SRS Difficulty finding new friends - is there a secret that I just dont know about?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by James Deanely, Dec 6, 2009.

  1. James Deanely

    James Deanely Active Member

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    As I am quickly approaching middle age I find it very difficult or downright impossible to find an existing friend who is able to hang out or just talk on the phone, etc. I understand that this is the age where careers and family can get in the way but damn - I always initiate the phone calls only to be politely brushed off by something that is going on in in my friends schedule whether it be a work meeting or a needy offspring. The frustration is further fueled by the fact that it is almost impossible to find any new friends at this age. During my college days it was so easy to meet new people almost everyday but since growing old and having a career its been impossible. My everyday schedule consists of waking up going to work, picking up my kids and then doing mundane work like cooking, eating and then OT / sleeping. I've been at my same job for over 5 years at a zero growth company so there are no new employees and most of the people I work with are much older and I cannot identify with them. I am for the most part available, even though I do have kids in tow that I need to look after. I am able to go out and do have free time alone during the days (I do alot of local travel in my job) - but after 4PM I have to watch the kids. With the kind of age,lifestyle, schedule and I doomed to be alone forever???
     
  2. miek

    miek New Member

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    Do your kids have friends? Get to know their parents through activities of your kids. I know my parents made a bunch of lifelong friends during the days they had me in hockey.
     
  3. James Deanely

    James Deanely Active Member

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    Negative - my kids are all under 5 and I do not get any opportunities to interact with the other kids' parents. Furthermore all of the playgroups and story groups that are posted in the hallways are hosted by women for women only.
     
  4. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    the whole purpose for friends is to somehow, indirectly, get you into a social circle where you can get laid. when that stops becoming an issue... well, like Chris Rock said about friends "if you want to help me out, INTRODUCE ME TO A GIRL" :mamoru:
     
  5. James Deanely

    James Deanely Active Member

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    I guess that can be true but there are times when its just nice to be able to hang out with someone and go to bars and have someone to talk to.
     
  6. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Right, because this fits perfectly with the old stereotype of married men going to the bar after work while their wives get dinner ready. :hsugh:

    Not saying that stereotype is perfect either, but clearly guys used to spend time together too. I think the problem is we're so fucking homophobic in America that guys spending time together because they like each other somehow suggests they're going to go home and suck each other's dicks afterwards. You can thank the feminist movement for that particular stereotype, by the way -- women are just as jealous of their men as men are of their women, so why would they want their men to go anywhere without them? Obviously they'd only be prowling around for some easy pussy. :rolleyes:
     
  7. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    says the self-proclaimed self-absorbed guy
     
  8. oakback

    oakback New Member

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    My kid's school has a program just for dads/grandads/whatever male guardian. If you don't have that available, it might be a great opportunity to start such a group.

    Perhaps kids and dads meet up on a Saturday, kids run around and play while dads bullshit about sports and bitch about their wives or whatever. The moms get a break from the kids for awhile, good bargaining chip for when the dads want to do something on their own (poker night, shooting range, golf or whatever).

    Speaking of golf, if you don't already play, that's a great way to meet new people and network. There are a lot of working professionals that play during the day, if that's available to you.
     
  9. dlondon

    dlondon New Member

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    I feel your pain man.. I am a stay at home dad with a 4 y/o and 8 month old. Meeting new people is very hard.
     
  10. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    meetup is a good site to meet people in person if that's what you are looking to do
     
  11. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    you're doomed to be alone until your kids start playing sports. we've met many very nice, very good people through our kids' sports teams.

    recipe:
    1. sign your kid up for soccer when he's 6,
    2. get to know all of the people who are standing next to you at practices/games,
    3. whittle that list down to the people you like *AND* whose kids you like
    4. invite their kid over for play dates a few times,
    5. then one time, invite the kid over and also invite the kid's parent to stay for pizza or something simple (do not overdo and make a "nice big dinner"...that looks needy)
    good luck.
     
  12. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    you live a sad, sad life
     
  13. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I met a friend at a bar last night. His wife went to my house and I met him out. We ate dinner, drank some beer, and basically shot the shit for 3 hours or so, and I never felt like sucking his dick even once!
     
  14. oakback

    oakback New Member

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    You tease!
     
  15. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    :rofl:
     
  16. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    :eek3:


    :rofl:
     
  17. wizurd

    wizurd TRUE OT OG BRO

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    I have the same problem.

    Most people just think I'm an asshole though. :dunno:
     
  18. James Deanely

    James Deanely Active Member

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    Not really. Meeting new people and hanging out with them long enough for them to determine that they dont like you > Not being able to meet anyone at all
     
  19. wizurd

    wizurd TRUE OT OG BRO

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    I don't meet "new" people. I meet people I work with as that is about the only place I could possibly make friends. I really only tend to get along with older people though. Most guys my age are douchebags.
     
  20. pbcustom98

    pbcustom98 New Member

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    Location:
    at a theater near you!
    www.meetup.com

    find your hobby (it is listed)
    find a group (if they have one)
    start your group (if they dont have one, or if they dont have a group you like)
    meet people
    ...
    profit.

    enroll your kids in sports (my parents met roughly 200 people through the course of my hockey "career", most of which they are still in contact with). for one team of say 20 kids, that is roughly 40 potential friends. granted you wont like all of them, but you certainly do spend a shit load of time together at practices/games/tournaments etc. we have some awesome memories from tournaments...

    also keep in mind that every year your kid is in a sport, you will see the same people again and again and again, so some years you see the same people, and other years you meet new people (depends on age cutoffs etc)
     
  21. James Deanely

    James Deanely Active Member

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    Thats actually pretty solid advice and a few posters have also mentioned it in this thread. But unfortunately my kids are not old enough to play sports. Believe me when I tell you that I have explored all the IRL common avenues (playgroups, birthday parties, trips to the supermarket, kids storytimes at bookstores, etc). I was kind of wondering if there was someplace online like a local chat room with similarily bored individuals like myself. Back in the days I have met and talked to some cool people off of yahoo local chats and the AOL chat rooms where you can actually filter chats by location. But it seems these options are no longer in available :wtc:
     
  22. Rich Uncle Skeleton

    Rich Uncle Skeleton Lurker

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    Do you have a gym membership? My wife and I take a shadowboxing class at our local 24 hour fitness and there are a bunch of regulars every week that take it. We usually chat it up with them while we warm up before class starts. You could try that and eventually ask them to hang out, outside of class.
     

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