Hi. To start this off, let me tell you about myself just a little bit to try to provide some background. Im 23 years old. I work fulltime plus overtime at a job i somewhat like, somewhat dislike. it pays fairly decent..and by that i mean about 25k a year. which isnt much, but in iowa its more than it would be in cali. thats not that important. I dont really know where to start. A couple months before I turned 20, I joined the Marine corps. as a reservist. it was a huge decision for me, as im sure for most anyone who chose that route it would be; however, the reason it was so big for me was because I couldnt decide whether to go on a mission for my church or join the corps. so i joined as a reservist which left me the option of going on a mission if i ever so choosed. (mormon religion btw). a couple of months after i completed all my training i lost my first love. she broke up with me(she didnt die, i just want to clarify!) A few months after that we got back together and i ultimately broke up with her after about 7 months. i was 21 and single and well, idk, i just had my reasons. her and i continue to be good friends to this day. (fyi she lives a thousand miles away so its just phone conversations). After i broke up with her, i met april. to make a very long story as short as possible.... she was in alot of ways my first love all over again. We went out for a little less than a year and i went away to iraq. i spent three months prior training, so all in all we were together just over a year before i actually left for iraq. I had no reason to believe whatsoever that i would be in the position i am in now. April is gone. We were planning on getting married, the whole nine yards. She was in love... at least i thought so.. and to this day i still think she truly was. But it changed fast. When i left for iraq, we argued over the phone and internet quite a few times. I was in a highly stressful situation, and that on top of her being an extremely stubborn person, it just..idk..didnt work. She didnt actually leave me when i was gone, but she broke my heart. I just cannot understand how someone so in love, supposedly so mature(25yrs old), changes so fast. I got letters(love letters, whatever) from her my first couple months there. a couple months after that it was almost nothing. something just changed. and i guess i just do not understand how a person can change so dramatically, so fast. That is the extremely short version. I am crushed. Its been 5 months since i got home and she actually pulled the plug. I hate to admit it, but i think i AM depressed, although who knows for sure? I went through so much in my time over there, and some of the things she said, or didnt say, hurt. alot. Im 23, i work fulltime, i go to schoolfull time, and im still in the reserves. I am a busy guy. I live at home, which i dont mind, but i hate the reputation. I feel like my world has just shattered. I just got left. strait up just left. After so much. I used to think that people got what they deserve, but i dont think i deserve this. Maybe I Do? And that makes me feel even worse. Hell, Im a hard worker, i have a tremendous amount of life experience, but i have no real friends. Everyone at work is married or has a gf. Most of my marine buddies, the same. Or they live far away. My world just feels crushed. I dont know what the point of all this is. Frankly Im a bit embarassed. I rerun and replay everything through my head a thousand times trying to figure things out, but it never seems to happen. This is long, but i feel like i barely scratched the surface. I dont know what im looking for. An open ear i suppose. Thank you to all who read this...take care.