SRS Do I throw away all the old love letters, cards and notes?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Paulie Walnuts, Feb 10, 2009.

  1. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    For some that may not remember Im going through a divorce and in two weeks we have the mediation to settle things and then its over.

    Recently I have severely regressed I am sure based on the upcoming event and I have been going through this stage of getting rid of as much crap as possible. Tonight I came a across a folder in the closet with all the love letters and things of that nature. I did not want the marriage to end, she gave up. Do I throw all these things out or keep them to look back on in the future? Do I mail all of them back to her?

    Am I over thinking things?
     
  2. lionsgraphics

    lionsgraphics OT Supporter

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    Does it bother you that you have them? If you have them will you go back and look at them?
    If yes, then throw it out. Mailing sounds like hassle and she'll get too much pleasure out of it.

    I guess it's different with the marriage. However, if I know that I need to get over someone, I trash all of the digital pics, presents, e-mails, texts and put away MP3s that will remind me of her. Mp3s usually come back in 6 months tho' :). Worked for me 3 times in a row.

    Good luck.
     
  3. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    I cannot get rid of the pictures yet.
     
  4. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    I say get rid of them, it won't do you any good to keep them.
     
  5. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    get rid of all of it. Of course it is hard to do, but that does not mean it does not have to be done.
     
  6. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    Stuff everything in a box and put iot somewhere where you won't stumble over it. You'll reach a point where you will be able to go through it and finally let it go...right into the trash. :bowdown:

    Good luck. :hsd:
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Get rid of it.
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    If you don't want to get rid of it yet then seal it all up in a box and put it away somewhere you won't see it.
     
  9. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    In the past I have put them all in a box and burnt them :big grin: It wasn't a healthy relationship though and I found it was very helpful to get rid of them with such flare!

    To me it doesn't sound like you should get rid of them. Yes you need to move, but you don't want to throw something out that may be able to assist you in the future.
     
  10. squall458

    squall458 New Member

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    I say keep it. It hurts now but down the road when your old, you might want to reflect on your life and burning all those memories will make that kinda hard. You had good times to remember and now some bad.
     
  11. tainted beef

    tainted beef I got Grape Nuts

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    I'm 5 months deep into my seperation, got served papers Jan 15th. haven't gone ot medistion, I did not want a divorce either after 10 yrs and 2 kids. I have pics of us and the kids in my little girls room because she wants them there (8 yrs old). It sucks dude...:hug:
     
  12. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    :wavey: long time no talk how are you?
     
  13. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    Im always on after 8pm weeknights if you want to chat.

    AIM and Yahoo: PaulieWalnuts447
     
  14. Ridonkulous1

    Ridonkulous1 New Member

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    I think it depends what type of person you are. Having them around for now will be kinda like the elephant in the room, especially after you've taken note of them. But, you might appreciate having them down the line. I guess it all comes down to whether or not you think you'll like having them later in life. If not, toss them because they can't possibly do you good in the short run.
     
  15. boosted420

    boosted420 New Member

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    I trashed all my hurtful memories over 14 years ago....I regret that decision now.

    My suggestion would be to tuck it away in a box and put it in the garage or some other storage facility. 15 years later you'll dig it up and share some stories, laughs, smiles, and perhaps tears...but you'll be a bigger person then and can handle it better.
     
  16. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    Good point:wavey:
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hs: I'm great! I was just thinking about you two when you suddenly made this thread. I hope things are getting better for you. I think for you it would be best to get rid of those things. Keeping the pictures is totally understandable, but you still need to put them away somewhere because having them out in the open is pretty much weird if you are dating new people. Pictures were the one thing I didn't get rid of, however, once you just get rid of all the other crap you will be blown away how light your shoulders feel afterwards. You'll never think about what you threw away again so do it. It's fine to keep photos because thye are acceptable happy memories, but there really is no logical reason to keep old love letters or tiny gifts because you should be optimistic that you will get those things again in the future from someone else.
     
  18. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    That is what I decided to do. Thanks all for your advice.
     
  19. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    I had an absolutely amazing 3 hour phone call with my GF of 4 months last night about the whole thing. She did not initially want to hear about things understandably so, but last night she laid out everything as did I. She is the smartest woman I have ever met and had a way of going through my whole marriage and separation and now divorce objectively. It was amazing to see how much of blame that I was incorrectly taking for what happened. She was the one that gave up, she like a coward directed things so that she could escape rather than try and resolve issues. She just quit like a child would plain and simple. Today I woke up so relaxed and ready to go to mediation and just end everything and not sweat it. I have no doubt that I will have some of the bad feelings back and be a bit emotional at it but I think Im really ready to let go. I do not feel like this was my fault anymore. I made mistakes yes, I could have done somethings differently but I did the best I could with what I had. I was an adult and tried to resolve the issues. I tried many different ways to get through to her, every way I knew how and she did not have the maturity to deal with it so she locked it all inside and then gave up. Again, it was easier to quit and bury it in the garden.

    I hope you are doing well!

    If you have a Facebook feel free to add me. Search Ryan Osborn in Minnesota. Nice to see you were thinking about me :wavey:
     
  20. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

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    save it, but dont look at it for a few years. you will one day be able to either smile or end up throwing it away with no problems.

    do not send it to her, haha. in hindsight, that will drive you crazy thinking about how lame of a decision that was.
     
  21. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I've kept all the special things that people who once loved me gave to me: letters, gifts, cards, and pictures.Sometimes I keep the regrets too, if only for my own personal humility. It's apart of my life as I remember it and we've all got an independent story.

    I'm not like an infant of six months, where if you take something out of sight and hide it behind your back, the infant will assume it's gone forever --not knowing that it's merely removed out of sight. Some people can't cope any other way than to throw away these things, but eventually I think it's in their best interest to think about it.

    The past may be dead and over, and all things we experienced may be resigned as a time in history, but as long as I have my memory always inside of me, I want to remember those good times. The relationships of the past weren't black and white, there were real feelings, real love,and of course real problems. I don't believe for a second -- and some may call me ignorant or an idealist for thinking such -- that people are inclined to harm other people they once loved, especially not without their own complicated story. Whether they quit, blame, cheat, lie or worse -- there is a story, and If possible, I want to know the truth, I don't want to demonize them anymore, just so I can be the victim of my own sad subjective perspective. I realize there are true events which are unpleasant and subject us to tragic uncontrollable impulses, but I still search for answers. This isn't ideal, there is no ideal for every life. There is no perfect love or perfect understanding among human beings -- that's what I've observed.

    Some memories I'd prefer to forget when suffering most acutely, but forgetting isn't the answer. Managing what we went through is, so we can forgive (not forget), and learn from any mistake I or the other person made.

    Those who assume I'm speaking in respect to romantic relationships should think again.
     
  22. tainted beef

    tainted beef I got Grape Nuts

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    Thanks, i will keep that in mind :)
     

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