SRS does anyone else not have anything to talk about with women?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by black jesus, Dec 27, 2007.

  1. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I can't even go up to women and start talking because I have nothing to say. Really, I have nothing to talk about nor to keep talking about. I don't have anything to say or talk about which anyone else wants to hear.
    I'm about to turn 27 and I've been laid once in the past 5 years.
     
  2. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    .
     
  3. daneeyah

    daneeyah Guest

    make us laugh lol :)
     
  4. R.Kelly

    R.Kelly OT Supporter

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    I know how you feel, I use to be the same way.

    Then I just started doing stuff that was interesting to me. I started reading the news more, reading books (I read a lot of psychology and history). Plus just having fun. If you have fun, you will have stories to tell.
     
  5. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You have nothing to talk about?? What do you talk about when talking to your friends??
     
  6. DatacomGuy

    DatacomGuy is moving to Canada

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    Beat me to it.
     
  7. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I travel for work...so I don't really have friends anymore. I ran into a buddy over the weekend and kinda freaked out because I don't really have anything to say in general. All I do is fuck with the miata and go to work. All work, no play.
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Dude...I've worked a job where I was there 50-60 hours a week normally. When it was busy, I'd kick it up to 80 or 90 hours.

    I still had stuff to talk about. I think you're being a bit harsh.

    Mainly with other people, I'd ask them what they were into. Other people like to talk about themselves. SO ask them....then go with the flow.
     
  9. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I was at my home 33 days over an 18 month period. Its different when you constantly go from place to place, never to return.

    If a woman came up to me, and I weren't blown away that a woman was speaking to me, I'd wonder WTF was wrong with her that would compel her to speak to a total stranger about something I don't give a fuck about.
     
  10. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    Any woman I'd respect would see through pick up artist crap instantly and think less of me. I don't see how I'm supposed to replicate behaviors I do not respect to get women to speak to me. I don't discount the Mystery Method stuff, and I believe it works, but I feel like such a douchbag doing it. Any reasonable person sees through that shit.

    I have this interpretation that women don't appreciate men trying to pick them up in general. Women always have horror stories or crap about men acting like idiots trying to pick them up. i don't want to be that for reasons I've stated above.
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    True, I've never traveled that much so I dunno. However, I have known people that traveled and they used that as the excuse for being so open and up front with people.....because if the other person got upset or didn't want them around, they'd be gone the next week anyways so who gives a fuck??
    Perhaps she just finds you cute and she wants to talk. Perhaps she's lonely also but instead of moping about, she's being assertive and trying to eliminate her loneliness.

    Does it really matter tho? Can't you just enjoy a casual experience of talking with another person??? Even if they do all the talking?
     
  12. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    Apparently not...lol. I don't see why people are supposed to speak to random people about shit that is probably not appreciated by the other party. Its too random. It just doesn't make sense to me, and now I'm at a wall in this conversation, so I'll just let the thread die because its a concept I cannot grasp, probably never will, and if I keep on debating people here will take it as disrespect and a lack of desire to change my life for the better. Thanks for trying, I'm just a certified moron who's either going to turn into a serial killer or suicide because I'm tired of dealing with the shit in general. 27 years old, and nothing to show for my existence and the last memory I have of women was 8 fucking years ago.
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    It's your immediate assumption that it won't be appreciated by the other person. I don't necessarily share that assumption.
    That's cool....but you know, you can change this if you want to. It's really up to you. When you're ready, you'll find the answers you're looking for....till then....happy trails.
    How about just accepting that your journey through life is different than others? I've had to do that also because here I am at 40 and I've never been married....not once. Have I had opportunities? Sure but I don't kick the shit out of myself anymore....and I'm looking forward to the day I'll get married. So really, my path is just different and I'm ok with that today.....I wasn't always OK with it.

    Anyways, good luck.
     
  14. daneeyah

    daneeyah Guest

    You are fortunate enough to travel and meet new people.. yet your not.
    Even if your working while your away from home, make the best out of it and attempt to make friends with whomever crosses your way if you have the chance to.

    And I know how hard it can be to start up conversations with strangers... I can barely do it myself. I gotta know the person and feel comfortable in order to get close to someone on such a personal level. But its tons easier when the other person starts the conversation and brings up something that I can relate to somehow.

    Talk about anything, something in the news, the weather, holiday plans- just random crap lol.

    Don't jump to the conclusion they'd think less of you so quickly... thats not true.
    As an example, just the other day some really nice guy was in the same aisle as me in the grocery store. I guess I was blocking his way so I moved, but then he started up a conversation. He talked about really random stuff- school/work, holiday plans... at first I was like wow I don't even know you, but then I started to engage in the conversation too.
    And then at the very end of the conversation he called me beautiful... and it totally made my day. I didn't think he was a jerk, douchbag, or any less of him. Nothing came out of the conversation, except that after those 5 mins, I thought to myself, wow what a really nice guy.. and for the rest of the day I felt confident.
     
  15. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

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    I used to be this way some what. I still have issues with trying to think of things to talk about. I have learned you need to talk about yourself and what interests you. Don't brag about yourself, just talk about yourself.
     
  16. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    But he still had no reason to discuss a bunch of shit that you didn't want to hear about. How do you know he wasn't going to kill you? I see no reason these women should listen to anything I have to say...or any reason to not think I'm totally wacko for talking to someone I don't know about something they don't care about.
     
  17. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I do respect everyone here. More than myself. I respect all other people so much I do not want to burden them with childish antics. I don't want to annoy all these people, but lets say 10% of the time I want to be normal.
     
  18. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    I like to talk a little about the shit I do (you travel, that's a nice line of discussion) and let her talk for days bout the shit she does and throw in a tease now and then.
     
  19. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    you travel for work and you have nothing to talk about? How does this happen? I can see it

    You and she are discussing what you do for work:

    You: Oh, I do a lot of traveling for my work.
    Her? Oh, where all do you travel?
    You: List of places
    Her: What's your favorite place? What's this place like?

    Conversation goes from there
     
  20. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    I don't understand how people have nothing to talk about when it comes to the opposite sex.

    You encounter so much shit throughout the day, how is there nothing to talk about? You're just scared and not trying hard enough.

    The other day at the bar I got into a conversation with a girl about big toilet paper rolls, for Christ's sake. She was laughing and eating up every word I had to say.

    The topic of conversation is not as important as some people seem to build up in their head. It's not so much what you say, but how you say it. Just have something to talk about and display confidence when you talk. And be playful! You need to be resourceful and ultimately just not give a shit about what you say.
     
  21. 2500

    2500 Guest

    If I had to take a guess, I'd say you prolly tense up and have a brain fog more than anything. Everyone has something to talk about. I am out of work right now, and live with my bf, the only person I know within 700 miles of me, and I am ALWAYS talking, lol. I can walk up to random people and talk their ear off about anything. I think when you go up to a girl, you prolly get freaked out because you've come to the conclusion you can't talk to them, that you try so hard to think of something and all you come up with is a blank. Next time, try not to even think about it. Be interested in the girl, want to hear what she has to say, and just ride the convo. Don't worry about what to say. Things will come if you just relax and don't think about "OMG, what am i gonna say!"
     
  22. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    i think the issue is the talking and not the not having anything to talk about.
     
  23. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    So I managed to get a # from a girl, after she threw me a segue to do it, then hooked a deal up through a mutual friend. However, I still feel like I don't really have anything to talk about. Its not like I'm not trying, I just don't have much to say to people i don't know.
     
  24. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    I think that you try to find a meaning to every conversation, wondering ''what's it for'', ''why bother''. Not everything you do has to have a certain goal. Just passing time, having fun, etc are goals by themselves, you don't necessarily have to have a certain objective when talking with someone.

    I understand how you feel when you say that it's not useful though. I used to be like this too. I think that you've been on your own for so long that you forgot how to make a conversation flow without it feeling too artificial. There are some ebooks on dating that seem dumb at first glance which should give you pointers on how to make a conversation flow.

    So basically, I think that you have a problem with ''meaning'' and ''usefulness''. You're concerned with what is practical and I'm sure that it's a quality that's considered positive when you're doing your job, so it's a tendency that's excacerbated. The only thing is that it's interfering with your hapiness, self-worth and overall personal life. What's the point of thinking about meaning if it's going to make you feel like shit all the time ?

    Get Irving D. Yalom's book called ''existential psychotherapies''. We told you to see a psychologist and you ''can't'' so it's something that should get you some food for thought. He basically says that there are 4 existential problems which we have to deal with : death, isolation, freedom and lack of sense. The strategy he suggests to give meaning and fight the lack of sense is, surprisingly, not to think about it directly. It's useless, life has no meaning. The solution is to do something, engage yourself in an activity. I think you'll like that book, I keep whoring it but I think it's awesome :o
     
  25. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    lol @ canned material.

    that shits so fucking lame.

    just talk to em about shit they might be interested in. like celebs, (no politics)

    celebs are a great convo piece.
     

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