SRS Different than usual maybe....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by StuDLei, Sep 8, 2005.

  1. StuDLei

    StuDLei Death before Dishonor

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    Hi. To start this off, let me tell you about myself just a little bit to try to provide some background.
    Im 23 years old. I work fulltime plus overtime at a job i somewhat like, somewhat dislike. it pays fairly decent..and by that i mean about 25k a year. which isnt much, but in iowa its more than it would be in cali. thats not that important.
    I dont really know where to start. A couple months before I turned 20, I joined the Marine corps. as a reservist. it was a huge decision for me, as im sure for most anyone who chose that route it would be; however, the reason it was so big for me was because I couldnt decide whether to go on a mission for my church or join the corps. so i joined as a reservist which left me the option of going on a mission if i ever so choosed. (mormon religion btw).
    a couple of months after i completed all my training i lost my first love. she broke up with me(she didnt die, i just want to clarify!) A few months after that we got back together and i ultimately broke up with her after about 7 months. i was 21 and single and well, idk, i just had my reasons. her and i continue to be good friends to this day. (fyi she lives a thousand miles away so its just phone conversations).
    After i broke up with her, i met april. to make a very long story as short as possible.... she was in alot of ways my first love all over again. We went out for a little less than a year and i went away to iraq. i spent three months prior training, so all in all we were together just over a year before i actually left for iraq.
    I had no reason to believe whatsoever that i would be in the position i am in now. April is gone. We were planning on getting married, the whole nine yards. She was in love... at least i thought so.. and to this day i still think she truly was.
    But it changed fast. When i left for iraq, we argued over the phone and internet quite a few times. I was in a highly stressful situation, and that on top of her being an extremely stubborn person, it just..idk..didnt work. She didnt actually leave me when i was gone, but she broke my heart. I just cannot understand how someone so in love, supposedly so mature(25yrs old), changes so fast. I got letters(love letters, whatever) from her my first couple months there. a couple months after that it was almost nothing. something just changed. and i guess i just do not understand how a person can change so dramatically, so fast.
    That is the extremely short version.
    I am crushed. Its been 5 months since i got home and she actually pulled the plug.
    I hate to admit it, but i think i AM depressed, although who knows for sure? I went through so much in my time over there, and some of the things she said, or didnt say, hurt. alot.
    Im 23, i work fulltime, i go to schoolfull time, and im still in the reserves. I am a busy guy. I live at home, which i dont mind, but i hate the reputation. I feel like my world has just shattered. I just got left. strait up just left. After so much. I used to think that people got what they deserve, but i dont think i deserve this. Maybe I Do? And that makes me feel even worse.
    Hell, Im a hard worker, i have a tremendous amount of life experience, but i have no real friends. Everyone at work is married or has a gf. Most of my marine buddies, the same. Or they live far away. My world just feels crushed.
    I dont know what the point of all this is. Frankly Im a bit embarassed. I rerun and replay everything through my head a thousand times trying to figure things out, but it never seems to happen.

    This is long, but i feel like i barely scratched the surface. I dont know what im looking for. An open ear i suppose.
    Thank you to all who read this...take care.
     
  2. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    I guess its really hard for some people to love someone who is not physically there. It sounds to me like she tried initially.. but after a few months she either a) met someone else (thus the stopping of letters) or b) she just couldn't do it anymore and decided on her own that you weren't worth waiting for.

    Did you actually have a set date that you were supposed to come back but didn't? Did you have a date set to come back at all? Or was it all up in the air? I find it kinda odd that she would not even give you an explanation as to why she broke off..
     
  3. StuDLei

    StuDLei Death before Dishonor

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    Yes, we had a set date to be back home. she knew that all along. after about three months there, she sent me an email with some "concerns" she had. that was more or less the breaking point. after i got the email i apologized for getting upset or having a bad attitude sometimes. I dont know..there is so much more to it than that i just dont think i can get into it all here. anways...she gave me her reasons. somewhat. just that she wasnt happy anymore and she didnt know what she wanted or what would make her happy, etc. the thing is, things got HORRIBLE while i was gone. but once in awhile she would sort of "come back" and tell me how much she loved me and that she was waiting for me even if we didnt get home when i was supposed to etc etc etc. Just a lot of "great things." but the was very rare. but once in awhile i guess something just brought the feelings back etc.

    I guess i just dont understand people these days. How does someone change this dramatically this fast? Why dont people stick it out anymore? I am worth waiting for. I am a damn good guy. ask anyone of my marines who truly knows me. I am said to be "the most rational, calm, moral person ive ever met". And hell im pretty good looking to boot..lol. I dont know. I dont know how to explain how i feel or what i went through. its like trying to explain what chocolate tastes like to a child whos never tasted it. its impossible. it lives with me every day though..and i just dont know how to get over this.
     
  4. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    People change man. Its inevitable... people change... for her to change over a period of what.. 6 months? Doesn't really sound like an overnight decision...

    And even you mention that things got "HORRIBLE"... how so? So even during the duration you were gone you guys broke up? So its not like everything was perfect while you were gone, it sounds like there was some friction in between... on top of you not being there.

    People do stick it out... but it really has to be mutual... you were willing to... while she wasn't... even though she "came back" here and there, it sounds like it was kinda sketchy the whole time. Sure you could be a good guy whos worth waiting for, but maybe she didn't get a chance to get to know you that well.
     
  5. StuDLei

    StuDLei Death before Dishonor

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    people change. right. so i guess that when you get married and you cahnge..or she changes...because you both will....then you just break up. no see...thats not how it works. you stick it out. yeah there was friction. there always is. ugh. im sorry. im pissed off...but its not really at you. i just do not feel like u are understanding where im coming from at all. thats okay...nothing against you..its just the way it is. blah.
     
  6. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    No I understand where you're coming from just fine. You are comparing a marriage where two people commit to each other for life to work things out through thick and thin (and most of the time these two have been dating for years prior) vs. your relationship of less than a year. Do you see the difference here?
     
  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    You're right that relationships do require committment and she basically was not committed to you. When a partner leaves for a long time, you start to reevaluate your feelings for them. She may have built you up to be more than you actually were, falling in love with the idea of you but not the real you. When she had time alone she may have questioned if her love for you was as genuine as it seemed. In time you might also come to the same conclusion as she obviously wasn't the kind of person you thought she was.
     
  8. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Long distance relationships are elusive...maybe even impossible. I've done it twice. Good results, I don't regret them. But the fact I'm not in a committed relationship today means I've yet to prove the theory "they don't work" wrong.

    They almost require constant attention or else the magic goes away in the blink of an eye. You almost have to require each other to fill each other in on a daily basis, because you're really not next to each other to experience things.

    A few days without saying things to each other you get feelings of sadness & longing....

    A few weeks you get anxiety & worry...

    A few months you lose attachment altogether.

    Add the fact you mentioned there was occasional "friction", the process is sped up where a couple begins questioning their commitments.
     
  9. StuDLei

    StuDLei Death before Dishonor

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    blah. its pathetic. she said she changed. okay...listen..i was in a mother fucking combat zone... things changed A HELL OF ALOT MORE for ME..than they did for YOU. and guess what else??? i know she changed jobs and the whole nine yards. SO DID I. and i can fucking promise you it was more of a "career" change than yours. I just dont get it. its not acceptable. frankly i think its a disgrace to society and just ...well everything. there is way too much for me to get into on here. I just do not understand people in general these days. Americans in general are selfish and arrogant and IGNORANT as fuck. I know i am probably offending some people here..and i dont like that...but i cant help it. blah. i cant write anymore right now.
     
  10. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Hey Soldier:
    I should think being in combat changes one's perspective on a lot of things. Being in a combat zone must have been horrific. Then you come back from all that mess and your girl gives you the heave-ho. Fodder for anger that for sure. Fodder for hurt most definately. You sound like a focused person...going to school full time, working full time, being in the reserves, your church and you have done your patriotic duty as well. We all at one time or another have been the dumped or have dumped someone. It's the way of the world. We are all constantly changing, I would imagine that you too have changed and sometimes we don't even realize that we have changed or grown. Perhaps it was a good thing that this woman is no longer with you, even though she caused you Soul Pain. You've got a lot of anger in you...let that go first...it's not healthy. Don't dwell on her...that's only going to bring you down more...don't let it consume you--you have too much going for you to lose. I too, have often wondered why people don't stay in for the long haul, but, as they say, things happen for a reason and personally, I think the divorce rate is a reflection on current society and morals. It's sad actually. However, there are other women out there, someone will come along if it is meant to be. In the meantime, lighten up a bit, don't lose your focus, take pause and look around. Smile.
    I salute you.
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    That you replaced God for War is a decision that does not make me happy.The whole issue with your girlfriend was a possibility from the beginning, because you should never go into a relationship expecting things will work out just because it concerns you, a woman can pack her bags and leave anyday. Clearly you have another important life lesson to learn which is do you live to work or do you work to live? If you go for the diamond in your life be aware that you won't know your family,future wife,future children. It is better to settle for the brass and cherish the family life then go for the diamond and not being able to experience a family life. The only way to fill the gap is to replace your ex-gf with a new gf and take the experience you have into that new relationship and not making the high expectations or illusions that you had in your first relationship, there are many fish in the sea, some girls probably have a lot more to offer you which would love to be in a relationship with you. You just have to give yourself another chance.
     
  12. johan

    johan Active Member

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    What she means is she she changed emotionally. Not necessarily for the better, but there you have it.

    You changed your physical surroundings. If anything, I think you held on tighter to what you thought was waiting for you back home.

    Almost every war movie has a quiet time where the GI look back on pictures of their girls or wives that were waiting for them back home.

    I'd guess that being in war at makes you fonder for home, and treasure it more.

    Your service to the country is very admirable, but it is separate from yours and hers personal life. She's not being selfish for wanting a change in her personal life.

    Just like it's your right to have something different too, if that was what you wanted.

    You ought to be with someone who truly wants you. Let her go.
     
  13. StuDLei

    StuDLei Death before Dishonor

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    Okay guys. Thank you first of all for your support and seeing past my anger. I am angry. Its not so much that, as I am just depressed. Also, I really didnt mean and dont mean to take any of this out on you guys, although right now I am somewhat "mad at the world" and I guess you guys would fall in that category...sorry, I dont really mean it.

    Anyways. Idk. Tonite is really hard for me again. So I thought I would write to some things down here and hopefully someone here has an open ear again...I appreciate it in advance.

    One thing someone said was about the divorce rate and that it is a reflection of our society etc etc. I couldnt agree more and it bothers me. Alot. I have went through so much in my life as a Marine. I have put my life on the line, no shit put my life on the line, literally speaking, for everyone in this country. And it breaks my heart just to see alot of the things that go on in this country and the things people do or dont do. I guess I just have to cope with it. Im trying my best.

    Someone said something about to I live to work or work to live. Let me say this. I am 23 years old. Because of my time, even as a reservist, I am very behind as the world might see it. I have maybe 20 credit hours in school. My duties have caused me to have to take quite a few semesters off. Albeit my first year out of high school I just worked. Anyways, I am constantly playing "catch up." I think that has alot to do with why I am working so hard. I have nothing else better to do anyhow.

    In any case, the biggest thing on my mind right now about this whole situation is my relationship. I have "drill" this weekend and it tends to bring back alot of memories. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt too. It doesnt matter what april did. She could have cheated on me with 12 guys while I was gone and I would still feel guilty. For what? I cant answer that. I suppose its my nature and it has alot to do with the religion I grew up in. (FYI I havent been to church in about 3 years and quetioned my religion long before that, its still a struggle).

    I have a trust issue. Because plain and simple you cannot trust people these days. I do give chances though, and I am a very forgiving person. I feel I communicate very well, or at least give it my damndest. April did some things that were "risque" for lack of a better word. Im not going to get into details, but anytime one of these things happened I somehow was turned into the bad guy. Not completely, but well do you know what I mean? Ugh.
    There were alot of red flags that I should have took a better look at before I started dating her. Its easy to say that now, but I knew my risks getting in. People deserve second chances right? I mean shit, I dont want to sound like the matyr here and Im afraid thats how it comes off sometimes. Not my intention. Blah. I dont care what it is, I just want to be happy and I havent the slighest clue on how to get that.
    That was the best I could explain myself tonight. Thank you kindly again for your thoughts and words. take care...

    out.
     

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