So I have been depressed for about a year and a half or two years. I used to have thoughts of suicide but got over that. I thought I was depressed about how unhappy I was with being a college athlete (swimming for the University of Florida). I quit that about six months ago. Nothing got better. I thought then that I was depressed with my relationship with my girlfriend. I broke up with her, never got better. Now I am failing out of school which I have always been good at school, I smoke pot 2-3 times a week. Drink 2-3 times a week. Started smoking tobacco. I sleep all day and can't sleep at night at all. The other day I felt so depressed I drank 3/4 of a bottle of nyquil to go to sleep, just so I wouldent have to deal with the way I felt. My ex-gf called the mental health clinic to find out how to make an appointment. They told her I couldent get an appointment for a month unless it was an emergency. she called me and told me to call this doctor and tell him it was an emergency. I called the number and got his voicemail. I left a message saying that I was desprate and needed an emergency appointment right away while in tears, sobbing over the phone. The doctor never called me back. I feel like no one cares. What if I had been suicidal and killed myself? It would pretty much have been that doctors fault. I just want someone to pay attention to me, care about the fact that I can't function. I tried to tell my mom about it. I told her and started crying. She cared for about 2 minutes and then continued on with her cooking and hasent brought it up again. I havent told her that I'm doing bad in school. Why doesent anyone give a shit about me? All I ever do is try to help the people I love, and I don't feel like I get the same in return. My ex is the only one who seems to really understand, but we arent really talking right now because of complications with our break up. I don't know what to do. I need to see a doctor but I can't afford one. I dont want to see that doctor that I tried to call because I don't like him for not calling me back. What do I do?