SRS Do I have depression? *Anonymous Post*

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Feb 2, 2009.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    So all my life I've always been taught [wrongly] that making money is important, and it's all that matters. Growing up I never wanted to hang out with friends at places because I knew it would cost me money.

    I've basically been anti-social for the past two-three years because I am out chasing my dreams [to become rich/successful].

    At this point in my life I feel like all of my problems can be solved by money. I really do think so. Actually, I know so. I am always worried about money money and money. All I want is money, I feel like with money I can [indirectly] buy my dream girl.

    I can be very social. I use to be very very social, but I realized I didn't like my group of friends, because I was the coolest one out of all of them, so I felt like I shouldn't be hanging out with those losers.

    Tonight was super bowl sunday, so I went out with my cousin and his friends. Everyone loved me and we had a great time. I guarantee you that all of my cousin's friends LOVED my company. We had a great talk about business, music, hip hop, etc... Everyone was telling me, "Dude, you should come out more..." And all those types of things. Basically, I'm just saying I'm not some super sad emo fucking dipshit, I'm a cool guy.

    Anyways, I'm at home now. I got a headache for some reason. I only get headaches when I am socializing, it's wierd... Otherwise, I never get headaches.

    The reason I'm kinda OCD about making money is because in the past five years my family has gone from having millions to -$200,000. We are currently in debt due to bad investments, and things aren't looking so good. Maybe they'll be good in the future, but I feel like I've always had to worry about money. And don't say we need to change the way we live, it's impossible. We have gone from having $55k+ home expenses to $14k home expenses. That's a huge change, and it can't change anymore. We are living nicely compared to most, but compared to what we're use to, this is a shithole.

    Also, lately I've been having SO MUCH LESS ENERGY than I normally did. I use to always have energy to do shit. Like, yeah I was a normal guy who could sleep in, but if I had 8 hours of sleep, I could get through my day. Now I feel like I can't, I've been soooo tired lately. Especially this week.

    There is this girl that I think I love but I can't have her. I have tried and tried to like other girls, but I can't like any of them close to as much as I like this girl. I'm friendzoned btw... I know there's no way out, but this is all I want. I think that when I have a lot of money, she will like me.

    I am 21 years old, only have a handful of friends, never had a GF because I can't like anyone ever since I feel that I'm in love with my friend who is a girl. I've had great looking girls want me, but I just brush them off. I'm talking 8/10 marriage quality, but I just don't like them.

    I also train three times a week for a certain sport, and I've skipped training for two weeks because I've been so tired or sad. I usually never miss it.

    I don't know if my post makes sense to you. I'm just rambling. I feel that I've been sad for a long time, and I am confident that money can solve all of my problems.

    THIS SHIT IS POINTLESS

    BYE
     
  2. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    do you exercise?
     
  3. Mischievous

    Mischievous E8 group drawn in 64' by Peter McMullen

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    Your life is the sum of your experiences, when you look back on things it sounds like money isn't making those moments feel good, just forcing an attachment to an inanimate object.

    Take some time and think about what would truly make you happy, I'll give you a hint, there's truth to the saying that money doesn't buy happiness.
     
  4. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    Yes, but it's not your main problem in my opinion. This has narcissistic personality written all over it. Treating the depression only will likely be temporary. You can either endure, treat the depression (with meds or therapy) or work on your perceptions in therapy with a specialized psychologist.
     
  5. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Absolutely. The arrogance, the excessive focus on money, as a bridge towards grandiose thinking, and little or no concern about "the observers."

    A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
    1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
    2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
    3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique
    4. requires excessive admiration
    5. has a sense of entitlement
    6. is interpersonally exploitative
    7. lacks empathy
    8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
    9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Yeah, actually here's what I did...

    The Asylum said to start exercising. I started, but I sucked at it and barely went. So I got a personal trainer, which... COSTS MONEY!

    So I've been spending ~$750/month for three 1.5 hour sessions each week. I have much more confidence than before, and I'm very happy that I started. But I still feel like I have no energy. Fuck that shit about working out gives me so much more energy. No, this is a myth. Oh, and it doesn't really help with the stress. I only feel stress free when I'm AT the gym, but when I leave, I'm back in stress mode.

    I love it, but it's just another monthly expense. I miss the old days when I could ask for $100 and my dad would give me $300. Don't think I'm a snob, I've always been, and will always be responsible no matter how much money I have.

    I just got back from training, and I'm feeling tired, sad, and all of that. While I was working out, I was happy though. And a girl I'm semi interested texted me today which is also good, because we hadn't talked in months and she texted me back first.

    Other than that, I'm hungry and I'm gonna get Red Lobster for lunch, then I'm gonna feel bad about it afterwards, and be sad again. Sometimes when I'm really down I don't eat for the entire day because I don't want to spend money.

    But sometimes I'll be in the zone, and I'll be soooooo happy for an hour or two, be positive, etc, etc... Then after that, I get sad again.

    Also, last night I couldn't sleep for a long time. I think I tried for at least 2 hours, maybe 3 or more. I don't want to blame that on depression though, maybe I was just tired.

    I'm gonna have a really balanced week, sleep schedule wise, so we'll see how that goes.

    And BTW... I talked to my brother earlier, and mentioned breifly how money can solve all of our problems, and he agreed. Then I mentioned it to my mom, and she said, "Don't say that..." But later admitted that it would too fix our problems. She also said, "You should be thankful you're alive today." In my head I thought, "Yeah, but if I was dead, I think I'd be happier, haha..." Not that I've ever thought of suicide or anything, but I'm just saying.

    Oh, and if it matters, in the past 8-12 months or so, I went from being very very religious to having no religion. I think it's a combination of things. Because I've read a lot about it on OT, and because I feel that my prayers never get answered anyways, so why the fuck should I pray?

    :run:
     
  7. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    The part I put in bold I disagree with. It seems that you are one of those people that just think all the benefits of working out come instantly. Sorry to break it to you, but it takes a long time. How long have you been going?

    Also, what is all this about money? What is your point? I define money as an exchange between two parties. There is nothing hollywood about money. You work hard, get lucky and appear at the right time and place and maybe a bunch of money will become a part of your life. But otherwise, relax and live life.
     
  8. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    your obsession with money could have placed excessive stress on you. over time, that stress can wear you down mentally and physically. do not underestimate how damaging stress can be on your health. stress can no doubt help you to be successful, but if your health goes down at the same time, you will crash. crashing from stress can sometimes have irreversible side-effects, depending on how stressed you have been, and for how long.

    I suggest you speak to your doctor ASAP about your fatigue and ask him / her to referr you to councelling to help with your stress (if that's the problem) or with your problems balancing your life. If you want, you can also hit up a library and check out the self-help section. Just browse the titles and subjects. You will be very surprised at some of the material that is out there. Some books can really open your eyes and/or help you discover different points of view you may not have seen before.

    Having said that, keep in mind that money is important. You are right about this. You need money to keep a roof over your head and keep you from starvation. You should also have plenty of savings for emergencies, retirement, have good health / life insurance, etc.

    It's good to make changes in your life to rid yourself of your dependance on money for happiness, but you need to make sure you keep in mind that you do need money for your personal well-being.

    DO NOT mix love with money. It never works. Money troubles can destroy a relationship. Be it spoiling a loved one with money, or just arguing over it...money can put horrible strains / scars on a relationship. Make sure that you can find someone who is above such issues.
     
  9. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    Don't worry about the money for the personal trainer. Personal training is a very good thing to have. Use the knowledge that you gain from your trainer, then you can end the training later and use that knowledge to continue on your own. You can also get some solid fitness advice from the Fitness an Nutrition sub-forum here on OT.

    As for the stress when working out, that is not good for you. You need to find a form of exercise that you ENJOY. Go for walks, take up running / biking, go swimming, go skiing, take up a sport, etc. Also, listening to music at the gym really helps alot, I find. I actually look forward to exercising, because it feels good and is fun to work out to the music. Find some way to have fun while exercising to try to eliminate that stress your experiencing. You can try to talk about that with your trainer too.
     

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