Divorce

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by riddic1985, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. riddic1985

    riddic1985 New Member

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    Ok I've been married for a year and a half. I am currently deployed to Iraq and I am planning on getting a divorce when I get home. My wife is not cheating on me or anything and I love her to death but the problem is she has yet held a job. She is young (18) and I have kind of been leaniant with her but she did decide to get married and take responsibility. I am planning on becomeing a doctor one day and she knew before she met me that I was going to aspire to be something that was going to be a hard path. So I was kind of hoping she would be there in the relationship to help out. But she has yet done so.
    In the first 6 months I was deployed she developed a drinking problem and spent alot of my money and I basically had nothing when I came home for leave. Which she didnt tell me until it had been going on for 5 months. She had told me she wouldnt drink until I came home and could be with her while she did. So she betrayed me on that.
    When I returned from leave we made a deal that I would reenlist if she would get her GED and enlist that way we could work together. She wanted to enlist in the first place so it was just kind of incentive for her to get on it. She continued to neglect enlisting and she eventually changed her mind and said she wasnt going to do it. So I am stuck in the army 6 more years while she does what she wants.
    I took that one too. Then she started cutting again and I begged her not to do it a long time ago but she started again and told me she didnt care what I wanted it made her feel better and she wasnt going to quit.
    So I finally couldnt take it anymore and I told her that this wasnt going to work. With the way she is and me being so positive and pushing her all the time it just causes really bitter fights and I dont think it should be that way and at the same time I have to look out for myself. I will never be able to be a doctor or anything that I aspire to be if I always have to support her so I just had to call it off.
    I told her I can't do anything from over here so it is basically in her hands until I come home. She can show me that she does care about helping in the relationship and get her GED and start working or going to school or something or shes gonna end up losing me.
    Nothing is bitter about the divorce though we both still love each other and care about each other we just know we wont ever make a good married couple and we will probly be better friends. I am willing to take her back someday if she does decide to get her life together.
    I guess I'm just looking for any advice. Am I being selfish in this or am I doing the right thing and looking out for myself? If anyone has any questions I will be glad to answer them.
    I am heartbroken over this decision but I feel like its the right one. :wtc:
     
  2. fray

    fray New Member

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    How old are you? Sounds like you guys were very young when you got married. So, it doesn't necessarily excuse the behavior, but I can see where the irresponsibility stems from.

    Some of the things you look at as betrayals, I don't know if I would consider as such. The drinking and the cutting are both addictive/obsessive type behaviors. Again, it doesn't make them right, nor does it mean that she shouldn't try to deal with them or that you should feel compelled to stick around and put up with them, but it may not be something she can help at this point. It may not merely be a choice of whether to hurt you or not, but a driven compulsion on her part. Hard to say. You know her better.

    It sounds like a clusterfuck right now and I can see why you'd be upset. I would say get out. Get out while you're still ahead, before she bleeds you dry and you have children together and more for her to take in the divorce! It'll be very difficult for anything to change since you're enlisted for another 6 years, and that's a lot of time for her to just get worse with no one there to rein her in.

    Do what is best for you at this point. If you worry about her, I fear she will just drag you down.
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2007
  3. riddic1985

    riddic1985 New Member

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    I appreciate it. Those arent the only incidents of her "betraying" me thats why I say that because I have asked her numerous times not to do that shit and she continued to do so. I think your right though, without me there she will never get her shit straight and i just reenlisted and Im definetly getting deployed again a few more times. again thanks

    anyone elses input will be considered and appreciated
     
  4. fray

    fray New Member

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    and even if you could be there, you don't know if she would get better or if it would just just turn into a constant fight.
     
  5. riddic1985

    riddic1985 New Member

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    agreed. I have a new found hero, silver0834. I think thats really what I needed was someone to reassure me. Thanks again
     
  6. Mr. Bungle

    Mr. Bungle *lube'n up the shock paddles*

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    Honestly man, sounds like you married an immature girl with no education...

    You want to be a doctor...yet you marry someone who doesn't even have there highschool diploma. Her issues are NOT your issues. Yes you are married, but you also can not be held accountable for all her fucked up issues.

    You are young do what is best FOR YOU. Get rid of her, and focus on your education and bettering yourself. There is nothing you can do for a person that wont help themselves.


    I married young as well 19 he was 21. We are both now 21 and 23 working on our Masters Degrees. This is an example of a young couples working TOGETHER towards goals...your marriage sounds one sided.
     
  7. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    you married an 18 year old. cut your losses and move on
     

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