SRS Depression * 11ty billion

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by onyxium, Jul 15, 2004.

  1. onyxium

    onyxium Guest

    Just as a little bit of background...in HS i was at the top of my class, albeit a small one (65 students in graduating class) Went to college for CS with little/no programming experience, got into FFXI (a very addictive MMORPG), grades dropped, got depressed, stopped eating, slept more, grades dropped more, didn't go to class, didn't pass a class. End of story. Well, that part of it anyways.

    Got a job thanks to some family ties. I'm working in USPS buildings across the country (currently Brockton, Mass.) pulling CAT6 and fiber optic cable as a contractor through an electric company in Austin, TX. I liked it for a while...but I miss social interaction (ironic that a CS nerd would be missing social interaction...). I get up at 6 AM, go to work until 7 PM, go home, watch TV, play video games (no internet at the apartment so no online games/chatting/whatever), sleep at 10, rinse, repeat. I miss my family, my friends, my online friends, everything.

    I've been taking Prozac for several months but I don't think it's working anymore :dunno: I've seen a shrink but only in an initial paperwork visit. Up until now I haven't been suicidal...now I'm not so sure. If I had the means and the balls to do it, I probably would.

    Help :hs:
     
  2. GCEX

    GCEX Drifting Along

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  3. Turboed_2

    Turboed_2 .

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    I hate to say it, being addicted on and off myself, but if you gotta quit FF for your own health, you should. Then you could just get back into school and finish up where you left off. I know it's not that easy, but if you ever need someone to talk to, hit me up on AIM :)
     
  4. onyxium

    onyxium Guest

    FF isn't my problem anymore :o I've been off of it for a month, my problem is I have nobody to talk to :mamoru:

    Before, yes, I needed to quit FF, so I did. But now not only do I not have access to that, I don't have access to talking to anyone, and I'm lonely and depressed :wtc: I'm actually at work & off the clock right now :o

    Edit: When I am on FF, I'm not on hardcore like I used to be. Also I can't go back to school until next year since I'm on Drop status, and when I do go back, I'm going to get my own place instead of a dorm, and I'm going to do Computer Technology (networking shtuff) instead of CS :greddy: I have experience in networking and already know that stuff interests me, hopefully interest in my class work will keep me from playing FFXI 24/7 like I used to. But that's neither here nor there right now, right now I just need a way to talk to someone so I don't kill myself :ugh:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 15, 2004
  5. Luhienie

    Luhienie Guest

    it is a very addicting game, but it is not worth it, if it is starting to take control of you life, just take a break. If you can quit right off then it is not addicting.

    continue with you school is another thing, but i really think you problem is lonely. sound like you are traveling away from home alot, but really if you are thinking about suicide stop, just pack up everything a go home, go back to your family, back to your friends.

    I'm new here, but I feel you, but ending is not the answer for anything, think about you family and friends, it would hurt so bad for them. :wtc:

    edit: i'm at work and i just had to switch pc, just want you to know, I know how you feel, i was almost (95%) alone for 3 years, it nearly drove me insane, also some other shit but we are not gonna talk about.

    I wish I know what to say, but I don't just hang in there, if it gets too tough, just pack up and go home. :wtc:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 15, 2004
  6. Jay-P

    Jay-P Active Member

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    I think you really might be better off heading home for a while to be with your family etc. Take some time off, then head back to school when you get your head straight.
     
  7. onyxium

    onyxium Guest

    :bigthumb:

    I remember in high school when one of my friend hung himself :ugh: I don't want to put my family/friends/everyone through that again, so I've convinced myself that isn't the answer :hs:

    Yeah I think I'm going to head home after I'm done in Brockton instead of going to Birmingham. I'll get my head on straight before going on the road again, if I do at all :o
     
  8. Jay-P

    Jay-P Active Member

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    :hug:
     
  9. Gandin

    Gandin New Member

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    Man, FFXI owns my soul I swear. But I still find time to do the important things. I just make it last priority. It's hard, but it HAS to be done. Anyway, I dunno what to say, but I hope telling us got it off your chest, I know venting cuts my stress level in half every time.
     
  10. Gandin

    Gandin New Member

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  11. Gandin

    Gandin New Member

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    doh, sorry, blank post >.<
     
  12. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    Whoa, I only realized until near the end that FFXI was Final Fantasy 11, not an actual drug, haha. Damn dude, unplug your computer.
     
  13. Brian

    Brian New Member

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    wow i would sue ffxi never played it never wanna play it
     
  14. onyxium

    onyxium Guest

    It's a common thing with all MMORPG's, not just FFXI. If you don't understand the problem, I wouldn't expect you to have much valuable input :dunno: Thanks for trying though :hs:
     
  15. I have a number of suggestions for you: Social interaction is critical to your wellbeing. What you're experiencing is alienation and isolation. Both of those are a product of depression - which you've probably experienced for awhile. I'm not sure what is causing your depression, so an investigation with a therapist [weekly, not just a one time deal] would be very important. Additionally, a switch from Prozac to something like Effexor or Wellbutrin - even possibly Zoloft would probably be useful to you. Speaking with your doctor regarding the switch would be wise.

    It's quite clear to me that the redundant lifestyle you're living isn't fulfilling your spiritual or psychological needs. Different individuals need different things, and while one individual can find meaning and a sense of purpose working with CAT6 and Fiber Optic Cable, another would find such work devastating, as it's not in their heart, or soul to be doing such work. We all have a niche, and a power greater than us tells us in various ways [feelings are one of those ways] where we belong, and where we do not. That is what you're experiencing at this time. Now I'm not saying that moving on is the right thing to do or not - instead these emotions you're experiencing could simply be a sign of something else that needs to be faced [hence my suggestion to change medications and see a therapist permanently each week. Depression has a way of taking what we once enjoyed and turning it into a burden we find excruciating, so that could possibly be the source of your discontent. Some investigation by you, and with a therapist and or your doctor would help to uncover the origin of these feelings I think.

    I think it's important to take this slowly, and to visit each option one step at a time, but set a goal to transition over the next 2 months.

    If you're feeling suicidal [wanting to die, thinking about dying, feel hopeless, or as if you have no options] - then I would call your doctor immediately, call your therapist immediately, and I would also join a local support group for depression. Coming here is helpful too I'm sure, and some of us may be able or willing to speak with you via AIM, or PM in order to provide you an additional support system. You'll have to decide who you click with, and who you don't. This additional support will help generate ideas, communication, and reinforce any weak areas you may be experiencing for right now, and by exploring the options sincerely that I've laid out, you will find your solution.
     
  16. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I think that you should put up a personal add for a slut obsessed with MUDs.
     
  17. Jodon007

    Jodon007 New Member

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    Do you remember the little warning that they put up before you log onto FFXI every time about how it shoudln't let it affect your social life and whatever work/school you need to do?

    People need to read that page more instead of just clicking OK...
     
  18. No Thanks

    No Thanks Guest

    I'm not going to read metallic's reply because if I do I'll feel that he's answered all the questions and I wont feel the need to post anymore. :confused:

    Dude, get off the fucking game. I used to be addicted to games (Ultima Online, Raven Shield) but I still cut out time for other things. You have to mange your time, I know this is hard but its either the game or your social life. I found that life was sooooooo much better and more enjoyable when my computer was broken or I was otherwise unable to play the games, possibly being banned for a period of 3 days.

    Set up a schedule that you can insert times to play the game around EVERYTHING ELSE, or just cut it off totallly. YOU WONT MISS OUT ON A FUCKING THING... IT'S A FUCKING ONLINE COMPUTER GAME. *This is coming from a used to be hardcore-addic.

    It also sounds like you need to make friends.... How about people at your work? Mabye just starting to get somethig to eat after work one night, one night in a week with a new person will be a hella change and uplook from what you're doing now.
     
  19. No Thanks

    No Thanks Guest

    Lmfao, they put up a warning on games now? :rofl:

    I suppose it's needed tho...
     
  20. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    Set a target date to reenter college. You learned from you past mistakes, you will do fine. Talk to your family about your situation.
     
  21. Nah, you always have something constructive to add, simply because you have a different perspective. We each bring something different. Keep on responding when you feel you can offer something. It doesn't stop me even if the thread is 10 pages long.
     
  22. Luhienie

    Luhienie Guest

    Total support, speak you mind.

    Also, Metallic Blue your suggestion sounds great.

    edit: I wish I had internet 13 years ago, maybe I would have some advise. :)
     
  23. Update?
     
  24. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I advice you to make some switches to your life, that may even mean getting a new job, however if i where you i would try to socialize more in the weekends, Calling home, jogging, going to a fitness club or the like. If you really miss your family you should try to find oppertunities to visit them more often, i hope you have some easy transportation over not all to long distances to them but reading your post i am almost sure you don't. I think you would be a lot happier if you would live near your folks, get a job nearby and working max 40 hours a week. So you have spare time to go out and live.
     

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