Does honesty negate wrong doing in any way?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by CaiWooBlue, Jul 24, 2008.

  1. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    My child is what made me think of this, as we are currently working on him to tell the truth immediately when he does something he shouldnt and is asked about it, rather than lie, hoping that he can avoid punishment this way. In doing this, he is less likely to get in trouble on the original offense, as we are trying to show how truthfulness is important in dealing with others.

    I feel this question can be applied and asked about adult romantic relationships as well though.

    Note: something you shouldnt is defined as anything you feel your SO would be unhappy with

    1. Do you feel that if YOU do something you shouldnt, but are immediately honest and up front about it, the negative consequences should be in any way negated because of your honesty?

    2. Do you feel that if your SO does something they shouldnt, and immediately is honest and up front about it, the negative consequences should be in any way negated because of thier honesty?

    Cliffs = thread title and bolded sections
     
  2. AutoEuphoria

    AutoEuphoria New Member

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    Fundamentally, no. But if you're honest about it, you get it off your chest (no guilt hanging over you for years), and it's harder on the other person if they find out later on down the road than if they're told right away. But it doesn't make much of a difference if it's something like cheating.

    In the end, having your SO do something and lie to you about it (or not tell you) is worse than having your SO do something and also have them confess. That act of confessing may show to that person that they recognize what they did was wrong, and had enough respect for that person to allow them to judge them for their actions right away, and give them the ability to choose whether or not they want to continue the relationship.
     
  3. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    To me honesty is when someone asks me something or tells me I did something and I don't tell the truth then I am not being honest.

    But if something happened that could ruin a relationship, or someones self-esteem and happyness, and I don't tell them, to me that isn't dishonesty, it is more like "what you don't know can't hurt you". To me keeping information from someone that doesn't know about it anyways isn't being dishonest.

    I think it is up to the individual to decide what they feel is that boundry line between being dishonest and telling someone about something that happened.

    There was a thread a few weeks ago where and OTer is getting married and he asked if he should tell his fiance that he had a one time affair with his ex-girlfriend several years ago. Half of OT said tell her, the other half said don't. I feel that telling her would have just hurt her, and since he felt guilty about it (his punishment) and it was a one time thing that would never happen again that he shouldn't have told her. I don't believe this to be dishonest.

    Now if she came to him before their wedding and asked him straight out if he ever cheated on her, then I believe that he should tell her.

    I pride myself in being a very honest man, but if I feel some piece of information could hurt someone then I don't feel that it is being dishonest in refraining from telling someone that piece of information.
     
  4. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    So the honesty does not negate the original wrong doing, but it makes things clearer in the sense that there are less falsehoods to be angry about?

    For the topic purposes, it is something that is asked and needs to be answered flat out. Hence a difference between ommitance and out right lying.

    I do agree that there is a definitely difference between the two, and there is an obvious place for what one knows wont hurt them.
     
  5. AutoEuphoria

    AutoEuphoria New Member

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    Correct. It doesn't take away the fact that you did it, but it might make it easier to handle (read: more likely to be forgivable) if you are honest and upfront about it.
     
  6. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    My thoughts on the subject. I wanted to see a couple views before I stated mine.

    For both cases, I feel that honestly can slightly negate that original offense.

    For example, my husband and I do have an open relationship, so our theories on cheating are different than most, but if he were to cheat (according to our definitions) and at some point I were to ask him about it and he said yes, I would be psychologically better equipped to handle it, thereby being less upset than if he were to say no, i didnt and I later find out otherwise, which would then compound the grievances. Still seperate grievances, but hard to sort in ones angry mind.

    Now on something so simple as, did you go buy that "xxxx" we agreed you wouldnt, and he says yes. I would be less mad, more disappointed in fact, than if he said no, and I were to then the receipt for it. In fact in this instance I would ask that he return it, whereas in the first I would just deal.

    Thats why I said anything that your SO may not like, as I feel in general, it does negate, though I realize that there are a few circumstances where it would not.
     
  7. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    Okay thanks for letting me know. I hate not being sure I understand someone correctly.
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    In this type of situation, honesty is damage control. It prevents further build up of guilt, resentment, and other tensions. It also allows one to have the attitude of "Ok, I made a mistake, let's work on dealing with it". It does not excuse the action though.
     
  9. Cumstang02

    Cumstang02 New Member

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    Is it in yet?
    The consquences are going to be there, peroid. The time i chose to tell her about it determines when i face those consquences.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I've always been far more lenient when my bf or any bf has been truthful right off the back. Holding anything back or lying is what results in much harsher punishment :squint:
     
  11. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Lying is a huge black mark to me, but being honest doesn't get you off anything. As an example, if I find out someone cheated on me I'll be seriously pissed, but if someone tells me they cheated then I will be less angry. Both situations would result in a breakup but the negative feelings that will occur will be completely different for me.

    You shouldn't be rewarded for telling the truth, being honest should be expected.
     
  12. arsbu

    arsbu New Member

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    Definitely less harsh of a punishment for being honest. If they're honest and tell me they cheated, I would most likely continue talking with them (although never get back into a relationship with them). But if they cheated and I found out some other way I would never talk to them again.
     
  13. Vanilla Tarantino

    Vanilla Tarantino OT Supporter

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    It's not that honesty should result in leniency, but that dishonesty should be punished in addition. The person should still be punished for their initial action and also be punished for hiding it/lying about it if applicable.

    For example, cheating. The punishment is that the relationship is over. If they're honest about it, perhaps a friendship can be salvaged. If they hide it or lie about it, the relationship is over and any hope of a friendship is as well.
     
  14. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    .

    And it may just be that i've been stuck in a foreign land for six weeks, but this comment has be terribly turned on :o
     
  15. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    thats exactly how i feel as well
     
  16. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    dishonsty by omission
     
  17. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    .
     
  18. fray

    fray New Member

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    I don't think it makes it any better, it just doesn't make it worse.
     
  19. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    I like seeing everyones opinion on this. and they ALL make sense. :)
     
  20. AutoEuphoria

    AutoEuphoria New Member

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    x2. Probably the most simple, yet entirely accurate response.
     
  21. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    This is our theory also.
     

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