deformity insecurity, any tips?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by IceGod, Jul 20, 2007.

  1. IceGod

    IceGod New Member

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    I'm still a virgin and 27 years old (many reasons, long story) but I've been working really hard recently to be more social, reading books, hitting the gym etc... Been to a couple dance clubs (never been to one before) and had good success asking girls to dance, figured that was good practice (very nerve racking the first time though).

    Anyways all through growing up I never really had problems with INITIAL attraction. I'm 6'0" 185 athletic looking decent enough face, funny and good with conversation. I grew up with 4 sisters so I've always been good at just talking with girls or that type of thing. I've had many oppurtunities with attractive girls where I knew they liked me (3 or 4 even asked me out) but I just chickened out because how scared I am with intimacy.

    This problem came up again in the dance club, one of the girls seemed really into it and was letting me rub her arms/back etc. I didn't really know what to do so I moved her hair back and started kissing her neck and then I was like "WTF do I do now?" and paniced then backed off, ending the dance shortly afterwards.

    Now besides all the usual factors like nervousness/shyness etc, the biggest reason I never got intimate was because I was scared what they would think of my deformed chest. One side of my chest is bigger than the other and it's just something I've never really been able to get over or be comfortable with. I can look in the mirror and feel pretty good about myself but as soon as I focus on my chest all confidence is just destroyed. Now I am ok with my shirt off because over the years I've realized people just don't notice. But as soon as anyone actually feels the chest they would feel that the bone sticks out quite a lot on the right.

    What are some thoughts etc that I can use to get myself over this? It probably didn't help growing up with sisters who would constantly critique guys bodies, talk about their penis size etc, which makes me think girls are very picky.

    So far all I've come up with is try and get the initial attraction part right and when it gets intimate and she feels my chest just play it off like it's no big deal and see what happens :dunno:

    Damn this got long, I can provide pics if you care but hopefully this is just a mental thing and what it actually looks like is not the issue

    Cliffs: One side of chest is bigger than the other, makes me incredibly afraid of intimacy, how do I get over it?
     
  2. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    Usually with imperfections like that you are make too much of a deal with it. And I think it's one of those, "It matters to her if it matters to you" things
     
  3. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    pics really would help. It might be something you actually have to work around (joke about it) or it might be something that nobody but you notices.
     
  4. IceGod

    IceGod New Member

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    Ok well let me see what I have and I'll upload somethin
     
  5. IceGod

    IceGod New Member

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    The right side is the side thats bigger. This one probably shows it best because of the shadows and the fact I have my left arm around the person next to me so the left side is flattened even more. It's definitely not something only I can notice though. If anyone looked closely or touched it they'd notice.
    [​IMG]

    And these two are just the only pics I could find of myself without a shirt but obviously the quality is not that great.
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
  6. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I see on your shirt there's a bit of difference but not on the last 2. I honestly don't think that would freak anyone out. I wouldn't care
     
  7. HorseDick

    HorseDick Active Member

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    Are you kidding man? You look 10x better than most of the people on this forum. Shit you look better than me and I've been working my ass off in the gym for over a year now. I guarantee no one will give 2 shits because it's something that's only noticeable to you...I'm not gay but I think you look great. My .02.
     
  8. IceGod

    IceGod New Member

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    Kind of a catch 22 then because if I found a girl who I was attracted to and didn't care about my chest I wouldn't care either, but until then I'll care :hsugh:
     
  9. IceGod

    IceGod New Member

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    Wow thanks man, seroiusly :big grin:

    If I can just drive that mentality into my head maybe I will get some confidence going. Maybe like some mental mantra I say when I wake up or something I dunno
     
  10. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I see
    But like Horse said, you have a good looking body and I think that covers up for the trivial imperfection of your chest ;)
     
  11. IceGod

    IceGod New Member

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    I really appreciate that, honestly. I realize now that's exactly the type of thinking I need to have, focus on the positives I can offer not on the negatives.

    I am really excited and inspired by this, I can't wait to get out there and start getting some numbers :hsd:
     
  12. MBomb

    MBomb New Member

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    Holy crooked fucking chest batman.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Ok, just as I thought (my thoughts were confirmed after you posted pics) that you are overreacting far too much. I mean come on man, I was expecting some freakish chest! You have to own yourself, and what I mean by that is love yourself and project confidence about yourself. That's really what attracts a woman; a guy who just doesn't care if he has any imperfections, and yours does not seem that bad to me!

    If you think that's a dissability that is nothing. I started dating a guy and came to find out that he didn't have a full brain. Yes, he got in a severe accident, and after being brought back to life they realized a pretty large part of his brain wasn't working and they needed to take it out. Because of this he was just a tad slow, but obviously you wouldn't know that until talking to him. Did it affect how I felt about him? Hell no. My point is you can't worry about every girl. Unfortunately a lot of girls you will encounter (especially if you keep just trying to pick up girls at clubs) are actually superficial, but if any of them were to ever turn you down than you should not feel bad about yourself, but happy that you don't have to deal with a total bitch.

    Keep doing what you are doing. Working on your confidence, making yourself healthy at the gym, going out and talking to women, etc. You will be fine, honestly.
     
  14. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    Shut up
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rolleyes: don't listen to this idiot.
     
  16. MBomb

    MBomb New Member

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    If you put your hand over one side of the chest it looks like a totally different person.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Go ahead and post pics of your exquisite body.
     
  18. MBomb

    MBomb New Member

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    You might have a case of Marfans Syndrome. That chest looks like it could damage your long term health. I would see a doctor about it.
     
  19. MBomb

    MBomb New Member

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    I wouldnt want to hurt the guys feelings. He is already insecure enough about his lopsided chest.,
     
  20. IceGod

    IceGod New Member

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    Seriously you guys do not know the weight you have lifted off me with all this, I am sitting here with the biggest smile on my face :big grin:

    That's good advice about club girls, I only went to one because I figured it was a guaranteed way to interact with girls. I more plan to get numbers just from girls I see while going out shopping etc. I signed up for some dance classes as well so that should help too.

    If a girl reacts badly to it I don't think I'll care so much now. Hell if I was attracted to a girl and later found out her chest was crooked I wouldn't care, why should I expect different? Your story about your boyfriend with part of his brain missing made me realize that.

    Anyways, thanks again, this has really brightened my day :)

    Going out for a while now, bbl
     
  21. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    So true! If you act like it's no big deal and you're secure in yourself, girls won't care and probably won't even notice. It's when you focus on it and treat it like it's weird or something to hide that girls will do the same. My mom has two different colored eyes because the hospital where she was born didn't clean them right and burned one. She blind in her right eye and it's gray instead of brown like the other. She decided when she was younger that it was cool and unique and she was proud of it. Since then everyone she meets see its the same way. I think that's even more of an extreme physical difference than yours and she's been very socially successful her entire life. Honestly I didn't really even see what you're talking about in your pics so I wouldn't have known what you were talking about unless you had pointed it out.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bigthumb: I'd be interested in how you do.
     
  23. MBomb

    MBomb New Member

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    Me too. I haven't heard of corrective surgery like this before. Its obviously very needed in his case.

    I'd like to see how it turns out.
     
  24. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I wonder how you got to 3500 posts? You're a nut job
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    He pretty much appears to be like every other 18 year old troll loser on these boards :dunno:
     

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