SRS Depression or frustration?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by scolls, Sep 26, 2007.

  1. scolls

    scolls New Member

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    Well for awhile now, I have been feeling depressed or just upset about my life. It seems I'm stuck in a rut and I can't fix it. The best advice I get is just don't be sad. If it were that easy, I would do that. I hate this feeling of getting up everyday and not enjoying my life. I'm 22 years old, and this is the age when I should be enjoying life.

    I originally lived in a city of about 1 million, and now live in a town of 1200. I've been here for awhile now, and with each passing year, I seem to get worse. I don't think I have ever adjusted here. My plan is to move back to my hometown when I get done with school in December, hoping this can solve my issues.

    Ever since moving here, I have had trouble making good friends. I'm just not good at sparking up conversation with people. If someone comes to me and talks, I'm great. I seem to have a good sense of humor as a lot of people seem to laugh around me. The problem is, this hasn't translated into good friends. At work I talk with people and we seem to laugh and have fun, but after work we don't talk or hang out. It's like our friendship ends after work. Its been like this for awhile now and I just don't know why. I can't figure out why people don't like me.

    Ever since my older sister moved out a few years ago, I have no one to talk to at home since my relationship with my parents is iffy at best. People say I'm an attention whore, but doesn't everybody want attention sometime? I have no one who gives me any attention or even seems to care about me. I just feel so alone all the time. Before I moved here I never felt alone.

    I haven't ever really had a serious relationship with a woman. I had a fling or two but that is it. I have so much trouble making good friends, let alone finding a girlfriend.

    I used to weigh over 350 pounds. I gained the weight when I moved up here. I'm now down to 250, which is still overweight, but I don't believe I'm hideous anymore. I thought I'd feel so much better emotionally by losing the weight, but it has been the opposite. Maybe I expected by being thinner people will automatically approach me, maybe because I'm not using food for my depression anymore, has made me more depressed. I went out and bought all new clothes, got a cellphone to make myself feel better but it only makes me worse. I think I've gone like a couple weeks without anyone calling me.

    Each semester my grades seem to get worse as I continually loose motivation. After my first semester at college, my GPA was a 3.6, now I'm at a 2.7.

    I don't know if I'm just frustrated, depressed, or both. I do think of suicide daily. I know my problem is most likely loneliness. I tried the myspace thing and only get porn bots. My area offers nothing for 20 year olds. I know deep down I don't want to end my life, or else I would've by now. Been thinking about for a good 7-8 years now, so deep down I want to live. I keep telling myself move back to my hometown and give it a try and if doesn't work, just end it. I really don't know what else to do. These feelings have been building up inside me for quite awhile now. I can't continue to wake up every morning, look in the mirror and hate how my life is. If I'm this miserable at 22, where am I going to be at 30? or 40?

    Please no replies that say, just deal with it, you have no reason to be depressed. I've been trying to deal with it for 7-8 years now. I've tried to make myself smile more, and I'm always acting as the funny guy but in reality, the funny guy bit is just a mask.

    I know this was a lot to read, but I would like to hear some replies from people in similar situations. I want to know if you think moving back to my hometown is a good idea.
     
  2. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    I actually think you should maybe move back to your hometown for a bit. Probably you're a city type of guy not a small-town person. I would love to live out in the county with all the peacefullness but I know I'd feel lonely. Maybe it's time you change the setting to the way things used to be. There's no harm in trying. Have you also tried to see a psychologist?
     
  3. scolls

    scolls New Member

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    I don't think there is any doubt I'm a city guy. I actually enjoy driving in traffic and the hustle of the city. I enjoy the noise, and all the different races, the stores at every corner, being able to attend pro sporting events. I have none of that here. Nearest shopping mall is 80 miles away. All there is to do is hunt and fish and I hate both of them. The only bar in town, is filled with depressed 50 year old men. The town voted against letting couples dance at the bar. The only thing to do is drink and do drugs. Median age of the town is 40.

    I've thought about a psychiatrist but I can't afford one, and my parents would give me so much grief over it, it would make things worse.

    That's another problem. Nobody here hires full time. You have to be related to get full time work, so I don't make a lot of money.
     
  4. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Oh wow, um yeah I would definitely suggest moving out. Try to go to college in the city. You're a city guy and well sounds like you're not doing too good there. You probably can't get any friends because there's probably very few people your age over there. And being shy will not help, I'm very shy myself so I can understand that it's hard to make friends. But, trust me you will find at least a few, if you can find them your own age! :hs:
     
  5. scolls

    scolls New Member

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    I'll be done with my associates degree in December. That's when I'll look for a job in the city and start living on my own. I still talk occasionally to my best friend who lived next door to me growing up, so I'm hoping moving back down there will spark that friendship up again and maybe help me meet new friends.
     
  6. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    I'm sure everything is gonna work out fine for you. Just hang in there until December. The year flies, you're almost there! Pretty soon we'll be congratulating you on your degree. And I think you'll be able to make friends. Because I am shy I usually meet other people through friends and then they become my friends too :). And in the city people tend to strike up conversations with random people as well :). So good luck and I wish you the best for the future.
    Monica
     
  7. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

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    December is not far off man. I gotta wait till then to get my GF back so I'm countin the days with ya lol. We sound pretty similar actually lol. WI ith different aspects of course. I actually came from a not so big city to a big city and I haven't been depressed since I moved out here oddly. My city before had 120k, but its really not that many people, and good real jobs are scarce. 350 aint that bad :X I was up to 4something at one point. I'm down to 250 now also, but looks smaller due to muscle instead of fat lol. I did it at first for a girl, but in the end, ended up doing it/still doing it for myself. Looking good isn't going to get you friends/lover, but it isn't going to hurt. I am naturally blessed with good first impressions. I make friends with pretty much every person I meet, unless I dislike them, but I'll still be friendly with them. How do you approach people? Are you usually quiet? I usually introduce myself, and listen to them. When they are done talking/ or don't talk I initiate something else. It could be sports/videogames/television, etc... Anything that also interests you and you know what. Even if you have nooo fucking idea what they are saying just agree with them LOL. That's probably another tip for good first impressions, always agree lol. Unless it's something really stupid, just don't do anything that looks negative.
     
  8. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    You sound stuck in a rut and depressed. If it was less than a year I'd say maybe that's the blues and you'd grow out of it, but longer than that is more serious and I'd consider professional help.
     
  9. scolls

    scolls New Member

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    The more I think about it, the more I think I just need a change of scenery. I was at my cousins wedding, and during the reception I had a few drinks, and was talking with my cousins and having a good time and wasn't feeling depressed at all. I come home and get back into normal life, and I'm miserable again.
     
  10. scolls

    scolls New Member

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    It seems like my emotions go up and down. One hour I'm feeling good, next hour I feel miserable. I also find myself spending time just daydreaming. I picture myself as a sports star, then I picture myself with a good job, friends, etc. It seems I spend more of my time in fantasy then in reality.
     
  11. 604Striker

    604Striker New Member

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    OP:

    I've felt similar feelings to how you've felt. I know where you've been. I'm 30 now.

    I don't know if moving back to your home town is the answer to your problems, but I know a change of atmosphere can definitely help. I went away to university in another city when I was 22, and it really helped. I was able to meet new people, and realize that not everyone thinks or acts the same way as the people I was surrounded by in my hometown.

    At 22, you are young and have alot of positive experiences in life still left to go through. You can't go through life expecting things to be perfect, but try to focus more on the things that are going well. We sometimes tend to be perfectionists, but that can get you into a negative mindset of focusing on things that aren't perfect. Life never is. One thing I can promise, is that if you are open minded, and commited to learning and improvement, life will get easier as the years go on. The reason for that is that with experience and observation, you will continue to get smarter and be able to better handle alot of life little challenges, roadblocks and frustrations. These small things will be things you've dealt with before, and as you get older, your mistakes and good decisions will come together to allow you to choose more successful coping strategies.

    I won't ramble on too long.

    My first post. I'm glad I found this forum, because as men, it can be hard to talk about your feelings with people close to you. We feel things like this every now and then, and its great to be able to share your story, and get some views/answers on the situation.
     
  12. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    i know exactly what you mean about the work thing.

    Also DUDE YOU LOST 100 POUNDS thats a really big accomplishment and your in school. Just move back home and hopefully everything works out. try therapy too mabey give your sister a call from time to time, i'm sure she would like to talk to you. mabey visit her.
     
  13. scolls

    scolls New Member

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    We talk weekly. We have been pretty close our whole lives.

    When I wasn't living here I was thinner and had friends and seemed to be happy.
     
  14. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Man, don't dwell on your weight. Don't let that pull you down. You control your eating habits and apparently you've done a good job at it. You think you're too big still? Shit, lose some more weight. You need to do what makes you happy. Stop worrying and caring about all the little things out there and take care of yourself.

    You seem pretty limited to options out there so I think a move back to the city would be awesome for you. Keep your head up bro, it'll only get better from here.


    "On the plains of hesitation lie the bones of countless million, who on the threshold of victory sat down to rest; And in resting, they died."
     
  15. scolls

    scolls New Member

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    Well I found out why I have been physically sick. I ended up needing my gallbladder removed. Hopefully once this clears I'll have more energy and feel better mentally as well.
     
  16. ahtnamas

    ahtnamas OT Supporter

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    Here is my input. It's nothing really conclusive but I feel like writing so I'll just give it a go.

    I was never really happy in my home town. My hometown was basically not a small town, but not a big one either. It had a good amount of crime and things. I didn't have a very nice childhood, so pretty much by the time I graduated high school I was miserable. I attempted college there, in somethign I was interested in, but I had no motivation, kind of like you. I just wasn't happy. I had a boyfriend, but he wasn't the nicest guy in the world (the only good thing he ever did for me was introduce me to OT). Trust me, a relationship isn't going to make you happy.

    What I did is I sort of went crazy and I moved across the country. One day I packed up a few suitcases, and just flew to the West coast. A pretty small town, but where I had a couple of friends. I'd never had a job before in my life, so pretty much it was going from leeching off my parents to having to survive. It was exciting. It sucked, but it was a HUGE change. I was happy for a while.

    I think a change like that would be good for you. At the very least, change your routine. Move back to where you grew up, if you're a city guy.

    I basically have never felt that "rut" in my life being filled, ever. Some people are just sad people, I guess. You could try medication or something, but I never really wanted to. If you do, though, good luck.

    Keep trying to lose weight, too. If anything, you need to take care of yourself, especially if no one else will.

    Don't worry about finding a gf. You don't need a woman to make you happy. You need to make you happy. I have always had a SO, and really, it doesn't change much. Except for them making you feel even worse a lot of the time.

    Sorry if this response didn't really make any sense. I'm just rambling.
     
  17. ahtnamas

    ahtnamas OT Supporter

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    There you go.
     

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