SRS Depression Getting Worse & Worse

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by kmartsbytch, Dec 8, 2005.

  1. kmartsbytch

    kmartsbytch New Member

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    I've been suffering from (self-diagnosed) depression off and on(more on than off it seems) for about four years now. It seems to be reaching an all-time high(or should I say low?) right now though.

    I just seem to be making nothing of my life. I try, but it's like someone is out to get me.

    I had to take a semester off school(already attended one year) due to financial problems. I'm trying to get back for the spring 06 semester, but the financial problems continue. I signed up for financial aid through FAFSA, but I haven't heard anything back yet. I keep contacting the university about it, they just tell me there's no timetable. I know there's still a little over a month before the semester starts, but this is the same thing I went through last semester.

    I figured I'd look for financial aid elsewhere, and tried getting some student loans through various banks. I don't have enough credit history/income to apply for them without a co-signer, and since both of my parents credit history/income sucks, I continue to get denied by banks.

    I have a dead-end job right now. I enjoy it, in fact, it's the only joy I have in life at this point, but the pay is so horrible that it makes getting by tough. I have my own apartment, and after bills and necessities, that doesn't leave with me with much extra. But at the same time, I don't want to quit the job and lose the only happy place I seem to have.

    Then, it doesn't help that I really have no contact with anyone. If I'm not working, chances are I'm sitting here in my apartment. Alone. Doing nothing but think about how horrible things are. I have no friends to speak of. Family in general doesn't believe in communication. Basically, the only person I have is my grandpa. And even though I went by him yesterday and spent the night to give me something to do and a way to take my mind off life, it doesn't help. The relief is only temporary, and as soon as I leave, depression comes back.

    This past Tuesday, I basically spent the whole day at work just socializing with the other workers there, joking around, having a good time, etc. I even made plans to go out with someone there early next month(which is a huge accomplishment in my social life). Did it help though? No. In fact, that night after leaving, I think I felt worst than ever before. It just made me realize even more what it is I'm missing in life. It makes sitting here alone so much harder.

    I dunno what to do. Yesterday, before going to my grandpa's, I was almost in tears, and I never EVER cry. I'm not eating right. I can't sleep, although I'm always tired. I can feel my heart beating way too fast. This can't be healthy.

    I really want to get help, but with little money and no insurance, there's no way I could afford seeing a doctor and then the meds they'd probably prescribe.

    No money. No school. No family. No friends. NO LIFE. NO NOTHING! :(
     
  2. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

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    I know how you feel

    When I was living on campus, I had my job and some friends, but it wasn't enough becuse i would return home and literally not have much to do during the week. The weekends were my salvation but after awhile I felt alone even when I would go out and be surrounded by people.

    I also know how you feel about the financial aid problem. Have you tried applying for aid through the Parent Plus Loan program? I think if it is denied, you can still receive money. I need to get a better idea of that since that is what we are going through. For the past 3 years or so, I have had problems with the university and the lending bank communicating. other times, they claim the money can't be distributed because it is not posted online, delaying my funds and keeping me from scheduling classees and so forth. it is a real pain in the ass but keep on top of the financial aid office. Ask and ask. Bother them until they know your face AND name. Make copies of everything. also see about applying for any scholarships that you find.

    If all else fails, mayube you could scale back your course hours or something so it's not as expensive. I'm sorry you are feeling down in the dumps. The fact that you are making some gains in your social life and are regarded well at work is proof that things CAN work out for you and people WILL take notice of you in a positive manner. this should give you strength to press on , not to impress anyone of course but because sometimes hard work is what it takes. hard work and a little suffering

    but in the meantime, see about getting diagnosed for depression. I dont know if you will be able to pay for treatment, but you would be surprised at the options availble to you if you go in to get screened. It could just be a combination of life stressors that is making you depressed as opposed to a mentall illness, but I wish you the best

    My Aim is BlueBunnyTec or [email protected] on Yahoo Messenger if youw ant to talk. Right now I'm at home and not working so I don't have much to do and am free to talk with :) I've been there and every day I try to improve my mood
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Im not sure if you saw the debt managment thing in the asylum wisdome, however one rule is.

    1.NEVER LEND MONEY.

    Its even in the bible that you shouldn't lend money, and you suck at money, which makes it even harder to pay off once you take a loan, never pay/buy something that you don't have the resources for to back up, this because a terrible risk is involved. You destroy your own life , so what you need to learn is how to preserve your money, and increase your income and maintaining to be a loving and helping person while your at it.

    There are just several things wrong in your whole doing and thinking.

    So im going to learn you a concept of money.

    Imagine a bucket full of holes in it, you keep putting water in it(effort) but it keeps losing water, meaning you have to fill all the holes and prevent that money leaks out of it.

    Borrowing water makes no sense because your bucket is full of holes meaning your are going to lose the money, and you can't give the water back because it gets lost thru the holes. Meaning you'll be in debt for the rest of your life, what you need to do is to secure your financial situation make sure no water (money) leaks, out, and that only water comes in(money and even more money) when the bucket is full get a new bucket and fill it. The flow in must be many times greater then the flow out, reduce the flow out as much as you possible can. No study is worth lending 30k over. With money its simple, you either have it or you don't.
     
  4. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    If you feel you are clinically depressed, then go get diagnosed and treated. That is step number one to fixing your problems. You can't think your way out of a hole if you're blind to the light above.
     
  5. kmartsbytch

    kmartsbytch New Member

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    Mars Princess, thanks for the advice. I'm pretty sure the Parent Plus loans have to be in the parents name altogether, which I know my parents wouldn't go for. Plus, I'm sure I wouldn't be approved, my mom and dad are too poor and have horrible credit.

    Darketernal, I appreciate you trying, but loans are the only way to go for me. I don't care if I owe $100k after college, at least then I'll have a better paying job, and one that I'll enjoy.

    And if I falter with the loans and screw myself over that way, oh well. I can't hate life much more than I do right now anyways. You only live once.

    To be honest, I'm feeling even worst right now than I did when I posted this. I finally started cheering up Sunday morning when I left work, but then when I woke up this afternoon depression set in even worst. I've basically been pacing up and down my apartment floors for the last 12 hours thinking about this life. And what's bothering me even more than the loans now is my complete lack of a social life. Ugh :(

    I'm really considering going into a doctor today, I'm just worried about the bill. Especially since January the budget gets cut back at work making funds even harder to come by :(
     
  6. shankems2000

    shankems2000 If you read everybody's user text and location, yo

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    Where you fraid ta be at.
    Damn man, that's quite a situation you have there. As far as school goes, are you sure you've exhausted absolutely every avenue for financial aid? If you claimed independent on your FAFSA then I would think that would make you eligible for more funds you know since you're on your own now.

    How well did you do in school during your first semester? Surely there are some kind of scholarships you can apply for while in college, and get if you did well enough. Call up the FAFSA people and don't take no for an answer, tell them that your future is on the line here and you can't put off school indefinitely.

    At the very least they should be able to tell you of the status of your application and be able to make an educated guess as to when you may recieve the neccessary funds. If all else fails, your only other option maybe to take it really slow. You said you don't have much left after bills, but maybe if you save all of your leftover income during the regular school year, you can pay for a couple of summer classes. YES, graduating will take a lot longer that way, but if it's the only option......

    As for the other stuff, at least you enjoy your job.I don't know too many people that have that much going for them. You set up a meeting with some co-workers for early next month? They must be really busy. Find out what days they and you are off and simply ask them if they want to come by your place and hang out or vice versa. You build relationships like that. Ask for numbers and call them up to talk every now and then. Before you know it you will all be having Saturday night get togethers to go bowling or bar hopping or something.

    Your family doesn't believe in communication. So you're saying that your mom and dad will rush you off of the phone if you call them to talk? You do have family that is there for you, your grandfather is considered family too. Be thankful for him being around if no one else.

    Also in refernce to the no money statement. How long have you been at your present job? Ask a higher up what experience and skills are required to move up through the ranks at the company you're working for, they'll usually be happy to tell you. Get close to a manager, I'm not telling you to start kissing ass, but if you know the right people then you never know what positions, and pay for that matter, they can help get you.
     
  7. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    This situation is going to progress worse and worse until you hit rock bottom.

    First suggestion: Stabalization.

    Technique: Alter thought proccesses. If you put Brad Pitt in your body, he could probally work himself up to a great place. So you know that, what makes you so different besides looks?

    Yes, you need to alter your approaches to socialization, money, and you need a technique to reduce your debts and economic loss.

    Begin with a large blank chart. Dot out your debt or what your debts will be and what income you need to overcome them.

    Then you will have it in front of you, a goal.

    Then you intergate that goal as best you can to your new approaches and change of approach to everything besides your work which seems good.

    You could use... omega-3 fatty acids, vitamin B complex, lecithin, valerian if you have anxiety issues, multivitamin, St. John's wort and exersize for depression.

    If this will be long term depression, I recommend Paxil. It works amazingly well on me for depression.

    Lifestyle and behavior is the real approach to your problems. have faith
     

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