SRS Did I cheat on my girlfriend?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by noola, Nov 26, 2006.

  1. noola

    noola New Member

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    This girl and I have been in a long distance (~300mi) relationship for the last 15 months. The last 2 of those have been slow, and generally all around bad months. Because of this we had arranged to basically break up on Sunday (today). I'm fine with all of this. The relationship was not going anywhere.

    What I did: To put it shortly, I had sex with my ex on Friday night. On Saturday morning I called my girlfriend and told her what had happened.

    This is my problem: For obvious reasons the girl Ive been with for the last 15 months will barely talk to me. This is fine with me too. Had everything went perfect and the breakup occured on Sunday I would have attempted to be friends - it would probably worked. The friendship alternative is probably not an alternative now, which is okay by me aswell. The only thing that really gets to me is that she was a good person and I hurt her a lot. I want her to feel better, but I feel so shitty myself. I need some of OT's help in telling me if what I did was horrible and if you think there is any hope this girl will feel better.
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Yes you cheated. And you know it.

    And you did it to break up your tepid, tiresome l/d relationship with finality. Why?


    Was what you did horrible? Well, not particularly... If you felt the relationship was tiresome, very likely the l/d girl did as well.
    Especially if you BOTH had "arranged to break up on Sunday". So on some level, she must have been equally tired of you too.

    So that leads us to:

    1) why you couldn't just break up with her via normal means, a little talk where you just lay it out.
    2) why you couldn't wait one more day
    3) why you HAD to inform l/d girl of the fact that you just fucked your ex


    The only key point here, #3 suggests you wanted to pay l/d girl back, that there's a bit of meanness and cruelty in you, to end things so finally, with a bit of a slap to her face.

    Is that "horrible" Well...no.
    Is that necessary...shrug...I guess you felt it was.

    It suggests you're a bit of an ass, but so what. She'll get over it.

    You say you wanted to "remain friends" with the l/d girl,...but come on. Anyways, it's over and done with.


    And here's a thought, now that the l/d girl falls into the 'ex' category, maybe she'll be the next handy tool when you breakup with the next girl. Good reason for a road trip.
     
  3. noola

    noola New Member

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    1) why you couldn't just break up with her via normal means, a little talk where you just lay it out.
    - this is what I should have done. This is the key mistake, not pt 3.

    2) why you couldn't wait one more day - basically the same thing as pt 1

    3) why you HAD to inform l/d girl of the fact that you just fucked your ex
    - you got this part all wrong. I did it not because I'm mean but I wanted her to know. Seems like common sense to me. I'm not going to NOT tell her.

    Thanks for your reply though.

    To clear some things up: At this point I dont really care about friendship with LDR girl, I just dont want her feeling too bad for a mistake I did - but I guess there isn't anything I can do so taking Viper's advice and moving on and learning might just be the thing to do
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Telling her was pointless. You said you didnt want her to be hurt, and she would have been anyways when you guys broke up.

    And about this whole "arranging to break up on Sunday"...if you got to the point of arranging it to happen on a certain day/time, you should have just broken up then.

    Heck, I'm guessing you subconsciously were already broken up with her, and that is why you feel like you have to ask if you cheated.
     
  5. noola

    noola New Member

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    We arranged it because like I said we are in a LDR, and I wanted to do it in person not over the phone. And yes, subconsciously I was broken up with her. I'm just sad because I made the process more painful than it had to be. That doesn't mean I regret telling her though. I believe I made the right decision to tell her as soon as it happened.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    If someone has reflected their mistake, then their is no need for others to blame that person for making that mistake. If you have truelly learned from this mistake, then it is pointless to seek justification of your actions in here.

    However this would only be true if the judgements about your actions that you made were correct, and that is not the case. And this is why you make mistakes, because you lack insight and aren't carefull enough to forsee the consequenses of your actions in the future. Otherwhise you would never have said that you wouldn't regret telling her. It was exactly this and your action of cheating with another girl that caused this reaction, as you can see they are linked to the sadness that you caused her , thus the conclusion as you know is that you did not care enough about your ex beforehand you caused the damage you've done to her, what you need to do is to prevent these things from happening in the first place. You do that by properly stepping out of a relationship before you start a new one. I've seen it many times that people step with one foot into a new relationship while the other is still in a previous one, that's not the way to go. First break off properly with the old, and then start a new one,with both feet in one relationship.

    Always perceive things from another persons point of view, look it from their shoes, if your current gf would admit that she has been sleeping with another 10 guys behind your back, how would that make you feel? Not nice isn't it, so its the old do not do to others what you would also not like to happen to yourself kind of thing. Beware of this, because the reason that you are feeling miserable is because of karma hitting you back in the head like a boomerang. What you do to others will always reflect like a mirror back to you.
     
  7. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    The fact that you told her that you got with your ex served no good. If the end was coming Sunday anyhow, there was no reason to tell her other than to hurt her.

    Now, just let it be. Talking to her more will likely just hurt her more.
     

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