SRS Do You Find It Difficult

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by METALLlC BLUE, Mar 10, 2005.

  1. Do you find it difficult to accept help, or input from others? I myself find it very hard. Many reasons of which aren't very reasonable or logical but none the less make it hard for me to trust the insight of others or to listen. While I may know on a very conscious level that I haven't all the answers - and so I listen and absorb data, on a deeper level I have an awful time allowing what is said to me to sink in and really reach that core that helps move me into action and towards accentuating a wiser approach to handling certain issues in my life. I'm a stubborn bastard, and a perfectionist, and I'm doing all the things I can to discontinue that behavior - yet I find more often than not I have to learn through painful lessons, and it's not something I can simply decide to do. It's an awful pattern, and a curse.

    I hate being out of control, and not having answers. It's probably one of the reasons I've worked so hard in my life to find answers. It's a big shortcoming, and yet it has some merits. Overall however It's such a fruitless journey in many ways because I'm always falling short, and always holding myself responsible for things I couldn't possibly know any better on. I can stack up all the knowledge in the world and there is always more, always something else, but if I'm not really alive at the heart - if I can't really let people in, and listen to what they have to offer, I'm just doomed.

    Does anyone else find it difficult to let down their walls, to trust others insight, and to really deeply feel it's ok to let go of control?
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I do not ask for help from others EVER!

    Im far too proud.

    And i'll gladly take the negative consequenses of not asking help from anyone.
     
  3. raded

    raded New Member

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    I tend to post here because I have trouble verbalizing the same things. even if I'm just typing it out, I will leave things out that might be important or useful :o

    just scared, I guess.
     
  4. raded

    raded New Member

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    oh, and there's also the issue of trusting people and getting hurt. the easier you trust someone, the more likely you are to get hurt.
     
  5. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    If its not something I've thought of at all... then I usually resent advice from others. That doesn't mean that I won't think about it, and if I decide they're right that it won't affect me... but I resent it. Always. Its been hard cultivating the ability to get past that resentment and take a good look at the advice, but I think I've made progress.
     
  6. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    Weird, I often feel the same way. Well, more often than not I would venture to guess.
     
  7. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Its common. The idea is to learn to evaluate what they say anyway. Outside looking in is a perspective you can't have... but can learn from. Even though it offends, because its kinda violating.
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I can usually answer my own questions because I know what everyone is going to say anyway. I do try to look at situations from every angle possible. But when I was younger, I would ask for help and never listen to anyone. :mamoru:
     
  9. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Depends if the advice is useful and has any insight to it. If it does, great, I'm all for it. If not...next.
     
  10. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I never asked for help before either. Not family nor friends. Always felt like I had to take care of things myself or nobody will. It's not only till about a year ago I looked at things and thought..."hey I'm not getting anywhere".

    So I'm doing things the George Costanza way in that episode where he did things completely opposite of what he was comfortable with. It's led to some twists in my life that's for sure.

    But trusting in help from those around me.... it's definitely revealed who I can lean on when I feel out of control.
     
  11. This feels very close to what I've experienced.
     
  12. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    I post here because, if I did not, some of my choices would of hurt a lot more people then intended. I absorb the information and basically weigh my options, and decide from their. And plus it is always good to have someone to talk to, it calms people down. They can ration with themselves and others if they would just stop and breath a little.
     
  13. The fact that I posted my other thread "I'm Caught" shows just how badly my walls have been attacked lately. I've really been trying to include more people and let others give more input while being much more open minded. I'm scared to death of being in limbo, alone and without any answers. That's where I am now.

    It's been so hard for me to let go but I've really hit rock bottom, so I'm trying to look up now and see who can help and who I can trust.
     
  14. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    I have had the same problem for years and years. Although I think I'm taking a step in the right direction. I talked to a place here called Valley Mental Health.

    A doctor is going to be calling me back on Monday to do a phone interview to see what needs to be done about it (as far as a councelor). I'm really nervous about it, but I know its for the better. :hs:
     
  15. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    It depends on what it is I am asking for help with. I too like to try to get my own answers or do things myself first. I do it like this only because I work with people that don't try to answer their own questions first, they just want to be spoonfed the answers. So I make an effort to do things myself first, so that I don't appear to be needy in someone else's eyes when I finally do need to ask.
     
  16. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    I LOVE learning, and i continue to learn everyday in my "new" job (of ~5 months). i thought i was smart until i started working there :mamoru:. anyways, i love when people take the time to teach me things. sometimes i think people give me more credit than they should, but they obviously don't feel the same way. so, no... i don't have a hard time absorbing info... i trust those in charge.

    however, when it comes to asking for help, that word is non-existant in my vocabulary. i love doing things on my own because i'm somewhat of a perfectionist. i feel that if i let others do it, it would end up wrong and i'd have to do it over again, so i'll just save time and do it myself. :hs: there are VERY few people that i let into my life, and needless to say, i trust very few 100%.

    on the other hand, a lot of people i know are selfish and i've come to realize that it's better to do things on your own because not everyone follows through with their commitments. that was a BIG lesson i learned this christmas 2004, and i will not be going through that again. :rant2:... needless to say, i've adjusted my willingness to help others because of it. basically, if you shit on me, you won't see my help ever again. it's sad, but that's my philosophy... you have my trust until you lose it. EVERYONE that knows me knows that's how i work, tho.
     
  17. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Well, at work I've been like that too -- seemed like nobody could do it better then me so why bother? But I learned recently you'll end up as frustrated as I've been...you're adopting work back and it will just keep building.

    They say leaders of successful businesses are the ones who learn how to make others perform the way they should. Work smarter...not harder. :) So if those numbnuts don't do things right...make THEM do it over.
     
  18. *XxChocoTacoxX

    *XxChocoTacoxX Mmm... Choco tacos... :drool:

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    I don't find it difficult to accept help at all. I'll listen to what almost anyone has to say. But I generally don't do whatever the suggest. I take in what everyone says (if they say anything cause I generally never ask for anyone else's opinions on anything) and see how they correstpond to what I'm thinking and if I hear something that sounds good to me and that I agree with, I incorporated it into what I'm currently thinking about the situation to come up with a new, more cohesive idea. Once I do that and I get something that I really like, I implement it. That's about it.
     
  19. katt_85

    katt_85 OT Supporter

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    I usually don't turn to a friend for advice.
    For comfort, yes.
    but almost never advice as far as dealing with serious problems. If they were to give me honest critisism, then I will think it over depending on who they are and the situation. Theres about a handful of people whos opinions I admittedly value over others.
    If i ask at all, its probably someone i dont know well/ at all. Unbiased opinions. Or ill eventually come to a solution myself.
     
  20. Britney Spears

    Britney Spears New Member

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    I USED to have that problem. Seriously I did.

    I weighed out the factors and wisdom in my life, which was that society and parents put the pressure on me to be a self-reliant. Well, that I just did...

    In a single moment, I cracked the code. To be truly self-reliant, one cannot rely on programmed data and social imposed standards of a childhood. From that moment on, it is I- of whom, shall be the one to determine "how I should be"- set my own standards and realistic goals, while accepting the things that are near impossible as a fabricated reality of one: TELEVISION

    I understand that not everyone can disenfranchise themselves from their society/family's teachings as easy as I did and have no comment to those individuals.

    However, a free mind is at hand for anyone for the taking. But there's a price to pay...
     

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