Difficult question

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by sportsfreaky211, Apr 4, 2010.

  1. sportsfreaky211

    sportsfreaky211 New Member

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    Long story short my wife has issues with sex because she thinks she was abused as a child by her father. Parents are out of her life now and it's still an issue. We used to have sex on a regular basis, made videos, toys, even would do things like bj driving through lincoln tunnel. Now she has no proof of anything happening and parents and family have all said she's wrong but she believes she is right and no one can tell her otherwise.

    We have issues outside of sex as well, money, my job, etc...she has been seeing a psych. for 3-4 years now and we even tried couples therapy.

    My question is are there any women on here or husbands whose wives have had similar issues with being abused as a child and now have no sex drive what so ever? it is so bad that she hides from me when she gets dressed, showers, doesn't want to be seen naked. Can't even talk about sex. I've withdrawn so much that i barely kiss her anymore, or try to be cute like slapping her ass or holding her in bed.

    I'm really frustrated and she's even forbid me from watching porn and masterbating. I've had to hide it from her and if she ever found out she'd probably leave me.

    We have a daughter and i've considered leaving, but don't want to seem like a selfish prick. Anyone who has any thoughts about what can be done feel free to chime in.

    Not really sure where else to put this so hope i get honest answers and not a bunch of wise ass comments.
     
  2. Ep

    Ep Guest

    dude, that sounds terrible. I feel for you man. I would say seek therapy with her asap. Banned you from masturbating? What does that have to do with being abused herself? nononooo this is all wrong
     
  3. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    She's gone all sorts of crazy and it may have something to do with the child. Was she ever reviewed for PPD?
     
  4. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :werd:

    Are you absolutely sure she's not just trying to exact control over you and is playing games?
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sounds like my :nuts: sister.

    She lost all pleasure and interest in having sex and self-diagnosed that she must have been molested as a child, even though she had no proof nor any idea who or when :hsugh: She continued to convince herself that must be why she didn't want to fuck her husband...and now is realizing she just doesn't want to fuck her husband :dunno:
     
  6. Acciaio

    Acciaio New Member

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    Lol, that's horrible.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd: She's a fucking whack job.

    My fear for the TS is that women who concoct these kinds of storied to blame as the reasoning for their lack of sexuality are just the kind of girls who are sluts at first, but once they get comfortable and lose the excitement of impressing a new guy they just lose interest altogether with pleasing their ONE long-term guy :sad2:
     
  8. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    im scared shitless of marriage

    hope it works out for you
     
  9. sportsfreaky211

    sportsfreaky211 New Member

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    this is my fear. i feel like she is just uninterested in sex and is making excuses. She has said many times that other guys like bosses, friends bf's, whoever are scumbags, doesn't trust them, etc....

    just sucks that I can't say what i want to say without looking like an asshole.

    She is still seeing her therapist and I'm giving her time to figure it out. If things don't change I'll have some serious decisions to make.

    Any ladies here have a suggestion on how long a guy should give a woman without having sex before walking out???


     
  10. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    Have you told her how serious this issue is for you? I'm for trying to work it out, but she doesnt sound like shes giving you much of an option. What happens when you try to talk about it with her? Does she just cut you off? Or does she start to cry?
     
  11. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Has she ever been in therapy? :hs: Is she in therapy now? If she's not, is she willing to go?
     
  12. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    With all honestly I don't believe sex should have to be discussed when married. I'm not saying a women HAS to put out all the time, or has to a lot of the time or anything like that. But before you get married these kind of things are or should already be sorted out. I think she's the typical women who now has you and a kid and will make up anything just to not have sex. The best of luck to you good sir and be sure that anything you do, you make sure your daughter is taken care of first.
     
  13. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Hey dood

    :wiggle:


    Before you think about walking out on your wife because she wont fuck you because she has obvious psychological issues, why dont you be a man and see if she needs psychological help.
     
  14. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    l2r. kthx
     
  15. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    Seriously man, the lax of sex drive is bad enough. The molestation suspicion sounds like complete bs.

    The forbidding you to watch porn is really the nail in the coffin. You are the normal healthy adult in this situation. Why are you letting a selfish damaged goods psycho tell you what you can and can't do?

    edit: to clarify,

    an adult female in a marraige who utterly rejects sex is not performing as a healthy adult female in a marraige.
    An adult who does not recognize the above dysfunction is a dysfunction is psycho
    An adult with the above dysfunction who then goes on to forbid alternative, inferior, methods of trying to sate a normal and healthy sex drive as a poor substitute for what she is failing to provide is selfish.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2010
  16. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    i like this
     
  17. infinite.purple

    infinite.purple New Member

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    it sounds like the two of you might benefit from seeing a therapist together as a couple. they are experienced at helping create a "safe" environment for you to communicate since it doesn't sound like that's really happening right now. bottom line here is sex is a big part of your physical and psychological health and well being. forbidding someone from having any sort of sexual release, even something as harmless as masturbation, is really selfish and not acceptable from someone who is supposed to love you and care for you.
     
  18. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    VERY well put.
     
  19. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    what would happen if you jerked it in front of her
     
  20. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    I think you should keep going to couples therapy because no matter what the reason is for her pulling away she is pretty much cutting you out of her life. She doesn't want to be intimate with you and there is more to intimacy than just getting off, it's also a way for couples to connect on a deeper level (I feel retarded saying that but it's true) and she doesn't want to do that. The fact that she would leave you if she caught you masturbating is such fucking bullshit, she is turning her newfound problem with sex into your problem. Her not wanting you to find some level of satisfaction is selfish and inconsiderate. I say you continue to go to couples therapy so you can really air out your problems and maybe the therapist can help you guys figure out a solution.

    So antihero doesn't flip thinking I completely ignored the fact that you mentioned that you've been in couples therapy: while in couple's therapy did you guys address the issues you have in the bedroom? If so how did that go?
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2010
  21. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    WTF PEOPLE

     
  22. infinite.purple

    infinite.purple New Member

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    it's not like there is only one couples therapist in the world. if at first you don't succeed, try again. :dunno:

    however, if she doesn't want to put the effort in, then the marriage isn't going to work regardless of what he does. she has to want it to.
     
  23. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    :o ack. sorry TS :o:o

    that's embarrassing.
     
  24. sportsfreaky211

    sportsfreaky211 New Member

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    ok so she would get really bent out of shape if i tried to say i didn"t believe she was molested so i had to say i believed. We never got around to talking about our sex issues because we had so many other issues like i said money, kid, family, friends. etc....

    I'm the one who suggested seeing someone together so to the person who told me to be a man read first before opening your mouth. I've put up with this shit for 3 years now and am getting fed up.

    In my opinion the therapists are all out to make money. Once they hear child abuse they see $$ and instead of trying to discuss her issues they push the theory and she just gets more disgusted. I think they should be trying to help her determine if it really happened or if it was something else that set her off against men.

    I plan on giving it a little more time before going back to couples therapy to lay it all on the line. My opinion is that if you are afraid of something the way to get over it is to try it slowly and push yourself to move on with your life not dwell on it. We all had shit happen that sucks, if i let it all eat at me I'd be insane.

    The therapist should be suggesting we have some type of intimacy during the week whether she likes it or not and report how it made her feel and to understand she's working toward feeling good about her body, sex and making her partner happy.

    I'm not sure what I want to do which is the worst part. Do i stay in the house and just sleep in a different room, do I move out with my daughter and stay at my parents. Do i just call it quits and file for divorce, sell the house and seek custody since she is mentally unstable.

    This sucks i wish i knew before marriage that she was messed up in the head. I should have seen it though but hindsight is always 20/20

    p.s. thanks anti for filling in the blanks for the ones who don't read.
     
  25. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    and your guy is still marrying you ? :noes: crazy birds flock together
     

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