SRS Depression for a long time, always blamed on something else

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by sublime335, Nov 28, 2006.

  1. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    So I have been depressed for about a year and a half or two years. I used to have thoughts of suicide but got over that. I thought I was depressed about how unhappy I was with being a college athlete (swimming for the University of Florida). I quit that about six months ago. Nothing got better. I thought then that I was depressed with my relationship with my girlfriend. I broke up with her, never got better. Now I am failing out of school which I have always been good at school, I smoke pot 2-3 times a week. Drink 2-3 times a week. Started smoking tobacco. I sleep all day and can't sleep at night at all. The other day I felt so depressed I drank 3/4 of a bottle of nyquil to go to sleep, just so I wouldent have to deal with the way I felt. My ex-gf called the mental health clinic to find out how to make an appointment. They told her I couldent get an appointment for a month unless it was an emergency. she called me and told me to call this doctor and tell him it was an emergency. I called the number and got his voicemail. I left a message saying that I was desprate and needed an emergency appointment right away while in tears, sobbing over the phone. The doctor never called me back. I feel like no one cares. What if I had been suicidal and killed myself? It would pretty much have been that doctors fault. I just want someone to pay attention to me, care about the fact that I can't function. I tried to tell my mom about it. I told her and started crying. She cared for about 2 minutes and then continued on with her cooking and hasent brought it up again. I havent told her that I'm doing bad in school. Why doesent anyone give a shit about me? All I ever do is try to help the people I love, and I don't feel like I get the same in return. My ex is the only one who seems to really understand, but we arent really talking right now because of complications with our break up. I don't know what to do. I need to see a doctor but I can't afford one. I dont want to see that doctor that I tried to call because I don't like him for not calling me back. What do I do?
     
  2. Jeff Merr

    Jeff Merr Elite Member

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    Counselor's are the worst at making appointments. When my ex dumped me about 3 weeks ago i tried to get an appt because i really have no one else in my life to talk to about this stuff, i talked to a lady and gave her my name and number, she said they would call me with an appt, never got a call back. If I were you I would look up the free phone hotlines, i know there are a lot of them out there for depression. And don't worry about your parents, mine are the same way, i can't talk to my mom about shit, i will try to talk to her about something that is bothering me and when i am done explaining she says "I see, well hang in there."
     
  3. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    well, my mom seemed to really care at first. "Why don't you come stay at home more often," "Why didn't you tell me about this sooner," "What is it thats depresing you?" But after a few minutes of holding me in her arms, she had changed the subject and she hasent asked me about it since. I thought it was obvious that I was reaching out for help, but she never tried to help me again...
     
  4. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    I wish the asylum was as fast as the main forum. I'm so impatient when I have a problem. Its just like I was saying with the doctor, if people don't respond to me immediately, I feel like no one cares about me.

    edit:
    I'm getting no love in here so I'm going to bed in hopes that there will be a few replies or at least some views in the morning.

    thanks jeff
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2006
  5. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    well man i understand how you feel. I thought that getting out of the school I hated would solve things, It made things better but didn't solve the depression. Doctors are horrible at making/ being on time for there appointments. Would your parents fund you the money to go to a therapist? I would go to therapy then let him see if you need to go the doctor/meds route.

    I am kind of in the same situation you are when it comes to having no one to talk to. my parents don't really care about my problems either. I also sleep all day.

    bottom line is you have to get help or you will continue to fail in school and at life.
     
  6. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    so i went to bed like 4 hours ago but can't sleep as usual. now im typing this from my bed. I took 2 x 10 mg percoset about an hour ago. I need therapy soon.
     
  7. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    They probably would but they are to hard to talk to.:wtc:

    on another note my ex just sent me this text message: "I Love You."
    That made me feel a little better. at least someone cares.
     
  8. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    one last bump?
     
  9. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    just remmember that you are not the only one in this position. look for the things that are good in your life. your exgf surely cares and it may be hard right now but stay in there. your school should have free counseling services so go there. they may also have numbers for hotlines u can call.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    We love you in here :wavey:

    What is happening is that you are eating more then you can chew, your getting too much shit on your plate. You have to bring your life in calmer waters , you see if you as a farmer put too much hay on your fork, the load will become to heavy and you will fall. I know depression and when you go thru that dark valley its hard to get out.

    However there are great examples from nature to which we can learn from.

    Imagine you are a salmon, the hard currents of the river are ALWAYS against the salmon, yet the salmon goes against all tides and jumps against the waterfalls to reach its goal upstream on the mountain, when a waterfall is too high, and tires the salmon out, does it give up? No, it rests for a while only to give it another jump, and continues to do so until it reaches its goal.

    You have to be that salmon,there is no such thing as failure other then giving up. Because if the salmon would give up, the river would only drag it back down at its starting point, which is why giving up and not trying is useless.

    To find out what is making you depressed is essensial, i know for me it was school that was making me depressed, heck i dare say that school is the result of 25% of overal suicide due to being pressured to be in a place that you don't want to be in.

    You need to take steps to recover, first throw away everything that is useless, like the beer and the pot, and (not kidding here) play golf as an alternative method to release your mind from stress. You want to remove everything from your life that destroys you 100%.Because whatever is depressing you , requires 100% of your coping resources to deal with it.

    Im sorry that no one up till now has provided a listening ear to you, we in here listen :love:
     
  11. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    thank you to the 4 responses I got, still feeling like I'm getting no love in here otherwise. Any response is apreciated even if its not advice...

    I talked to my parents for a long time today. I thought that would help, but I was still too scared to tell them I was failing 2 classes. I quit smoking pot, however, tobacco is giving me a little more trouble. Also, I'm drunk right now and feel pretty bad about it. I drove to the store at 1:30 to get a pack of cigs which I had to pay for with change because I overdrew my bank acount and now have an account balance of -$32. I want to call my ex but I know she will just think I'm weak for being drunk so I can't. Not that she is far off. I have an appointment tomorrow with a counselor at the schools mental health clinic. wish me luck?
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2006
  12. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    can't I even get a good luck?
     
  13. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    in. gl.
     
  14. KingOfBabTouma

    KingOfBabTouma Hepinize daha iyiyim OT Supporter

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    So, yeah, I get these feelings from time to time and in todays world it's so fast paced no one has time to care, it's depressing just knowing no one cares if you're depressed, if it makes you feel better, i pretty much hate people, but took the time to post.......I also find that writing....poetry/journal, whatever, helps you to process/vent your feelings.
     
  15. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    Don't try to use substances to cope man. For me, I've often thought about drinking/smoking or something to help me feel good but maybe it might help to do something that you like. Maybe work out. Or if you like animals, make trips to the local shelter and play with the dogs. Or do something outdoorsy. something to encourage positive feelings.

    Good luck with everything man.
     
  16. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    You really need some help..

    Sounds like clinical depression is really starting to destroy your life.

    You did what most people 'say' cures depression (in some cases, it does but not all, there's a difference) like eating right, not drinking, exercising.

    Instead, everything's gone straight down hill and you're in very deep trouble at this point.

    At this point now, Campus counselor is the first step. Not only can they intercede on campus on your behalf, they can help you get treated on whatever may be the course of action.

    We care in here, trust me, but it's considerably slower than the main forum. Remember tho, you'll be treated fairly and w/ due respect in here per forum policy. MUCH better than the main forum.
     
  17. Jeff Merr

    Jeff Merr Elite Member

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    How did the appt go sublime? keep us updated.
     
  18. ManyHamsters

    ManyHamsters There are necessary pursuits... but poetry, beauty

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    in. i care buddy. try to find the root of the problem, but hold on to the things that ground you, your positive hobbies, your friends and your family

    good luck with the appointment :)
     
  19. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    The appointment was ok. I'm a really shy person and it was hard to talk to them. They made it a little easier by asking a lot of questions. I'm not sure it really helped all that much though. It was mostly just a way to vent, not much advice. I was refered to someone that can prescribe medication though. I'm a little scared of that idea though. I don't especially want to be on anti-depressants. However, I also talked to the counselor about the possibility of having ADHD. Hopefully I can get get some aderol for some all nighters and I can pull myself out of the hole I'm in as far as school.
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2006
  20. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

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    So I decided that some of my problem is lack of sunlight? I started running during the day instead of at night at the gym on a treadmill. So far that has made me feel a lot better. I still get really depressed sometimes but it definately helped. Most of my classes are at night and I have been only exercising at the gym inside. The rest of my day is usually spent in front of the computer or at my desk doing work, so there really isn't much sunlight in my day. I'm thiniking about trying to get a uv bulb to put in my desk light. Can you buy those at a regular hardware store?
     
  21. NotSoSmart

    NotSoSmart New Member

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    Yeah, GL man...you can get those lights at any hardware store I think...
     

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