can. Everyone wants and needs validation, but to avoid certain pain, seek validation from people who actually matter, rather than complete ignorant strangers.
     
  16. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    It isn't str8t people, it is IGNORANT people. I get the same looks when I am out with the playmates and I am holding hands with the hubby then kiss the BF.
    Some people just can't deal with those who are different and that is THEIR problem (and their loss).
     
  17. Diesel Freak

    Diesel Freak ♂♂ Closet Crew OT Supporter

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    Ouch, that's really rough. :(

    I was in Montreal this weekend with Jason, and we had a great time. We showed affection for each other openly around our fellow car club members, and nobody really seemed to have a problem. We got a couple of looks initially, but after that there was no problem. Smiles and warm welcomes from everyone. :)

    Unfortunately, some areas of the world are still fucked up and feel the need to scrutinize peoples' personal lives. :dunno:
     

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