Do you want to be your SO's priority?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Apr 30, 2010.

?

In a serious LTR

  1. I'm male - I want to be my SO's #1 priority

    56 vote(s)
    40.9%
  2. I'm male - I don't want to be #1 in my SO's life. I want her to have something else.

    39 vote(s)
    28.5%
  3. I'm female - I want to be my SO's #1 priority

    25 vote(s)
    18.2%
  4. I'm female - I don't want to be #1 in my SO's life. I want him to have something else.

    7 vote(s)
    5.1%
  5. I don't do serious LTRs so n/a

    10 vote(s)
    7.3%
  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Based in part on my recent breakup and also in part of a book I'm reading, I pose this question:

    Do you want to be your SO's priority?

    I just picked up a book called "the Way of the Superior Man" (http://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1272602819&sr=8-1) and there's a chapter called "She Doesn't Want to Be Your Priority" or something like that. In fairness, I haven't read the book yet.

    I've heard from many people that women don't actually want to be your #1 priority, that they are attracted to you because of the things you do, like the fact that you're dedicated to whatever it is you do (I guess women call this "ambition") but if they were to become your #1 priority, they would lose that attraction for you because they don't want you to base your life around them.

    That makes perfect sense to me, but it also sounds retarded. It almost sounds like PUA/game theory vs. non-PUA/game theory.

    Personally, in a serious LTR, I expect to be the #1 priority in my SO's life. For example, this means if you get offered your dream job across the country, you either don't take it (because staying with me is more important), or we decide together that we'll move there (because "us" is more important).

    I can only imagine that changing if I were to have kids, at which point I hear they become your #1 priority.

    Discuss.

    Please note the poll says "in a serious LTR." Obviously by definition if it's casual you don't give a shit. In fact, I wouldn't want a girl I was dating casually to make me her priority. That'd be weird.
     
  2. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    That's pretty much how I feel.
     
  3. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    I started with chapters 44 and 46 and they didn't hold my interest (Ejaculation Should Be Converted or Subconsciously Chosen and Ejaculate Up the Spine) Maybe because I don't know the sensation :dunno:

    Are you thinking of skipping to the next chapter? :mamoru: ... Your Excellent Track Record is Meaningless to Her
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    TBH I haven't even started reading the book yet.

    Ejaculate up the spine? wtf? That sounds like some advanced qigong or taoist practice of regaining jing or whatever :squint:
     
  5. PcH

    PcH Guest

    I don't have an SO currently, but I don't if I'd want her to be me #1 thing, but damn close if not.
     
  6. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I want our relationship to be my husband's number one priority, but I voted that I wanted me to be his #1 priority.

    I want my husband to focus on what he is doing. When he is at work, I want him to concentrate on his work. When he is playing his games I want him to enjoy and concentrate on enjoying himself. I just want him to take into account that he has other things in his life he needs to give his attention to and remember to come home from work, and finish up gaming before he gets lost in his geek room for a whole night.
     
  7. CalicoJackie

    CalicoJackie New Member

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    I expect to be as important as the other things in his life, but not #1.
     
  8. Kyoko

    Kyoko New Member

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    I've been in relationships where I wasn't a priority. These relationships were extremely emotionally abusive. I didn't have enough self-esteem to walk away, so I convinced myself that it acceptable to constantly feel unimportant, and that thought process left me broken for years. It fucking sucked.

    I'm not saying that I have to be my SO's number one focus all day, everyday. Far from it. I admire men who have hobbies or goals that they're passionate about. But there's a difference between having ambitions and having ambitions so far up your ass that you're unable to treat human beings like human beings.

    My bf and I are great together. We have independent ambitions, but in the end we find away to mesh and work together as a TEAM. I don't think it's okay to dismiss your SO as a priority because you're afraid of X or Y reasons. I think that if you're going to work together, you have to put ALL of your priorities on the table and figure out how to make things work.

    Those PUA books are full of shit. Maybe there are women out there who like to feel like they aren't important, but as someone who's been-there-done-that, I can say from experience that these women are emotionally broken and damaged. And all this asshole did was write a book about how to prey on and manipulate them.
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You also just have to give a shit. Sounds like you found a guy who does. :bigthumb:

    Question. You have actually read some such PUA book? Or is this just something you have heard and believed?
     
  10. john law

    john law Guest

    who would waste their money on a PUA book? Just go out and talk to the ladies for free.
     
  11. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Absolutely not.
     
  12. Kokomo

    Kokomo OT Supporter

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    In a long term relationship I expect to be the number 1 priority as she is mine
     
  13. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Fuck that. I tend to bail when I notice I'm the priority.

    You know what my number 1 priority is? Me (my enjoyment of life). I don't need to turn down life decisions because I'm tied down as someone's #1 priority.

    If I get that dream job on the other side of the planet, and you can't come.... Nice knowing you.
     
  14. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    My fucking nga :h5:
     
  15. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I actually get enjoyment by pleasing my husband. So putting him first is essentially putting me first. Crazy concept :p
     
  16. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    I'm gunna assume that was aimed at me (and JAO).

    I get off on making my SOs happy too. Just because my priority is me doesn't mean I can't share focus on others. I can actually care for another person while enjoying my life. Crazy concept.
     
  17. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    :werd:

    I know my SO enjoys making me happy, and likewise. But if her main purpose/focus was me, every day, she'd make me irritable and get sickening real fast
     
  18. crown royal

    crown royal Active Member

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    I know it's a poll and all, but I think it's just too simplistic to answer. Why can't my life's work, my happiness AND my SO be equitable priorities? I'd prefer to balance them all out in a way that creates the greatest good for all involved, especially myself. I'd expect the same from my SO.
     
  19. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i don't think it's that black and white. i agree with falconer about the "dream job across the country" scenario, but there are a lot of times in life when there are other priorities that need to come before the relationship.

    what if my SO's family member got sick and he had to go live with them for a few months to take care of them? i wouldn't want him to stay with me, because his family should be a higher priority in that case.

    another example, i am about to start a very rigorous school program. it will probably be tough on our relationship because i will be very busy, he'll be working too, and we might not get to see each other that often. but i'm not going to sacrifice my career goals and choose an easier school/job for the sake of our relationship.

    while i think that your SO should play a role in most of your major decision making, i can't say that they should be the #1 highest priority. my point is just that the big priorities sometimes move around in the top spots in life.
     
  20. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Your lifes work has to take you to Australia for 5 years for some reason (just go with it), but your SO has to stay wherever you live because she's advancing in her career and if she were to leave it'd only fuck her over.

    What do you do?
     
  21. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    this is basically what i was trying to say, put more concisely :o
     
  22. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    at this stage in my life? no. we're both too young to tie ourselves to each other just yet.
     
  23. crown royal

    crown royal Active Member

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    Can we define SO here? If we've been seeing each other for < year and I don't know whether she is who I want to spend the rest of my life with, I probably go with the job.

    If we've been together 3 years and I have an inclination that I wish to grow old and infirmed with her by my side, job loses.

    I guess what I mean is that by the time she is so much my SO that the term SO is truely applicable, naturally I'll choose her over moving away. Life's work doesn't provide that as an option.
     
  24. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Fuck my SO. I want to be everybody's priority. :rofl:
     
  25. crown royal

    crown royal Active Member

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    :rofl:

    I would like to realign my position to this. Why can't y'all just notice that the universe is orbiting one central point - ME.
     

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