SRS depressed and feel lost

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Taylor, Feb 13, 2005.

  1. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    So as I posted in my last thread... I've been dealing with off and on depression for several years. About three weeks ago, I went into another depressive episode that started hitting me really hard, and I was getting so depressed I was basically unable to do anything more than sit in bed and drag myself to class in a zombielike state. I had been working on a journal for the first week or so and went through deep analysis of what thoughts I was having, why I was having them, and what about them was making me depressed. It seemed to be working for a while and then it just stopped making me feel better. I suddenly started feeling worse not only for the reasons that started making me depressed but also for all the reasons I had dug up through writing in the journal. I felt worse and worse. Then, as I was in that lowest part of the depressed mood that I've been in, last monday my boyfriend broke up with me. It was just such bad timing. I feel like it has spiraled me so far into my depressed mood that I just can't do anything anymore. Everything was making me upset even before that happened, and now I just feel helpless. I am trying to see a psychiatrist but am having trouble getting an appointment. I know I'll be able to get through and see one, but I feel like every day is such a brutal thing to deal with in the meantime, I just want to take some sedatives and sleep the whole time until I can see someone. I can barely face the days anymore. Things that used to make me really happy now just make me feel slightly less unhappy. The things I used to do when I felt bad, to get myself in a good mood, have barely any effect at all. I guess right now what I need is just emotional support. I've been basically giving this same spiel to all of my friends, and as much as they try to reassure me and help me, it never has any effect. My ex-boyfriend does not even know I've been dealing with depression. I've been able to hold up the facade around him the whole time since I started this depressive episode. I used to hold up the facade around everyone but I can't do that anymore.

    Sorry... that was just a really long late night upset rambling but that's basically all I feel capable of at this point. :wtc:
     
  2. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

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    I am not an expert in depression but i can tell you that it is good that you want to seek some kind of solution to your depression that is disabling you. If it makes you want to walk around like a zombie and not do anything, then you are right to feel that it is serious enough to address. I do not advocate forcing yourself to enjoy something or someone when your heart is not in it, but try to find something to throw yourself into to keep your brain occupied. Even with your depression, you have to put things into perspective. Remember that as long as you have the opportunity to work on yourself and your situation, things can get better

    i'm sorry about your boyfriend breaking up with you. If you can find one special person, you can find another :) I know that sounds like bull, but as long as you have time, you should be alright
     
  3. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    The thing that I think is making me most incapacitated from the breakup is that it was a good one. There was nothing wrong in our relationship, we are really compatible and very attracted to each other. The problem is that he has so many things in his life that require his attention and have him distracted that he cannot be in a relationship for his own well-being right now. I have no reason to be upset at him, because I understand why he needed to end it.

    I just wish he had been a total asshole so I could just hate him and move on.

    It would probably not be a big deal, except it happened in the midst of me dealing with all of this. I've only gotten worse, much worse, since.
     
  4. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    I finally got an appointment with a psychiatrist. Through some connections, I got through to the school psychiatrist (he is in practice but comes to the school once or twice a month) and he offered to see me on Saturday even though his office is closed. I am hoping that this will finally help me.

    It's gotten really bad, I've been having to drink caffeine just to give myself enough energy to maintain a decent mood. I just have to make it until Saturday. :hs:
     
  5. knarxed

    knarxed New Member

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    If you're still at square one after going to your psychiatrist, try checking into cognitive behavorial therapy.

    ATLEAST try this book:
    Feeling good, the New Mood Therapy. David D Burns.

    Good book. Costs about 10 bucks.
     
  6. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    The psychiatrist was great, really nice guy, very helpful, very impressive credentials. We met for 2 hours, and agreed to set a regular meeting time (don't know how often yet). He diagnosed me with clinical major depression, and prescribed Zoloft. I am seeing him on Thursday to monitor how I am adjusting to the drug.

    :wiggle: hopefully the worst is behind me :)
     
  7. Good luck and still buy the book. I've found depression for years and that book, along with medication really helped me.
     

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