SRS Did I do the right thing?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DarkDruid, Feb 26, 2008.

  1. DarkDruid

    DarkDruid The Power of The Awesome

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    Ok so I have not dated in an entire year and life was just going good when out of nowhere comes this girl from work. I work in retail and when I meet this girl we instantly hit it off. I think she is cute but am terrible around girls but lucky she invites herself to lunch with me. After doing this fairly often we both really like each other. So since she is 18 she wants me to meet her parents but they are very busy so we agree that the best way I can meet them is at her church on Wednesday night. I go Wednesday night and I like the family and the atmosphere and whatever so I ask if I could tag along. I have been doing this for abour 1 and 1/2 months and was having a great time. We hung out but weren't dating because she wasn't ready after a 1.5 year relationship and I was cool with that because I know its hard to get over those things. Things are going good and I really want to ask her out but she still isn't ready.

    V-day rolls around the corner and after 4 months of not dating I figure I try agian. I come up with this really cool way to ask her out on Valentines and she says yes and we say we will get dinner the following Tuesday. Tuesday rolls around and I don't tell her what were doing but I take her ice skating then to a nice dinner at Magginos. The date was good but I wasn't feeling anything remotely close attraction wise as when we had hung out before.

    Wednesday I wake up to find I don't have a text from her which is odd. I text her good morning. No reply. Four hours later I send another text. No reply. Its now 4pm in the afternoon after she gets off school and I ask her out school was. She says it was too busy to text me. (I get a little pissed.) After a few mins mid conversation she stops texting me agian. The day goes on, no text. Its like 6 and I am I meet her at Church at 7 since its a Wednesday. I am kinda pissed off so I decide I won't put myself in a bad situation and go. I text her sister because she isn't replying to me and I figure her phone is broke and tell her I can't come tonight. She tells me its ok because this girl Rachael wasn't coming anyways. Now I know Rachael had plans for a very long time that she was to assist somehow in the state wrestling tournament and that it was the later end of the week but she did not tell me she was NOT going to be a church. Had I not found that out myself I would of gone expecting to see her there. Well I am pissed and a little upset so I send her a nice message just letting her know I felt kinda put down because she didn't text me. She responds saying that she cares about me but is pissed, etc.. Then she says she won't be able to talk all weekend.

    Fast forward to Monday (today) and I finally text her saying that we needed to talk. After beating around the bush a bit I get to the point and she says she discovered that she wasn't ready to date still. I probe further and she says that Tuesday she wasn't feeling anything more than us being friends. As all this is kind of schocking and it pissed me off I bit I didn't know what to say. Here I was standing up for her not communicating like a responsible adult and now she is dumping me? I knew Tuesday wasn't the best date but it wasn't bad. I wasn't putting the moves on her because I wasn't sure she was ready yet and now I get dumped because of it.

    I seriously need some help, I mean I haven't even had an interest in dating for a year and this shit goes down and I just don't know what to say. She was a really cool girl that liked EVERYTHING I did besides this stupid situation. I told her I wasn't feeling it too and that we should remain friends. I just plan on being myself and hope she sees that I am a really fun person. If not I think she would still be a cool friends.

    Did I do something wrong? Am I in the wrong? I need some advice guys! :sadwavey:
     
  2. scent of a wookie

    scent of a wookie OT Supporter

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    Maybe she felt the same. Sounds like you just need to cool down and stop texting her so much. There's other girls out there, don't get so caught up on this one. :hs:
     
  3. DarkDruid

    DarkDruid The Power of The Awesome

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    Yea but the thing is before we had hung out and it was so much fun. I go to University in Denver and I am not to good with the ladies although I have been told I am pretty sexy. I guess I just lack the social skills though (Inexperience you might say)
     
  4. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Throw yourself into the dating scene and forget this girl.
     
  5. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    wow clingy much? you texted a girl you've never slept with before noon? thats just rude

    you prolly didnt touch her on the date (and thats what friendzoned you)
     
  6. hypernikes

    hypernikes New Member

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    You kind of put out a clingy vibe her by texting her so often. You probably shouldn't texted her again after she didn't respond to the first one. Also I don't think you were technically dumped in the first place since you weren't really in a relationship with her.

    Can you provide more details about the V-Day date? I (and it seems Yuppy too) can probably assume some of the things you did or failed to do during the date.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I think what you did or didn't do is largely irrelevant.

    It seemed rather cool even at the outset.

    Just let this one go, and focus on the next girl to come into your life.
    By your account, this one was never that much into you anyways.

    If you weren't so emotionally invested, you'd be able to see that much more clearly.



    Word of advice though: don't be so clingy.
    Though, this too, will resolve itself once you start dating more.

    As you gain more familiarity with the subject at hand (dating/girls), your confidence goes up, and your need to over-control (cling) every micro-nuance of every situation goes down.

    good luck to you
     
  8. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    it seems like she wasn't all that in to you to begin with. any time a girl offers reasons/excuses as to why she can't date you it's usually because she's not that in to you. sure, she had just gotten out of a relationship, but if she was really in to you, that would've been a non-issue. (sidenote: you shouldn't pursue girls that just got out a relationship anyways).

    it seems as if you were very passive, waiting for her to be ready. this is not an attractive quality. that vibe you felt during the date was accurate, there was no attraction.

    your actions following that date didn't help either. you should not have contacted her as much as you did and certainly should not have been pissed off by it. you then told her about how her actions upset you, which was even worse. you essentially told her that your life revolves around her.

    get over this girl and move on with your life. forget about hoping that she sees you as a really fun person. she either already knows you are or doesn't care that you are. if you want to remain friends, that's fine, but forget about her for a while. let her try to contact you first. in the meantime, keep yourself busy.

    now, don't think of the situation as you doing something wrong, instead focus on what you could've done better. it might seem like the same thing, but it's not. it's similar to using the phrase "non-success" instead of "failure". you want to approach the situaiton with a positive mindset and a focus on the future as opposed to a negative mindset and dwelling on the past.

    remain assertive, don't be clingy and focus on yourself and your life. there is plenty of material out there on how to pick up women and what not. there are a bunch of other threads in this sub-forum on tips on this same subject with some really good posts from other members.

    my advice, take the time to analyze yourself, figure out who you are and who you want to be. once you know what type of man you want to be, formulate a plan of action (research, ask, experiment, observe, etc) and work at becoming that new man each and every day.
     

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