Did I do her wrong?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by puzzled_mike, Jul 4, 2008.

  1. puzzled_mike

    puzzled_mike New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    149
    Likes Received:
    0
    Was with this girl for about 6 months. We had our ups and downs, but generally got along well and the sex/physical attraction was amazing. We started "officially" being together a month and a half after I started dating her.

    For the first couple weeks I was hanging out with her, I was also seeing another girl on the side, which I didn't see as a problem because I wasn't "with" her at the time. Well just recently we were talking about past relationships and I brought it up. She got all mad and wanted to break up over it, because she "can't trust me now", even though we were not even together at the time. She says "if you lied about that, who knows what else you're lying about".

    The breakup doesn't bother me that much, because I knew deep down we just were not compatible. But I must ask, is this whole "can't trust me now" thing a cover up for something else, like another guy?

    Any input would be appreciated.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    I doubt she's trying to cover something up, not that it should matter to you. A lot of people just tend to think if you are dating you are exclusive. They are assuming there is no one else.

    You are only in the wrong if while you were dating (before having a label) you told her you were exclusive to one another.

    For the future, I'd be as open as possible with any woman you date. Especially if you have no interest in having a serious relationship with them, you need to say that.
     
  3. puzzled_mike

    puzzled_mike New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    149
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah everything you said makes sense. And no, I did not tell her I wanted it to be exclusive until I was no longer dating anyone else. About the being open part, you're completely right. There's a possibility that I could have still been with this girl if I had not left out any information from the beginning.
     
  4. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2004
    Messages:
    1,391
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio
    honesty honety honesty wish youwere beer has it right
     
  5. Tard Carnival

    Tard Carnival New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2004
    Messages:
    157,696
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charlotte, NC
    That's great advice if he wants to get himself walked on.

    Better phrasing would look like this, "For the future, you should be as open as necessary with any woman you date. If you have no interest in having a serious relationship with them, you don't need to say anything, as you'll be able to get yours before she realizes what's going on."
     
  6. Tard Carnival

    Tard Carnival New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2004
    Messages:
    157,696
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charlotte, NC
    But seriously, the fact of the matter is you did nothing wrong. The girl you were with made some incorrect assumptions, and when she found them to be wrong, instead of accepting responsibility for them, she tried to blameshift onto you, as if you somehow bear responsibility for her working off assumptions as agreed-upon facts.

    If you want to avoid this situation in the future, sure, be open from the beginning. Feel free to tell the girl you just had 2 dates with but aren't serious about yet that you've got plans with another girl next weekend. Just don't be surprised when she freaks out just the same.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Her loss if she decides to break up over something as pointless as this.

    Don't do anything. This is her issue to deal with, not yours.
     
  8. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    IMO you should have been upfront about seeing other girls
     
  9. puzzled_mike

    puzzled_mike New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    149
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for all the input, looks like I truly wasn't at fault in this situation. It's sad that I assumed telling her about the other girl was the right thing to do. I never thought it would have the opposite effect.
     
  10. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Messages:
    6,154
    Likes Received:
    0
    If I was dating a girl and she was dating another guy I would laugh if and she wouldn't exist anymore.
     
  11. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    was it any of her business in the beginning?
     
  12. puzzled_mike

    puzzled_mike New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    149
    Likes Received:
    0
    What do you mean by that?
     
  13. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    more of a rhetorical question, you were not required to answer to her when you weren't dating, so it was none of her business what you were doing in your spare time, so long as it didn't risk her wellbeing.
     
  14. puzzled_mike

    puzzled_mike New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    149
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah that's what I was hoping you meant, and thanks for the opinion. There seems to be mixed opinions on whether or not someone should make it known that they are dating other people.
     

Share This Page