Deep Dark Jealousy Issues

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by MagicGAT, Feb 15, 2009.

  1. MagicGAT

    MagicGAT New Member

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    Hey can anyone share their experiences with jealousy?

    Long story about my relationship:
    My story is im in college and I have a really serious girlfriend, we have been together for about a year and a half and everyone we knows us thinks we're gonna get married, have kids, live happily ever after, etc (lol). And while almost everything in our relationship is perfect there is something that fucking kills me on the inside and it causes alot of problems for us on the outside.

    When we first met I knew she had a reputation as easy and fun so I kind of stayed away from her/ didnt find her all that attractive but we hung out with the same people so I saw alot of her. One night we met up really randomly and spent the whole night thizzing (ecstasy) our brains out together and while it was drugged out it was one of the best nights of my life and we didnt even have sex :cool: Right after that night I went on a vacation with family and right when I got back she left for a month to visit her grandma and sister in cali.

    We were both sad because this pretty much killed the chance of us really getting to know eachother and maybe starting something, but we continued to talk alot and flirt back and forth over the phone for that whole month and a half. I had heard from mutual friends that she was hooking up with alot of guys over there and showin up places with hickies all over her neck etc. I knew this and confronted her, I told her there is no reason to lie to me because were not even togther, it didnt really hurt me at the time either. But, she just denied it and tried to keep me blind to it.

    When we were both in the same state again we tryed a short lived relationshiip that I realise I was far more commited too and consequently got used for my car, money, and drugs. She would treat me like shit, then deny everything, and get me to stay with her by saying she loved me. I found out later that her infidelity was to the point where she was telling me she wasnt with someone and then 5 min later she was fucking someone. She ended up breaking it off with me despite the fact that I gave her everything and was treated like shit in return.

    At that I said "fuck the fat bitch" and moved on with my life, even starting a new relationship with a mutual friend of ours. Then a few months later we met up again and it had been long enough that there wasnt alot of charged feeling behind it (for me). She on the other hand was quite jealous that I was with someone else and so she tried to make me feel the same by flirting with one of my friends. Eventually she quit it and just asked me for a ride to a friends apartment, Im really not sure why I said yes but I did and we started talking about all manner of things including why she broke up with me. She claimed that she knew deep down she was treating me terribly and her actions were because she thought she wasnt good enough for me so she made sure she wasnt good enough for me by being an easy tramp. Once she started to reveal the "truth" about how many guys she got with and when, I felt comforted because she was honest but it was my first taste of the sickening sense of inadaquecy I was beggining to feel. We started to get really close after that day and she spent the next month trying to get me to be with her again and show me that things had changed and she was ready to show how much she loved me. I, honestly, was completely enchanted and began to actually fall in love with her.

    We started a relationship that people called "a true love story" and other corny shit. Foolishly, I trusted that she was completely devoted to me and didnt even think to check up on her when she was "at a party with her friends" and "wasnt doing anything". it was only when I really fell in love with her again that I started to feel like absolute shit about being lied to and tricked so many times. She always refused to have sex with me when we were together before "because she didnt want me to abandon her",yet she had fucked almost 10 other guys when we were together. What was wrong with me that made her do this, what did I have to be to be accepted by her sexually. I am a year younger than her and almost all the guys she got with were years older than both of this. This kills me on the inside, there seems to be nothing I could do to match up to these nameless faceless enemies. I began getting bitter, vindictive, and constantly suspicious.

    Yet, she promised to me over and over again that that kind of behaviour was over and she would never cheat on me again. I said I believed her but I didnt. i started reading her text messages and going through her shit looking for evidence of what might have happened. And i found it. My girlfriend has this stupid fucking list of all the guys shes had sex with and the date on which they fucked. I hate this list and i hate everyone on it (sometimes myself included). I read every entry, every "huge cock" note, or "great sex!" note, everything. I looked at the end of the list expecting to see my name but, lo and behold I was not the last name on the list. She had done it again after she promised it would never happen. I instantly blew up. I got so mad at her, and myself. I was ashamed that I was so in love with someone who would do this to me over and over again. I was disgusted with how weak I was to be chosen second over so many other men. I wanted to cry. I said "I told you if this happened again and you werent honest about it were done" she just became a ball of tears and apologees, she claimed didnt tell me because it already happened a while ago (but still after she promised to be faithful) and she didnt want me to leave her. Of course, I said it was okay and took her back because we are in love. I really love her with all my heart and I know she does too because I know with high certainty that she hasnt cheated since including a period where I was gone for 2 months, she didnt screw anyone else.

    But this is where the real problems stem from. Now, despite the fact that she has been honest for quite some time now I am still stuck in the hurt and uncertainty that came from her actions. I am always suspiscious of where she is going, who she is with, who she thinks is hot (and every reason why), whether she is drunk or not, who she is flirting with, etc . It drives me insane., I though I was an aggressive person before all this happened. Now I am notorious for being a hyper-vigilant guard of her. Ive knocked out numerous people who honestly werent even coming strongly onto her. They are talking about how good she looks with there homies, getting to close to her when they talk, or just looking at me or her wrong. I get threatened just by the fact that I know a guy is Alaina's is type, ive honed in on her "type" of guy. I now have a bit of a chiwawa complex where because she is attracted to the big, strong, tough, average looking white guys I will start shit with guys like that routinley. Im not small (180 6'0) but these guys frequently are bigger and stronger than me and I only get through the tussle by being a feroscious attacker and instigator.

    Also sometimes I get really, really verbally abusive about who she used to be before and how she treated me and all manner of shit. I cant get it out of my chest. Its like the rising feeling you get in your body when someone hits you unexpectedly or embarrases you, it something that you genuinely feel in your whole body. I get it when Im reminded at all of alainas past sex life including pictures, old friends trying to contact her, anything. Sometimes I fear it will never go away and I often blame her for ruining a relationship that is almost perfect. Her side now is that it isnt fair because she hasnt done it in a long time and there seems to be nothing she can do to sate my rage. I tell her 1) there is, you can stop talking to other guys period, stop partying, etc :wtc: which i know is not fair and not how a person lives a life and 2) It also isnt fair to be fucked over as many times as she did me and that if she really wants to be with me she has to accept the consequences of her actions.

    Cliffs: Holy shit this is long and boring but what I was going to ask of the vaginarium is: what are you experiences with infidelity? how has it affected you? and most of all how can you learn to forgive and overcome it. I never used to be the jealous, insecure, ass that I am at times now. But, I have gotten better in the last few months but I cant help but resent her for all of this.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2009
  2. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    Wow. I think you need to just step away from that relationship. Its killing you and you're letting it happen. She has ALL the power and knows it.
     
  3. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    It isn't having jealousy issues or being insecure when your girlfriend comes right out and says she's been fucking people behind your back and you even stumble upon a list of her sexual conquests. That's a pretty reasonable response to finding out something like that.
     
  4. _A_

    _A_ New Member

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    Why the fuck are you still with this girl? You should have bailed like 20 times over. I don't see that changing now, so gratz, thats your future
     
  5. MagicGAT

    MagicGAT New Member

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    FUCK... I say this because I know all three of you are right..

    Whether anyone believes it or not though, I do believe she has been faithful since the last time i found out. Does it make a difference that she went a whole two months without even speaking to me and remained faithful? And that she basically would do anything for me?

    In my mind it does, not to mention Ive been really mean to her at times. Unfortunatley I can see that this might be me just constantly saying it's okay.

    When we fight about i get stuck a 1) Do I get my chance to fuck 7-10 other people and have you just wait till i decide im done and 2) If I had done this to her she probobly would have left. FAWK
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    So, regardless of how you feel now, I know something that will improve your situation 500%

    Lose this girl. I don't care how much she has supposedly changed, she disrespected you, used you, treated you like shit, etc for SO long, that there should be absolutely NO reason you would EVER get back together with her.

    This isn't something you get over. Simply put, she crossed the line too many times. There's no way to get over it, to accept it and forgive.

    Don't kid yourself. You know this.
     
  7. Bi-Polar-Bear

    Bi-Polar-Bear OT Supporter

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    You need to leave her and you need to do it now.

    She cheated on you 10x
    She lies about it repeatedly
    She isn't going to change <-------

    It's that simple. First thing you should know is that you shouldn't feel guilty AT ALL for being insecure or jealous towards this girl. She obviously doesn't give a flying fuck about your feelings and staying with her is going to drive you insane.

    What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? Can you honestly see yourself with her a few years down the road in a healthy relationship? Is she really worth all this shit you're going through? I doubt it.

    My advice would be to break it off with her immediately. This stress is not worth it. If you are worried about hurting her feelings, don't be. She clearly doesn't care about your feelings so go ahead and dump the bitch in the most abnoxious manner possible and move on with your life.
     
  8. jdm-cd5

    jdm-cd5 Guest

    wow. man up dude. :ugh:
     
  9. fray

    fray New Member

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    I only read to the part where you dated initially and she used you. That's all I needed to read to know that you need to walk away from the relationship now.
     
  10. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    You can work on forgiveness but she does not need to be in your life for you to forgive. And forgiveness applies to her and yourself.

    My motto has been: First time, shame on them. Second time, there will be no second time. I deserve someone who is dedicated to our relationship.

    I fail to see what you get from going back to her every time. That would be a good question for you to ask yourself.

    And hopefully there isn't a next time with her or any other girl, but don't dig so deep. It tears you up.
     
  11. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Do yourself a favor and be single for a while. You've gotten so wrapped up in this drama that you sound like it's started to change you for the worse. Be single, find yourself again and next time you start to date a chick and she gives you a shitty vibe, dump her on the spot. Only way to find the right girl is to stop dating the wrong ones.
     
  12. Etherized

    Etherized Active Member

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    What's wrong with you?
     
  13. JamesL

    JamesL wat

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    Jesus Christ.... lose the broad man :ugh:
     
  14. Jbrown

    Jbrown OT Supporter

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    Experiences of infidelity. Well an ex-gf cheated on me, and I am STILL trying to get over it. I am now married and I have issues with trust. It's absolutely my worst fear to be cheated on again, and my wife deserves better. I just work towards it one day at a time to get over my insecurity/problem. It's awful. :hs:
     
  15. MagicGAT

    MagicGAT New Member

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    :ugh: its in the first post deuche

    gtfo of this thread :mamoru:
     
  16. MagicGAT

    MagicGAT New Member

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    :werd:

    Thanks for the advice all. I was looking for more info on other peoples jealousy issues but I am taking your suggestions seriously. I might join the Coast Guard soon, which would take me away from her anyways. My life is kinda going nowhere anyways
     
  17. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    please do. cut off all contact and repair your life. it was painful reading your post. have some respect for yourself and leave her
     
  18. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    That's the worst feeling. Especially when you know you're being a paranoid idiot and you can't say anything so its just bottled up.:wtc:
     
  19. Bi-Polar-Bear

    Bi-Polar-Bear OT Supporter

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    I've only been cheated on once and it did make my current relationship awkward for me at first and even VERY slightly now. I usually worry about what she's doing when she's out with friends without me and just the thought of all those pricks hittin on her makes me so jealous. I know she would never cheat on me or anything when I actually think about it.....it's just that I get these random thoughts in my head and I start worrying if I'm going to get cheated on again because of what happened before. I love my gf so much it would kill me if I lost her to something like that. If I could trust one woman in the entire world, it would be my current gf....so it doesn't bug me as much anymore. I just feel like an idiot whenever I start thinking like that.....and I don't think it's something I should mention to her.....

    This will happen for you in your next relationship but you WILL get over it after some time. You just need to realize that not all girls are self absorbed whores. There are some gems out there and I hope you find one of them. :wiggle:

    Good idea on the Coast guard thing. You really need to keep yourself busy so you can get your mind off this girl AND meet new ppl. :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2009
  20. SOL55

    SOL55 New Member

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    I don't post here much but I had to now.
    1. This girl has broken you down. She owns you. (I'm not trying to be a dick)
    2. The scars she has left you with are impossible to recover from unless you just don't give a shit what she does, and you obviously do.
    3. Guarantee you she has cheated during the 2 months she claims she didn't.
    4. Guarantee you she is cheating on you now, she's just gotten better at hiding it.
    5. She has mental problems; she's damaged goods, and now so are you.

    Get out while you can, before the damage is permanent and find yourself a woman you can trust and start rebuilding your ego. NOW!
     
  21. Savage5point0

    Savage5point0 Im an asshole.

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: This cant be real.
     
  22. -=Likwid=-

    -=Likwid=-

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    I've been cheated on once. I learned all the lessons I needed to learn in that experience.

    Your situation is pretty harsh. You need to step back and focus what's good for you, because this chick is rotting your every stem of self-esteem, confidence, and faith in how to behave and be treated.

    A healthy relationship involves reciprocation. Your chick doesn't reciprocate - not only that, she takes away from you. Only you can make this change for yourself. If you can't take that first step by dropping her, and her cheating type, forever - nobody on this planet can help you.

    I wish you luck, entirely for your sake. You seem like a good guy.
     
  23. Jbrown

    Jbrown OT Supporter

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    Pretty much :sadwavey:
     
  24. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    That's what true love is. If you can deal with it, stick with it, If you can't, then bail out. Just remember, you might not feel the same way about someone else. Often times people actually enjoy being miserable, maybe it's the same case with you?. It's perfectly normal to feel jealous or threatened by other men around her. This is my theory btw, of course, someone who actually has been in a relationship might know about a thing or two more than me rofl.
     
  25. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Shes a whore dude, bail.
     

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