SRS Divorce

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Wrigley, Feb 18, 2010.

  1. Wrigley

    Wrigley New Member

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    must be a few on here who have experienced it. any tips, advice etc to get through it. been seperated for a while but need to draw a line through it and make the break
     
  2. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I was a very close observer of my parents' divorce over the past couple of years. Your specific experience will depend a lot on how long you've been married, whether the other person also wants out, and to what extent the lawyers can scam you into thinking they can squeeze blood from a turnip, but generally speaking you'll have to tabulate and put a price on every single thing you own and spend weeks to months arguing over who gets what and whether it's fair. You'll probably also have to read every single word that comes from your lawyers to make sure they're not slipping in stuff you don't want them to. If you're not emotionally divested from the relationship yet, you will be when you're done.
     
  3. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Any children involved?
     
  4. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Was it a bad split or still somewhat civil? Try and work out who gets what before her cunty friends/family starts filling her head with ideas of what she can get out of you. I would just be happy to walk away with your personal items and savings/retirement just let her have everything else :hs:
     
  5. Hot Sauce

    Hot Sauce New Member

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    I went through it. 3 years ago. It was very tough. Even though both sides agree to be civil, it never seems to go that way. Just prepare yourself the best you can and be ready. It was the most stressful time of my life and it took me awhile to get over it, but I have and also have to admit it's one of the best things to ever happen to me. You can't keep living your life attached to someone else when you really aren't "attached" anymore. It isn't fair, nor healthy. Why stay with someone when there is a chance you are letting others get by you? Not even that, just being single is amazing after being tied down. A M A Z I N G
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    My brother lived with me during his divorce. If nothing else good came from his divorce, at least it gave me an appreciation for how lucky I am, and game me incentive to never go through one.
     
  7. VA197

    VA197 New Member

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    Been there, done that. It is shitty no matter what you do, but if you can remain civil and physically apart as much as possible, it works out so much better. I literally moved out of state to make things easier, because if I had lived close it would have been a nightmare trying to get my life together, and for him as well. We have a child together, and did a lot of driving so she could spend plenty of time with him. But seperation is the key. Don't talk on the phone, unless it's about legal matters, or when the pickup/dropoff of the kids will be, and don't talk to your now ex inlaws about ANYTHING. They will get in the middle of your business and make things worse. And don't talk to your parents, they'll mess your head up further.

    Go to work, come home, take care of your kids (if you have any), and cry alone until you get it all out. Then, talk to your best friend about things, but don't go spreading misery around like it's mulch in a garden. Maintain some dignity if you can. Crying, ranting, raving, getting shitfaced...it's all normal, but do it in private so later on people don't have stories to tell.

    Good luck and God bless.
     
  8. Hot Sauce

    Hot Sauce New Member

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    exactly!
     
  9. Paulie Walnuts

    Paulie Walnuts Im an agent of chaos

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    pauliewalnuts447 on aim
     
  10. Tempest

    Tempest Power Cosmic

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    All so true. Custody is in courts hands right now, Hopefullly they give equal custody..
     
  11. VA197

    VA197 New Member

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    Good luck. I hope they give you as much time with your kids as is possible. I'm all for BOTH parents raising the kids with as much normalcy as you can.

    My ex and I had a great system worked out, he got our daughter every weekend, and she was able to not only visit with him, but his whole family. We were nice to one another, I dated, he dated, there was no jealousy or drama. Then he met his now wife and everything went to hell.

    My daughter looks just like me, and has so many of my mannerisms, she gets called 'little Beth', and comments are always made about how she is a clone of me. Well, her father would make these comments to his then-girlfriend, now-wife, and it really sparked her jealous streak. Then the dumbass tells her that I was his first love and he'll probably never get over me...just what the new woman wants to hear, right? I don't know whether he is just that stupid or if he somehow was trying to make her jealous, but consequently she began to really make life hard on my daughter, and was confrontational with me.

    It got to the point where my daughter was crying and not wanting to visit her father, because his wife was always making snarky remarks about me, and was just outright hurtful emotionally to my kid. Her father would step in and make her apologize, but you can't 'unsay' things, especially to a child.

    Pick-ups and dropoffs became a nightmare. He wasn't 'allowed' to speak to me anymore, so we had to communicate through our child. Instead of the relaxed atmosphere we originally had, with him picking her up at my house and vice-versa, we had to meet in 'public' places, so she would be sure that he and I didn't hook-up or something, like that was even a remote possibility!

    Here is just one example of how crazy things got.

    I was told that she was gone to her parents, and to come pick my daughter up at their house at 6PM on a Sunday. I asked several times if he was sure this would be ok, knowing how insane she is. He assured me it was fine. So I drive the several hours to their house, and sit in front in my car and honk the horn. Nothing. I wait a while, then figuring they couldn't hear me with the windows shut and AC on, I go and knock on the door.

    Her son, age 7, answers. I ask him nicely where my daughter is. She comes to the top of the stairs in her bathrobe and screams at me to get the hell off her porch. I tell her that I'm just there to get my daughter, and she just keeps screaming at me to get off her property, and that my daughter isn't there, blah blah blah.

    So I go back to my car, which is parked on the street, and try to call my ex's cell phone. No answer. I call the courthouse to find out what legally I need to do, because at this point it's over an hour past the pickup time, and I'm panicking.

    Three cop cars pull up behind me. All three officers know me, I went to high school with them all!!! They see me and start laughing, joking about what is going on. Turns out, she called them to 'get me off her property' and was planning on filing charges for trespassing. We actually laughed about it, because I wasn't even in her yard, I was sitting in my car on the phone!!! With the Sheriff's dept no less!!!

    Well, my ex shows up, finally. Turns out he had taken my daughter to Walmart for something, then out to eat and hadn't had his phone on him. I get my daughter, and we go home.

    Two days later, I get a warrant for trespassing!!! She actually went downtown to the magistrate's office and filed charges on me!!! Of course, when the court date rolled around, she didn't show and everything was dropped, but between the time I got the warrant and court time, she threatened my parents about how she was going to 'ruin' me, cause them public embarrassment, you name it.

    The reason I am telling you this, is so when you do get involved with another woman, make sure she doesn't pussy whip you into being hard to get along with when it comes to the kids. Don't ever disrespect their mother to them, and don't ever let whomever you are with talk negatively about her. My daughter is grown, and she remembers every single barb that woman shot at me. She also remembers that I never put her dad down, and that works very much in my favor in my relationship with my child. We all know her step-mother is batshit crazy, but to hurt a child is fucking insane.

    I think she's probably the only person in this world I can say I hate. As a Christian, that's hard for me to deal with, but she hurt my child deeply. That's hard to forgive.

    Oh shit...another wall of text. Someone is going to give me hell about this.
     
  12. SICK GUY

    SICK GUY 69, DUDE!!

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    do you have kids? that makes it complicated. my divorce was pretty easy for the most part. i have had a struggle with dating in the aftermath though.
     
  13. Tempest

    Tempest Power Cosmic

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    Thanks. We had a court ordered interview with a counselor last week. I thought it went well. Neither of us bad mouthed the other and while in there I said that I wanted more equal time with my son and proposed one extra day a week which pretty much makes our parenting time split 50/50.

    At the time she agreed to it and we both declined mediation. 5 days later she decided that since some weeks have 5 weeks that I would get him up to 5 more days a month and that was "too much and she couldn't give up that much time".

    I just hope that since she agreed with my proposal at the time and the counselor was taking notes for the judge to view he holds her to it. The only thing that makes sense to me is that when she discussed this with her lawyer she probably told her that this will affect the amount of child support and now she is balking.

    Keep your fingers crossed for me OT. I really just want equal time with my son. No reason other than her own issues why we can't do it. I moved close by, our son is very happy and loved and there is no feuding between us.
     
  14. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    total guess based on what you've written, and what I've seen happen 3 times now.



    the extra weeks in those 2 months aren't the reason she changed her mind, because 5 more days wouldn't significantly affect child support.

    my guess.......she talked to her friends and they told her "fair" isn't fair, and she should be trying to "make you pay" and the best way to do that is to limit your time with your kids.
     
  15. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    here you go...........typed this up in another divorce thread a while ago



    there's a lot of good stuff in that thread, like this

    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?p=117444350#post117444350
     
  16. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    :rofl:

    This is why, when one guy announces he's getting divorced, all his friends' women try to separate their guy from his friend. The last thing they want is for their man to get the idea that "he might have the right idea" and for their man to see his friend out there hitting on, and bringing home, a new woman every weekend.
     
  17. James Deanely

    James Deanely Active Member

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    This is good advice.
     
  18. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    You must know some super-assholes (that's a lot more assholey than a regular asshole) if your friends told each other about your venting moments. Where I come from, that's grounds to get your ass beat, man or woman, no questions asked.
     
  19. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    :rofl: you really think your friends wouldn't talk if you vented to a few of them during a divorce?




    you've got your blinders on pretty tight.
     
  20. Nite_Lilly

    Nite_Lilly Member

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    WRONG!!!!!!
     

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