SRS Do I ask a girl why she is dating me?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Want2race, Jan 29, 2008.

  1. Want2race

    Want2race Fearless

    Joined:
    May 29, 2001
    Messages:
    6,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    Basically I feel that I got an awesome chick but I realize she is out of my league.

    Obviously a part of me says that if she keeps going out with me there really isnt any explination needed and just go with it. But I feel pretty uncertain.

    or do I ask her what she sees in me and use that to build up a bit of confidence?
     
  2. Anudist

    Anudist Turnin' Jesus on, one lightswitch at a time.

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2007
    Messages:
    22,224
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Mormon Central
    Sounds to me like you need to realize that you are worth more than you seem to think you are. It sounds like you have a great woman, and she actually LIKES you. Don't throw it away man, enjoy it while you can and don't question the great things that life throws at you, just appreciate them.

    It still amazes me that people are so willing to throw away the best thing that has ever happened to them, just because they feel unsure of themselves.
     
  3. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Messages:
    6,154
    Likes Received:
    0
    That would flatout ruin the relationship, a lot of women are retarded, they will think less of you if you say that, they will not reassure you and will look down on you as a man and eventually just take advantage of you, laugh about what you said with her freinds etc..

    Women dont have souls, the best thing you can do is not care at all you'll fine. Who cares why she likes you, she does.. laugh about it if you want, take advantage of the intimate side and have some fun for a while..

    Run the relationship on your own terms and it will go a while before she cheats on you.
     
  4. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2007
    Messages:
    14,024
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FL
    If a guy I was seeing asking me why I was dating him, I'd be flat out turned off. One of my biggest pet peeves is low confidence/self-esteem. When a man shows it in a relationship, especially in the early stages, I find a way out, quickly. Noting worse than an insecure guy constantly asking why I'm with him, if he's hot, if he looks nice tonight, etc.
     
  5. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Messages:
    6,154
    Likes Received:
    0
    lol
     
  6. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
  7. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    1,216
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Miami Beach, FL
    Don't ask, just appreciate the fact that she does care about you. If you need some self-esteem boosters get it from friends and family. Just enjoy your moments together, have fun.
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    When you say out of your league do you mean looks? Cause guys are the ones obsessed with looks, not girls.
     
  9. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Messages:
    6,154
    Likes Received:
    0
    wat
     
  10. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    That is the dumbest fuckin' thing I've ever heard. Don't ever say something like that again.

    I have a feeling too, opps,..... it was just gas. Seriously, keep the feeling to yourself. What you fear you create. Insecurity should be suppressed in this situation; she's dating you, that's the bottomline.

    Do the opposite. You can tell her what you liked about her and why you continue to date her over other beautiful women. And make sure you drive the point home that "other" beautiful women are still options. She'll likely then tell you why she's with you. This way you avoid looking like a needy bitch.
     
  11. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2007
    Messages:
    14,024
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FL
    This is the truth.
     
  12. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2007
    Messages:
    10,437
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    The Prarie State/The Hoosier State
    :werd:
     
  13. Want2race

    Want2race Fearless

    Joined:
    May 29, 2001
    Messages:
    6,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    well i didnt read this thread till now. But I agree with whats said. I called her and didnt make any references to confidence.. I just maintained my attitude. I just swollowed my fear and thats about the end of it.

    The way I see it, if she dumps me.. it will probably be from something else
     
  14. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    Good boys (Pat on the head). :o
     
  15. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2007
    Messages:
    10,437
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    The Prarie State/The Hoosier State
    :bigthumb: you did the right thing
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    the girls in this thread aren't necessarily experts on relationships just because they're girls.

    some people reach a point in their relationship where they are open about every thought that pops into their heads. in a situation like that you can say anything, even this, and it will just "come off as" (and actually be) another sign of how close you are.

    in your current situation, i think saying something like this would have been a horrible idea, would have been too much revealed too soon, and would have turned her off rather than on.
     
  17. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2004
    Messages:
    19,688
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto
    :bowrofl:

    That's why you see all these fat whale women who think they're hot shit because the geekiest lowlifes WoW players fawn all over them right? Because guys are the ones that care about looks?

    Point me to the male equivalent of such women, and then I'll believe your statement.
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :bowrofl: They are retarded because they can't respect a pathetically insecure guy? You might wanna re-think your thoughts.
     
  19. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Messages:
    6,154
    Likes Received:
    0

    You need to take a look in the mirror queen shiva, self-proclaimed (well, without saying it anyway) god of all that is holy in a relationship. I respect most of the things you say and you could definitely be someone I could recommend for advice on things. This, however, doesn't flip my top.

    When you get into a relationship with someone and after a while that person breaks down explaining about one of his insecurities and you think that's pathetic or as you so eloquently put it "Pathetically insecure" who's the pathetic one? What's wrong with someone opening up like that?

    That is NOTHING in the grand scheme of things. I wouldn't use this OP as an example, it's stupid to do that obviously, but even so.. what's the big deal? Your kind of woman makes me mad, so arrogant, so elitist yet so naive.
     
  20. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    um, it's one thing to tell someone something like "I'm insecure about my acne" or "I'm insecure about my body". But to just have the line of thought that "I'm not good enough for this girl, she must feel sorry for me, that's the only reason she is with me" is pretty bad.

    Think about it. If you were with an SO, and they constantly told you "I'm not good enough for you, what do you see in me, why do you stay with me?", wouldn't it get really old after awhile?

    It's one thing to be insecure about something specific...and it's a huge other thing to be just that insecure about your own general worth and value.

    The OP needs to get some self-validation and develop the attitude of "I'm good enough for any woman" before he should really be in a relationship. Otherwise he will just settle because he won't think he is good enough for who he really wants.
     
  21. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Messages:
    6,154
    Likes Received:
    0
    Of course it would get old, but I wouldn't blame them if it did, because something like that isn't a problem, it isn't a big deal and you will never find a case of where it became a problem because it's pretty easy to get out of the way. It's just the simple fact that saying it seems so bad at face value that people have this strong opposition, the fact is, even in this case, sure.. dont say that.. and if you do expect her to be exactly like the people say in this thread. however, I think that's bullshit, I think it's stupid and so small of a detail that to base you continuing a relationship with him/her on something so trivial is fuckign RETARDED.


    I've said my peace, you can say what you want about it. If you dont see, that's fine, you're comfortable with what you think and im ok with that and respect that. Pretty shallow thinking though
     
  22. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2007
    Messages:
    1,057
    Likes Received:
    0
    Except it is a big deal because it instantly makes you less sexually attractive. Confidence is sexy, pathetic insecurities are not. I would think women and men want to be with someone who feels like they deserve you, not like they won you. It's lame and weird. :dunno:
     
  23. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Messages:
    6,154
    Likes Received:
    0
    Maybe for you, for someone maybe it makes them more sexually attractive? Nobody here is an expert. Confidence is sexy, to be sure.. No insecurity is sexy (well, hehe, some are). However, if you want to find someone who isn't insecure and is confident 24/7 good luck, cause they don't exist. Oh, and if you think they do, you have been fooled.

    Thing is, when you get older you have to learn that everyone is fucked up, nobody is perfect. If your goal is to find the perfect person you'll end up looking until you die or get lucky.

    So, if you can't deal with some peoples insecurities then just go find people to fuck and leech off of, you aren't ready for a relationship.
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Yeah....having to question your security by "opening up" about it to your SO is sad. I'm sorry you seem to think that makes me a bitch, but I like a guy who actually gets why I'm with him and has confidence in himself. Actually feeling so inadequate to be with me that you have to speak it out loud to make sure I hear it is awful. I'm with you for a reason, that should be enough. My SO is a confident man and I love him for it. It is sexier than anything. Having insecurities is completely normal, but when you have to ask your SO what it is about yourself that makes them stay with you....yeah, still pathetic.

    I'm naive? :rofl: I hate to say it, but you are the naive one if you can't understand this.
    :werd: :werd: :werd:
     
  25. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Messages:
    6,154
    Likes Received:
    0

    I expected that response, I know your type of personality and I completely understand both points. I also completely understand I am a minority in this type of thinking on this message board and in reality. That doesn't make me right, doesn't make me wrong, it's the joy of being able to have my own opinion.

    And how many times do I need to clarify that I agree with you on the opinion on this thread but not in general on insecurities in a relationship?
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2008

Share This Page