SRS Do I still consider this friend as my "best friend"?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by newsroom_can, Dec 21, 2007.

  1. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

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    So I have this buddy whom I've known for nearly 10 years. We've been close friends since high school and we hang out on a regular basis. I guess in a way, we've been like brothers.

    Lately, however, it seems like we are taking different paths. Mainly because I am working full time and he's still a student. He probably won't graduate for another few years. We went to different universities but we still hung out. He just transfered to that university last year and he started to make friends from his school. And I have my other friends from my own alma mater.

    Also we don't really have same interests and hobbies. He is interested in stuff that I don't really care about and vice versa. We like/play different sports (him = basketball & soccer, me = football, hockey & golf) My friends from my university, on the other hand, share similar interests and hobbies. So when we (me and college buddies) hang out or do something, it can be more than just sitting around and talking about some random stuff.

    I've been also noticing that we seem to have very different view on different aspects of life. (Even when I was still in school, I had different views on these stuff.) Of course, I am not putting him down or criticizing him.

    But what I am wondering is this. We haven't really talked to each other since mid October. He hasn't called me and I haven't called him. I guess he is busy hanging out with his own college friends. I have been busy with my new work/career (which I started in September) and I have my own college friends to hang out with. (Although, most of my college friends are also working full time and we all have been busy with our work.)

    I guess, in a way (but not really), it makes me a little mad that this friend (who claims to be my best friend) haven't even bother to call me just to say hello. I could've been drop dead for several weeks and he wouldn't even know about it. (At the same time, I also haven't even bothered to contact him.)

    I don't know. Do I still consider him as my "best friend"? On one hand, we are quite different and we haven't even talked to each other in few weeks. On the other hand, he has known me since we were kids and he is one of few friends from high school that I kept in touch with.

    Is your best friend quite different from you as well?

    I just wanted to get this out and hear what you have to say on this.
     
  2. 2500

    2500 Guest

    what changes if you call him "friend" and not "best friend?" anything?
     
  3. inferno8ball

    inferno8ball 190 proof Everclear + MD Amped energy d

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    phones work two ways.

    maybe hes busy with school just like you are with work. maybe hes feeling the same way.

    its seems that for all you know, he could have dropped dead. call him if this is a big issue to you.
     
  4. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    I don't really buy into this 'best friend' notion

    there are friends and 'good friends'

    you may be drifting apart a bit, but if you are good friends, you'll reunite in a time
     
  5. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    Seriously you haven't called him and you are mad for him not calling you?

    Pick up the phone already.
     
  6. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    It's funny how "friendships" work.

    My girlfriend now, was my best friend for 10+ years as well.

    After we graduated High School ('04), we kind've went our own ways. I was to embark on my journey at Penn State while she opt'd(sp?) to go to the Uni here in Rhode Island.

    We were always really tight, we carpooled eachother everyday to school, talked for countless hours, hell, we even called to say good night to eachother just about nightly. After we graduated and our lives started to take pace, we gradually slid away from eachother. It came to the point where we didn't speak for 3-4 months at a time. Although a bit of hostility from her (She is a woman, after all) we just continued like we used to when we finally did make contact.. nothing really changed.

    I guess what I'm saying is this:

    When you're friends with someone, wether they're close or just casual friends, their is a reason you chose to keep a bond with them. Although weeks or months have passed, their is still no debate in the pure and thorough intentions you guys would share for eachother. Instead of dwelling on why he hasn't contacted you or vice-versa, maybe you should just take the initiative to make the call?

    We all get side-tracked in our lives, and even though it's not "nice" to admit that you are busy with "life", it still shows you cherish what you have. In the end, family and friends is all you have.

    Afterall, what are friends for?
     
  7. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    I honestly don't get the concept of "best friends" I've got my good, close friends, and I got my friends (acquaintances).
    One of my really good friends I've known for about 5 years now and we don't talk to each other nor hang out a lot anymore. I met him through my cousin when I was about to start high school, over the summer. We live about 45 mins away from each other. We talk about once a month and try yot get out together at least a few times a year. He's a great friend of mine and although we don't see eahc other much, every time I get the chance to talk to him I tell him how much I appreciate his friendship. I consider him a really good friend because he's always been there, if I pick up the phone and call, he answers. If I want to hang out, we hang out. We both have had our dif. because we are of the opposite sex, but he's an awesome person to hang out with.
    My point is just because your lives are going in opposite directions and you like different things doesn't mean the friendship has to dissolve. You don't have to hang out all the time nor talk on the phone for hours on end every other day just to be a good friend. But, if it bothers you this much, just give him a call!!
     
  8. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    like a lot of the other posters, i generally group the people i know as either "good/close friends" or "[no adjective] friends/acquaintances" but there's no overt labeling. some friends are just closer than others, but that's all implicit.

    as far as the concept of a "best friend," although i dont use the term, i can understand it. either by default or by choice, some people do have that one friend who's clearly "above" everybody else. however, i personally believe, if you're going to use that term to describe somebody, it should be mutual. in other words, you cant have a best friend who doesnt reciprocate that feeling in some capacity and see you as their best friend. so that being said, it seems like there's a natural drifting apart occurring. nothing wrong with it, but like a relationship, friendships take a certain amount of work. if you think the friendship is worth it, despite the seemingly magnifying differences, i say go and call him up.
     
  9. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

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    I had a friend I considered my best friend through middle school, we played sports on the same team, went to the same church, hung out all the time. We always went to different schools because he lived in a different area then I did. Then his family moved away out of state and we kind of lost contact. My family and I drove up there to see them as my parents were good friends with his parents and then they left and I spent a week with him and flew home after. Ever since then we really didn't talk much after that. I haven't talked to him in years.
     
  10. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

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    Thanks for your input guys. I guess I shouldn't have said that I was "mad" but I rather found this whole situation bit amusing. Why? Because he has been saying that we are "best friends" and he even mentioned that he wants to be my best man when/if I get married.

    The other thing is we had this other friend who always hung out with us in high school and after the high school. He moved to the other part of the country and he hasn't really got in touch with us. I didn't really care either way but my other friend kept complaining about that (our other friend not calling or e-mailing). Now in a way, he is doing the same thing.

    I was just thinking about this and thought it was bit amusing.
     
  11. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    One thing I know about best friends. Even if we haven't spoken/seen for a while, we're comfortable when we do see each other again. No need to pretend or anything because you're relaxed about who you are and know that they know who you are too.
     

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