SRS Depressed, have no clue how to tell the BF when I get home

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by oscarkat, Jul 24, 2007.

  1. oscarkat

    oscarkat Happiness is a long hard road. OT Supporter

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    So, at 18 after a bunch of stressors I became depressed and went on medication, had a major life changing (in a bad way) event hit me 2 months later, stoped taking meds. Really stopped everything, going to the doctor, seeing my friends, going out. I went to school and I spent time with my BF. Now it's 7 years later, I've never felt much better, always knew in the back of my mind that the depression was there, but never told anyone. In the last year a second influx of stressors has pushed me to the breaking point, and at two thirty this afternoon while at work I found myself in the worst panic attic I've ever felt. I figured I was either going to put my head down and never get up, or drive into a bridge on my way home. I got my ass up, told my boss I'd be back, and went straight to the doctor, something which I hadn't been able to do in 7 years.

    I have a great job, just bought a beautiful condo, and I have the best BF anyone could imagine, but he worries, and I know in the back of his mind he's been worried for the past 7 years, but hoping that I was better. Apparently the extreme worry and guilt that I feel is part of the depression, but I am so scared to tell him, I don't want him to worry about me, and I hate crying infront of him because I can see the pain/worry all over his face...Tonight is going to suck. Sorry, I really just needed to vent :sadwavey:
     
  2. Ivy

    Ivy New Member

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    Just be completely honest with him. Hiding stuff like this will only make you feel worse in the long run. I hope everything works out for you!!!
     
  3. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    You need to let it out to someone. Don't keep it inside, you'll be surprised how receptive people can be.

    are you worried he might leave you if he realizes you're breaking down?
     
  4. oscarkat

    oscarkat Happiness is a long hard road. OT Supporter

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    No, I wasn't worried he would leave, he is a REALLY good person, and it's corney, but I know he loves me more then anything. I just hate to make him worry, and he is. It's alright, I told him as soon as I talked to him, actually on the phone while we were both driving home. He's super supportive, but I hate seeing how worried he is because I know that he doesn't have to be...I feel 100% better just knowing that I'm finally working towards getting back to how I used to be, like a massive weights been lifted.
     
  5. tidalxwave

    tidalxwave WWKD? OT Supporter

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    take a week off and just do what you need to do to relax. sometimes depression may be a result of being burnt-out (with too many things going on). I would just take a break from everything (call a few days off from work), and for me hanging out with friends and just chillen by myself works wonders.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You should see someone, honestly. You need to talk about these things, not let them build up in you until you explode.
     

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