SRS Do you actually enjoy talking to, flirting with or asking out women

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Hedweb Buddha, Jul 12, 2006.

  1. Hedweb Buddha

    Hedweb Buddha New Member

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    I don't really enjoy doing this anymore. I think it is because when I first started doing it a couple of years ago I was oblivious to signals and signs and would ask out random women w/o actually thinking about whether they were giving off positive signs or not. Plus I have had some bad experiences in my past with asking women out. I guess all the obliviousness on my part caused me to be embarassed to the point where I don't want to do it.

    So do you enjoy it? If so, what is your outlook that lets you enjoy it? I am wanting to get back into this but to do it with dignity and a sense of fun, and I'm not really sure how to do that.

    Here is a list of reasons I don't really enjoy it, off the top of my head

    -worry that I'll get made fun of (which has happened for various reasons). I want to become more assertive when some guy who sees me doing this makes a snide, insulting remark and I want to learn how to avoid women who are condescending as much as possible.

    -worry that if I do it that the womans relationships with me will change (she'll become standoffish and avoid me, or I'll avoid her if I ask her out)

    Does anyone have any ideas on what to do to overcome these things, or failing that to just enjoy talking to women and not taking it beyond that? What I noticed was that if I just stopped asking women out and instead just talked to them and flirted with them that I was more comfortable. So perhaps I'll just have to reserve myself to doing that.
     
  2. ay0

    ay0 New Member

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  3. Hedweb Buddha

    Hedweb Buddha New Member

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    Already read most of it a long time ago.
     
  4. Splak

    Splak New Member

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    Talking to, flirting and asking women out are on three totally different levels. I used to be very shy and even talking to random people wasn't enjoyable to me. Needless to say, I changed.

    Now I talk and many times flirt with everyone (male or female), it builds rapport, creates interest and most of all it's practice for when you do find someone you're really interested in. You need to get over being self-conscious and I think interacting with women will slowly become more natural. You can't worry about failing, sounding stupid, etc because that lack of confidence will show right through.
     
  5. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I don't flirt randomly like I used to. I'm not sure why that is but it might be from having a long time girlfriend and just losing my "game" from lack of practice :dunno:
     
  6. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Sure I love flirting and talking with women, but my interest really sparks when I find they have something perhaps deep/meaningful or colorful to say, or perhaps they vibe well... and we can vibe well together.
     
  7. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I am fine with talking to them and I'll sometimes flirt with them and make them laugh. I don't care about sounding stupid or looking stupid. If It makes them laugh and stuff, then thats all that matters. And I don't care what other people say. If they say something negative, Maybe it'll sting at first but that passes but who cares. If your targeting a certain woman and you make her laugh then who cares what other people think.

    I do have a hard time asking them out tho....thats a whole other level.
     
  8. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Yes! Flirting is fun! Flirting is little more than joking around and teasing. Why wouldn't it be fun?

    You can't control what other people do. Since you can't control what other people think or do then what is the sense of stressing over it? I think what needs to be worked on is your ability to ignore or be indifferent about such things. It's not easy but you can do it. What can you do about it? Nothing. So have fun. Who cares!

    Are you asking out friends of yours that are girls or are you becoming friends first with girls you are interested in and then later having to worry about asking them out?

    There are plenty other women out there than just your friends. I'd focus on girls you don't know. Flirting and approaching is a skill, and like most skills you don't start off being a stud, it takes practice. If you feel awkward about approaching cute girls, work on girls you don't feel intimidated by. I am not saying that you have to go out with them, but approach and flirt. Just for fun.

    If you are becoming friends first with a girl you are interested in, then you need to cut that out right away. That leads to friendzone and also causes a lot of problems. Be upfront and honest about your intentions with a girl. If you want to take her out don't sneak in as friends, simply ask the girl out on a date. What's the worst she can say? No? Walk away and work on the next one.
    The most successful guy I know at meeting women lets every rejection roll off of his shoulders and he moves onto the next one 10 seconds later. He keeps going. Every night he can have new numbers or dates. All because he tries.

    Practice. Practice makes perfect. If you don't want to practice on girls who are 9's or 10's then practice on 6's or 7's for awhile. Build yourself up.
     
  9. Memor

    Memor Active Member

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    Exactly!

    If you head into every encounter/conversation with the hopeful goal of asking them out, odds are it's not going to always happen and by not reaching that goal you don't feel fulfilled, or maybe feel inadequate, like you did things wrong, etc. It's all in your head.

    Head into every convo as though you were talking to your best friend from when you were a kid, give them funny looks, poke a little bit of fun at eachother, always have a good comeback for anything she throws at you, and let it flow as others have said. Then it's more of a "hey, this could be interesting - maybe it'll lead to something, maybe not. I'll just enjoy myself for now."
     
  10. JJDiri

    JJDiri New Member

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    Girls never want what they can have; that at least is what I have discovered.

    I have a large group of female friends of which about five are really close to me. I find women easier to talk to than men, surprisingly.

    I maintain close and personal friendships with all these women. That way, if I ever become single, I'll have a group waiting for me. If you hang out with a woman constantly [4-5 times a week is sufficient] for about two weeks, she will get to like you even better. All the while, flirt and make jokes with her about anything and everything. Let her know that you are protective over her and ask about her love life. Make it seem like you are interested in someone else; women, for me, have ALWAYS liked the challenge of 'winning me over,' when, in fact, there was no 'other woman.' To sum up-

    -Maintain a close relationship to the girl. Be there for her emotionally or physically when she needs you to. Don't drag it out too long, or you might end up in the 'Friend's Circle.'*
    -Flirt and make jokes with her. COMPLIMENT HER LOOKS!
    -Sound interested in someone else, so she doesn't know she can have you as easily.
    -Be protective of her
    -Question/talk about her love life with her
    -BE SECURE! Do not ask her if something is wrong, etc.
    -BE CONFIDENT! Do not ever feel like you're failing, or she will know!

    *When a girl becomes close friends with a guy, that guy is placed into the Friend's Circle. He is no longer seen as an entity for dating but rather only a friend. I've seen it happen a few times.

    P.S. Romance always works.
     
  11. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    If I don't enjoy it, she ain't the right one. Its always scary talking to someone new, but the right woman will give you this sense of excitement that is like an opiate, and this sense of comfort like... you can trust her somehow.
     
  12. Jake!

    Jake! Guest

    I never liked it because 95% of women (and men too - but I don't flirt with them) fall into:

    A) complete moran -incapable of anything which resembles a meaningful conversation
    B) materialistic
    C) lying filthy whore
     
  13. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    And its your job to immediately dismiss them, and charish the 5%. Its a numbers game.
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Exactly. How much crud does a gold panner sift through.
    If you don't want to sift...that's cool More gold for me.
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    depends on my mood
    it's fun if i'm not trying to prove something to myself
     
  16. Jake!

    Jake! Guest

    which is why i am marrying one of the 5% in a few weeks
     
  17. Hedweb Buddha

    Hedweb Buddha New Member

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    I'm not really afraid to approach, I've probably approached over 100 women in the last 2 years. I think it is more that when I was really bad at it I went in blind and build up a feeling that I shouldn't do it.

    I have met alot of outgoing, nice, flirty women. And even though most/all of the 20+ women I asked out said no (as I said, I wasn't actually looking for signs when I did it) several did give off good signs later. I remember one woman who was helping me with my homework and had my notebook on her lap. So i reach over to grab it and she starts giggling, which is generally a good sign. So its not like all women reject me. That is one example, there are others. Point is it isn't all bad by any means.

    I am just a bit confused at this point in my life. I enjoy women, but I think I've done it poorly so many times that I've become a bit 'lets not do this again' about it. I have more regrets than times that I actually feel good about asking a woman out. I have very few times where I regret actually talking to a woman (there are a few, but they are outnumbered greatly by the ok or good experiences) but most of the time that I ask them out I regret it.

    Perhaps just learning more social skills while I talk to women and learning how to read signals is my best bet. But even when I did that I regret it sometimes. One girl from class I talked to for about 10 minutes as I walked her back to her dorm and she seemed excited to share personal info but she never called. I don't mind that but what bothers me, and I could be paranoid, is that she skipped class the whole rest of the week after this (this was the next to last week of class). I have had other women avoid me too after I ask them out. I do mind women becoming really standoffish when I see them again after I ask them out, which happens alot. And if I do get dates it'll just be more of the same, them avoiding me or me avoiding them after it turns bad. I wish I was more mature and had higher standards, I'll have to address that.

    So again, I think just talking to/flirting with them is best and not really try to ask any of them out or ask for phone numbers/email/etc. I have had too many bad experiences with that.
     

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