Do i have a right to be pissed off at my gf?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Bush77, Jan 29, 2006.

  1. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    4,814
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    Just to start, I'm 18, she's 17, we've been dating for 7 months and for the most part it's been good.

    Today i called her and said clearly that i really wanted to see her before she goes to work. We haven't really spent much time 1on1 this week so i wanted to hang out. She said: "I think i'm going shopping with my mother." So im like whatever im not gonna make her blow that off, maybe ill see her later.

    Later i find out she's going shopping with my good friend (her ex). so i call her and i was pissed. I said stuff like "Wow, you could have asked me, you know i wanted to see you." "I don't think you give a shit about us." "Even a courtesy invitation would've be nice" I would have gone today, she was under the impression that i was too tired or didn't want to.

    So im at home fuming all day over this shit, and she's going out for her friends bday tonight (all girls).

    One last thing to add: last night we were with 2 other people at my gf's house. About 5 minutes after they left she announced that she was tired and i told her i'd leave and did... lots of tension.

    these two events combined have made me really bitter and i may just break up with her tonight when i see her. Someone please give me advice or tell me im being ridiculous or something...
     
  2. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    7,705
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Another reality apparently
    Id be upset about her going out with her ex and lieing about it. Thats grounds enough for a break up IMO.
     
  3. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    I think you're absolutely justified in your actions. Not only did she lie to you, but she is spending time with her ex. Those are two VERy BIG red flags in my book. Any woman who cared about you a great deal would never do something like that.

    I wrote an article about that, sorta, check it out:

    http://www.friendzoned.com/content/view/18/28/

    While she has not dumped you yet, I would put money on the fact that she is either trying to get you to dump her, or she's going to dump you very soon.

    When - not if - you dump her, be sure to maintain your composure. Be a gentleman, but be a man. Don't be rude, don't loose your cool. Me, I'd probably say something like "I cannot date a liar and a cheater, I have much more self respect than that. I hope you have a great life, and don't ever call me again."

    Then go hang out with your buddies and forget about her. Be very glad you found out about her dishonesty early into things (well, I know, it's not going to be easy, but at least you're not married!) and can move on.

    The most important thing to me would be to ask what you may have done wrong. Were you boring, predictable, or cruel to her? Basically, do a check in to be sure you didn't drive her away. Then, the other thing to learn is the warning signs of a woman who is pulling back.

    Good luck.
     
  4. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    4,814
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    That what i said. but to be honest she said she didn't know who she was going to the mall with. she said maybe her mom.

    i woulda told her to fuck off if shit did that
     
  5. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    4,814
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    Ive been a good bf in all respects. I get jealous occasionally but w.e


    She did not lie to me. im just bitter that she didn't ask me, he asked her to goto the mall it was a coincidence.


    He's a good friend of mine and isnt stupid enough to fuck with me, and he jas a gf.
     
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    Jealousy is a relationship killer. It comes from a position of insecurity and a general lack of confidence. I would recommend you take steps to reign in jealousy if you can. To blow it off is to blow off something that may bother her. Just a thought.

    I guess I misunderstood your first post. You said she was going shopping with her mother but then went with her ex? I think you let some details out, so my advice was based off what you said. ;)

    So then why are you upset?

    To me it seems like you're upset that she spent time with another guy. To me, it doesn't matter WHO my SO spends time with - if it's another guy it is going to raise a red flag to me if she does not invite me along. The very act of not wanting to spend time with you is what I am wondering about.

    Can you post some more specific details? So far you've conflicted with what you said before and after so I am kind of confused now...
     
  7. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2001
    Messages:
    13,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lovely orlando
    :werd:

    i wouldn't be mad if my SO went out with a girl friend. i'm not a jealous person. however, telling me that he was going out with his mother rather than telling me it was another girl, is a :nono:. it's all about honesty.

    anyways... i'm confused as well. is she ignoring your calls? avoiding you in general? :dunno: we need more details. :)
     
  8. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    4,814
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    Sorry my first post was me venting and it all came out at once.

    When i called her today, she said: "I'm going shopping but i don't know with who yet, MAYBE my mother, i'm not sure." My friend informed me that he's taking her out shopping.
    --> I was upset because she knew i really wanted to see her and didn't ask me to go with her. She left out that she was going with my friend and simply said "I dont know who im going with" (which was most likely honest, the plans weren't finalized).

    She's not ignoring me at all but i let her know today that i was pissed that she wanted me to leave last night when she knew something was bothing me, and she didn't make any effort to see me today.

    I honestly think she's either playing a game (which is pathetic 7 months in), or losing interest.

    I'm gonna see her in a few hours, i think i'll just act like it doesn't bother me: "It's fine, forget it." "Its ok" blah blah She'll feel guilty hopefully.

    Is jealousy always a turnoff? should i just act like i dont care if she goes clubbing or to coffee or w.e with other guys? (I usually dont care but sometimes i do)
     
  9. GTSlow

    GTSlow New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2005
    Messages:
    1,603
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think she knew who she was going out with. I wouldn't tollerate my girlfriend going out with an ex. Secondly, if she goes out with any guy without me it would raise red flags. Just like if I went out with some girl she didn't know. It's about respect to the person you are dating. She is 17 and probably is still naive about opposite sex friendships. IMO they are inappropriate when you are dating someone.
     
  10. sugarslxt

    sugarslxt New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    61
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Las Vegas
    Sounds like shes losing intrest in u. She goes out shoping with her ex in stead of hangingout with you her bf who she hasent spent that much time with in the past week. If you care that much about your relationship try doing something new with her. But then again it has been only 7 months into the relationship and she allready losing intrest. That doesnt seem like a good sign. You just need to sit down and talk with her tell her how u feel and ask her if she really wants to be in this relationship with you. Good luck.
     
  11. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    Interesting. You know, I think venting is perfectly fine, but do you "vent" with your GF a lot? That can be a turn off too. I am guilty of it as well (in fact I am having a bad night right now!) and we have to remember the main point of being with someone else - to have a good time. Even if she does upset you, keep your sanity and smile. If things get "rough" for no reason (i.e., I was arguing over how to crack a door for the cats to get through last night and we disagreed and I got pissed [doh, moron move!]) realize that you have to smile and let some things go. :)

    Ah, okay, that makes a lot more sense. Now this is interesting. This is fascinating to me that you know she understood you wanted to spend time together ... but didn't. So in a way, she blew you off. Maybe you were spending too much time with her? Maybe she needed some space? This can be an opportunity for you to give her that space. I cannot tell for sure, but it may have been a great chance to tell her "Hey, you know what, that's great! I haven't spent any time with Joey and Frank so I'm going to hang with them. I'll catch up with you later, have fun!" Seriously - spend a little less time with her.

    Well, okay, so now that you are talking with her you're being so serious. That's not real fun. That sounds like therapy, like you're her father, trying to boss her around. I think it's a fine line - while you do want to talk about serious topics, you don't want to make everything serious either. Ignoring you is not a big deal, really, it's more of a signal that you should pay attention to. Don't make a big fuss about it, because you may actually be making things worse. You have to instead ask youself "Why is she avoiding me? What behavior did I do recently that made her act like this?"

    I do actually believe that most of womens actions are more "reactions" to what stupid things we men do. So, for example, if she takes time off ... you pissed her off. If she cheats, it's because you were a really bad boyfriend in some way.

    Exactly. So what is she doing? Reacting to something you've done or are doing? This may take a little more in-depth thought on your part to realize what is wrong. If you have been in similar relationships, and this happened before, then I would say it *certainly* is something you are doing that makes you appear less mature, less like a gentleman, less adult.

    If anything, just change the topic right away, or ask her what she bought for you. Jokingly, of course! :)

    Yes, I would say it is. Jealousy is really an immature emotion, and as mentioned it really comes from insecurity which means a lack of confidence on your part. Me, I'm not jealous. Why? Because my SO knows that I am a great man. I have a good job, I'm smart, and I know women. She understands that I know when things are going bad in a relationship and I'm not going to be disrespected. She wouldn't even hang out with other guys, just like I don't hang out with other women. She wouldn't go clubbing without me and vice versa. Coffee with a guy? Not a chance - that's a fucking date!

    Did you get a chance to look at that article I wrote? It details some red flags you may see. I made some suggestions about how serious they are, but of course only you can make the decision on them. I have to admit that I think jealousy comes only AFTER a woman has sent MANY red flags. I can only assume you would not be jealous if she did nothing to upset you. But maybe she is not happy about something from a long time ago (basically she realized she did not want to be with you) and now she is "testing" you to get you to dump her. This is very common in my experience.

    So maybe she goes out with your best friend, other guys, whatever. Me? I don't think I'd go for it. I'm not the kind of guy who would say "You can't see any men, ever." but at the same time if she told me "Hey, I'm going to get a coffee with this guy I just met" or "I'm going clubbing with my girlfriends, don't wait up." I would probably start looking for another GF.

    A woman who has a high interest level in you would never do anything that you could potentially construe as cheating on you. Just like you would never get caught doing something stupid for fear of driving her away, she is the same.

    So her clubbing? Dating other guys? Shopping with your best friend? Dude, these are all a little over the line for me. I'd have to seriously be thinking about what was going on.

    I think she is losing interest in you. Maybe you've too predictable, boring, or jealous. Basically, you need to be self-confident, have self-control and displine (so no jealousy), and be a challenge - fun - exciting - unpredictable. If you get too serious... well, I only hang out with fun friends.

    So, think about stuff, can you make any connections?
     
  12. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
    she knew who she was going with all along. dump her.
     
  13. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2003
    Messages:
    8,692
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    dot like a motherfucker.
     
  14. [DWI]

    [DWI] Master of Nothing

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2000
    Messages:
    21,936
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maine
    lets see when you talked to her she was going to go shopping with her mother, but then later you find out that she is out shopping with a friend of yours (who also happens to be her ex.)

    It sees that she lied about her mother and had plans to see the ex. At the very least she lied by omission about the ex.

    Exs are trouble in my opinion . . . even if its completely innocent in her mind there is something burning at the back of his mind, the dumb ones are harmless its the smooth exs you have really worry about.

    So at the very least you were lied/deceived which is something to be pissed about.
     
  15. chakup

    chakup Guest

    damn all the advice given is good. if she's a good lay I guess keep her around for awhile for that but definitely not a girl for a relation ship- and this is coming from 9 years experience coming to an end.
     
  16. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    4,814
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    It's 2:24am and i just came home from being with her... she cabbed it home from her bday dinner and phoned me after realizing she left her money with her friend :ugh: I was walking to her house when she called; i told her i had no money. The cabby booted her out so we met up walking (around 1:30).

    I was still bitter when i met her but didn't show it. She was in tears about an unrelated issue (she's an emotional girl). I asked her what was wrong and that was talked out.

    She asked me why i was upset earlier and all i said was: "Well i was just bitter earlier because i wanted to see you and i wasn't invited out, even after dave told me you were going with him. I'm over it now, don't worry about it." She kept insisting something was wrong but i just insincerely said: "No, honestly it's fine." "Everything's OK" etc... I didn't want to attack her or lose my cool, i just let her feel a little guilty and hopefully she's thinking about it now.

    When we got to her house i was just like: "Well get some sleep, you'll feel better tomorrow" I gave her a half -assed hug and started walking away. She said: "You haven't been like this since we were broken up" i just reassured her and said id talk to her later...

    My goal tonight was really just to make her think. I did enough of that sitting at home today and now it's her turn.


    Should i wait for her call tomorrow?
     
  17. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    4,814
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    Hmmm im surprised you feel that way. Does she not have male friends outside of you and vice versa?

    I go out for coffee or food with my female friends, and she does with her guy friends. Just because we're dating doesn't mean we should lose all friends of the opposite sex should it?
     
  18. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    4,814
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    It's not her doing it that bother's me. I've been shopping with female friends of mine while dating her :dunno: It's the fact that essentially she went with him over me. i wont dump a girl if she wants to see her guy friends because i still want to see my female friends.
     
  19. I Pwn Noobs

    I Pwn Noobs Guest

    this dude doesn't know what he's talking about:ugh:

    it sounds like he read an internet article from 1995 on how to get girls:ugh2:
     
  20. I Pwn Noobs

    I Pwn Noobs Guest

    unless you want her to continue fucking her "male friends" then no
     
  21. I Pwn Noobs

    I Pwn Noobs Guest

    :werd:
     
  22. I Pwn Noobs

    I Pwn Noobs Guest

    obviously you guys don't have a very strong relationship because she would call you tomorrow if you guys did and you wouldn't have to worry about waiting for her call:ugh:

    earlier you said she goes out clubbing and to get coffee with other dudes. C'mon man, you gotta quit being so naive. She is cheating on you or already has. Plus she goes shopping with her ex when she knew you wanted to spend time with her. Wtf is wrong with you dude:ugh: I would of dumped that bitch a long time ago.
     
  23. Lou

    Lou New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2004
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    :ugh: trust issues much? Maybe i'm just weird.. but I have more guy friends than girl friends. My SO has no problem with me hanging out with them (by myself or with him) and vice versa. Why should it be a problem? And why would it mean that i'm automatically cheating on him if I hang out with other guys!? Sorry, but assumptions like that just really tick me off.. :wiggle:
     
  24. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2001
    Messages:
    13,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lovely orlando
    i couldn't disagree more.

    i would never give up friends for my SO. im open and honest. i don't mind if he has other girl friends. personally, i think it's best for couples to have other friends. i'm too independent, and i need time away ;).

    oh, and i still talk to quite a few of my exes. just because the relationship didn't work, it doesn't mean that we can't still be friends. :) i obviously liked them as a person.
     
  25. hewmanbing

    hewmanbing your mom is hot.

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Messages:
    3,139
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ILLINOIS
    nice way to put it. whether you realize it or not, you would fuck them if the circumstances were correct. that's the whole point.
     

Share This Page